I've had a peculiar thought flooding my mind lately, I think about it whenever I get to a quiet place, by myself. And, not to be depressing or anything, I don't know if I am. I'd rather not talk about it with anyone, I don't like it when people know what I'm thinking about, it's too personal. And maybe it's part of what I'm going through right now, but I've always been known to be a strong individual, both physically and mentally, I don't think about changing my ways, I have a strong sense of self I think, I can decipher what's right and wrong for me. I have all that, and more when I think about it, I'm smart, I could get into any university and I'll be a shoe in because of my grades, and I want to do something interesting, like softwear engineering, you know, build the first sentient robot or something similar. But to be perfectly honest with myself, if I were to die somehow, for example, a serious illness, or a car accident, I... Wouldn't mind it at all. I don't think of it as a scary thought, the thought comes to me calmly, I'll seriously and wholeheartedly be fine with just dying somehow. It dosent mean that I'll do something about it. I'm not suicidal. I wouldn't harm myself deliberately, that's just a waste of my time and effort I think. Plus I feel like it would make me look crazy, and get blamed or inflict blame on others around me, everyone would think that it was because I was harrased at school, or that it's because my dad wasn't there for me. And I honestly don't want that. The ideal is a quiet, and clam death, nobody is going to blame me, no one will feel guilty and no one will know about this thought. Simple.
I zoned out again, watching my ceiling as if there could be something interesting going on there, it has been two more days, the time is four in the morning, it's always so cold right before the sun comes out, kinda poetic, and cheesy. I let out a sigh, I can't sleep anymore I guess. I'm not even hungry. Maybe I'll go to school tomorrow? I do have a test, it'd be bad if I skipped it. I need to keep my grades up. This sucks.
I've decided that for the time being I'll go over the material, I've got three more hours of nothing before I'll need to get ready, at least I'm doing something. Everything went by in a blur, the ride to school, the rumors, the teachers, the test, and here I was again, sitting and smoking on the roof. I got a message from my phone, it snapped me back to the present, I shook my head and fished it out of my pocket. I snorted with a mocking expression.
'Bruce Wayne.' he actually went and did it, I can't believe how much balls he has, or how much he isn't aware of himself. I opened the message.
'where are you? I heared you're at school.'
I scoffed again, and told him that I'm on the roof, and he shouldn't bother me. And then I heared the door creak.
"oh, Kurosaki Ichigo, I haven't seen you here in a good while." a cheeky smile greeted me.
A chuckle pulled on my belly "what's with the formal speech?"
She rolled her eyes as she sat next to me "oh, you know, getting ready to be a proper lady and such. Lend me a cigarette?"
Handing her the pack and leaned back to better look at her "what happened?"
She hurriedly lighted the stick, and inhaled deeply, she must have hoped I'd be here since she's out of smokes, she must have been smoking more than the usual. The smoke was pushed out of her lungs with a huff "my brother hadn't been in the best of moods lately." she swallowed her spit "and he's been keeping himself busy by keeping me in check."
"why has his mood gone sour?"
She huffed, but before she could answer, we heared the door creak again. We both tensed visibly, this is very, very bad.
"I am not bothering you!" Came in the annoyed blue eyes of the star running back. He looked to me, and then to Rukia, my eyes wend wide as I glanced at Rukia, and her eyes which already have been big, were as wide as dinner plates. This is worse.
"Kuchiki? Are you guys friends?" he asked me.
Rukia stood up quietly and stepped closer to the tall, wild blue haired guy that was taller than her by two heads. She grabbed the front of his shirt and looked him dead in his confused blue eyes.
"do you value your life, Jeagerjaquez?"
He scowled "what?"
"you didn't see me here, got it? What happened here, didn't actually happen. Cause if you'll tell, I'll know. I know everything in this school, so I'm warning you only once. Got it?"
He looked so confused, he dumbly nodded.
Then the raven haired girl turned to me "you told him to get up here?"
"what? No! I just told him where I am." I quickly defended.
