a/n: Here is chapter 7 and let me warn you, it is a Wilson centric chapter; I don't think you'll be disappointed though (at least I hope not). Wilson is attempting to work through his issues. Please read, enjoy, and then let me know what you think. Thanks to those who added my story to their favorites and also put it on alert. And of course thanks again to all who commented-now ON WITH THE SHOW!

Warnings: Possible spoilers for end of season 5 and beginning season 6, M/M pairing, pre-slash and slash (don't read if not your thing), rated T for language, possible change in rating to M for later chapters-not sure yet though.

Disclaimer: David Shore owns them not me!

CHAPTER 7

During the drive to Karen's house, Wilson's mind was reeling over a gamut of emotions; emotions that were so overwhelming that it consumed his very being. His thoughts ranged from House's mental condition and guilt over his participation in the breakdown, to the older man's accusations of Wilson's socially hypocritical ways, and finally to how truly right it felt to have House touch him as a lover would. The last thought of course, scared him the most; that was the thought he needed to forget.

Before Wilson realized it, he was standing at Karen's door suddenly feeling that maybe he was making a mistake, but quickly shook himself of that thought once the beautiful brunette answered the door.

"It's so good to see you James" Karen stated in a soft and sultry voice as she motioned Wilson inside.

"You too Karen, it's been…along time" Wilson tried to hide the sadness and uncertainty in his voice with his patented 'James Wilson: sex god' smile.

"Would you like a drink, I have beer, bourbon, …."

"Bourbon would be great"

He generally wasn't a straight up hard liquor kind of guy, but he needed something to quell his nerves and he needed it quick. Karen handed him the drink which he downed in one long swallow; 'that should help', he thought.

And it did; before he had time to think about what he was doing, he grabbed Karen by her waist and pulled her into a hard and passionate kiss. She didn't think twice about his straight forward approach, as this is nothing they haven't done before.

Time seemed to be an abstract concept to Wilson at the moment, because before he knew it, they were heading toward her bed. The only thing that registered in his mind was the way their bodies were rubbing up against each other; hands purposefully moving up and down silky smooth skin, mouths exploring anything that could be reached.

Wilson's eyes were closed as he mouthed and nibbled at Karen's slender neck, trying desperately to get lost in the physical act that was happening at the moment. It was starting to work, Wilson could feel himself melt into the warm body that was next to him. He felt strong, rough hands sliding down his back and stubble wonderfully burning his cheek as he continued his assault on the earlobe and jaw line before him; it felt incredible and his body finally started to react. In an instant, his mind caught up with his body: 'stubble, rough hands?'

Wilson's eyes flew open as he began to panic; of course what he saw was not the owner of said stubble and hands that he imagined feeling, but of a very confused looking Karen. Wilson sat up with his feet hanging off the bed and placing them on the floor. He put his head in his hands and apologized profusely to the woman sitting next to him for his apparent lack of interest in her.

"God Karen, I'm so sorry…this was a mistake…I shouldn't be here"

"James…are you okay?" Karen stated with concern; after all, she did have a soft spot for the man.

"Yeah…I just have too much on my mind and it wasn't fair of me to bring you into the middle of this…I'm really sorry…I… I should go"

"I understand, but you know I'm always here if you need me even if you just need to talk"

Wilson was amazed at how well she seemed to be taking his rejection considering he was the one that initiated it in the first place…

"Thanks…and Karen?"

"Yeah?"

"You deserve better than this you know"

"Maybe, but this is who I am" She flashed the grateful man a warm smile as he walked out the door.

*****

Wilson found himself back at his apartment pacing back and forth frantically, more confused than he had been all day. 'What the hell just happened…Karen's a beautiful woman, not to mention great in bed and all I could think about was House.' No matter how incredible it felt to have the older man touch him, Wilson could not get past the fact that it was House who was the giver of said feelings.

Wilson was now starting to get angry; he wasn't sure about what though. All he knew was he needed to get to the perceived source of this sudden upheaval in his life, and that source would be Doctor Payne at Mayfield. The younger man decided it was about time to give her a little call.

"Doctor Payne speaking" said the cheery voice on the other end of Wilson's line; well he was going to have none of that. With as much resentment as he could muster he replied…

"Doctor Payne, this is James Wilson…I need to speak with you about Greg House's behavior since he left your care."

Detecting his anger, it gave her a pretty good idea what this was going to be about, but of course she would play along. With her friendly and ever professional voice…

"Oh, hello Doctor Wilson, what seems to be the issue with Greg's behavior?"

