[EDIT (April 13, 2013)]: Yes, I'm evil! I went there! I wrote a piece that actually happens on October 31st when Austria and Hungary aren't together. So in coming up with that brilliant piece of evil, it ended up being too short for its own chapter, but I can't really make it part of the next chapter either, because it doesn't fit, so it goes with this one. If you've already read the story without this new addition, just go to the last "()()()()()" that you see and start from there, because that's new stuff.
February 1986
"Muuutiiiiiiiiiii, when does Vati come back?" Kugelmugel asked his mother plaintively from where he sat curled up on her lap watching the flames dancing in the fireplace.
"Next January, Kugel."
"It's next January now?"
"No, it's only der Feber (1), cicám," Hungary sighed.
"Tomorrow it's next January?"
"Nein," Hungary said with a small laugh. "Der Jänner (2) is eleven months. We still have a long time to wait before we can see Vati again."
"I miss Vati. Kádár is bad man taking Vati."
"No, no, he really isn't. He's doing what he thinks is best for his country's health, even if I don't like it."
"Mmm," Kugel hummed to himself as he took off his red beret and twisted it around in his hands. "Mutti, I want story."
"Kugelmugel, can you ask nicely?" Hungary said sternly.
"Can I have story bitte?"
"Much better, that was very good," she praised, "What kind of story do you want?"
"Tell me story on Vati."
"Alright. A story on Vati. Let me tell you about a time when your Vati was strong, but first, I have to explain some things. Today, there is a nation called Turkey who lives south of us, but not so long ago, he was called the Ottoman Empire, and he was also one of the four empires that were destroyed over the course of World War I. But long before that time, he was crazy strong and feared throughout all of Europe. He was my worst enemy, but I was strong too and I held him back for centuries. But alas…" Hungary sighed, "Even my strength finally failed me in 1526 at the Battle of Mohács when my king was killed in the battle with no heirs, and I found myself to be the contested interest of both Austria and the Ottoman Empire, who had never been in direct conflict with each other before then, if memory serves. There's something about the Ottoman Empire that you have to understand Kugel…"
Hungary quickly realized that her son probably didn't understand most of what she was saying. He was simply too young, especially as a nation, to fully understand just how important this all was, how important this all used to be, and how these were all events that they had lived through and events that had helped shape them into who they were. She knew this and yet she couldn't stop. She was grateful that Kugel was quiet and polite enough not to interrupt, but she also knew her son wasn't really interested in a story. He just missed his Vati and simply her talking about him was all that he needed to soothe his little heart and ease the ache of not being able to see his Germanic father.
"… That man had a ruthless reputation in Europe, when he arrived, as being a man of little mercy and very much upheld the creed 'an eye for an eye' in warfare and this was centuries before he killed the Byzantine Empire, who was quite the sassy woman. But that's getting off-topic. Underlying all of the technical reasons involved, the Ottoman-Habsburg rivalry was simply a question of succession to the Roman Empire. Was it Austria, son of his killer and the guardian of the Holy Roman Empire, one of Rome's grandsons, who should succeed by inheritance? Or was it Ottoman Empire who killed the former Ancient Greece, a wife of Rome, and thus should succeed by right of conquest? Your Vati had recently come into power and Ottoman Empire was at the height of his expansion; it was like God had decreed them to be bitter rivals from the moment they laid eyes on each other and so for over 150 years, your Mutti had two handsome men fighting over her. And that's the stage for which your Vati showed his true strength. It started with the Ottoman Empire's second Siege of Vienna in 1683…" and as Hungary wove her fanciful tale of struggle, desperation, and perseverance embellished by the passage of time and secondhand information, her mind wandered into her memory.
