:: Double Suicide ::

Gensomaden Saiyuki

Disclaimer: I don't own Gensomaden Saiyuki, which rightfully belongs to Minekura Kazuya.

Rating: R

Pairings: Sanzo/Goku

Warnings: AU, slight OOCness, cutting, yaoi, lime

Notes: As I write these notes I am sick but listening to my brand new Saiyuki RELOAD image album 1. Is a shiny CD and I love it muchly. I foresee much listening this spring break...

Lemon to this chapter hasn't been written yet, and I'm behind on updating this on AFFN. But when it is up that's where you'll find it. The link to my account is in my profile. Hopefully it'll be up by the end of this week, since it's my spring break.

Constructive criticism and feedback appreciated. Sankyuu.

--

Chapter Six

It was impossible to have the boy committed without parental consent, and of course Goku's mother hadn't given any. Sanzo wasn't sure if it was because of his threat to kill her son or simply that she had been threatened at all. Whatever the reason, it had worked, and now he found himself back at the boy's house.

"Be grateful your father isn't home," Goku's mother was saying dully as she moved around the kitchen. She appeared to be making dinner, but from the frozen food Sanzo had glimpsed he could guess it was a half-hearted attempt to make herself as busy as possible without really doing anything. He wondered if she suffered some sort of lack of emotion disorder. Look that up later, he decided.

Once inside she had waved the two boys into the kitchen. Sanzo had the feeling that if he hadn't complied Goku wouldn't have, either. The boy was very quiet, disturbingly so, and he kept clinging to something of Sanzo's-- his shirt, an arm, his wrist, anything he could grab a hold of.

And though it looked like it, Sanzo was certain Goku was far from afraid of his mother. Or his father, for that matter. He never flinched or looked away when the woman mentioned his father, and Sanzo decided he could safely say Goku's home life wasn't horrible. He wasn't being beaten, just cutting himself--

Oh yeah, that's much better, he thought sarcastically. He folded his arms over his chest, watching the woman's movements with boredom.

Half an hour later found the three of them eating quietly. They all may as well have been strangers for the silence they ate in. Goku was the only one showing signs of life, though in comparison to his usual antics Sanzo found him extremely lifeless. All the boy did was kick his feet a little, occasionally bumping Sanzo's chin.

"Well," the boy's mother said after a while. "I suppose you may go home now."

Knowing her words were directed at him, Sanzo simply made a small noise of agreement and pushed his chair back, turning to go.

"No."

He paused to glance over his shoulder, doing a double take at Goku's expression. The golden eyes were unusually bright and fierce... and directed at his mother. "No," he repeated stubbornly. "If he goes, I'm going with him."

Don't decide things on your own, Sanzo thought in annoyance. He opened his mouth to voice his thoughts but Goku's mother spoke before he could.

"Don't be ridiculous." her voice was dull, never changing tone. "I can't let you out of the house. Not after that. What would your father say?" She turned to Sanzo, gray eyes staring at him with seemingly uncharacteristic intensity. "Your father wouldn't approve, would be, young man?"

"Quite honestly, ma'am, I find it hard to care what any sort of father than brings home a few whores a week approves of," Sanzo said flatly.

During the brief exchange, while Goku's mother blinked and looked uneasy, Goku had scrambled from his seat and run up to Sanzo, latching on to him. Sanzo rolled his eyes but didn't bother pushing him off. The kid had a vise-like grip; this he knew from personal experience. That aside, he found he was growing used to the boy's physical presence anyway...

Goku's mother clearly wasn't one to fight. She simply sighed and said, "You're welcome to stay for the night, if you'd like."

With that approval, Goku grabbed his hand and lead the blonde up to his room.

~*~

"I figured out your problem." Goku barely batted an eyelash, which only served to annoy Sanzo further. He tried to quell it. "You and your mother. You both like to assume things without other people's approval."

"Dunno what you're talking about," Goku said softly.

"For instance," Sanzo continued coldly, as though the boy hadn't spoken. "The way you assume I even want to be here, and the way she assumes I'll bother to keep you out of trouble."

For the first time that day Goku gave him a broad grin, one so similar to his typical smile that Sanzo felt that strange tinge of relief. He brushed it aside. "You never have before," the boy agreed. He leaned back on the bed, shifting so he could pull his little pocketknife out. He waved it at the older boy, still grinning. "So if I was to do something to myself now?"

"Have fun," Sanzo muttered, leaning his head back against the wall. "I couldn't care less."

"Hm..." Goku fell silent, but when Sanzo glanced over at him again the boy hadn't taken the blade to his skin. It was still folded safely inside its little niche.

Sanzo stared for a long moment, at the boy's scarred arm, the pocketknife, the small fingers handling it... and he wondered. It was a crazy idea and stupid besides, but...

