A/N: Hope all of you are having a wonderful start to 2015! I know I certainly am, and part of it definitely was writing this chapter.
Note: I'm pretty sure the romantic bits of this chapter count as T, but tell me if it needs to be toned down/changed to M. hehe.
They fell onto the bed attached by hand, arm, and leg, half a swiped bottle of sake in them. The rush of sake mixed with the drop made Kuvira feel light as a feather, and Baatar was looking cuter and more desirable than she thought whenever she stole a glance at him during work hours. They had just secured Omashu, formally uniting just over half the Earth Kingdom. Everyone else was elsewhere in the train, and Kuvira assumed no one would've noticed her and Baatar sneak out.
They kissed, cheeks red and alcohol on their breath.
"I love you, Kuvira," Baatar said as their lips pulled apart.
She wrestled herself on top of him. "I love you too."
She kissed him and rolled off, back so they were both on their side face to face. "You were subhuman out there in Omashu today. Taking out that entire band of bandits yourself. I almost wish I could've seen it, just so I'd know what I'm imagining now is accurate."
Kuvira grinned. "And what would that mean?"
She'd left all the metal on her uniform on floor of their room, and brought a band up to them, securing Baatar's right hand to the headboard. He chuckled. "Not exactly what I was thinking…" He knocked his wrist against the binding. "Actually, I was going to say that my version of what happened involved a bit less metal. A few less straight lines and more curves."
She pulled the band off and sent it back with the rest of her uniform. "I'm going to need more explanation for this design of yours."
They smiled as he pulled off the outer layer of her uniform, leaving her in her pants and a tank top, ruffled to reveal a fair amount of her bra and cleavage. She helped him pull off the outer layer of his own uniform, leaving him in a similar getup. Lips met again, and she relished how much warmer he became as she wrapped her arms around him. He was getting stronger by the day as well; even if he was just the brains, he still didn't want to be physically inferior to everyone else working the campaign, or as everyone would say, be able to lose a fight with Varrick.
Mouths opened, he teased tongue, but never fully plunged in, interchanged with Baatar placing kisses up and down her neck, onto the tops of her breasts, her collarbone, wherever he saw fit. If he passed over a bruise, he'd kiss it tenderly before moving on. When she felt she was getting too passive, she flipped them over, straddled him tight and kissed every spot she knew he loved.
"Okay, okay, that's enough credit to me," Baatar said as he flipped her back under him, holding her wrists down onto the mattress. He held her with more strength than usual, as if making the point that he really wanted her to stay. Brain soaked in sake, it was more hot than irksome. "I believe the Great Uniter deserves unparalleled reward tonight for her service to our kingdom."
She laughed. "You're still terrible at dirty talk."
He leaned over and kissed her. "Good thing I won't be talking for a while then."
He held onto her wrists for as long as he could while still moving deeper into the sheets, but when he couldn't hold her arms down, he had her pinned for entirely different reasons.
Kuvira awoke still simmering in the same heat and pleasure she'd experienced in that memory, but sleepiness was a poor substitute for alcohol, and her mind was as sharp as ever in this prison.
Yes, she was still in prison, that night with Baatar was nothing more than a memory, and the sensations she'd just given herself with a phantom hand were nothing compared to that memory. For starters, there was no love now. The best she could manage was embarrassment as she flipped onto her other side, facing away from that damn mirror and wiped her hand onto the side of her mattress.
The worst part was that this wasn't even the first time this had happened. While guilt and dread filled the cusps between being awake and asleep, the space between dreaming and being awake was plagued by desire and sexual frustration. She almost dreaded the day that the guilt passed and the frustration would be all that was left for her in this prison.
The lights were never dimmed enough to where she couldn't read, so she picked up the history book she'd been working through. If anyone could cool her down, it'd be plunging back into the story of Chin the Conqueror. Korra had joked around with her during their last meeting, challenging her to find a worse dictator than her taking in all her smaller faults, like a supposed "superego" and "how she nearly shot a nine-year-old for making faces in the Colossus's windows" (as if the airbender brat wasn't a logical, legitimate hindrance).
