We've Both Lived In The Dark
Zevran was sitting on the ground, back against the wall with Anders head resting in his lap, his body curled up against Zevran's legs. The mage was sleeping now and Zevran was thankful. Anders had become increasingly irrational and hysterical as time wore on.
Zevran stared across the darkness to where he knew the stairs were situated. When they had come to the stairs Anders had lost it. He had screamed, "How fucking deep are we?" His voice between a shout and a scream. He had looked at Zevran with desperate eyes and Zevran hadn't known what to do for the man.
He should have seen it sooner. Anders had mentioned he was uncomfortable, but Zevran had just set it aside, thinking it was akin to his own dislike of the Deep Roads. He had watched as Anders had kicked the wall and screamed then started ranting and pacing.
"We're trapped down here, like rats. We're going to die down here, closed up under miles of stone." Wild eyed, he had turned to Zevran, "We're going to be locked in here forever."
Zevran had cringed, that's when he had made the connection. That word locked. Anders had already started his pacing and yammering to himself again. Zevran stepped forward and touched his arm lightly. "Anders."
Anders jerked to a stop, "What?" his voice was too loud and pitched a bit too high.
"Come here, Bello." He tugged on Anders' arm lightly. Anders came towards him willingly, letting Zevran guide him. Zevran enfolded him into a hug and whispered to him. "I won't let you die down here. We'll be free, I promise."
Anders let out a half sob followed by a strangled noise that sound like, "Alright." He leaned heavily against Zevran.
"Let's sit and rest for a bit. We're both exhausted."
"No, we have to keep going. If we keep going we'll get out of here sooner."
Zevran leaned back and stroked Anders' cheek, wiping away a tear. "If you pass out from exhaustion it will take a lot longer to recover than if we take a rest now." He pulled Anders across the road and sat on floor. Anders followed him down and sat next to him. "Why don't you lay down for a bit?"
Anders lay down and put his head on Zevran's lap. Zev had pulled his hair loose from the leather thong and started combing his fingers through the mage's blonde tresses. It was only a few minutes before Anders' breathing started to calm and a few minutes after that he was sound asleep, plunging them both into the dark again.
He had to get Anders out of the Deep Roads somehow, and he needed to do it quickly. Anders wouldn't be able to hold it together for much longer. Clearly his time in the tower, most likely the year in solitary had, had a much more profound impact on him than he let on.
Zevran dozed on and off, waking whenever Anders shifted or made a noise. And now he was staring at where the staircase was, wondering exactly what Anders had been wondering. They had already found and gone up six different staircases. This would make seven.
He had no idea where they were, they had tried going back towards where they thought the Keep was but they had come across dead ends several times and had needed to turn back. Now all he knew was that they were headed up. At least it was something.
Zevran closed his eyes and tried to feel for Sareyna again. He was about to give up when he felt Anders jerk against him and yell, "Let me go." He started thrashing then screamed, "Please, no." The man sounded terrified.
Zevran shook him. "Anders!" he said sharply.
"No, let me out." Anders' voice was ragged.
Zevran shook him again, harder. Anders shot away from him and curled into a ball shielding his head, a flash of light burned bright above his head then was quickly snuffed out.
Zevran felt fury unfurl in his gut. He had known, part of him had known that what Anders had told him of the Circle was not the full story, but…seeing Anders like this, it made his blood boil. "Anders, its Zevran." He spoke quietly, trying to sound reassuring.
Anders uncurled a little and the wisp relit, he looked at Zevran warily. Once he had spotted Zev he uncurled and sat up abruptly.
"Anders" Zev's voice was soft.
Anders looked away. "Don't."
Zevran moved a little closer. "They beat you."
Anders looked at Zevran, glaring at him. "And the Crows didn't beat you?"
"But…"
"It's over."
"If you ever want to talk…"
Anders snorted angrily, "What? You want to hear my deep dark secrets Zev? You want me to tell you that I'm afraid of dark enclosed spaces because the Templars liked to corner me in my cell and beat me till I was nearly unconscious, then made me heal myself so they could do it again?
That I spent a year in constant fear of when the next time they were going to get bored and use me as a punching bag? Or maybe you'd like to know about the Templar that liked to cut me? Do you want me to tell you that I did kill those blighted Templars here at the Keep? That after being beaten and forcibly drained of mana for shits and giggles for two straight weeks that I took my chance when I saw it?"
Zevran was quiet for a second. "Good for you."
Anders pushed to his feet, clearly still angry. "Let's get out of here."
Zevran followed him as he took off up the steps. They walked for several hours until Zevran's stomach growled loudly. Anders stopped and turned to look at Zevran.
"Want to stop?" his voice was light, but it was forced.
"Please, we still have some nug right?"
"Not much, but yes."
"We should save it, then."
"You have some, I'm not hungry."
