Author's Note: The story moves along! I actually didn't think I'd update. I'm awfully slow, so slow I forget what I wrote in earlier chapters. Funny how Season 3 for Durarara was announced around the time I decided to pick up the story. I understand that the story drags and Izaya's intentions are unclear. I'm getting there. At least, I hope I will. A friendly reminder: this chapter is in the present.
Chapter Seven: And So It Brews
Yuzuki walked, walked, and walked.
She didn't know where she was going.
Night had fallen. It had been weeks since her visit to the hospital. With a loose grip on her cell phone, she slowly made her way through a network of narrow streets in the back alleys of Ikebukuro. She recently got off the phone with the police. They were asking about Shizuo, who she last saw around noon during a coffee break. He'd been arrested on charges the police refused to disclose. A few minutes after the call, Shizuo rung her and told her the police released him. Apparently, Izaya had set him up for a crime he did not commit. Upon hearing of his arrest, his boss terminated his employment at the bar. Yuzuki didn't know what to say. She offered to meet him at the station, but he declined. He simply called to let her know he was all right.
That was that.
She wanted to be there for him. She should have insisted, but how did she intend to comfort him? By feeding him empty words? Tell him everything would work out in the end? Nothing would work out as long as Izaya was around. She clicked her teeth. As predicted, Izaya had been cooking something and she was certain he had more to dish out—not just to Shizuo, but to her and everyone else he took a sick interest in. Humans then. The people of Ikebukuro, a city she began to feel unsafe in.
"You'd rather have me give you the answers instead of doing everything in your power to find them yourself. You don't want to make any sacrifices."
Yuzuki didn't have any power. She was an ordinary girl.
"You don't want Izaya-san to take anything away from you, but you also don't want to lose anything even if it helps you stop him."
Yuzuki didn't think she could stop Izaya. She stopped thinking she could a long time ago. It was foolish of her. For an ordinary girl to expect an ordinary life when she freely chose to surround herself with those who were far from ordinary. She did not belong in Shizuo's world. Because she had thrust herself into his world, she was now facing the consequences. She could leave this hectic life behind her by leaving Ikebukuro. She could move back with her family and never hear of Izaya ever again. She could find a new job, make new friends, build more stable relationships, and maybe live happily ever after. But she couldn't leave Shizuo. It was her reluctance to do so that got her caught in this creeping mess.
This was her rude awakening.
As rude as it was, she had yet to wake up. At least completely. Something inside her was still hoping that maybe, just maybe, the life she wanted would eventually be in her reach. She was a romanticist and she hated to admit it. She didn't believe what she saw in romantic comedies or what she read of in shoujo manga, yet she continued to dream—that Shizuo and her would be together.
But, Yuzuki never once told Shizuo how she felt.
Passing an old bookstore tucked between two houses, she saw a familiar face walk out. It was Kadota.
"Hey," he said.
She went on past him. He watched her go.
"Something getting you down?" he asked before she could get far. "Did a certain someone upset you again?"
Kadota hadn't used a tone with her. Nevertheless, Yuzuki turned on her heels and snapped, "What's the point in pretending that you care? It doesn't matter if I'm upset. You're not going to do anything about it."
While it had been years since her days at Raijin, she was referring to the many occasions where Kadota knew Izaya was out to get Shizuo and her, but chose not to intervene. She knew Kadota and Izaya got along relatively well and that Izaya would sometimes clue him in on his petty games. [1] That was one thing she couldn't understand. Kadota and her were friends. Not the best of friends, but friends. She thought he would come to her defense at least once, tell Izaya to leave her alone, something along those lines.
Kadota stared her, taken aback. Yuzuki hardly raised her voice or gave an attitude. As soon as he realized what she was getting at though, he returned to a state of cool indifference. "Why are you bringing this up now?" Now as in years later when nothing could be done. Yuzuki's expression changed from one of anger to one of uncertainty. "I don't remember pretending anything. How was I supposed to help when you never told me you needed help?"
"You knew how I felt about Izaya. A little help would've been appreciated," Yuzuki said, her voice digressing into a whisper. Lashing out, bringing up the past, blaming others for their inaction when she herself never did anything. It was so childish. She felt as though she was the only one trapped in the past. As if the past mattered only to her and everyone else had moved on. Shizuo continued to hate Izaya and that hate had intensified over the years, but Shizuo and her were not the same. She couldn't put it into words.
Sensing that she was retreating within herself, Kadota decided it was best not to say what he wanted to say (which was, "Am I supposed to fight your battles for you?"). That would've dealt a hard blow and he wasn't sure if Yuzuki could recover from it. She wasn't the girl he remembered her to be. He recalled one of many conversations he and Izaya shared.
"Like I said, Yuzuki's a good girl."
