A nurse rapped on the door of Nicky's room gently, and then poked her head around the corner. It was nice for the medical staff to give Nicky the allusion of privacy by knocking before entering the room, even though there was a large window that kept her on permanent display to the correctional officer standing guard. Still, Red just avoided looking at the window, and it made her feel like she really was alone with her Nicky. The nurse who walked in was a different one than the earlier nurse who had handed Red the phone. This one was young, blonde, and considerably more friendly looking. "How's our patient?" she asked Red with a smile, and walked over to stand next to the bed where Nicky was sleeping soundly.
"She was awake for a few minutes," Red told her, "she seemed uncomfortable but didn't want any pain medication." She absentmindedly stroked Nicky's arm as she spoke.
"Well, if she wants something when she wakes up again, just page me," the nurse said, scribbling something down on Nicky's chart. "she'll probably be in and out of sleep a lot for the next twenty-four hours or so. That man from the prison, Healy, I think he said his name was; he said that you were planning to stay with her tonight, and that it was alright by him."
"Good," said Red, simply.
Nicky let out a low moan and opened her eyes. Red and the nurse both turned to look at her. "Hi, sleepyhead," said the nurse gently, "you've been on quite the journey. Are you in a lot of discomfort?"
"Red?" said Nicky gruffly, and her eyes filled with tears.
Red leaned forward to smooth back Nicky's hair and kiss her forehead. "I'm right here," Red whispered softly, and then she kissed Nicky's forehead again. Red's comfort didn't seem to have the desired effect of soothing her though. Nicky's eyes watered, and a few loud sobs sputtered through her lips. Red turned to stare at the nurse, with a look of concerned bewilderment upon her face.
"It's the anesthesia," the nurse told Red calmly, "it's very common after an operation, she'll be okay soon."
Red wrapped her hand around Nicky's head and allowed her to fall forward against her shoulder. Nicky was in hysterics by that point, but when Red asked her what was wrong, Nicky only shook her head and cried harder. Sometimes there didn't need to be a logical explanation. "What do I do?" Red asked the nurse anxiously.
"Exactly what you are doing," the nurse replied, "you hold her and love her. She's lucky to have you. I see so many people wake up in this hospital without anybody, besides the medical staff." She regarded Nicky, "you'll be okay, Nicky. We're taking good care of you, and your mom can stay with you tonight. I'm going to get you some pain medication and some water, okay?"
Nicky continued to cry, but Red favoured the nurse with a look of deepest gratitude. "Thank you," Red said thickly. And the nurse gave a nod of her head and walked back out of the room. Red shushed Nicky and stroked her hair until she began to nod back to sleep again, then she slowly laid Nicky back against her pillow. "Try and sleep," she murmured to the poor girl, brushing her hair off her forehead.
Relief coursed through Red's body when Nicky let out a small sigh of contentment and reached for her mother's hand to hold. "Don't leave me," Nicky said vulnerably, with her eyes still squeezed shut.
"I never will," Red promised, kissing Nicky's fingertips, which was the only part of her hand devoid of the tape holding her IV in place. "Go to sleep, honey." The nurse returned, laying a pitcher of water and a plastic cup on the table, and hooking up a bag, of what had to be some pain relieving drug, to Nicky's IV, while Red watched her through groggy eyes, and continued to hold Nicky's hand. Then the nurse retreated, and Nicky and Red were alone again.
Red shifted uncomfortably in her seat, her back was already beginning to kill her. It was a small price to pay, though, for the privilege of being there. Red hated hospitals, had never liked being in them, and couldn't stand watching one of her children lying in a sterile bed so weak and so in need of medical attention. It had always troubled Red to bring the boys to the hospital and have to admit that there were certain things that a mother's love and care could not cure. She hated having to depend on anyone or anything, other that herself, to protect her children. Trust had never been her strong suit.
Ring Ring
Red frantically rummaged through her purse to retrieve the cell phone and silence it, before it woke the sleeping girl. She hit the answer button without pausing to look at the caller ID. "Hello?" she said into the phone, looking anxiously over at Nicky to ensure that she was still sleeping.
An inmate from Litchfield Penitentiary is attempting to contact you. To accept this call please press one.
Red hit one, her heart pounding, as she waited to hear the voice of the woman who had never even called to warn her about how sick her baby had become.
"Red?" said Gloria, her voice high and filled with a strong sense of urgency.