She managed to get through five pages before tossing the book aside, pulling the blanket up over her head, and attempting to fall back asleep again.
"So, was the Chin the Conqueror worse than you?" Korra asked at their next meeting.
Kuvira focused on the book between them. "There were a fair amount of similarities."
"Like what?"
"When did you become my teacher?"
"You're the one who asked me how move on from your war crimes. The first step is acceptance. You told me in the Spirit World that you never wanted it to get so out of hand, but I don't know if you realize just how out of hand everything got. Maybe seeing your fall mirrored in someone else will help."
Kuvira paused, running her thumb over the pages. "He rose from an Earth Kingdom dissatisfied with the monarchy. He amassed an army, conquered nearly all of the Earth Kingdom, tried to have the Avatar submit to his rule, and died as a result."
Korra pulled the book out of Kuvira's sphere of touch. "But, when he faced Avatar Kyoshi, he saved the lives of his soldiers and fought her one-on-one. Just like you did."
"I knew you were weak, and I'm only lucky you were still having problems or I would've been a stain in the earth."
"Yes, you both miscalculated, were a bit too pompous, but there's one huge difference—"
"Yeah, he was fighting one of the most ruthless Avatars in history and I got you."
"No, you stood down. You surrendered. Chin the Conqueror died thinking what he was doing was right. You didn't. So yes, you two shared a lot—your drive, the opportunity, the needs of the people, and most of all, your integrity."
"What's shreds of integrity for a dictator?"
Korra smiled. "Slow down, Great Uniter. I'm still trying to get you to see the flakes of good in the bad. Talking about whether it really made a difference and fully accepting what you did is for another time." Korra flipped to a different page in the book. "You are so lucky I wasn't connected to Avatar Kyoshi when I fought you. I mean, look what she did to Chin the Conqueror, and he didn't even make a spirit weapon or form work camps. The wisdom she would've passed on, or worse: Katara told me about how previous Avatars could take possession of the current Avatar, and how Kyoshi did it. From what I understand about her, she all but bathed in her enemies' blood. Can you imagine that? Waking up and I'm covered in your blood?"
Kuvira had no idea if Korra was just trying to get a reaction out of her or if this was some perverted self-reflection tactic. All she knew was that Korra's talk about bathing in Kuvira's blood was making her queasy, the way she felt when she thought too long about how damn close she had been to being crushed under a boulder during the Battle of Zaofu.
"Thank you, Korra," Kuvira said.
Korra broke out a mischievous smile. "Also, didn't you crush her metal of honor? Oh, you really ought to thank Unalaq for destroying that connection. You would be a literal bloody pulp if not…"
"What are you trying to accomplish with this tangent?"
"That you have a dangerous cocky side that I hope you address before getting out of prison."
"I know and understand the power you possess. We went over this in the Spirit World."
"But have you fully processed it since? Don't tell me you haven't lied awake thinking if you had done something different that you would've won."
She looked Korra right in the eye. "I haven't. The last time I thought about what I could've done differently was when I stumbled across the weapon in the Spirit Wilds. I've accepted your power since."
Korra flipped through the book without even looking at it. "And I hate to say it, but even as one of the best metalbenders in the world, there will be people besides me that you can't underestimate. Humility goes hand-in-hand with acceptance of past mistakes and failures."
"No need to be going so quick. I have thirty years before I'm thrown back into society."
"I just want you to be as peaceful as you can in here. We can do whatever you want in here."
Korra paused, and for the first time, it occurred to Kuvira that she had never explicitly said that her suicide attempt hadn't been real. She looked down at her wrists, the bandages off, still red, but growing pinker by the day.
"Don't call me the Great Uniter," Kuvira finally said. "Ever."
"Deal."
Korra flipped through a few more pages and sent a blast of air through it, as if it'd lead her right to a new and interesting section. In the process, Korra blew Kuvira's unopened letter from Baatar right out from where she'd stuffed it in the text. Kuvira jumped back out of her seat, caught the letter, and landed back in her chair, stabilizing it with one swift foot movement.
"You keep letters in books?" Korra asked.
