Disclaimer: Meyer owns the characters and anything familiar, everything else is mine.
"Will you just…" a woman's voice started before yelling louder "Alex! Just wait!"
My ears perked at the familiar voice before we came closer to the Emily and Sam's home. I blinked at the sight of a guy storming out the house. I bumped into Jake, not watching my steps, feeling a hand at my hip steadying me but the warm touch was quickly gone as I felt his hand recede. I decided to concentrate on what was happening instead, ignoring the tingle that spread through me at Jake's simple gesture.
He had turned abruptly on his heel; his eyes had fire behind them as he held his arms to his sides with his fists clenched. As I looked at him longer, I breathed in and a familiar scent came to me as a sense of calm washed over me. I felt at ease and I bit my lip at the involuntary response that I had no clue how to explain. He seemed familiar to me, but I couldn't place why as I chewed at my lip more. My thoughts turned back to Renesmee as I held her closer. Her skin was warmer than when we first left the house before getting here to La Push but that warmth could have been from me. I looked down at her, if not for the length of time that had passed and from me seeing her own form go limp suddenly when she crumbled to the floor, I would have thought she was merely sleeping.
"You know him?" Jake's voice was so low human wouldn't have caught it. I shook my head no in response but that feeling kept nudging me. Did I know him? One of Jake's hands lifted to touch Renesmee's head and I watched his brow furrow. "She looks like she's just sleep..." he frowned at the same time I did.
"Why!? For what!?" I looked back at the scene close to us. He was no longer clenching his fists, but his arms were crossed over his chest still glaring at Emily. I kept watching and peering at Emily as she moved to the deck of the house wringing her hands together.
"You don't understand…" her head shook. "Alex just listen..." She pleaded but Alex stayed still while Jake and I watched wordlessly.
"You're right I don't get it! Because my best friend wouldn't do some shit like this!" his hands waved towards Emily's and Sam's house as he made a face. "My best friend wouldn't pretend this shit was okay!" I saw his feet move quickly towards Emily, who covered her face and shook her head furiously. His hands moved towards Emily, and I heard the low growl next to me. It was almost a blur as suddenly Jake was no longer at my side but in between the two of them growling at Alex. I had expected Alex to back away since Jake was a few inches taller and was bigger than him. Jake's muscles tensed and his nostrils flared. Alex hadn't moved an inch from where he was; only straightening up to be at his full height which was still below Jake. Emily's mouth was open as she stared at the two with nothing coming from her mouth.
"Jake…" I came closer, wanting to diffuse the situation as I held Renesmee. I was glad for my own strength as I shifted her in my arms to let me reach forward to touch his bicep. I glanced at Alex wishing he'd back down. The longer this went on, the more Jake would see Alex as a threat to an imprint, a member of the pack. I caressed Jake's arm, feeling his form still but he kept his eyes on who was in front of him. No matter where he goes this is home I thought to myself as my mind decided to add in, Just like it was home for you before you threw it away? I stiffened at the inner monologue, deciding to concentrate instead on what was in front of me. My fingers began drawing circles on Jake's arm as I looked back at Emily, "Are you okay?" I asked.
For a moment she blankly nodded as she looked at Jake and me then to Renesmee in my arms still, "What are you doing here?" I winced inwardly at the surprise. Not Jake. Not Renesmee. Just me. What was I doing here? Was me being home so hard to believe? I kept the frown to myself as best as I could. I barely registered her step backward from me as she looked from me to Renesmee and I heard her heart beat race faster.
"Renesmee fainted and she hasn't woken up since. We needed help."
She paused in her steps, looking more perplexed. Her eyes looked elsewhere as my own followed the direction she was looking in.
"But what about..."
"The Cullens aren't an option" Jake replied quickly but his eyes stayed on Alex, who was no longer looking at Jake but at me. I felt like I should be feeling self-conscious or at least irritated at his stare, instead I felt not bothered at all.
