Chapter 7

"So that's what it's all been about; you asked him to marry you. He declined and your pride couldn't take it, and you've been a mongering manwhore ever since."

"Not exactly," Harvey said, his voice unsteady.

Seventeen years earlier.

"Louis, I'm sorry, I..."

Harvey trailed off. Louis felt his body and his mind go numb, but he sat waiting almost expectantly for Harvey's next words. Louis ran a hand through his hair, tugging at the too long locks.

"I would have anyway. I wanted to..."

Did he really? Because that did not mean much to Louis at all. "Do you expect me to believe that?" Louis asked. His voice was surprisingly smooth despite that he felt like he was about to throw up.

Harvey reacted at the utter lack of emotion, not even anger, in Louis' voice. He seemed to crumble in on himself, wanting to disappear. "No..." Harvey said quietly, "I don't..."

"At least you had the backbone to tell me yourself," Louis said. He hadn't moved from his chair since Harvey came in. He was glad he hadn't gotten up. Somehow, sitting down made it... easier; his legs were jelly and standing up is just wasn't an option. It also let him appear calm. His apparent calmness unsettled Harvey. Or maybe it wasn't his calmness, but his stillness. "You can leave now." Louis didn't have anything to say to him.

"I'm sorry," Harvey apologised again. "It really wasn't my intention..." Harvey paused and look away.

His heart lurched painfully. Why? Why couldn't Harvey look at him. If it was not his intention, then why did he? Louis didn't say anything, he just arched a brow at Harvey and nod at his door.

Harvey was dismissed.

Harvey's lips set in a thin line of resignation. He gave a nod, then he stood up and walked towards the door. What else could do Louis do but watch Harvey leave? He paused, hand on the door handle. He turn around. Harvey look pale and tired. "I'm really sorry," Harvey said again."I had a great time."

Did he really? Louis was certain Harvey could sense the sarcasm oozing from him, because the older man seem to deflate even more, but Louis couldn't feel sorry for Harvey.

"It was really fun," Harvey said, maybe an attempt to make Louis smile.

It didn't work.

It was fun. Such a pity is wouldn't be remembered like that

Harvey's voice was quiet, almost like a whisper. But Harvey's voice was one of the things Louis loved about him; how he'd whisper, and Louis could still hear him across the room. "Bye." Now it made his stomach hurt.

Harvey looked at him, only for a second. It made him wonder if Harvey wanted Louis to stop him from leaving, or even just accept his apology. But he didn't stop him. He just told him to leave. And Louis wouldn't accept Harvey's apology, because it meant nothing to him. It was like putting a band-aid on a gun-shot wound.

"Harvey -" Louis said.

Harvey turned back with cautious hope shining in his eyes.

"Don't forget that-" he said and pointed at the open velvet box and the ring beside it on the table. It was a battle to keep his voice even.

Harvey seemed to fall to pieces. His hands were shaking as he picked up the box that looked ridiculously small in his hands.

Louis could swear there were tears in his eyes. But if Harvey had hope for forgiveness, Louis hoped he shattered it.

Harvey opened the door. Louis don't say a word. Louis waited until the door slid shut behind him before he stood up. His legs felt odd. His entire body felt odd. Louis walked to the door, but he didn't open it. He walked to the other side of the room, to the window and saw Harvey slowly walking along the path; even from a distance he looked so defeated.

He closed the curtains and undressed. Louis moved slowly; his body felt foreign to him. He wasn't quite sure why, it was an alien sensation. It was the middle of the day, and it was sunny outside, but he was so tired. He crawled into bed, curled up and pulled the covers tightly around himself.

They smelled like Harvey.

He felt something inside of him tore and an odd sensation spread in his body, centring in his chest. Louis twisted fitfully, trying to make the uncomfortable feeling go away. It made his stomach clench and his joins ache. Louis buries his face into his pillow, just wanting it to stop. He breathed in deeply and Harvey's scent soothed his pain.

Why couldn't he cry?


A/N My laptop ius stiull fiucjkedm, as yoiu can see. IUm, not jkiuddiungm, thius ius how iut types now. IUve been typiung stiuff iup on m,y tabletm, whoch ius a paiunm, biut at least iuts som,ethiung. IUf yoiu bothered to read thiusm, yoiu are a dediucated readerm, and IU thanjk yoiu!''