"Oh? Are you going to get in my way?"
"Don't know. Are you going to put up a fight if I do?"
Yuzuki was right to an extent. Kadota never did help her out by getting in Izaya's way. He never saw a reason to. Back then, they were high school students who acted on impulse, did stupid things, said stupid things. Like most girls, Yuzuki was a girl in love. While she wasn't a girl who easily fell out of love, it wasn't his responsibility to protect her or to ensure her a successful love life (whatever that entailed). That was all on her. Even if he did tell Izaya to back off, that wouldn't be enough. Izaya was persistent. He saw something in Yuzuki and until he got what he wanted from her, he wouldn't relent.
Exactly what Izaya saw in her and wanted from her, no one knew but the information broker himself.
Finding this all quite troublesome, Kadota gave Yuzuki a word of advice.
"I told you before and I'll say it again. It wouldn't hurt to talk to Izaya."
"Men aren't worth it."
"Women expect men to be mind readers."
"Love is overrated."
Those were the oh-so wise words anonymous users from the online forum called Dollars had directed at Yuzuki. She was at her apartment, stomach flat on her bed with her blankets twisted and bundled up by her feet. Empty wine bottles cluttered her room. Wrappers, plastic containers, and pizza boxes littered the floor.
Days had gone by. How many, she hadn't kept count. Her phone was flooded with messages, half of them from Indigo. She would go in eventually. She still had bills to pay. With her laptop next to her, the bright screen shed a bluish white light over a small circumference of her bed. Within that circumference lay a wrinkled business card. It belonged to Izaya. She had reached out to him. But her calls went unanswered. She later learned he had moved his office to Shinjuku, which meant he probably changed his number. At least she made an effort. Shameful as it was, she was glad he never answered her calls. She didn't know what to say to him.
He won't tell me anything without getting something in return. Even if he spilled everything, how do I know if what he says is true? He's impossible to read. Cheers to being ordinary. No. Yuzuki just lacked guts. She didn't know how to level the playing field, how to play her cards right, or how to turn a weak hand into a strong one. What enjoyment could Izaya possibly get from someone who posed so little of a challenge?
It was because of Shizuo.
Izaya would never have looked her way had she never befriended Shizuo. It was the sobering truth and it did nothing for her self-esteem. She shouldn't have cared what Izaya thought of her, but she did feel slightly flattered by his interest towards her. Izaya was different from most people. He was above most people. Heck, he was dubbed one of Ikebukuro's most dangerous men. Someone of his caliber didn't brush her off as just some girl, as another girl, or as any other girl. She was Yuzuki. Subtract Shizuo from her life and she was nothing to Izaya.
Again, Yuzuki knew with all her heart that she shouldn't base her self-worth off a jerk like him. She had Shizuo who thought of her as a dear friend (not that she should base her self-worth off him either). Strange. Yuzuki grew up not caring what others thought of her. That's how she managed to befriend Shizuo. Where had that self-assurance gone? She grew up with parents who loved her and were there when she needed them most. She had friends who were also there for her. That is, until she started hanging around Shizuo. Then it was Shizuo who was there for her all throughout high school—except for the times when he was hunting down Izaya.
Therein lied the problem. She had thrown away the comforts of a normal life to be with Shizuo. Back in middle school, she didn't think much of it. Lose a few friends to make one new friend. Not a big deal. Only now did she realize how mistaken she was in her thinking. She had abandoned almost everything she knew and almost everything she had for Shizuo. If their relationship failed, she would have abandoned everything to gain nothing. This growing dependency was where she began to lose herself. It started as early as her middle school days. It was for this reason that Yuzuki never told Shizuo how she felt. There would be no turning back if she confessed and he didn't feel the same way.
She buried her face into her pillow.
She was not the girl she wanted to be.
Hearing the doorbell ring, she pushed her laptop aside and got to her feet. Throwing on a sweatshirt and pulling the hood far over her eyes, she answered the door. Simon was here to deliver dinner.
"Evening," she said, taking out her wallet. "How much?"
"On me," said Simon. "Haven't seen you in long time. Russia Sushi misses you. Indigo too."
"I have some things to sort out...You sure you don't want me to pay? I feel bad."
"On me, on me! But, Yuzuki, you don't look good. I think you need a shoulder."
After working out exactly what Simon meant (a shoulder to lean on), Yuzuki said, "This is something I have to sort out on my own. And it's really not that serious. Sorry if I worried you. I'll get my act together by the week's end."
"Today a Saturday."
"By the end of next week then."
"If you have problem, you count on me."
"Thanks Simon. I-I will."