As if finally realizing the problem, Emily moved between the two guys. I saw her take a deep breath, keeping her eyes off me and Renesmee with them only at Jake as she fidgeted. "It's fine, he wasn't hurting me." I heard a snort from Alex's direction. "He's a friend"
Alex looked at Emily as he opened his mouth, then he closed it as his eyes turned back to me. Jake seemed to relax at the declaration and I noticed a slight nod towards Jake. It seemed respectful, but I rolled my eyes at myself. Why was I trying to decipher a nod?
Jake hadn't moved from my hand yet, and I hadn't moved it. Instead he moved a bit closer to me but his eyes still never strayed from Alex.
"What are you?"
I blinked at the sudden question, looking confused at Jake as Emily's eyes widen.
"Jake?" I turned to him.
"He smells like Kira" I looked at Alex's brow raise and I finally placed the familiar scent. But if he smelled like Kira….
"Wh-wh-what do you mean? Jake you can't just come back here and star-" Emily stuttered while wildly looking at Alex, moving closer to him. Her posture slightly relaxed once she had grasped his wrist in her hand.
"It's cool Em." he laughed while flashing a quick smile as he slipped a hand into his pocket. He leaned a bit towards Emily, their sides now touching. "So you guys know my sis?"
"Kira's your sister? Are you a..." I stopped before saying it. It was still one thing to hear the vampires talk about these creatures. Those creatures sounded more like they were out a horror story, which made it harder to believe that they even existed at all. Something that Caius would even fear. I held on to Carlisle's words that I was not one.
"Am I a werewolf? No less than you." I felt Emily's eyes on me. Her eyes were slowly widening and I wondered if she was finally seeing that I was no longer as pale.
That my eyes were back to their chocolate brown.
That I was actually breathing out of need.
But I was too busy with my own waring thoughts. Both Kira and Alex were saying that I was this creature of the night and a child of the moon while Carlisle himself disproved it. Are we really taking the vampire's word over the actual werewolves? My mind spoke up. I shook away the thought, unable to help it. I've always been trusting of their words. It was hard to see any of them as being wrong especially at the thought of such a monster. My mind went back to the beast at the other Cullen home.
I heard Renesmee take in sudden quick breaths unlike her others. I looked down coming out my thoughts.
"Maybe we should go inside" I looked up at Emily who touched her own belly while looking at both me and Renesmee. I nodded to Emily's offer while taking quick glances at Alex as Emily turned back to the house. The sad expression in his eyes was so sudden and quick, I would have missed it. He looked at me and playfully winked.
"See somethin' ya like?" I heard Jake's growl as my own cheeks heated up in a blush. Alex's head went back in a loud laugh before he grinned at us both. I quickly followed after Emily just in case Alex decided to tease me again and also to escape. I could hear the footsteps of the two men behind me as we went inside.
Emily had already put pillows on the couch and took out a blanket. My eyes went to around the house as I laid Renesmee down.
"Emily, can you call Sue?" I wasn't sure if Sue could help my daughter or not. If Renesmee was a wolf, I would feel a bit better. The nurse had been around the wolves for a long time, I couldn't see Sue not wanting to learn more so that she could help them more. I thought back to the newborn battle, they may have even been more motivation. Would the wolves truly want to lean on a vampire? Why not? You thought they could be besties? I growled at the inner thought then blushed seeing the eyes on me.
"I'm sorry Bella, I should have asked before just doing it"
I blinked, noticing that Emily had moved behind Alex and quickly shook my head. "No, I'm sorry Emily. I wasn't..." I took a deep breath. "It wasn't at you, I promise" I watched her nod but she took her time to move from Alex to the kitchen.
"Are you guys hungry? I made some fresh muffins "she smiled although one half of her face didn't move at all.
"Regular susie homemaker, ain't she?" Alex snagged a muffin and stuffed the whole thing in his mouth.
"You have no idea." Jake laughed looking wistful a moment with a distant smile on his face while taking a few of the giant muffins for himself. I had a feeling he was thinking back to before Renesmee. Before I had chosen Edward.
"Is Sue on the way now?" I had taken a couple of muffins, taking a bite while sitting down. I took a look around the house. It still hadn't lost its homey feel, with flowers decorating the place inside and out. The couch and sofas were close together with a small coffee table, a few shelves littered with pictures, and from the kitchen I could smell food cooking that made my mouth water. The worn fabric of the couch only added to the charm.
