Chapter 7

Jake decided to drive me home. I still feel self-conscious. I don't want him seeing my apartment. He will hate it. He won't ever want to come here again. I mean the building looks nice. It is the one in the way back for people who only need one bedroom. The building is mostly either single mothers or teenagers who wanted a place who are still minors. But the actual apartment, it is so small and the colors are gross, it is completely weird. Whoever lived here must have been color blind.

"Stop here." I commanded as we reached the last building in front of the alleyway. He got out and headed to the door. I almost laughed because that is exactly what I did when I came to look at the place for the first time. I was so shocked when Jimmy, my landlord, walked to the alleyway.

"Jake." I said as he turned his head to me. I couldn't help but laugh at his confused look.

"What?" He asked with a sweet tone.

"It is this way." I said while walking to the back of the building. He just ran behind me and followed with the same look on his face. He looked even more confused when I headed for the alley, which has all the lights off so anyone could be lurking around back here. Mostly at night all the potheads come and get hits back here where no one can see them. He still had the same look as we passed the cloud of smoke at the end of the alley. When we got to the woods he seemed like he would die before he found out where my building is. When I saw the lights from the building I smiled in relief. I forgot how much I missed my home; I always remember my house with my family when I see my new places. I see my brothers playing football, and my parents talking in the kitchen about bills. And I me, happy and content with my life, but something about today made me miss it even more. But that is all gone, and I will never have that again. I snapped out of my daydream when I walked up the three stairs and pulled out my key to the front door. I stood for a minute waiting for Jake to catch up and turned the key. I walked down the stairs to the basement without looking back to see if Jake made a run for it yet. I stopped in front of my front door and looked back.

"It's not much, but it is home." I warned as I opened the door and stepped aside so he could see. I stopped breathing and kept my eyes shut. I couldn't handle waiting, so I opened my eyes and walked in. He followed and stood in the living room. I took the key from the lock and stood behind him waiting for him to say something, but he only nodded to himself. I know he isn't impressed. I tried to keep an open mind and keep telling myself that maybe he is impressed that I can even have a place of my own.

"I want to go to college, so I looked really hard to find the cheapest place I could. It didn't take much. These places are for teens mostly trying to make a living on their own. I use the money from my lowest pay checks for this place, and my other ones for college." I explained. I really do want to go to college. I just don't think I will be able to hide well enough for Victoria to let me live; she wants to clean the mess she made. She thinks I am going to tell someone soon. But I already have but I can trust them…I hope. I just don't know how well Alice will handle it when she realizes that my Victoria is Bella's Victoria.

"It's nice, but cold." He said, he looked like he was being honest. "Why?" He asked.

"Well, I don't really feel the cold, so I never thought I needed heat, so I don't have heat. I really don't feel the cold, and I sometimes get some heat from upstairs through the air vent." I admitted.

"Oh. Makes sense." He muttered to himself.

"Well, that's the bedroom," I said while pointing to the only door, about ten feet away. "The bathroom is in there, through the second door next to the window. And this is my kitchen and living room." I said sadly.

"He kept his gaze on the bedroom, then he started walking to the room. He went and stopped in front of my bed.

"It looks like it has been weeks since you slept in it." He said with a small laugh.

"No, just a couple of days. I have only been here about a week." I said with a shrug.

"Where do you sleep then?" He asked with a worried tone. "You have no couch."

"I haven't." I said simply with a quick shrug.

"Why?" He asked.

"Well, I don't need to sleep much, so I just set the bed up and when I really need to sleep I do, but only when I need to. Which isn't often." I explained.

"Oh." He said "It's big."

"Yeah, it was my parents, they had gotten it a week before they left and they never used it." I managed to explain while my chest started to hurt and my eyes almost watered.

"Come on." He said while pulling me on the bed. He lied down and I was forced to his side. We just sat there silently.

"Do you have scars all over?" He asked.

"Mostly." I sighed. I hate talking about this. When I told Alice and I saw the pity in her eyes I almost screamed. I don't need pity, I don't need anything. I am fine by myself. I just want to stay Anna and keep to myself, so that I can live in peace and deal with this alone. I am a big girl and a little pain won't hurt me. It isn't anything different.

"Where does it hurt the most, when she bites I mean?" He asked and I can hear the seriousness in his voice.

"My back." I said unwillingly.

"Do they hurt when you touch them?" He asked while his hand was on the small of my back. I finally realized that I haven't been breathing. I sucked in one big breath and I finally smelt him. He has an amazing smell that I have never smelled before.

"No, only the new ones and it only lasts a couple of days. The other ones are only numb." I explained.