"Hi, Gloria," said Red into the phone. She crossed her legs and leaned back into the chair, as she waited to hear what Gloria was going to say.
"I wanted to call you sooner," Gloria said breathlessly, "but that f**king Piscatella was guarding the phones and I couldn't. This was the soonest I could reach you. It's Nicky, she—,"
"I'm sitting with Nicky right now," said Red shrilly into the phone, as she began bouncing her crossed leg repetitively.
"You are?" Gloria asked incredulously, "but how did you know?"
"Healy called me!" said Red piercingly, continuing to bounce her leg, "I got a phone call at five in the morning telling me that my little girl had a ruptured appendix, because she had been denied medical care for too long, and that she was already having an operation, without me there to kiss her first and wait outside in the hallway in case something…in case something went wrong." Red choked on the last bit, and her eyes began to water as she recalled the horror of receiving that call. Any mother's nightmare. She brushed the tears furiously away.
"Oh, mami," sighed Gloria, "I'm sorry. I know how scary that must have been, to receive that call."
"Why didn't you call me?" Red spat heatedly into the phone, emphasizing the 'you'. "Why didn't you tell me what was going on? I thought she just had the flu!" Nicky squirmed and Red bit her lip. She was making too much noise, and she was disturbing her baby, who really needed her rest. Standing up, Red tiptoed out into the hall so that she could continue her conversation without waking the little girl.
"So, did I," insisted Gloria, "I thought she had the flu too! As soon as I said goodbye to you, I went to check on her. She never made it to the showers because she was too weak. She was lying on her bunkie's bed because she didn't have enough strength to climb up to the top bunk." Red sniffled, as she took in the picture that Gloria was paining in her mind. Red had sent Nicky away; she had told her to go take a shower, by herself, when she clearly hadn't been up to that. Red hadn't known. She hadn't been paying enough attention. Red should have been able to tell that Nicky had much more than just a simple flu virus.
"So, what did you do?" Red breathed, as she walked over to the waiting area and sat down on the edge of her seat at the end of the aisle, away from anybody else.
"I went to the kitchen and told the girls I needed to take supper off," said Gloria simply, "then I went back to Nicky and sponged her off with a cool cloth. Her fever was still high, and I was trying to bring it down. I went to the pharmacy to ask for some Tylenol and to say she needed to be checked on, but the guard wouldn't take me seriously; and since it was the weekend, I couldn't even appeal to Caputo. So, I went back and sat with her while she drifted in and out. She was in a lot of pain, and I went back to the guards so many times, so did Alex, but it did no good. They didn't give a f**k. So, that's why I wasn't able to call you last night."
Red felt like her heart was in her throat. She could hear the emotion in Gloria's voice as she regaled the previous night's events to her. Gloria had been helpless to get Nicky what she needed, but she had done everything in her power to fight for Red's daughter. Red's right hand clutched at the front of her black sweater, as she took a few calming breaths, it took her a couple moments to find her voice. "Gloria, I'm so sorry," Red said passionately, "you did everything you could, and I'm so grateful to you. I love you so much." Red was so enamoured with Gloria's testimony, that she didn't notice Healy walk over, from wherever he had gone, and sit down beside her.
"I know that," Gloria said smoothly, "and I love you too." Red couldn't help but smile at the words, she wished she could reach through the phone and hold her. "So how is Nicky now?" asked Gloria, concern creeping back into her tone. However, she knew things couldn't be too bad, or Red would be sounding much worse that she did.
"She's okay," said Red, releasing her grip on her sweater and running her fingers through her hair. "She's sleeping now, but she's woken up and spoken to me for a few minutes. Her appendix ruptured because they didn't take it out in time." She paused with her hand still tangled in her hair on the top of her head.
Gloria muttered some Spanish curse words that Red didn't understand, but got the gist nonetheless. "I tried, Red, I tried so hard to get them to take her, but nobody would listen. They waited until she was almost out of her mind with the pain, according to Alex; I wasn't there then, they made me go back to Spanish Harlem at lights out."
"She's safe now," said Red comfortingly, stepping out of her own thoughts long enough to recognize that Gloria needed her reassurance. "She has a good doctor, I've spoken with him, and according to him there is nothing we really need to worry about in regards to her health. She just needs some time to recover from the surgery."
"Are you able to stay with her?" Gloria asked, her relief evident in her tone.
