Callie glanced at the clock from across the Sloan family's gourmet kitchen as she chopped up onions and peppers, placing them into a casserole dish. She had been waiting in the house for about half an hour for Mark and Izzie to arrive from the hospital. Mark had called her the night before to see if she would stay with Izzie for a couple of hours after she was discharged while he went to the funeral home with Addison to make the final arrangements for Ben's service. He had said that he didn't want Izzie to have to be alone in the house, and Callie, of course, had readily agreed, happy for the chance to do something for her friends.

When she had arrived at the house, she had used the spare key under the doormat to let herself in, knowing that she was early and that they wouldn't be home yet. She had unloaded her car of the groceries that she had picked up on the way over, walking straight to the kitchen to deposit them on the table. Her eyes had grown misty as she surveyed the bright, cheery kitchen before her. Traces of Ben were all over the room; an art easel sat in the corner by the bay window, his tiny yellow galoshes remained by the back door, and a half eaten chocolate cake sat in a cake dish, a cake that Izzie had obviously let Ben decorate judging by the sloppy icing that carelessly covered the dessert. With a heavy sigh, she had begun unpacking the groceries, doing her best to avoid the little reminders of Ben that seemed to pop up at every turn.

She wiped her hands on a nearby dishtowel when she heard the doorbell ring, walking around the counter and heading to the front foyer to answer it. On the other side of the doorway stood Meredith and Cristina, looking at her expectantly as she greeted them.

"Are they here yet?" Meredith asked nervously as she stepped into the house.

Callie shook her head. "No, but they should be here any minute. Addison wanted to do a sonogram before Izzie was discharged, and then they're going to drop her off before they go to the funeral home." She turned to look at Meredith with concern. "How're you feeling?

"Oh, I'm fine," she said quietly as she waved away Callie's worry, uncomfortable with the attention being paid to her.

Cristina and Meredith followed Callie back to the kitchen where she resumed her dinner preparation. "I thought I would make food," she said simply, anxiously gesturing toward the countertops covered in groceries. "You know, because it's what you do…"

Cristina nodded her head understandingly. "Like Shiva," she said quietly.

"Yeah, Shiva," Meredith repeated, suddenly remembering a time that they'd all sat Shiva for another person that Izzie had loved.

The three women sat silently as Callie prepared various dishes while they waited for Mark and Izzie to get home. Cristina, from her place behind the counter, grimaced as she looked intently at the refrigerator, her eyes scanning Ben's artwork where it was held up with magnets. Days before, she might have looked at the various paintings and thought that they were garbage, but today she couldn't help but smile sadly at the toddler's attempts.

They all tensed nervously as they heard the front door open, staring at one another with uncertainty. Callie was the first to react, placing the knife onto the cutting board and walking around the counter to meet Izzie and Mark at the front of the house, Cristina and Meredith trailing behind her.

At the end of the hallway, they found Mark standing behind Izzie with his hands on her shoulders as she quietly surveyed the room. Izzie didn't acknowledge their presence as her eyes landed on a photograph of her family that had been taken at her Christmas party the year before.

Izzie threw a party every year during the holidays, but this was the first year that Ben and Samuel were old enough to understand what Christmas was, so she'd made Mark dress up as Santa Claus. Everyone had laughed when he'd walked down the stairs outfitted in the red velvet suit, and he'd smirked sarcastically at them before glaring at Izzie.

"Just so you know, I'll be purchasing a dominatrix costume for you to return the favor."

She rolled her eyes, and then smiled sweetly at him before disappearing into the kitchen to check on dinner.

Later that night, when no one was looking, Izzie snuck over to him and sat on his lap as he rested in the arm chair by the Christmas tree. "Do you know what I want for Christmas, Santa?" she whispered, her voice low as she stared at him with lust eyes.

Mark grinned at her, placing his hand on her thigh. "What's that, Dr. Sloan?" he questioned innocently, his annoyance at having to wear the suit suddenly forgotten.

His eyes went wide when she'd slipped her hand over the crotch of his pants, her eyes twinkling mischievously. "I think you know what I want," she responded, biting her lower lip softly as her smile widened.

The grin fell from his face as his gaze shifted behind her, so she'd turned around, following his stare to see her son standing innocently at Mark's feet. "Tellin' Santa what you want for Christmas, Mommy?" Ben had asked naïvely, oblivious to his mother's actions as she'd jerked her hand away from Mark's lap.

Izzie had smiled at her son, her face had flushing with embarrassment. "Uh, yeah…yeah, I am," she'd stammered, standing up. "But now it's your turn." She picked him up quickly, placing him in her abandoned seat.

As Izzie walked away, she heard Mark call her name from behind her, his voice deepened as he played the role of Santa for his son's benefit. "Izzie?" he'd called, causing her to turn around and stare at him expectantly.

"I don't know if the gift you want will fit on the sleigh, but I'll try to work something out."

Izzie just laughed, rolling her eyes as she walked away to talk to Meredith and Addison.

She frowned now, as the memory faded from her mind, and she stared at the picture that Alex had taken just before everyone had left for the night.