Rukia scowled in disbelief "why, are you his boyfriend or somthing?" she asked Jeagerjaquez, who in turn, turned into a blushing, and stuttering mess.
"n-no!"
and there I saw it, that little glint of evil in her eyes, and she was pretty upset before, I could only pray that the idiot will live through this, her smile turned wicked as she leered. "Grimmjow Jeagerjaquez, are you catching feelings for Ichigo? Were you worried about him? Were you about to go and defend his honor against some guy again? What do you think you are? Do you have a hero complex? Or are you just so bored with your life that you decided to take on Ichigo's?"
Blue eyes burned, I can understand why, no one really knows the true face of Rukia Kuchiki, and I guess that if you did, you will not speak of it if you know what's good for you. I couldn't let the poor guy handle her all on her own, he looked too pathetic and shocked. I stood up and got in between them.
"Rukia, he won't rat you out, don't worry."
Those big dark eyes narrowed at me "how do you know?"
I sighed, I shouldn't take this lightly, Rukia seems as serious as a heart beat, she really is scared that her family would somehow find out. What the fuck is going on in her house? I turned my gaze to Jeagerjaquez and he nodded in understanding.
"I can keep a secret. I don't know why you want me to, but I get that you wouldn't want me knowing either."
Rukia scoffed, and folded her arms on her chest without saying much else. I could tell she had her doubts, but she's going to hold on to his word, and probably get back at him if anything happens. She's very careful, extremely even. Grimmjow was holding her gaze, he is so tall, it's kind of amusing seeing them stand next to each other.
"did you want something Jeagerjaquez?" I huff, scratching my head and suddenly feeling extremely tired.
He blinked and focused his eyes on me, he licked his lips, preparing to say something but then he glanced at Rukia "uh, I wanted to invite you to our game tomorrow. It's supposed to big. The team we're playing against went to nationals last year so... Kuchiki, come too!" he included her and she lost the attitude for a second and looked interested.
I was about to decline politely but before I could open my mouth Rukia piped "I've never been to a football game before. Is it fun?"
Jeagerjaquez was a little taken aback by the statement, but didn't say anything about it. Instead he smiled brightly and nodded "yeah, there's food, and cheering and you'll probably get to see me get tackled to the ground a lot." he shrugged.
I snorted "you suck that much?"
Blue eyes were not affected by my words in the least and he puffed out his chest with a cheeky smile "actually, I'm pretty fucking good." he proudly stated.
I honestly don't know much about football but he looked sure of himself. Rukia grabbed my arm and beamed "we'll go!"
Jeagerjaquez's smile reached his eyes "awesome. It starts at eight." and left.
I felt stressed, the whole school will probably be there. I don't know if I could do that.
I zoned out again, watching my ceiling as if there could be something interesting going on there, it has been two more days, the time is four in the morning, it's always so cold right before the sun comes out, kinda poetic, and cheesy. I let out a sigh, I can't sleep anymore I guess. I'm not even hungry. Maybe I'll go to school tomorrow? I do have a test, it'd be bad if I skipped it. I need to keep my grades up. This sucks.
I've decided that for the time being I'll go over the material, I've got three more hours of nothing before I'll need to get ready, at least I'm doing something. Everything went by in a blur, the ride to school, the rumors, the teachers, the test, and here I was again, sitting and smoking on the roof. I got a message from my phone, it snapped me back to the present, I shook my head and fished it out of my pocket. I snorted with a mocking expression.
'Bruce Wayne.' he actually went and did it, I can't believe how much balls he has, or how much he isn't aware of himself. I opened the message.
'where are you? I heared you're at school.'
I scoffed again, and told him that I'm on the roof, and he shouldn't bother me. And then I heared the door creak.
"oh, Kurosaki Ichigo, I haven't seen you here in a good while." a cheeky smile greeted me.
A chuckle pulled on my belly "what's with the formal speech?"
She rolled her eyes as she sat next to me "oh, you know, getting ready to be a proper lady and such. Lend me a cigarette?"
Handing her the pack and leaned back to better look at her "what happened?"