"She's just now leaving your dad's." She smiled as she watched us eat the muffins. I knew the feeling of pride of someone enjoying your food. I had spent most my time cooking for Jacob and Renesmee just to keep that feeling. I understood Esmee even more during that time, trying to hold on to the feeling of family and the sense of it. Then I realized what she just said and I ended up spitting out chunks of muffin in surprise.
"My dad?!" I blinked. "Why was she there?" I looked more confused as Emily covered her mouth laughing a bit.
"I think they're a thing to be honest" Emily seemed to brighten more at the news. "It's nice seeing people who love each other get together."
I was still staring. My dad with Sue. My dad was moving on from Renee? It seemed insane and hard to even believe. I thought back to when I first got to the house to live with him. My room was still the same, portraits still the same from before, nothing in the house seemed to have changed and I was sure that my dad was still clinging to my mother. Now I hear he might actually be dating?
"Are you sure?" I still found it hard to believe but then it was Jake looking at me.
"They were already getting close before you left, remember?" he looked at me pointedly as I thought through my mind. Memories of my dad weren't what I was looking for. There weren't as many and the ones I thought of the most were of me being glad at his lack of pushing me.
"I...I don't." I frowned and heard Jake sigh a bit. I felt his hand on my shoulder, squeezing it in comfort before I almost shrugged it off. I didn't deserve comfort. I became more lost in memories as I became more disappointed in myself as a daughter.
"Well you're here now." I looked at Emily's smile and just nodded though I didn't believe in the words too much.
"Tryin' to replace Leah since ya can't with Kim or the other one Em?"
"Don' .Alex." Emily bit out each word as she glared at Alex who sent his own right back at her. Jake and I were both looking between the two.
"Don't start?" Alex snorted. "I'm probably the only one around with the balls to say what you need to hear. "
"And what would that be?!"
"That you need to let that man go!" he yelled with his palm hitting the coffee table hard as he split it in two. His claws were out and Jacob had moved in a defensive position but my eyes left Jake to stare at Emily who had went still.
"What is he talking about Emily?" I said slowly. The plate of the muffins was overturned on the floor. I didn't move between them, not worried about Alex attacking mainly on the feeling that I was sure he wouldn't.
"I…I rather talk about something else…" Emily started to leave as I saw Alex just shake his head, rubbing his arm before he relaxed. I started to get up to clean up the mess that was made before Alex moved.
"I got it, can't let a pretty girl clean my mess." he winked again, earning a new growl from Jake and I shook my head blushing. "How do you do that?"
"Do what?" he glanced to the kitchen after he was done with his mess.
"Just ...one minute you're mad and the other you're...just..." I tried to find the words.
"A jerk with no boundaries?" Jake mumbled as I gave him a glare, but only got a grin from him which made me roll my eyes.
"Just be glad she has a shield." Alex looked at Jake a long moment.
"A shield?" I asked Alex, wondering how he knew about my shield.
"You're a really weird werewolf." he laughed. "Yeah your shield, all us werewolves have them. You know, keeps the supernatural shit out. Would you believe that the shit's so potent it works even with a tiny bit of werewolf blood in ya?" He looked in the direction where Emily went in thought while I started trying to process what was just said.
It keeps the supernatural out….
I thought of the vampires that I came across who complained about not being able to use their ability on me but mostly I thought of Edward. I thought of how he always wished to see in my head. I started to breathe faster, feeling dizzy. Is that why I was okay with this world. Was I already unknowingly part of it? I tried to catch my breath, barely registering the rubbing on my back and words telling me to breathe in and out.
"Breathe Bells..."
I focused on the voice while breathing in and out. The blurry faces were now over me, as I blinked more to focus. I blinked again, noticing I was on my back instead of sitting up. I finally moved to sit up.
"Be careful, you gave us a scare." I looked at the concern on Emily's face while turning my eyes to Jake who was putting a cool cloth on my head. I watched his face, searching for the emotions there. His eyes met mine as he pulled away; pulling up a chair next to the couch I was now on.