"I know you're in there, Yamazaki! Don't think you can ignore my calls!" someone shouted from down the hall. Simon and Yuzuki looked to find a man in a pinstripe suit banging on someone's door. He was accompanied by a man in a bartender outfit and a pair of purple-tinted shades. It was Shizuo. Sensing an audience, Shizuo looked to the side and caught Yuzuki in the eye. She retreated into her apartment. Before she could shut the door, Simon slipped a foot into the threshold, and stopped the door from closing. She pressed her entire weight on the door, hoping Simon's foot would take the hint and he'd back off. She did not want to see Shizuo nor did she want him to see her like this.
A set of fingers gripped the frame of the door. One push and Shizuo came walking in. Simon went to replace Shizuo's post down the hall. Crinkling the takeout bag in her hands, Yuzuki turned her back towards Shizuo and went into the kitchen. He pursued her.
"Why haven't you been returning my calls?" he said, stopping a few feet away from her as she unpacked her takeout.
"I texted you, didn't I?" She really didn't want to have this conversation.
"You haven't shown your face at Indigo for two weeks. This isn't like you."
"I...know." She instinctively tugged her hood lower. "I've been under the weather lately."
"You haven't been your self since that flea got me arrested. Did Izaya do something again?"
That name. She didn't want to hear it. Even with Izaya out of Ikebukuro, he still somehow managed to weasel his way into their conversation and derail it. She was frustrated, confused, and completely beside herself. She didn't know how to translate those feelings. Quickly, she kept telling herself. Do something. Say something. She panicked. "THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM!"
That wasn't it.
Without gauging his reaction, Yuzuki tried to fix the situation and said, "I'll be back on my feet early next week. Promise. So...could you please leave?"
"Are you asking me to leave or telling me?" Shizuo didn't sound angry or impatient.
Despite her earlier words, Yuzuki didn't want him to leave. All she had to do was tell him to stay and he'd do just that. She didn't want to be a burden though. She didn't want to annoy him with her neediness nor did she want to annoy him with non-answers. But, she couldn't bring herself to tell him to stay or tell him to leave.
Seeing how he wasn't getting an answer, Shizuo asked again, "What do you want me to do, Yuzuki?"
Clutching the front of her sweatshirt, she looked down and said, "Please understand me!" hoping her feelings would reach him.
There was a pause and then Shizuo said, "How can I do that when you don't say anything?" This time, there were traces of frustration in his voice. Along with disappointment. In all the years they'd known each other, Shizuo had never once been disappointed in her. She had a "can do" spirit he admired. He gave Yuzuki one last chance to make it right. All she did was keep her head down. "I'm going back to work. If you need anything, you know how to reach me."
With that, he was gone.
That wasn't it either.
"This isn't what I ordered."
All the way in Shinjuku, Izaya was engaging a delivery man who arrived at his door only a few seconds ago. Izaya had called in an order of curry rice and cheese croquettes. Instead, he got an order of curry noodles and vegetable-filled croquettes large enough for two. The delivery man double-checked the invoice. The order slip was correct. The order itself was not.
"My mistake. I'll get someone to deliver your order right away. Excuse me."
Before the delivery man could take off, Izaya said, "Mind if I place another order?"
"Of course. What will it be, sir?"
"It's more of a special request. You guys have a second shop in Ikebukuro, right? Could you contact them and duplicate my order? I want that order sent here." Izaya scribbled the address down on a piece of paper and handed it to the delivery man. "You can triple my bill in return. Just make sure a Kiyomizu Yuzuki receives it. Tell her it's from Orihara Izaya."
The delivery man stood baffled by his request. Normally, this request would be rejected. Since he messed up this customer's order, he decided to follow through. Izaya watched him go down the hall and disappear behind the corner. Retreating back into his office, Izaya fumbled around with his cell phone, deleting missed and/or ignored calls logged into his call history. Among a dozen of names was Yuzuki's, listed a total of three times, hours apart from each other. The number printed on the business card he gave her was not his office number. It was, in fact, his personal number.
He purposely ignored her calls. As expected, she didn't leave him any messages. He had his bets on a fourth call. Perhaps she would make it after receiving a delivery of curry rice and croquettes. He assumed she hadn't been eating well these past couple of days.
Tossing his cell phone back over his shoulder and onto the sofa, he went to fix himself a cup of coffee. Removing the carafe from the hot plate, he emptied the batch he brewed earlier into the sink. He then opened up a cabinet stuffed full with bags of coffee beans. After a flurry of movements, he had the coffeemaker dripping a fresh batch of French roast. One of his young followers whom he had sent to Indigo picked the flavor. The same follower informed him of Yuzuki's week-long absence.
"She has to wake up and smell the coffee."
[1] In reference to Shizuo Gaiden Part I, which tells the short story about the White Day incident where Izaya placed love letters into the seniors' shoe lockers, including Shizuo's. Izaya had told Kadota about what he'd done.