She hurriedly lighted the stick, and inhaled deeply, she must have hoped I'd be here since she's out of smokes, she must have been smoking more than the usual. The smoke was pushed out of her lungs with a huff "my brother hadn't been in the best of moods lately." she swallowed her spit "and he's been keeping himself busy by keeping me in check."
"why has his mood gone sour?"
She huffed, but before she could answer, we heared the door creak again. We both tensed visibly, this is very, very bad.
"I am not bothering you!" Came in the annoyed blue eyes of the star running back. He looked to me, and then to Rukia, my eyes wend wide as I glanced at Rukia, and her eyes which already have been big, were as wide as dinner plates. This is worse.
"Kuchiki? Are you guys friends?" he asked me.
Rukia stood up quietly and stepped closer to the tall, wild blue haired guy that was taller than her by two heads. She grabbed the front of his shirt and looked him dead in his confused blue eyes.
"do you value your life, Jeagerjaquez?"
He scowled "what?"
"you didn't see me here, got it? What happened here, didn't actually happen. Cause if you'll tell, I'll know. I know everything in this school, so I'm warning you only once. Got it?"
He looked so confused, he dumbly nodded.
Then the raven haired girl turned to me "you told him to get up here?"
"what? No! I just told him where I am." I quickly defended.
Rukia scowled in disbelief "why, are you his boyfriend or somthing?" she asked Jeagerjaquez, who in turn, turned into a blushing, and stuttering mess.
"n-no!"
and there I saw it, that little glint of evil in her eyes, and she was pretty upset before, I could only pray that the idiot will live through this, her smile turned wicked as she leered. "Grimmjow Jeagerjaquez, are you catching feelings for Ichigo? Were you worried about him? Were you about to go and defend his honor against some guy again? What do you think you are? Do you have a hero complex? Or are you just so bored with your life that you decided to take on Ichigo's?"
Blue eyes burned, I can understand why, no one really knows the true face of Rukia Kuchiki, and I guess that if you did, you will not speak of it if you know what's good for you. I couldn't let the poor guy handle her all on her own, he looked too pathetic and shocked. I stood up and got in between them.
"Rukia, he won't rat you out, don't worry."
Those big dark eyes narrowed at me "how do you know?"
I sighed, I shouldn't take this lightly, Rukia seems as serious as a heart beat, she really is scared that her family would somehow find out. What the fuck is going on in her house? I turned my gaze to Jeagerjaquez and he nodded in understanding.
"I can keep a secret. I don't know why you want me to, but I get that you wouldn't want me knowing either."
Rukia scoffed, and folded her arms on her chest without saying much else. I could tell she had her doubts, but she's going to hold on to his word, and probably get back at him if anything happens. She's very careful, extremely even. Grimmjow was holding her gaze, he is so tall, it's kind of amusing seeing them stand next to each other.
"did you want something Jeagerjaquez?" I huff, scratching my head and suddenly feeling extremely tired.
He blinked and focused his eyes on me, he licked his lips, preparing to say something but then he glanced at Rukia "uh, I wanted to invite you to our game tomorrow. It's supposed to big. The team we're playing against went to nationals last year so... Kuchiki, come too!" he included her and she lost the attitude for a second and looked interested.
I was about to decline politely but before I could open my mouth Rukia piped "I've never been to a football game before. Is it fun?"
Jeagerjaquez was a little taken aback by the statement, but didn't say anything about it. Instead he smiled brightly and nodded "yeah, there's food, and cheering and you'll probably get to see me get tackled to the ground a lot." he shrugged.
I snorted "you suck that much?"
Blue eyes were not affected by my words in the least and he puffed out his chest with a cheeky smile "actually, I'm pretty fucking good." he proudly stated.
I honestly don't know much about football but he looked sure of himself. Rukia grabbed my arm and beamed "we'll go!"
Jeagerjaquez's smile reached his eyes "awesome. It starts at eight." and left.
I felt stressed, the whole school will probably be there. I don't know if I could do that.