"Where was your first one?" He asked with a hint of anger in his voice. I knew he is speaking through clenched teeth.

"I don't remember." I said nervously.

"Please don't leave." He begged.

"I won't be the girl you imprinted on. I will just be a stranger in your life, and you will always be in danger and so will the tribe and Forks. I would rather cause pain then death." I admitted. "And I will never be able to give you a family and you will never be a dad, I can tell that is something you want. Something you think you might enjoy."

"Yes, will be the girl I imprinted on. You'll just be colder and have a different diet, but you can do what the Cullens do, you can hunt animals, and a family is not something that is needed for me. It would be nice but I can deal. I will give anything for. And if that is something we want then we can adopt." He said with a laugh.

"But I will have one major trait…thirsty. And I will be a newborn I don't know if I can control myself." I said with a shrug, trying to make me leaving seem easy.

"I don't know what I will do though, the pull you have on me is stronger than any imprint has had. The physical pull is like a knife when I leave. It will take everything I have not to…loose control." He admitted. "What about now?" He said tying to change the subject. I don't get what he is saying, though. I gave him a confused look and he moved his hand in response. He moved my hair out of my face as he made us sit up. He lowered his head to meet my eyes and moved an inch closer. I still am dumb enough not to get it.

"I am not that smart." I said and almost asked.

"Your not blood thirsty now." He said with a cheesy grin.

"No, I'm not." I said still confused. "So?"

"Well, it's just…I'm not as controlled as you and well, the pull I just, I just-" before he could finish he kissed me. I tried to push him away. "Sorry, it's just…hard to bear." He admitted.

"I can feel it too." I admitted nervously.

"Can I see your other scars?" He asked.

"I- you really don't-'t want to." I tried not to stutter.

"I do." He admitted with a shy smile.

"Fin-ine." I said reluctantly. I took off my sweatshirt so that I still have my tank top on. I didn't take off any more cloths because that would be too awkward. I felt something hot against my lips. I opened my eyes and saw that Jake is kissing me again, only this time it feels like a need, like he has to, not because he wants to. Tried to pull away but he wouldn't let me. I didn't really want to but I know I have to. I have never trusted my emotions. He put his arms around my waist. I put my arms around his neck subconsciously. I tried to pull away again but with no such luck. I tried to pull harder but he took it the wrong way and only kissed harder. I let my hands drop. I sat there for about a minute before he put my arms around his neck again. I tried for the last time but he wouldn't budge. After ten minutes of me sitting there unresponsive, he finally let go. He looked upset that I tried to pull away. He thought I didn't like it. I did but I can't risk his life for me.

"Sorry." He said embarrassingly.

"It's fine." I said normally. In a way I am glad he did. It was only my 3rd kiss. I was always too scared to even go near a boy I haven't known for years. And when I finally was able to build enough confidence in myself, my family left and Victoria found me. And now something tells me to kiss him again. But before I could even move my head Jake kissed me again . he seems as desperate as I am. I knew though, that this is as far as this can go. I can't give into my needs and Jake's big brown eyes and how they light up when he smiles. Snap out of it! I can't risk anything for one night. No matter how selfish I am. But I can't stop myself. It just feels so right. Like this was meant to be and I needed this to happen. Like, if my family had never left me then I couldn't be here. I need to be here. I need this. I snapped out of my deep thoughts when Jake moved his hand up under my shirts on my upper back.

"Jake, please." I said as I pulled away. I felt all the safety and warmth leave the minute his smile fell.

"What?" he asked innocently.

"Not tonight." I said, not ever. I can't let this happen.

"Why not?" he asked aggressively. It was like there is a dominate part of him and I haven't seen it and if I am not careful, I might let it loose.

"I just met you. I-I don't want to give it up after one night. I don't want to be the slut of the school," I said honestly. "Plus, you're younger and I don't want to be charged with rape." I joked.

"Two things, one, no one will find out, this is between you and me. And second, you're 17 and I am 16, not much of a difference." He said with a grin.

"Still, your 16…forever." I explained and I realized I just put my foot in my mouth.

"You will have to stay 18 too." He said sadly, but he still had the aggression in his voice.

"I am not ready." I changed the subject.

"I know…but I am." He said that with such sincerity that I knew this wasn't him. I could tell that he is usually sweet and innocent. I know the pull is changing him. But as he kissed me again, I could tell he is trying to be a jerk.

"No, you're not." I said while pulling away again.

"Teenage hormones and imprinting is not a good mix for me." He said. I couldn't help but laugh.

"You think I don't have hormons?" I joked.

"Not as bad." He tried to convince me.