She hadn't been there. Since 1529 when the Ottoman Empire had forced her into submission, she had spent one month at Holy Rome's (and then later Austria's) house for every two at Ottoman's every year unless she was at war. The last time she'd seen him, they'd been arguing with increasing intensity and anger about her religious freedom to such a degree that it completely blew all past arguments out of the water and in 1681, she'd finally had enough and stormed out of the house in such a rage, she'd believed she'd come to hate Austria. But despite her rage, for some stupid reason, she'd missed him which had only resulted in increasing her emotional distress and confusion. Any other time, she wouldn't have listened, but when Ottoman Empire had told her to support the rebellion that had already broken out, she'd done so at once. She'd confessed to the troubled state of her heart on a whim and of course, he'd taken advantage of it. It was so stupid of her. That conversation still haunted the dark corners of her mind that she had no desire to unearth:
Ottoman Empire didn't speak and her face was hidden shamefully in her hands, so she couldn't even guess his expression. Why?! What was wrong with her?! This was Ottoman Empire for crying out loud and to him, she'd just… he didn't need to know about her life living with Austria! It was none of his business and yet she'd just blurted out all the emotional pain, all her hate conflicting with all her happiness, that she was experiencing since she'd left his house. She was such a fool…
"He's such a fool, isn't he?"
Hungary's mental berating paused and she lifted her head away from her hands, but only just enough to see them in the dim lighting, and she didn't dare raise her head. Did Ottoman say 'he'? Who he? Was he referring to Austria?
"He's changed you a lot too." There was an odd note in his voice that she couldn't quite label, "The Hungary that I knew before 1526 was a brutal, headstrong, and vicious little brat, and he's trapped you into a role that you had never fit into. That Hungary would never have broken down into hysterics like this; she'd have confronted the problem head on with her sword and sheer force of nerve. It's absolutely despicable seeing someone like that become someone like this."
That… that wasn't true! Austria didn't do that! She'd changed of her own free will to accommodate for her new situation! Well, okay, yes, Austria had corrected her on a couple things, but it was to help her get used to the fact that she was a female, and thus there were certain things that she shouldn't do. But again, that wasn't Austria, that was her! It was all her… But… what Ottoman Empire said about what she would have done before she became a girl… was also true…
Hungary heard the soft rustling of fabric and knew the Ottoman Empire was coming closer. However, when she sat up straight from her keeled-over position, she did not expect to find his large arms wrapping around her and ensnaring her in his embrace and she froze in terror. This was not the first time she'd been hugged as a girl or even by a grown man. Spain had been very fond of just hugging her straight out of the blue whenever he came by, especially when Austria was nearby, but it was always meant to be friendly and playful. This one by Ottoman Empire was something wholly more intimate and unexpected. She didn't know how to react.
"You don't have to let him keep controlling your feelings like this, Hungary," he'd whispered, "You can end this pain by eliminating the source of your troubles." Hungary would have liked to retort that he was also a source of her troubles, but he just kept right on talking. "Austria can be subdued, Hungary, and once he is, then he can no longer control you and you can be free from what ails you."
"Tsk. As if I could take on Austria all by myself even if I wanted to," Hungary said with disdain and forcefully pulled herself away from Ottoman Empire to glare at him. "I'm not stupid, I saw what happened to Bohemia when she got uppity with Austria and threw those guys of his out the window because of the religious question. That little stunt she pulled brought most of Europe into the Thirty Years' War and she was viciously suppressed very early on in the war as well. And don't tell me that you can do it either. You already tried and failed to take his capital in 1529, or did you forget?"
The mask made it difficult to tell, but she thought his mouth was thinner than usual as he stood up and said, "No, Hungary, I haven't forgotten. But this will be different. This time, you aren't in chaos over your gender identity or a question of succession. You are of solid mind and you know exactly what you want: to stop Austria from trying to limit your religious freedom, there's nothing wrong with that. Many of your people are already in rebellion against Austria; giving them your support will only increase your chances of success. And I will provide extra military support for your decision, of course."
It instantly ticked her off that he already assumed she was going to join in the rebellion and fight against Austria, but despite that, her heart did ache all too often these days and for seemingly no reason, except that it was definitely Austria's fault. "You're sure that… this pain will go away if I do? That my mind will no longer be troubled by these confusing feelings?"
"I assure you by my name as the Ottoman Empire," he promised as he removed the huge (but pretty cool-looking) hat from his head and gave her a sweeping bow.
What a fool she'd been. He'd only used her and her rebellion as a pretext for his Grand Vizier to send word to the Sultan for the Ottoman Army to 'aid' her and once again, make an attempt for the capture of Vienna. She hadn't seen Austria at all during her rebellion and didn't know whether he was fighting or not, and she certainly hadn't seen him when his capital, his heart, was placed under siege for the second time by the Ottoman Empire. All that she knew of what happened within during that two-month siege was all from secondhand sources, the Ottomans and the Viennese who'd survived, and Italy's account of what he'd experienced, child though he was. A desperate situation growing bleaker by the day and yet, they'd refused to give in. Unrelenting, unwavering, a stubborn determination to hold out until the bitter end, truly a frightful situation; that was Austria during that time.