"Hey," he said quietly. Goku looked up expectantly. "If I were cut, you'd damn well keep your mouth shut."

With a knowing smile, Goku held out his trinket. "I can keep a secret."

"Good. Because you're going to be the one to do it." At the boy's puzzled expression, Sanzo rolled his eyes and clarified. "Like hell I'm going to do it. If I get caught I can honestly say I didn't cut myself so long as you do it for me. So do it."

"Okay," Goku agreed. Instead of getting up and walking over to the older boy, though, he moved aside on his mattress and patted the spot next to him. "Lie down."

Sanzo arched an eyebrow, wanting to say no but only muttering an insult before he complied with what the boy wanted. Anticipation made him tense; he'd never cut himself intentionally, and even if it was Goku doing it for him, he'd still asked. It made him nervous, but not frightened.

When Goku pushed up at his shirt, however, Sanzo started. "Hey," he snapped, pushing himself up to slap the boy's hand back. "What--"

"I'm not gonna do nothin'," Goku said, sounding insulted. "You gotta lie down. I got an idea."

"Like hell I'm going to let you do something weird without knowing what it is," Sanzo growled.

The boy frowned but sighed and said reluctantly, "I was gonna cut your stomach." He pressed his palm into the older boy's abdomen. "Not deep. I just wanna write my name in you."

Write his name... It sounded morbid, and there was the high chance of Goku miscalculating and tearing him open.

And yet...

"Hmph." Sanzo fell back to the mattress, closing his eyes. "Do what you want. Lock your door."

"Don't need to," Goku said softly, pushing his t-shirt up past his ribs. Golden eyes surveyed the pale skin as small fingers ran over him, causing Sanzo to shiver a bit. "Momma never checks on me anyway..." He pulled the blade out from its place but didn't stop caressing the blonde, smiling. "You're so pale, Sanzo... and really skinny. You'll bleed easily."

Fighting the urge to smack him upside the head, Sanzo said tightly, "Just do it, would you?"

"Okay, okay..." Goku didn't pull his hand back, but did slide it over to Sanzo's side. He let his hand rest there, and a moment later Sanzo felt the sharp pain of a small blade on his flesh. He grimaced a bit, but it didn't hurt too badly.

Goku didn't pull back, drawing the blade slowly over the skin. It was cold, intensifying Sanzo's shivers. The blonde was dimly aware of his fingers raking over Goku's sheets, gripping them tightly as the boy methodically continued to cut into him.

Then it started to burn. Sanzo cringed, tightening his grip on the sheets as the blade left him momentarily before coming back down. Goku kept completely silent the entire time, and when Sanzo looked up he saw that the boy's golden eyes were fixed on his work, seeming entranced. In fact, there was a slight blush on his face, as though he were excited...

Sanzo shuddered again, trying not to arch up or cringe away. Either movement could cause the blade to slip and sink deep into him, and then he'd really be fucked.

Suddenly, Goku whispered, "It's so pretty..." Sanzo shook his head, wondering where he got that from, and the boy spoke again. "It's so, so red on you... so, so pretty..."

It seemed like ages that Goku cut into him. It was like a slow torture, but not entirely the painful kind. Sanzo wasn't stupid enough to mistake the delighted tingles that went through his spine each time the blade touched his skin for something else. Somehow it didn't bother him that he was getting off on this.

"So pretty..."

The blade left off again, and this time didn't return. Sanzo frowned; despite the thin fire-like trails on his abdomen he was disappointed that it was over. He started to push himself up but got another surprise when Goku's tongue touched his wounds.

That was a completely different sensation. The warmth soothed as well as aggravated his cuts, making Sanzo fall back again and willingly arch up against the boy, though he made no sound other than faint panting.

"Sanzo likes it," Goku murmured, gently licking his wounds as though he were a vampire. "Sanzo likes the pain... I told you... I told you..."

Sanzo said nothing at first, just dimly listening to the boy's mantra. He shuddered, his fingers relaxing and tightening in the sheets until he couldn't take it any longer. He reached out, grasping the boy by his hair and jerking him up roughly, grunting in pain as Goku accidentally rubbed against his wounds. The boy fell easily into the kiss, even before Sanzo had really initiated it.

"Dumb monkey," he panted, pulling on the boy's clothes roughly. "You... stupid..."

Goku just smiled as he pulled back, wriggling out of his clothes willingly, his fingers tracing over the cuts on his lover. "You like it," he whispered childishly as Sanzo maneuvered so he could shove the boy down. He made a small moan as Sanzo bit him none to gently. "You... liked it..."

Despite the burning sensation across his stomach, Sanzo simply uttered a low, "Shut up," before he started to shift out of his own clothes as well. With an impish grin, Goku simply pulled him back down for another ungentle kiss.

~*~

"Hey... Sanzo?"