She set the letter on the table, her hand covering it. "I haven't felt the need to read it."
Korra glanced down. "It's from Baatar."
"What's the point of reading it if it'll only solidify that I have no loved ones or a future outside this room?"
"You don't know that's what he'll say. The fact that he wrote a letter means he's already a step ahead of Su. I know he loved you."
"Key word loved. What idiot would love someone after they attempted to murder them?"
Korra raised a brow. "The same idiot who thought I could physically separate you two for the rest of my life?"
Kuvira slid the letter over to Korra, slamming into her. "Just take it. Baatar is best dead to me."
Korra moved the letter back in the middle of the table, looking into Kuvira's eyes. "You loved him, and you're preparing for the worst, but is it really going to be worth it to live life wondering what he wrote? He's your fiancé, and he may need your comfort as much as you crave his."
Kuvira snorted. "Like he needs my comfort when he has his mommy and daddy and siblings. Confirm my suspicions; tell me he's not in prison right now, that he's back in Su's house with emotionally ambiguous looks from his siblings and gourmet food from Su's chef."
"I don't know where he is. If he is in prison, it's nowhere they've told me."
The prison door opened, Lin at the opening. "Come on, Korra. You've been in there long enough."
Korra nodded towards Lin, pushed the letter towards Kuvira, and walked out saying, "Consider it."
Once the door shut, Kuvira pulled the letter towards her.
Kuvira,
I don't know when the guards will be letting you read this, but I want you to know that I've wanted to talk to you for a while. Mother's Mother, and got me out of any prison sentence. President Raiko, Lin, and everyone besides Mother tried to get her off of it, but they agreed upon a different sentence where I'd be commissioned to help repair Republic City as a means of community service while on house arrest in Zaofu. Knowing you're rotting in a cell somewhere, where they won't even let me visit you to talk to you in person, I can hardly sleep I'm so mad and ashamed. If I could have anything right now, I'd be in a jail cell next to you, serving the same punishment for the crimes we committed together.
I don't know what you've come to realize regarding our campaign, particularly our "wedding present," but it's been a hard couple months. I'm still not sure I'm ready to write about what happened between us in Republic City, but I will say this much:
Having you choose the Earth Empire over me broke my heart, and none of the physical recovery even held a candle to the pain that choice brought me. I'm still aching, hardly able to sleep, and as much as I want to deny it, that pain doesn't come from a place of anger, but love.
Kuvira, I still love you. I still think about you every day, and every time I see a guard or a dance performance, I think about the wedding that will never happen.
I'm sorry, Kuv. It's taken a long time, and a lot of putting my feelings aside, but I know nothing will change that will allow our relationship to happen. Mother has given me an opportunity to rebuild my life, and we can do nothing short of uprooting our lives and living in the swamp in exile for us to ever be together. If I know one thing about you, it's that you value logic over emotion. Surely, you can understand my logic, and I wouldn't even be surprised if you've come to the same conclusion. At the very least, so long as Mother keeps me trapped in Zaofu (I believe this glorified house arrest is supposed to last as long as your own sentence, and a mother's prison lasts a lifetime), we cannot be together.
I have your engagement ring with me, and I can ask to have it cleared so it can be returned to you. I know it won't have the sentimental value of what it once meant, but it's still valuable, and your property. Just write back and tell me what you think.
If you don't mind, I'd like to maintain correspondence with you. Even if we cannot be fiancees, or even romantically involved, I still consider you my closest friend and someone I care very deeply for. I hope prison is treating you well; I know you'll rise above, like you have with everything.
Don't forget to keep dancing.
Best,
Baatar
She read the letter once, crumpled it up, and threw it across the room. No need to read it more than once. Baatar had been as clear as ever, and even his subtext was obvious: Su had babied him, gotten him a community service sentence while she rotted in prison; Baatar was struggling, but his siblings were beginning to forgive him, otherwise he would've never relinquished his love connection with her; Baatar was still hurt by what had happened, and with reason; and that pain and the situation on paper was getting to him, and what idiot would forgive his psychotic ex-fiancee who had sacrificed his life?