Zevran didn't want to argue, Anders was obviously still feeling touchy. "Alright."
Anders sat down and pulled the nug out of his pack, handing it to Zevran. "You know, it wasn't all that bad."
Zevran gritted his teeth. "Don't do that."
"Do what? It wasn't."
"I received my first beating from the Crows the day after I was bought."
Anders didn't respond.
"I killed for the first time when I was 9, he was 11."
A muscle twitched in Anders jaw.
"The Crows decided to educate me in the arts of seduction when I was 10."
Anders couldn't control a gasp. "Sweet Maker Zev, 10?"
Zevran nodded briefly, "I am who and what I am. And they made me that, but it doesn't make what I…what we went through any less awful or horrific. I will not push you to tell me anything, I understand the need to forget. And I will not share your secrets, of that you can be sure. I wasn't thinking, when I realized…it enraged me."
Anders shrugged, "Let's not talk about it anymore, any of it."
Zevran nodded and took a bite of nug.
Anders was trying not to watch Zevran. He was feeling over emotional and he knew it, he was only going to get himself into trouble. He wasn't sure if he loved Zevran, but if he didn't it was a close thing. And this stint in the Deep Roads wasn't helping.
He almost felt like a giddy teenage girl. Zevran had found them food, had comforted Anders when he had gotten so hysterical and had looked ready to declare war on the Templars when Anders had awoken. Anders wondered if he had a case of hero worship. Afterall, he had watched Zevran cut down anything that had even remotely threatened Anders for more than a week.
Zevran wrapped the piece of nug he was eating back up and handed it back to Anders. He stretched languorously and Anders felt himself get aroused at the sight of Zevran's muscles as the moved under his tanned skin.
Zevran gave him a tentative smile, "Ready to go?"
Anders moved forward and kissed Zevran. Zevran pulled back for a second and Anders quickly twined his fingers into Zevran's hair and pulled him in for another kiss. Zevran made a quiet noise of protest that became a moan when Anders let a spark of electricity dance down Zevran's spine.
Zevran arched against him and didn't fight when Anders laid him down. He started tugging impatiently at the buckles on Zevran's armor. "Zev" he said breathlessly. "help me."
Zevran's nimble fingers had the buckles undone in a flash and then he was working on Anders. Zevran hissed when Anders wrapped his hand around Zevran's length and let little sparks dance along it. He moved his hand and glided a finger over Zevran's anus calling a small amount of grease.
He eased his finger into Zevran, struggling to keep himself calm. All he could think about was how badly he wanted to bury himself inside of Zevran. Quickly adding a second finger he stroked a few times to stretch Zevran a little.
He slipped the fingers back out and positioned himself against Zevran's ass. "Are…you ready?"
Zevran nodded, he was already clutching at Anders' arms and raising his hips a bit. Anders pushed forward and they both groaned as he entered Zevran. He moved forward slowly until he was completely inside of the elf. He held still for several seconds before starting to move. Biting his tongue, he kept his pace slow, he wanted to savior it.
It wasn't long before Zevran was shifting impatiently underneath him. "Anders…"
Anders closed his eyes and picked up his pace a little, "say it again."
"Anders." Zevran let the name linger, drawing it out.
Anders shuddered at the sound, his eyes suddenly flew open as Zevran pulled a bit away and shifted them both abruptly and quite forcefully. Anders gasped in surprise when he found himself on his back. Zevran stood and stripped off the rest of his armor. Anders moved to sit up and Zevran pushed him back down with his foot. "Let me."
Anders relaxed and Zevran squatted above him. He grabbed Anders' erection and stroked it a few times slowly before positioning himself over it. Anders groaned as he realized what Zevran was doing. With Anders positioned at his entrance he slowly lowered himself, taking inch after inch of the mage inside of himself.
"Maker, yes." Anders moaned as Zevran moved slowly but steadily.
Once Anders was completely inside of him he shifted his hips a bit. "What are you trying…oh…oh, nevermind."
Zevran chuckled, "Just lay back and enjoy."
Zevran started to move and Anders' hands automatically moved to his hips. He held Zevran as he moved above him. He wasn't sure exactly what Zevran was doing, how he got his body to move like that, but whatever it was, it felt amazing. Zevran increased his pace and Anders thought he might pass out from sheer pleasure.
Suddenly, Zevran squeezed down on Anders hard, jerked sideways and yelped.
Anders looked at him guiltily, "Sorry."
Zevran chuckled, "Just surprised me is all. Do it again."
Anders shocked him again, intentionally this time, Zevran moaned and squeezed around Anders again. Zev started sliding up and down Anders' length again and almost whispered, "Harder."
Groaning, Anders obliged.
Zevran was panting and riding him faster. "Harder."
Anders zapped him again and moaned when Zevran cried out. "More?" Anders asked raggedly.