Even if he wanted to look at the boy, Sanzo wasn't in the mood to turn over on his other side and upset the cuts even more. He was surprised Goku wasn't complaining about how sore he was. "What?" he muttered, not bothering to open his eyes.

There was a slight pause before Goku said softly, "Can we... do it soon?"

Sanzo frowned, moving against his better judgment to take a look at the boy. He cringed at the pain, glancing down at the cuts that spelled out a square like, messy-looking 'GOKU.' Tearing his eyes away from it, he looked into the boy's eyes. "We could do it anytime, you idiot," he said scornfully. "You have to tell me when you're ready." When Goku simply nodded, he scoffed and lay down again, this time on his back. "Just tell me when you want to."

"What about... tonight?"

Sanzo started, turning his head sharply to look at him. "What?"

Goku met his gaze levelly. "I wanna do it tonight. 'Cuz as soon as you leave, they're gonna take me back."

The silence that followed made Sanzo uneasy. He shifted a bit, muttering, "You don't even have a gun."

"You do," the boy pointed out. "And I'm sure my dad keeps one somewhere... all you gotta do is show me what to do with it."

Sanzo stared a long time, his gaze hard and scrutinizing. Goku's eyes didn't waver; he stared back levelly, silently insisting that he was ready to do it, that he wanted to do it now.

At last Sanzo got up, searching for his clothes and slipping back into them quickly. "Hurry up," he said gruffly. "We'll have to go while it's dark. And you'd better be ready for a long drive."

"How come?" Goku asked curiously, wincing a bit as he pulled his pants on. "Ow..."

Sanzo shot him a look, keeping his voice low so as not to wake anyone. "Because," he said impatiently. "You don't want anyone to hear the gunshots, do you?"

Understanding perfectly, Goku nodded.

Escaping had been almost painfully easy. Goku's mother had been asleep on the couch, his father's car absent from the driveway as they quietly slipped out. Neither even had to watch out for oncoming cars, though they did so anyway the entire way back. Not a soul passed them, and if anyone saw them walking no one thought them anything but two young boys wandering around outside for the evening, possibly walking home.

In Sanzo's case, at least, that was true.

Getting the guns was easy enough; Sanzo's father had yet to come home. It was possible he was still out scouting for his nightly whore. In any case, Sanzo didn't want to take many chances. He grabbed his keys and gun, taking a few moments longer to find his father's gun as well.

Idiot, he thought absently, finding the gun already loaded. Leaving these out where I can get to them... He took the bullets out, shoving them in his pocket. He didn't want Goku trying to start anything before they were where they had to be. The boy watched and said nothing, as though reading his thoughts.

"Let's go," Sanzo said shortly, leaving. He didn't bother to lock the door; why should he? He wasn't expecting to come back, and if anything was stolen it wouldn't matter to him.

After all, it was going to end tonight.

Goku didn't seem too picky about the car they drove. He scrambled right in when Sanzo unlocked the door, buckling his seatbelt like a good little boy. Sanzo didn't bother to.

And so, within half an hour, they were already on their way to their final destination.

~*~

The cry that resounded in the otherwise empty car was enough to make Sanzo shudder, clenching his eyes shut as he tensed, then went limp, gasping for breath. Goku remained atop him, shivering but unmoving, as though savouring the moment. Then he too collapsed, right on top of his lover. Sanzo cringed as that upset his wounds.

"Mm..." Goku buried his face in the crook of Sanzo's neck, nipping the skin there. "... for someone that wants... to die... you sure seemed into it," he mumbled.

Sanzo simply shook his head, pushing at the boy. "Off," he gasped, still trying to catch his breath properly. "It's fucking hot..."

Goku moved back obediently, eyeing him mischievously. "That's because--"

"Shut up." Sanzo forced himself to sit up, feeling cramped in the back space of the car. He cringed as his cuts flared to life with pain. Trying to ignore it, he started looking for his lost pants.

Once their clothes were in order they climbed out of the car. Sanzo paused to open the trunk and retrieve their weapons, but Goku immediately wandered over to the creaky house they had parked near.

"How'd ya find this place?" he called.

Sanzo shook his head, shutting the trunk and walking past the boy, kicking open the old front door and walking inside. "An old friend of mine used to take me here," he said roughly. "It was his favourite place to escape to when he could afford to drive that far away."

"Ah..."

Sanzo set the guns and bullets on an abandoned table, looking around quietly. He'd never gone inside before, simply because Koumyou had always said it was too dangerous. He could understand why now; whatever furniture was left in the abandoned place was broken and splintered. The dead lights looked ready to fall any moment; graffiti decorated the area on every wall, hardly an off-white space left anywhere.

How long has it been since I came here? he wondered absently.

"... Sanzo." He turned, looking at Goku who was holding out one of the guns. Then he looked at the table.

Two rounds. One for each of them...