Poor Itachi, he had cried himself to sleep the night before…not really because he was sad over the fact that his dad was never half the father that Deidara's was. It wasn't because he had had too much to drink the night before and had opened the flood gates about how Deidara was his best friend and the best best man ever in life. No, it was none of those…Itachi had cried himself to sleep over the fabulous bachelor party Deidara had thrown him. So, here we are…it was 8:30 in the morning. Itachi was asleep and hung over, Deidara and Marisol were sound asleep and couldn't hear the stupid alarm clock blaring at them. Dana was so consumed in her morning herbal bath that she had no clue what time it was. Lola and Sasori were asleep and hung over. Konan had passed out on the couch with a trash can next to her because Konan felt sick the night before and Dana knew it was from too much tequila. Kisame had been up most of the night and had only gotten to sleep in the past couple hours. Hidan was arguing with Kakuzu over how ZipLoc bags got their name and so they had no concept of time. Tobi was passed out in his Pokemon tent and Sasuke….well Sasuke was sound asleep in the middle of the floor. Deidara's parents had stayed in a hotel in town. Poor Yunko had gone to sleep in the laundry room because it was warmer in there. Hidan was a bit oblivious and had no idea she was in there….he should probably find out. Finally, Zetsu was closed up in his Venus fly trap of a head and looked so peaceful. Now, with all this being said here was the problem….the plane for Miami was supposed to leave at 8:45 AM….it was 7:30 and NO ONE was ready to get moving.
Thank goodness Pein was the only one who was awake and packed and fortunately for Konan he had packed for her which would make Konan free of obligation. Pein was outside knocking on the door. He let himself in when no one answered. "Konan? Konan are you awake?" Pein noticed Sasuke passed out in the floor. "This can't be good…Sasori!? Kisame? What the hell? Is everyone asleep?" Pein yelled. Konan began to stir only to throw up miserably in the trash can beside her. "Oh my god, Konan! How much have you had to drink, honey?" Pein dropped the luggage and ran over to Konan.
"Ooooh shit, Pein. I don't think I drank too much last night. But shit, I am so sick. Dana thinks I drank a lot. What the hell time is it?" Konan asked barely awake. Sasuke was awake now at the sound of Pein's luggage slamming into the floor.
"Konan, it's now 8:00…we are going to be late for the flight and Itachi is going to be pissed as hell." Pein said.
"What the fuck Pein!? We have to wake everyone up!" Konan said panicking but feeling too sick to move.
"Wait, wait…you just lay here and I'll go get everyone up." Pein assured her. Konan collapsed back on the couch. At this point Sasuke and Yunko were awake.
"Hi Pein, why do you look so shocked?" Sasuke asked getting off the floor.
"Because we have a plane to catch in 45 minutes! SASORI! LOLA! Get up!" And in exactly 20 minutes Pein had everyone up and the house was in complete panic.
"OH MY GOD WE'RE GOING TO BE LATE! GET MOVING! GET THE FUCK MOVING! GO, GO, GO, GO! GO YOU IDIOTS!" Itachi screamed as he and Dana ran toward the front door with their hands crammed full of luggage and other bags.
"Yunko! Yunko where did you sleep last night, seriously?" Hidan said taking Yunko's face in his hands.
"It was cold so I slept in the laundry room. It smells so nice in there." Yunko said calmly. Hidan smiled and kissed her.
"You really should have…slept in…in my bed. I mean, I…I don't mean you should have had sex with me, seriously. Especially since we've only been going out for…" Yunko laughed and cut Hidan off kissing him.
"THERE'S NO TIME TO KISS ANYONE! MOVE PEOPLE! OUT THE FUCKING DOOR AND TO THE AIRPORT! DEIDARA! DEIDARA GET MY CARRY ON BAG!" Itachi yelled.
"Marisol! We are so going to go on one of those dolphin dive things when we get to the Bahamas, yeah!" Deidara said excitedly.
"Oh my god! That will be so fun! We should so do that!" Marisol squealed.
"THERE IS NO TIME FOR EXCITEMENT DEIDARA! GET THE HELL OUT THE DOOR AND IN THE CAR! SASUKE! STOP BEING UN-HOT AND MOOOOOVE!!!!!!!" Itachi screamed. Natrually, Zetsu was having a hard time with Tobi because Tobi wouldn't get his act together and get out of the house. The good news was that everyone was already packed all they had to do was somehow make it to the airport on time. Dana had INSISTED that her dress be her carry on bag.