Izzie took a shaky breath and numbly wiped away the tears that had escaped from the corners of her eyes. She walked hesitantly to the table where the photograph rested, picking up the silver frame and lightly touching a fingertip to Ben's face. Calmly, she placed the picture back on the table, turning it over so that it rested face down against the wooden surface.

"I'm going upstairs to change," she said quietly as she turned around, coming face to face with their sympathetic stares. She silently walked past them, slowly climbing the stairs to the second floor.

"We'll go with her," Callie assured Mark quietly when she saw his miserable face, noting that he was sadly watching his wife walk away. "Don't worry, we'll take care of her while you're gone."

Mark nodded and smiled at her appreciatively. "Thanks…and thanks for coming this morning."

"Of course," she told him, rubbing his shoulder lightly before turning to follow Cristina, who was already climbing the stairs behind Izzie.

Mark grabbed Meredith's elbow when she attempted to go behind Callie and Cristina, causing her to gasp in surprise. The two women on the stairs turn around and look at him uncomfortably when they saw the animosity evident on his face. "We need a few minutes," Mark told them simply, smiling thinly.

Cristina and Callie looked uncertainly between Mark and Meredith, observing the anger ingrained in his face and the nervousness on her features. Meredith glanced over to them, trying to look reassuring. "I'll be up in a minute."

Callie and Cristina were hesitant to leave, but feeling as if they were left with no choice, they turned around and headed up the stairs to check on Izzie. As they disappeared from their view, Mark tightened his grip on Meredith's arm, causing her to face him and cautiously meet his gaze. He stared at her pointedly, daring her to look away from him. "What're you doing here, Meredith?"

She could feel beads of sweat breaking out on her lower back as his gaze bore into her. She took a shaky breath, doing her best to ignore his anger. "Callie told me that you were bringing Izzie home today," she said softly, her voice quivering. "I wanted…I wanted to see if I could help with anything. Izzie needs her friends right now; you both do."

Mark narrowed his gaze as he shook his head softly from side to side. "I don't see any friends in here."

She flinched at his cruel words, looking down at the floor. "I…I'm sorry, Mark. I know that doesn't make it better, but I don't know what else to say…"

"You don't need to say anything. You shouldn't be here."

"Mark, I…"

"Damnit, Meredith!" he shouted suddenly, his raised voice causing her to cringe. "Don't you get it? Don't you understand that every time I look at you all I can think about is you telling me how it was your fault?" His hand unconsciously tightened on her arm as tears blurred his vision. "I can't even hear your name without wondering whether my son would be alive right now if you had just been paying attention! How do you think that makes me feel? How do you expect me to look at you and act like everything is okay?"

"Mark!"

Meredith and Mark both turned swiftly when they heard Izzie's voice coming from the top of the staircase. She was looking down at them, her mouth agape as Callie and Cristina came to stand behind her, equally shocked at having heard Mark's words.

From downstairs, they watched as she walked slowly down the steps, her horrified look unwavering as she stared intently at her husband's face. "What the hell are you doing?" she whispered when she was standing in front of them, her eyes narrowing as she looked pointedly at her husband's hand tightly gripping Meredith's arm.

Mark immediately relaxed his grip, appalled at himself when he realized his own actions. He turned to stare at his wife apologetically. "I…I just-"

"No, Mark was right," Meredith interrupted, her words causing everyone to look at her in surprise. "I deserved what he said."

Izzie stared at Meredith with confusion, watching as her friend pulled on her hair nervously with her free hand. Izzie shook her head slightly as she frowned. "What're you talking about?"

"The accident, Izzie! What happened to Ben!" Meredith immediately responded, her shrill voice causing Izzie to flinch. "It was my fault! We both know that it was my fault!"

Callie and Cristina watched Meredith with open mouths as her admission made its way to their ears. "Meredith…" Cristina said quietly from behind Izzie.

"No!" Meredith said sharply, glaring at Cristina. "I don't need your sympathy or your pitying stares. I don't deserve them. It was my fault, plain and simple."

"No, it wasn't."

Meredith looked at Izzie, shocked by her quiet reply. Izzie was the last person that Meredith would have expected to defend her. "But I…I was driving. I wasn't watching the road," she said despondently, tears filling her eyes.

"But I was," Izzie told her, looking at the ground to hide her own tears. "I saw what happened, Meredith. You didn't do anything wrong. The other car ran their red light at the intersection. It all happened so fast; there was nothing you could have done."

Meredith stared at her with wide eyed as a tear slowly ran down her cheek. "Are you sure?" she asked quietly, afraid to hope that Izzie's words were true.

"Oh course I'm sure," Izzie snapped. "Don't you think I've thought about this? That I've pictured it over and over again in my mind? I'll never be able to…to forget it. I'll never be able to get it out of my mind," she told her, her voice cracking with emotion. Looking up, she stared miserably at Meredith. "And I'll also never be able to stop wondering whether things would have turned out differently if you had just let me drive. So, no Meredith, it's not your fault, but that doesn't make it any easier for me to be around you," she whispered, before turning around and heading back upstairs, an echo resounding in their ears as the bedroom door shutting quietly behind her.