Later, she learned some things from her sorta-adopted son. Italy had complained less about his hunger than usual because he saw that Austria would give him most of his own meager offerings of food while hardly taking anything for himself. They were all suffering. Austria was also more short-tempered than normal, prone to mutterings and talking to himself in a low growl; Italy had never seen him so angry for so long. She didn't know how accurate the last bit Italy had told her was, but he also claimed that there was one time when he heard Austria say, 'When she's here, the world turns upside down and nothing makes sense anymore; there's too much color splashed haphazardly across the canvas. But then when she's gone, she takes the color of the world along with her and the canvas is suddenly empty.'
As Ottoman Empire had promised, before the Great Turkish War was done, the pain was gone from her heart and her mind was no longer troubled by her emotions, though not in the way he'd intended. They had been resolved and given her a happier answer than the one that Ottoman Empire had provided. To put it in Italy's words, she was the color to the canvas that was Austria's soul.
()()()()()()()
31 October, 1986
Mutti wasn't doing good. Mutti was wrong. Kádár didn't want to help Mutti, he wanted to hurt her. Kugelmugel had always believed this. Now he knew it was true. If Kádár really wanted Mutti better, he wouldn't hurt her. Mutti was hurting a lot. He and Mutti missed Vati, but they were still okay. But today was different. Today, Mutti was not okay. It started when Mutti woke up and Kugel had woken up too when he heard her crying, but it was a bad kind. This year, he had gotten to sleep next to Mutti, so he saw that Mutti was more more sad. Her voice was choked and she couldn't seem to breathe and she kept whimpering Vati's name. Kugel was scared. He'd never seen Mutti cry like this. Mutti wasn't supposed to cry. He didn't know what to do.
"Mutti?" he said quietly and touched her arm with one tiny hand.
Mutti looked up and her eyes were full of tears that were still falling very quickly. "Kugel… baby, I'm sorry," she said. She was trying to breathe slowly now. "I woke you up, didn't I?"
"Well, nein Mutti, you did, but Mutti sad," Kugel replied.
"I'm so sorry, Kugel," Mutti repeated as she sat up on her knees and she pulled him into a very tight hug. "Mutti's sorry that she's like this, but it was this day in 1918 that your Vati and I were divorced. What happened to both of us immediately after that was the worst Hell that we'd ever experienced. We were both so very alone and so weak and life was so hopeless that we could see no way out of the darkness that had smothered us. But several years ago... your vater made a promise. He promised that on the anniversary of our divorce, we would never be alone. We would spend it together, all twenty-four hours of it. But… for three out of the past five years, he hasn't been able to keep it, and it's not his fault, but Kugel, your Mutti can't stand it!" Mutti broke off suddenly and hugged him even tighter as she was assaulted by another wave of tears, getting his shoulder wet, and several shudders convulsed down her body. When she was breathing a bit more normal, she continued, "Every…! Every year without him, your Mutti remembers all that ruined our marriage… broke apart our family… and ruined our lives. It's still too soon… too soon for the pain to have eased. It hasn't even been a whole century yet, and it was far too much. Far too much!"
Kugel hugged his mother back, but still felt awkward. He didn't know how to stop Mutti crying. "It be okay soon, Mutti," he said, "Next January soon. Please be okay, Mutti."
"Thank you, Kugel. Thank you," she said breathlessly, but she still did not let go for a long time.
Hungary could not function for the entire day, though she made her best effort for her son's sake, just as she'd done the other two years that she'd been alone on this day. She didn't think of herself as a dependent woman, but when it came to this day, she simply could not go through it without Austria being nearby, not anymore. In the first half of the century, there had simply been too many other, much more immediate, horrible things going on that she'd had to deal with and suffer through; but those years had since passed her and they seemed to be coming to a close as they reached ever closer to the end of this bloody century.