"Oh, I hope they have cappuccinos on the plane, yeah!" Deidara said prancing happily toward the door.
"THERE IS NO TIME TO WORRY ABOUT FUCKING CAPPICINOS!" Itachi was becoming more intolerable as the seconds ticked away. "Lola! You know how to drive like an angry Bostinian right?" Itachi asked not even asking Sasori if half of them could pile into he and Lola's Acura.
"Well, it's been a while since I've been in true Boston traffic…but I can assure you I can get us to the airport in exactly twelve minutes." Lola said throwing luggage in the back and a laptop in the front.
"Did you cram your dress into that suitcase!?" Itachi demanded.
"This is not the time to fight with me about the dress! I'll steam the mother fucker when we're on the ship!" Lola yelled at him shoving Itachi's luggage into the back as well. Sasori picked up where Lola left up shoving luggage into the SUV. As for Pein and Konan's car things weren't going as fluidly…
"Tobi! We have to leave! Take your stupid stuff back inside! I've told you three times you can't take all that crap!"
"Shit! I don't have my stupid boarding pass, seriously! Kakuzu! This is your fucking fault!" Hidan said running back into the house. Konan was asleep and sick in the front seat, she was in horrible shape for this flight.
"Zetsu! All your crap just fell out of your suitcase because it popped open!" Kisame said looking at Zetsu's spilt luggage.
"Damn it! Stupid cheap clearance value suitcase!" Zetsu said clambering out of the car and taking off to gather his things.
"Hey! Hey Pein! Are you driving!?" Lola yelled ready to peel out of the driveway.
"Yeah, yeah I'm driving!" Pein yelled back.
"Alright, listen! I'm going to drive like a maniac! You better fuckin' keep up with me!" Lola warned.
"Don't worry baby girl, I'm on it." Pein said.
"Hold on tight…it's time to drive this bitch like a pissed cab driver in the middle of rush hour on a Friday night just wanting to get the fuck off duty so he can throw back a Sam Adams and watch the Red Sox beat the shit out of the Yankees ." Lola said slamming the Acura into drive.
"OH MY GOD I AM SO ATTRACTED TO HER!" Sasori yelled fastening his seatbelt…literally fastening his seatbelt. Marisol screamed as she and Dana slammed into the back of the front seat. Lola had peeled rubber in the driveway.
"Oh shit! She wasn't kidding! Oh my god I am not going to be able to keep up with a woman who is a seasoned veteran of East coast traffic jams!" Pein said nearly losing control of the wheel before even pulling out of the driveway. Lola managed to run three stop signs and once onto the highway toward the airport some dumbass had the nerve to merge in front of her…
"OOOOOOH WHAT GIVES MOTHER FUCKER!" Lola laid on the horn. "NO ONE PULLS OUT OF LOLA!" Lola thought about what she just said. "I MEAN…NO ONE PULLS OUT IN FRONT OF LOLA! GOD! GO TO HELL YOU ASSHOLE!"
"LOLA! I HAVE NEVER LIKED YOU AS MUCH AS I DO RIGHT NOW!" Itachi yelled at her.
"YEAH, WHATEVER BITCH! YOU WANT ME BECAUSE I'M AGGRESSIVE, FURIOUS, AND I LIKE IT ROUGH! LIKE THE WAY WE'RE GONNA CROSS FOUR DAMN LANES OF TRAFFIC…HOLD ON!" Lola yelled at Itachi. Dana and Marisol laughed while Sasuke looked like he might throw up any minute.
"Holy shit! We are all going to die! Where did Lola learn to drive like this!? I am never living in Massachusetts or Connecticut if this is what it takes! I just don't have the balls!" Pein said. "Hidan! Start praying to Jaashin that we make it!" Pein said. In exactly 12 minutes the Acura was now patiently in line awaiting a parking pass.
"Don't worry, Sasori, I'll fuck you that same way later." Lola said rolling the window down to talk to the parking attendant.
"Okay, Tobi hasn't said anything the whole way here…is he alright?" Pein asked.
"Oh he's fine. He's just been doing a mad lib by himself. He thinks it's funny to make up the words himself." Zetsu explained. Well, they had made it. Next stop….wedding day!