"Oh, I don't know…how about the fact that he thinks he's suddenly gay and attracted to me!" spoken in a condescending tone with anger building in his voice.

Doctor Payne couldn't help but smile on the other end of the line, she was proud of House for actually coming forward to his best friend. Wilson didn't give her a chance to reply though…

"What sort of brainwashing did you do to him while he was there? I've been friends with him for nearly twenty years; don't you think it would have come up before now if it were actually true?"

Now he was truly angry, though he still didn't know what part of this was making him feel like that. Doctor Payne could sense that this may become an issue for House so her plan now was to try and calm Wilson down and talk to him about his issues with this situation.

"Doctor Wilson, exactly what did Greg say to you?"

"He didn't say much other than his feelings towards me have changed, but he kissed me twice!"

"He kissed you twice.." she contemplated that statement for a moment after repeating it to him; she chose her next words carefully.

"You sound angry about what Greg did and said, as if you don't accept it; yet you allowed him to kiss you more than once…why?"

Wilson was taken aback, what kind of psychobabble crap was she trying to pull on him.

"What do you mean, don't try to put this on me..he was fine before you got a hold of him. I want to know what…."

Doctor Payne felt a tinge of anger run through her at Wilson's words of being fine, she couldn't help herself from feeling protective of House and cut the younger man off …

"Doctor Wilson, Greg was far from being fine when I, as you say, got a hold of him. He was suffering terribly from psychosis but yet his so called friends, including you I might add, seemed to miss any signs of his impending fall!"

Wilson's mouth went dry and he felt like he was having a hard time breathing. Of course she was right and he knew it but it didn't make it any easier to hear. Sounding defeated he stated…

"I didn't mean to imply that everything about him was fine, just that he didn't seem to show any interest in me like that before he was institutionalized. I'm just really having a hard time understanding where this is coming from."

Doctor Payne felt a bit of guilt for her earlier outburst..the man she was talking to genuinely sounded confused about his own part in all of this. She repeated her earlier question in a much gentler tone…

"Doctor Wilson…why did you let him kiss you more than once?"

Sounding resigned and just…tired, he replied

"I don't know…it just felt…right"

"Then why are you so upset…if you enjoyed it, then why are you questioning your feelings?"

His next words came out soft, not knowing if he was saying them more to her or to himself…

"He said I was a hypocrite, that I was being self righteous and trying to save him from himself. He thinks I'm afraid to admit that I might be gay."

"Are you?"

"Am I what?"

"Afraid to admit that you might be gay and have feelings for him the way he does for you?"

"Honestly…I. don't. know. Let's just say I do have feelings for him…that way, and we act on it. How is that good for his recovery? I know he likes to pretend that other people don't bother him but his breakdown begs to differ. I don't want to put him in a situation that could cause undue stress, and being in a same sex relationship will do that."

"Doctor Wilson, you need to start being honest with yourself. I know you feel guilty about what happened to Greg and I won't sugar coat it and I will say that you may had been partially responsible. But let's get to the real issue here and it's not about Greg…it's about you." She hesitated for a moment before continuing…

"He cares about you more than I'm sure he will ever admit, and based on conversations I've had with him; I wouldn't say this onset of romantic feelings is new. I think he has probably felt them for a very long time but just didn't want to, or couldn't risk the friendship you have."

"Then why now?"

"His breakdown allowed him to realize what is truly important in his life…and I think he came to the conclusion that the thing that means the most to him… is you. He forgives you for your part in his illness…it's time you forgive yourself and get down to the real issues at hand."

Wilson couldn't help but to give this woman his undivided attention; he now knows why House opened up to her…she seems to read people very well.

"And what would those real issues be?"

"You tell me Doctor Wilson"

Wilson was quiet so she knew she would have to help him along.

"Based on what you've told me, I believe you are attracted to him and I have no doubt that you care for him deeply…so I don't think your issue is trying to deny that you might be gay or bisexual. I think your issue is with everyone else knowing this. Greg told me that you are a people pleaser, that you need to maintain this persona of the perfect guy."

Wilson felt a little offended by her words.

"I don't have a persona…I do like to please people and to receive respect in return…is there something wrong with that?"

"Only if it affects who you really are" she paused for effect… "I have a feeling Greg knows you better than anyone and he is a very perceptive man. He was afraid this is what would stop you from admitting your true feelings…and you know what? He's right."

"And what makes you think these are my true feelings…maybe your both wrong. House means a great deal to me but it doesn't mean I'm in love with him."