"Want a bet?" I said with a frown.

"I lasted longer than Jared. When he imprinted on Kim he didn't even last a day. He brought her home from school and it ended there. And now I am lasting longer." He said proudly. He is acting like it is a game that he is winning.

"Well…." I couldn't think of anything to say.

"I do want a bet actually." He said with a smile.

"Nice try." I said with a laugh.

"One say, I am going to have no control and we will be in public, then you will be in trouble." He said trying to convince me.

"Are you staying the night?" I asked seriously trying to change the subject.

"Yup." He said happily as if he knew something I didn't or he knew something that was going to happen.

"There is a shock." I said with a laugh. I went into the kitchen and went to the small closet outside my bedroom door to get a blanket. As I opened the closet there was a loud banging noise on the door. I jumped and dropped the blanket. I had a clue whom it could be. It could either be Jim, my landlord, or his wife, Jamie. I opened the door to see Jim and he didn't look happy.

"Rent is due." He said quickly and rudely. I forgot I had to pay first months and last months rent. So I ran to the closet and got my box with my financial box with all my receipts and my paychecks. So I pulled out the rent and ran to the door. I gave it to him and he only nodded and still had an angry look on his face.

"Next time bring it to me, at my office, on time." He said angrily. He heard Jake make the floor squeak when he looked to see who it is. He looked like he was going to smack me.

"You know you aren't allowed to have boys here, you have neighbors. No more company or you will be out." He said as he left. I saw Jamie walk past him and whisper that she was going to do laundry. She stopped at my door.

"Just ignore him, he is just angry because of the upstairs residents. Just make sure no one hears you…if you do anything. You have freedom here…enjoy it." She said sweetly. "And good pick, he is hot…I always knew a pretty girl like you would have great taste." She joked as she left and went to the trash room. I will never know how a mean and nasty pervert like Jimmy had ever gotten someone so nice and genuine like Jamie. I will never know I guess. When I got back I noticed that Jake lied back down on the bed when Jim left. I grabbed the blanket and put my box back. Jake looked disappointed.

"What?" I asked.

"Why do you let that man control you?" He asked sadly. "You know you can move into my house, well my dad's house." He said happily.

"I like to take care of myself and I just ignore him." I said honestly.

"Where did you get the money for rent, you're only 17." He asked.

"My job, it's from one of my pays." I said with a shrug.

"You have a job?" he asked

"Yeah, 3." I said honestly.

"Oh." He said with a shrug.

"Well since this our only night here, might as well make it memorable." He said while pushing himself on top of me.

"I don't know." I said unsurely.

"You're going to feel the pull sooner or later." He said while raising an eyebrow.

"I-I." I couldn't think of anything to say. If one day I do feel it more than I already do, then that could be dangerous. I wouldn't trust myself. And I wouldn't trust Jake either. It is a 50/50 decision. Jake already has his mind set for tonight. But I am not ready, I always planned on waiting until I am married. But I can never get married. No person in their right mind would marry me.

"What are you thinking?" He asked. He seems impatient. If he even thinks he is getting me in bed then he better act better, Urg, I am loosing my mind.

"Well, I am thinking about how I will feel in the morning." I said semi honestly.

"Sore." He joked. I slapped his arms. He only laughed.

"I mean will I be me? Will I be comfortable with myself while knowing I broke the promise I made to my old family." I realized I am still doing what they want, but something tells me that I am doing what I want. But something else says I am still in the delusion that they made me promise because they cared. Corey, my old brother, always said to do what I want, but Dan, my other brother, said to always wait.

"Why are you still being faithful to them? They screwed you over." Jake said. His words made sense… I don't know why I listen to them. They only manipulated me into thinking they cared. I can't listen to them anymore. They left me to die. Even my friends left me. I only have Harley and Farida. Farida still plans on me coming to visit her, but I can't risk it. She will be hurt. If I try to have friends something happens. It is like it is planned to be ruined.

"Maybe I should change." I said.

"You are too innocent." He teased.

"Oh yeah?" I said as I pushed myself on top of him and kissed him feverishly. He seemed pleased. But what he doesn't know is that he still hasn't won. I will not give it up that easily…at least not now. I'm still not ready. I don't want to ruin his innocence too. I just don't know how long we will last. Maybe it won't be bad if I give in. I need to know if I will be okay with myself in the morning. And what will Alice think? Will she be disappointed in me?

"What's wrong?" Jake asked between kisses. I loved the feeling of his breath on my face.

"I am just thinking." I said as I pulled away. I still can't decided. I knew any normal human would not even think before striping down, but I am different.