I sat up more but soon I was looking around frantically. Where was Renesmee? She was on the couch I was now on and I could feel myself about to panic once again. My eyes searched around as Jake took my hand. "She's in the bedroom. Sue came and checked on her..." his thumb circled lightly over my hand before pulling away. I bit my lip at the rush of heat just that touch gave.
"Jake told me the deal. My bad, ain't knew you was...well it explains the half vamp. "I nodded to Alex who was rubbing the back of his neck while sighing. "You know I didn't mean…" he continued before I held up a hand.
"It's okay Alex" I gave him a reassuring smile but then I looked at Jake.
"Sue thinks it's just trauma, nothing's wrong with her far as she can see."
"So what do we do then?" I tried not to snap. "Where's Sue?" I moved to get up but Jake nudged me back down. "She's not here Bella."
"What do you mean she's not here?!"
"She couldn't exactly stay Bella." Emily tried to be gentle but when I looked at her, she averted her eyes. I looked at Jake "What's going on?!"
"I'm trying to get to that!" Jake snapped at me as he took his hand back.
"No! You're hiding stuff from me!" I yelled back, no longer aware of our audience. My mind turned to Edward and all the times he would hide things, thinking I was too weak or for my benefit.
"Or I could just be trying to ease it to you that your dad came with her!" He seethed but I was left reeling. "And he knows!"
"What…" my voice only came out in a whisper. He couldn't mean. No, he already knew about werewolves which would mean he knew…
No...no...no...My mind was screaming. He knew? He knew that I gave them up? He knew that I gave him up? He knew that I gave up living…
I stayed that way for a while, just holding myself with nobody saying anything. I had nearly screamed at them all, screamed how he was never supposed to know. That he was never supposed to find out about all this. I had pulled at my hair and grabbed the nearest pillow laying my face in it as I screamed.
There was a tense silence that clashed with the room's comfy feel, I had finally moved from the pillow, looking at everyone in the room. Jake was now leaning against a wall with his arms crossed. It was something that I noticed he also did a lot of at the Cullen house too. My mind I went back to a conversation we had that had turned more into a fight.
"You could join us at the dinner table with Renesmee, you know? Instead of leaning on the wall watching us..." I crossed my arms as I kicked a wrench that was near his feet, since it as the only thing I could view with him under the car.
"For?" he grunted.
"Jake ...I just want things to be...easier. Like they used t-"
"Things will NEVER be like they used to be!" I could hear his tense breathing as he already started to yell. "And I'd rather not pretend like everything's cool!"
"No one's pretending anything!" I shouted back as he slid from under the car and was in my face in an instant.
"YOU DO IT EVERYDAY!"
I frowned inwardly at the memory. We had first moved from Forks and I mainly wished for the same thing that I always did, for me to lose no one and I could already feel that I was losing Jake. It didn't seem to make sense. Everyone had a place. Everyone had someone and I had everyone still with me even with my initial sacrifice to give up everything. But as time went on I kept missing more and more things and it became more about me pushing the feelings down and making my decision work. I frowned more at the realization. Then I frowned at the fact that my dad now knew. He knew I gave up everything.
"The truth always comes out…"
I looked at Jake, glaring without thinking. I was prepared to yell how it wasn't supposed to happen this way and how Charlie wasn't supposed to know. Then Jake looked at me and my glare died as soon as I saw the sad look in his eyes. He was sad for me.
"Who told?"
"Billy did." Emily interrupted. "Bella ...he was in tears about you. You hadn't called in ages. It had been so long since he'd seen you. He yelled...Billy yelled back. The fight was terrible. I think he was drunk and tired of not knowing." Emily started and I felt a large ache in my chest. "Then the truth came out...they haven't spoken since. Bella I'm so sor-"
"No." I took a deep breath and went to get up, making my way to the back to check on Renesmee. "It's my fault..." I continued on my way.
"Is it still all worth it…?"
I stood still, looking back at Jake still on the wall. His arms still crossed, no longer looking at me. But I stayed still and turned around as the answer slipped from my lips.
"No..."