She was scarred both emotionally and physically, both of which she knew were obvious to Austria; he'd been similarly scarred. They had both discovered these new scars on their bodies when they'd resumed their sexual intimacy with each other. There were so many, they were practically marred, but that first time, just as he always did whenever they picked up their old relationship after the last time they'd bitterly fought each other, Austria would always kiss those new scars he found on her, whether he was the cause of them or not, no matter how ugly or jagged.
But he wasn't here now, and her mental-emotional scars were just as real as the physical ones, and it would take quite a while yet before she was completely recovered, perhaps. Maybe in a century or two, she could look back on the… the whole century almost, as nothing more than an awful memory in her past. One not to be forgotten, but one that would no longer plague her everyday life with the potential threat of collapsing her into the hysteria of those destructive, war-ravaged decades. For now, the only comfort she had, apart from the blessed distracting nature of caring for her son, was in the warmth of the simple silver band of metal that she wore on a chain around her neck, Austria's wedding ring. He had hers, they'd exchanged them upon their divorce, taking a token piece of the other before they didn't see each other again for at least several years, and the fact that his was so warm, meant that he was holding tightly onto hers. Yes, he needed that support as much as she did. Austria couldn't get through this day alone any better than she could, and that at least warmed her heart to know that he cared so much.
"Mutti, Vati here?" Kugel asked suddenly.
Hungary looked startled and quite rightly so. "No, cicám, he's not. We can't see him this year, remember?" She quickly reached for his wedding band and squeezed it tightly. If only…
"I know, but I felt him," Kugel insisted, though he himself looked rather unsure. "I felt Vati standing there and it was like he hugged me and whispered, 'I'll be home soon.' Except, he not stand there. It was like a wind spirit touching softly, but, but, not enough to have strong feel, but felt good and warm."
Hungary looked thoughtful as she gazed at her son. It was a possibility. If Austria was actually touching the land/structure/thing that Kugel represented, then Kugelmugel would feel it, but that may be too great an assumption. She didn't want to get her son's hopes up if they weren't true. "Maybe it was, sweetie. Maybe it was."
(1) Der Feber (Austrian German) – February
(2) Der Jänner (Austrian German) – January
UM! I was in a super AusHun-shippy mode when I wrote this and UH! It was an excuse to talk about the Ottoman-Habsburg rivalry (and get to say that Austria and Turkey were fighting over Hungary! *has no shame*) that I've been reading about in a book that I got that not only talks about the Siege of Vienna of 1683, but the events leading up to it, starting with the arrival of the Turks into Europe! And that was only in the Prologue! ! ! XDD
Hm. I do like Turkey a lot, he's a pretty cool guy, but I'm not sure if the way I handled him was quite satisfactory for people who don't know what I was thinking and trying to do. I did not change Turkey's character; however, Turkey has been presented with a situation in which he can take advantage of to further his own goals in Europe and Austria has been standing in his way for over 150 years (so he doesn't like him all that much), but he may finally be able to remove him from the picture, hence why his character may seem a little too stern in this chapter.
I like mentioning Bohemia throwing people out the window (Defenestration of Prague)! :D I have way too much saying that! I acutally don't know if I've mentioned that on anything I've already posted, but I've been working on a fic focusing on Prussia from approximately 1525 to 1701, and so I've already got to finish touching upon the Thirty Years' War in that one (and now I'm stuck on how to advance the section on the Great Elector).
Since most of Hungary was under Ottoman rule since 1529, and Austria only got a tiny piece, I don't think it would be really fair to say that Hungary lived entirely with Austria during those years, so that's where I get my 1:2 month ratio. So… I hope I didn't make it too vague, I tried to use Italy to help out with that, but Austria and Hungary love each other before 1681, and they just don't realize it, so they're frustrated, they argue, their improperly-placed emotions get the best of them and bam! We have rebellion! (or at least this time around) However, as Hungary implied (hopefully not too vaguely?), they did finally resolve the question of their feelings and figure out that they loved each other before the end of the Great Turkish War. Go Austria! Oh! Fun fact! That war was the first time that Russia had ever formally joined an alliance of European powers (must have been a very exciting time for him :D).
So because I'm evil, I had Hungary going through all that (I based that entire scene off of memories I have of when I was younger and my own mom just lost it emotionally), but now my evilness is drained out (as well as my energy) and I MAY be able to post the next (last?) actual chapter tomorrow (today?! o.o)