She could imagine Baatar had heard it a million times, that he deserved better, that Kuvira was a monster, that they could find her a better girl in five minutes, one like Kuvira back before the Great Uniter fiasco.
She didn't cry, and promised herself she wouldn't. Instead, she pulled out one of those felt tip pens and a piece of paper and wrote:
Dearest Baatar,
You can keep my engagement ring, and I'd prefer if you we don't have a correspondence until I can fully digest what you wrote. I'm glad to hear you're doing okay. I'm okay, and I'll tell you when I'm ready.
Will do.
Best,
Kuvira
A lump grew in her throat as she crumpled up that letter, pulled out another piece of paper, and wrote:
Baatar,
If Mother has gotten you such a lenient sentence, the least you could do is come here and end our engagement in person.
Kuvira
She crumpled up that one and started again.
Baatar,
I love you too. I think about you every day. I would do anything to keep our love alive. The distance and time doesn't have to destroy us. Zaofu is as much a prison as where I am. I'm willing to wait thirty years if you are.
Love,
Kuvira
Tears burned in her eyes as she ripped that one to shreds. Her vision blurred through the tears, and she slammed her pen down, cleared the table of all her paper and crumpled up letters. She jumped out of her seat, put her hands on the top of the chair as if to throw it, but did no more than squeeze the wood until her knuckles popped.
Logic? You're really breaking up with me because of logic?
There was no logic in prison. There was no logic in regret, in redemption. This room was nothing but a cesspool of emotion and the sloppy actions that came from those drinking and drowning in those foolhardy decisions. The cuts on her scalp and wrists said it all. She dropped to the floor, knees to the wood, crumpled into the same sloppy ball as her letters around her. Her face shielded by arms, she let it all go and cried. She cried the way she'd cried after killing that bandit, the way she cried when she first arrived in that wood cage. She cried herself hoarse, until her eyes were red and dry and her shirtsleeves were soaked.
She only cried harder when she felt warmth engulf her, felt arms wrap around her. She looked up at Korra through the burning eyes. They made eye contact for an instant, and Kuvira didn't pull away and Korra didn't smile. She just secured Kuvira in the embrace, so close that she could feel Korra's chest rise and fall.
Unlike in the Spirit World, Kuvira didn't pull away.
#
It was after a dance practice. A hard practice that left Kuvira catching her breath and sweaty, but there was Baatar, sitting meekly in the corner, a towel in his hands. He smiled as she approached and tossed her the towel.
"You look upset. Everything okay?" Kuvira asked as she dried off best she could.
Baatar sighed. "I've been working on this design for the domes, but Father put me down before I could even show him the initial drawings."
She put a hand on his shoulder. "Let's go outside, and you can show me what you've got."
They walked out to Su's meteorite collection. Kuvira stopped in front of the biggest rock in the set.
"What've you got, Beifong?"
Baatar unraveled his design and showed it to Kuvira. "What didn't your dad like?"
As Baatar explained all the nitpicks his dad had with the design, Kuvira bent the meteorite to resemble the design in 3D. In a typical Baatar fashion, he didn't realize what Kuvira had done until after he'd stopped talking and she elbowed him.
"This about it?" Kuvira asked.
Baatar smiled. "Exactly what I was thinking."
Kuvira smiled back. "Take it from the captain of Su's guard: these would be monumentally helpful for security purposes. They cover more vulnerabilities than what we have now."
Baatar's eyes sparkled. "You mean it?"
"You are overflowing with potential and your father is a fool not to see it."
He looked into her eyes, a shy smile playing on his lips. "I forgot to tell you that you looked great out there today."
She blushed a little. "Thanks."
Their hands brushed, and they walked back inside together.
A/N: *prepares for the onslaught of unhappy Baavira shippers* I'm sorry guys, but I think it had to be done. But, don't worry - this won't be the last time we hear from Baatar, I don't think. Nor will Kuvira remain an emotional mess forever. :)
So, if you feel up to it, drop me a comment. I love hearing from you guys, and it's seemed more often than not, your comments have changed this story's course.