"Yes," said Red firmly, "I'm not leaving." Red glanced to the side and finally noticed Healy sitting there beside her. When had he shown up? Healy was still absorbed in tedious paperwork, but he obviously couldn't help following Red's side of the conversation when he was sitting so close. Healy glanced up when he felt Red's eyes upon him, just long enough for her to see that there was no animosity in his eyes, then he looked back down at his papers.
"I'm glad to hear she's doing okay," said Gloria sincerely, and Red turned her attention back to the phone, "I know she's in good hands with you. Don't forget to eat something, okay? Don't want you getting sick right now too."
Red beamed at Gloria's words. It never ceased to please her when Gloria got stern, and expressed concern for her. She was always especially irresistible to Red then. "I'll get something soon," Red promised her, "I just don't want to go too far in case Nicky wakes up."
"Just make sure that you do," Gloria said firmly, "you need to take care of yourself if you want to be of any use to anybody else."
Red felt a little flush crawl up her neck at Gloria's ability to make her feel loved, even from a distance. "I promise," she replied.
"I need to go now," Gloria said reluctantly, "but I'm so glad I was able to reach you. I felt terrible all night that we didn't talk, and I knew how worried you would be."
"I was freaking out," Red confessed, pinching the bridge of her nose and recalling her agonizing night and morning.
"Knowing you, that's probably the understatement of the century," Gloria teased, and Red made a little noise of reproach into the phone, as if offended by what Gloria was implying.
"I just realized I might not be able to come visit you this weekend, Gloria," said Red distressingly.
"Is Nicky expected to be in the hospital that long?" asked Gloria.
"I don't really know yet," replied Red, crossing her legs, "but if I have to stay here for a few more days, I'm going to need to ask the boys to bring me some things and it won't really be fair to expect them to make another trip on Saturday, after all this running back and forth."
"That's okay," said Gloria easily, "you do what you have to do, huh?"
"But I really want to see you," said Red sadly. There was a pause on the line, as Gloria went back and forth in her mind about whether or not to say something.
"I want to see you too," said Gloria truthfully, "but since you can't come this weekend, I might try and see if Lourdes will bring the boys up herself for the day. It would be good for me to spend some time with just them. I think it was a little hard on them to visit me surrounded by so many other people. That's why Benny acted out, he felt like everyone was intruding on his time."
"Did he say that?" asked Red, distressingly. She did not feel cut out for dealing with a pubescent boy who resented her for wanting to see Gloria as much as he did. He wasn't her child, so she didn't feel as empathetic as she might be to one of her own. She'd never admit that out loud to Gloria, though. She knew that was a very selfish thing to think.
"I haven't spoken to him yet," replied Gloria, "I was too busy with Nicky, and the first chance I got to use the phone I called you. I can just tell, and it might be good if I can find a way to give him his own time next visitation, so he won't feel so resentful."
"I guess," said Red begrudgingly. She didn't mean to sound obnoxious, but it annoyed her that Gloria wasn't getting upset that she wouldn't be able to visit, and was instead grateful to have time with her kids alone. Red understood because in Gloria's position, she would feel the same way. Gloria frequently had been cast aside by Red for Nicky's benefit, but it still bothered her when Gloria did the same to her. Red had never been very good at sharing.
"I need to go," said Gloria casually, "but I'll call you again after supper. I'm glad Nicky's doing okay, and I'm glad you get to be there with her."
"Uh huh," said Red, crisply, "bye."
"Good bye," said Gloria.
Red ended the call and rubbed her eyes with her fist. She glanced up at Healy and their eyes met. Suddenly Red stood up, "I need to check on Nicky," she said, looking over at Nicky's closed door, "make sure she hasn't woken up." Healy nodded, but Red had already turned her back on him and walked back to the room.
Nicky was still asleep, thankfully. Red would have felt terrible if she had woken up while she had been outside chatting on the phone. The pain medication seemed to be doing its job, as Nicky's face did not display any signs of discomfort. Red sat back down in her bedside chair and reached into her purse to pull out the book she had been reading. She never left the house without a book. Catching sight of the small snack bag Vasily had packed for her, Red smiled grimly and pulled out a cracker to nibble on, thinking of Gloria. She opened her book and began to read quietly to herself, grateful to her son for thinking to pack her something to eat. She was really hungry.
"Mmmmmm," groaned Nicky, and Red looked up over her book at her. She smiled and removed her reading glasses, and laid her book to the side.
"How are you, honey?" Red asked.
"Terrible," croaked Nicky.