Doctor Payne shook her head in partial amusement and defeat. He was a tough nut to crack.

"No, you're right it doesn't, but we both know you're lying to yourself if you believe that."

Wilson was speechless, he couldn't believe the balls this woman had. He needed to end this conversation.

"Thank you for your time Doctor Payne…I…appreciate your input; I will take it into consideration."

"Doctor Wilson, he's not making this up; he truly does care for you. Don't break his heart, if you can't come to terms with your issues then be honest with him about it. Don't try to blame it on other reasons because he will see right through you and he will be hurt even more by your dishonesty….Take care Doctor Wilson, I wish you well."

Wilson paused, feeling a bit overwhelmed by what she just said.

"Thank you… goodbye"

*****

After ending his call with Doctor Payne, Wilson just sat on his couch processing what happened from the moment House stepped into his office earlier this afternoon until now. He never thought he would be in this position to have to contemplate not only his own sexuality but that of his true feelings for a man that has been his best friend for most of his adult life.

Wilson decided to just call it a night and head for bed, the rest would surely help to take the fog from his mind. As he was going through his nightly routine on autopilot, he heard his phone ringing. Not sure whether to answer it or not in case it was House, he contemplated letting it go to voicemail. He decided in the end however to just answer it.

He was greeted with another familiar voice on the other end of the line.

"Hi James, it's Lisa"

Wilson didn't mean to sound distant but for some reason he couldn't help the weariness from coming through in his voice.

"Oh…Hi Lisa, how are you?"

"Is everything okay?

"Yeah, just tired that's all…had a….challenging day with House"

Cuddy sounded concerned "Is he okay?"

"Yeah, he's fine…you know…just being House"

"He came to see me today" she said softly

"Yeah, I know…he told me he should be able to come back to work tomorrow"

"The board approved it this afternoon so he's good to go if he follows his regimen…by the way, why weren't you at the meeting?"

"Oh..I…I had an appointment that I couldn't get out of" Wilson stated sounding a little embarrassed.

"Oh, okay….listen James, that's not the only reason he came to see me…" she paused unsure if she wanted to share anymore but she felt she really needed someone to talk to; who better than his best friend.

"He brought up the delusion and our relationship"

That got Wilson's attention, was House just playing him…was he still trying to have a relationship with Cuddy as well? He couldn't help but to feel a huge bout of jealousy at that; Wilson tried to remain cool.

"What about them…did he ask you out or something?"

Wilson held his breath waiting for the answer.

"No, that's what's strange about it, he said the exact opposite, in a very mature manner I might add. He told me it would never work between us and basically implied that we were just good friends"

Wilson released his breath. "Is that what you feel Lisa…that you two are good friends and nothing more?"

"Maybe at one time, I wanted to be with him. I mean there is a certain appeal to the chaos that he imbues; not to mention the incredible feeling I had when he kissed me…."

Wilson couldn't help but to smirk at that…he now has intimate knowledge of said kiss.

"but Wilson, Rachel needs a father and he and I both know that he isn't the man for the job…I guess the reason I wanted to tell you this is because I really think House got something out of therapy….he seemed…I don't know, more mature and dare I say…kind."

Wilson wasn't sure how to react to what she was saying. She just basically confirmed that House admitted that he doesn't want her, but yet he was an adult about it. 'Could this mean that he truly does want me…that it's not just his brain still screwed up?'

"Lisa, I'm sorry, but I have to go….I really have a lot of thinking to do….and…I think it's great that you two could come to an understanding…I'll see ya tomorrow, okay?"

Cuddy was a bit surprised by her employee's dismissal but she chalked it up as him being tired.

"Sure thing, James..I'll see you tomorrow"

For some reason, when Wilson hung up the phone, he felt a flood of relief wash over him. What could that mean…does he feel the same way for House…was he willing to put the friendship on the line for this...if he did, could he face society as who he truly is as opposed to who he's been pretending to be?

Wilson sighed and headed back again toward bed; this time uninterrupted. He decided that he would need to have a serious adult conversation with House tomorrow if he was every going to work through this in his mind.

With the thoughts of the day, especially those of House's lips pressed to his, running through his mind; he drifted off into a restless sleep knowing that tomorrow could change everything.

TBC

*****

a/n: I hope you liked this chapter; I know I know, there was no House and especially no H/W moments but this needed to be done. People think House has issues but let me tell you, sometimes I think Wilson has more. Next chapter House goes back to work and Wilson finds him in his office. Thanks so much for reading and would LOVE to hear from you!