"Please." Zevran's eyes were closed and his head was tipped back as he rode Anders faster. "Ahhhhh, yes." He cried out when Anders jolted him again. "More, please." He begged.
Anders cupped his hands on Zevran's ass and gave him a much stronger dose. Zevran cried out and fell forward onto Anders, his orgasm pulling a near scream from his lips. His body spasmed around Anders and Anders came deep inside of him. Anders wrapped his arm around Zevran and gave him a gentle squeeze.
Zevran lay limply on top of Anders for several minutes regaining his senses and his breath. Anders tipped Zevran's chin up and kissed him softly. Zevran made a small, almost purring noise, and Anders deepened the kiss. He let a small spell unwind from his fingers.
Zevran broke the kiss and raised an eyebrow, "Again, already?"
Anders swallowed hard; his voice was barely above a whisper when he spoke. "I…want to feel you inside me again."
Zevran looked concerned, "Are you sure?"
Anders nodded almost imperceptibly.
Zevran kissed Anders again slowly and gently, "I'll be gentle."
Anders gave him a lopsided grin, "If you aren't, I can always zap you again."
Zev chuckled, "Promises, promises."
The two of them were lying on the hard ground, relaxing. Anders' head was on Zevran's chest and Zevran's fingers carded slowly through Anders' hair. Anders' breath was slow and he murmured periodically in pleasure.
"Zev, do you think…"
Zevran jerked into a sitting position, violently dislodging Anders. "Anders get up, get dressed. I feel her."
Anders scrabbled to his feet and started yanking on his robes. "It's really her? Are you sure?"
Zevran laughed, "Yes, Alistair too." He finished buckling his armor and helped Anders with the belts on his robes. They put their boots on and Anders had barely grabbed the pack before Zevran grabbed his arm and started running down the corridor.
He lost them twice but always felt them again in just a few minutes as long as they travelled in pretty much the same direction. "We must be getting closer; I can feel most of the others." He laughed again.
It was hours later when they came to the barrier door. "No." Anders pushed roughly on the door. "No, no, no. We're so close." He turned to Zevran who looked considerably deflated. "If you can feel them, does that mean they can feel you?"
Zevran shook his head sadly, "No."
Anders slid down to the ground, "but…" He closed his eyes and hung his head.
Zevran slid onto the ground beside him. "I'm sorry."
Anders didn't respond, he tipped his head back and rested it on the wall. "There has to be something."
"I'm out of ideas." Zevran laughed again, the sound a little hysterical. "Do you ever feel like the Maker is just a bastard, laughing at us?"
Anders looked over at Zevran and winced as a parade of emotions slid across his face, one after another. "Are you alright, Zev?"
"Just awesome, absolutely amazing."
The two of them sat there in silence for nearly an hour.
"I have an idea."
Zevran turned to Anders and raised a brow in query.
"Call to her."
"Yeah, somehow I don't think she's going to hear me."
"No, try to use your connection."
"You mean the dreams?"
"Yes, you two have some sort of connection; try to call to her with your thoughts. And I'm going to try to…amplify it."
"How?"
"By using my connection with the Fade, I'm not sure it will work. But what else do we have?"
Zevran nodded, "Alright, what do I do?"
"Just close your eyes and concentrate on her, tell her where we are."
Zevran closed his eyes and Anders took his hand. He started funneling energy through Zevran, focusing on pushing the energy through Zevran and upwards as far as he could. "Keep going Zev. Don't stop."
Zevran wasn't sure how long he had been trying to send messages out to Sareyna when he suddenly felt Anders collapse. His eyes snapped open and Anders was slumped against him, unconscious, pale and cold. He reached for Anders' wrist and gripped it gently, he finally found his pulse, it was weak and thready.
He moved and laid Anders down and pulled the waterskin from the pack. Thankfully, Anders water spell had come quite in handy. It took him several minutes to rouse Anders and to get him to drink some water. "Foolish mage."
"We need to get out." Anders mumbled, "I can't stay down here."
"And how are you planning on protecting yourself if we get attacked by Darkspawn while you have no mana and are too weak to stand?"
Anders gave Zevran a tired smile and caressed his cheek. "You'll protect me. Isn't that what you do? Protect us?"
Zevran closed his eyes, he didn't love Anders in the way he was beginning to suspect the mage wanted, but he cared about the man greatly. He was an integral part of Zevran's loving, if unconventional family. Anders started pulling his hand away from his cheek but Zevran captured his wrist and brought it to his lips, he kissed the center of Anders' palm. "I will protect you this time, I promise Anders."
Anders blinked groggily and mumbled, "Wasn't your fault." and slid into an uneasy sleep.
Zevran knew he was right, there wasn't enough time for him to have saved Anders on that wall but it still felt like a failure.