Red reached for the cup and pitcher on the table, that the nurse had left there, and poured a little for Nicky to drink. "Here, honey," Red said softly. She stood up, and held Nicky's head in one hand, as she brought the cup to her lips. "Have a little drink."
Nicky drank the water from the cup that Red held for her. "How long was I asleep for?" she asked.
"Maybe an hour?" Red said, "I thought you'd sleep longer than that."
"What, you don't want the pleasure of my company?" Nicky asked gruffly, and Red replaced the cloth on the table and smiled.
She stood up out of the chair and positioned herself on the edge of Nicky's bed. Gripping Nicky's cheeks in both of her hands, Red kissed Nicky's forehead and said, "the only bright spot in this whole thing is that I get to be with you for a few days. I've missed you so much, honey." Nicky smiled and looked back at Red through tired eyes. Red returned her smile, and kissed Nicky's forehead again. "My heart," she whispered, smoothing her thumbs over Nicky's pale skin. Removing her hands from Nicky's face, Red kissed both of her cheeks. Nicky closed her eyes and focused on the feel of Red's mouth and hands, and allowed the sound of her voice to flow over her.
"I want you to do the things that mothers do. Hold me, give me sips of water….anything," Nicky remembered pleading with Marka after her surgery for endocarditis, but Marka had just walked away. Nicky didn't know why her mind went there, she didn't want to think about Marka right now. She willed herself to focus on Red, the mom who was there, doing all those things without Nicky even hinting that she wanted them.
"Are you in pain?" Red asked. Nicky shook her head no. They sat together in companionable silence for a little while. Nicky had almost fallen back asleep when a knock at the door made her and Red both look up. "Come in?" said Red, and the door opened and in walked Healy.
"How are you doing?" Healy asked Nicky, who shrugged noncommittally. Healy looked at Red, "I'm leaving for the day," he said, "but I was wondering if you were hungry or anything...I could go get you something to eat and bring it back to you here."
It was nearing lunchtime and Red had to admit she was famished. "I'd appreciate that," Red replied, "let me just get my wallet."
"What would you like?" asked Healy, taking the money from her outstretched hand.
"Anything," said Red, "whatever looks good to you."
When Healy was gone, Red sat back down next to Nicky and began absentmindedly smoothing her blankets. "I'm telling Gloria," Nicky told her.
"What are you talking about?" asked Red, with a hint of embarrassment.
"I thought you weren't speaking to him anymore?" asked Nicky.
"Not because he did anything wrong," Red said uncomfortably, "we just grew apart."
She stretched her unshackled leg up into the air and stretched. "My legs are sore," she said, "because I can't move."
"You're not supposed to move," Red told her, "you're supposed to rest." She flipped the blanket covering Nicky's legs up over her abdomen, revealing her bare legs. Goosebumps prickled Nicky's skin, from the sudden cool air, but she smiled contentedly when Red began squeezing her way up the leg closest to her, kneading out her tense muscles.
"Will you take my socks off for me?" Nicky asked, "they're bugging me." She motioned to the foot that was shackled around the ankle. Nicky was completely restrained on one side.
Red curved her hand around Nicky's ankle, below the shackle. "I don't think that's a good idea, honey," she said gently, "I'm worried the cuff will cut into your skin without the sock as a barrier."
"It can't possibly feel any worse," Nicky replied. "Please?" Sighing, Red slowly slid the crew length sock off of Nicky's foot, wiggling the fabric beneath the cuff.
"Oh, honey," Red said with a slight gasp, and she gingerly touched the irritated skin beneath the cuff. The restraint wasn't too tight, Red could wiggle the tips of fingers under the metal, but it still cut into Nicky's skin if she made the slightest movement.
Red sat back up out of the bed and reached for her purse, on the chair. "What are you doing?" asked Nicky weakly, she was already beginning to feel very tired again. She didn't have enough stamina to stay awake for too much longer.
"I have some lotion in here, I think," Red told her, tossing random items out of the bag as she searched for the container of lotion. Hairbrush, makeup, Kleenex, wallet, lifesavers, and, for some inexplicable reason, a plastic green dinosaur toy, were all dumped out onto the bed.
"So, you're just one of those old ladies who walks around with her whole life in a bag now, huh?" Nicky commented, "what the f**k is the dinosaur for?"
"It's Alexei's," Red said dismissively.
"Here it is," said Red finally, pulling out a small bottle of creamy white lotion. She began dumping everything back into her purse. "Alright," she said, rolling up her sleeves and squeezing a dime size amount onto her palm, "this will help your skin not blister, honey." She lathered the cream all over Nicky's foot, but paid particularly close attention to the skin beneath and surrounding the shackle. Nicky was completely exhausted, but resisting the heaviness in her eyelids because she didn't want to sleep through their time together. It was the only upside she could think of to having to have surgery. She closed her eyes only when Healy returned with a brown bag of food for Red, because she was hoping he'd leave quicker if he thought she was asleep.
"I knew you were faking," Red whispered to her, when Healy had left.
"I didn't want to talk to him," Nicky replied.
"Why don't you try to get some sleep?" asked Red. "I know you're exhausted."
"Why don't you get some rest, too?" asked Nicky, "it's been a long day for you as well."
"Maybe I will," said Red unconvincingly, there was no way she could sleep in that awful chair. Red would be better off trying to fall asleep on the hospital floor.
"You can share my bed," Nicky offered with a smile.
"Okay," Red gave in, curling into Nicky on the side that was not constricted by the chains. Red rested her head next to Nicky's on the pillow. Nicky's wild hair was fanned out so some of it tickled Red's cheek, but she didn't care. Red scooted even closer, so that her nose and lips were lightly touching Nicky's cheek. Nicky could feel Red's hot breath against the side of her face, it was such a calming element, and it wasn't long before Nicky's breaths synchronized with Red's. Nicky reached over with her free hand and linked her fingers with Red's again. Feeling utterly content, she fell back into sleep almost instantaneously, and Red was not too far behind her.
A loud clang startled Red out of her slumber. "Sorry," apologized the nurse, "I've brought Nicky her lunch tray. It's important she eat at least a little of it. It's all light stuff, she shouldn't have any problems keeping it down."
Red sat up and yawned. "I'll make sure she eats," she promised, as she separated her hand from Nicky's and slid off of the bed. Nicky's knuckles had little indents where Red's nails had dug into them, almost as if afraid Nicky would go away if she didn't hold her tight enough. As soon as Red moved away from her, Nicky's eyes opened up and she frowned.
"It's time to eat," Red told her, as the nurse left the room. She walked around the bed to push the button that would move Nicky to a sitting position.
"Hospital food," Nicky grumbled, "still probably an upgrade from prison food." Red walked over to the tray and pulled the lid off a bowl of soup.
"It doesn't look too bad," Red told her, "it's chicken soup. Do you want me to put the crackers in it?" Nicky nodded reluctantly, and Red added the crackers to the bowl and then slid the table over to Nicky's side, where she could access it. Then she decided to finally eat the sandwich that Healy had brought her.
"So, how do you like living at Vasily's?" Nicky asked hesitantly.
"It's good," Red admitted, paying close attention to Nicky's big brown eyes for any sign that she was upsetting her. "I don't feel like a houseguest who has overstayed her welcome, at least. It feels right, it feels like family. Yuri's staying there too, for now at least, because he and Anna have broken up possibly for good. It's a pretty full house though, so it will be good to get a place just for us."
"We're still going to do that?" Nicky asked, relieved. She had been worried that Red would like living there so much with her grandkids that she wouldn't want to leave, and then Nicky would be by herself.
"Of course, we are," Red said promptly. "But somewhere close to them so we can all still see each other all the time."
"Don't you know that I don't like kids?" Nicky told her grumpily, "You know, they don't drink, they haven't travelled."
"You are a kid," Red retorted, "little Alexei, it's almost the same as hanging out with you…except I think he's probably better behaved."
"Ha Ha," said Nicky sarcastically, and she rolled her eyes. "It's going to be so hard to go back to that sh!t hole...I just want to come home now."
"I know, baby," Red sighed, "it's going to be hard for me to leave again. But we're getting through it, right? We've done a week."
"Yeah, and looked what happened," Nicky said sarcastically, waving her unshackled hand at the IV pole she was attached to.
Red chuckled, "I don't think it works that way," she told her, smoothing the hair out of Nicky's face. "But you'll be home soon, I promise." She sat back down next to Nicky in the hospital bed, "and we've got this time right now. Do you want me to read to you?" Nicky nodded yes, so Red picked up her book and began to read.
Nicky rested her hand on her mother's shoulder and enjoyed the pleasing rumble of her voice. She never grew tired of Red reading to her, it was becoming her happy place. She leaned up to kiss Red's cheek, and then nuzzled closer to her. In this moment, Nicky was already home.
