A/N: Okay, wow! I'm a bit faster with this chapter, so awesome! Haha, so, nothing to report on the home front, except the first tornados EVER reported for this province...thats a bit scary! Makes me wish global warming was a conspiracy, not a real threat that, seemingly, very little people do anything about! (Yeah, I'm a save the Earth supporter...save the trees!) Anyways, here's the new chapter...NOT on paper;) As always, hope you enjoy!
CHAPTER 7: NEVER BE READY
As she looked around, Sara felt elation course through her body. She recognized the symptoms of another dream, lifelike in her sight and sound, yet so false as she tried to interact. Her touch rendered her paradise of dreams to nothing more than what it truly was; a figment of her drug-induced subconscious. But she didn't really give a damn. She wanted to be here more than the wanted to be in her reality.
And the reason was painfully obvious, and standing in front of her.
His deep brown eyes. His curly dirty-blonde hair. Each and every mark upon his face was the same as it was in memory. Greg Sanders, whom she had been searching for in her waking moments, was right here, standing in front of her, watching her moves with a careful look. The same look held in his eyes was also present; the look he had reserved for only her, a reverence that made her feel like a queen. Yet, concern also etched itself upon the lines of his face.
"Sara."
His voice was not his. It scared her, not because it was meant to. His voice was quiet, and held an edge of fatigue and fear. His face also looked tired, as if he had not slept in days.
"Greg." Sara replied, completely at a loss for any other words. She did not know why his voice would sound so unusual.
"I nearly lost you."
"Excuse me?" Sara asked. She had no idea what he was talking about. There was that incident with the truck, but he would have mentioned it before now. Could he be talking about the pills…how could he have known? "What are you talking about?"
"Sara, you cannot die on me. You can't give up on me yet. You need to keep on trying to find me." Greg was scaring her now. His voice was high with fright, and she saw his eyes swimming with tears. He walked closer to where she was standing. "You can't even think about giving up now. Not after all we've been through."
He did know what she had been thinking about with the sleeping pills. How could that be?
He seemed to read her mind. "Yvonne told me when I came back."
"You were back at your place, and I missed you?" Sara asked, and then added, "Who's Yvonne?"
"Oh, Yvonne works there. She's really nice, been keeping me company, along with the gang."
"She must be the landlady or something." "Then where have you been to?" Sara said, flustered, "I've seen Yvonne, but not you. You weren't at your home."
"I haven't been home in nearly a week, Sara." Greg said, more quietly now. "I've been waiting for you to come back to me. It's been hard, I can hardly sleep or eat knowing I may never see you again." He grimaced, and added, "I regret it every second that I never tried to do more to get closer with you."
Sara sniffed, her determination not to cry dissolving watching the man before her pour his heart and soul to her. "Greg, I'm so lost!" She cried despairingly, "I never knew how much you meant to me before, and you think you regret it?" She flung herself into his chest, wrapping her arms about his waist and hugging in to him with all the strength she had, afraid to let go. "It's been my fault that I've turned you down all those times, my fault that we may never see each other again, and my fault that I was so damn blind that I never realized what you meant to me!"
The stayed like that for a long time, or a short time, Sara did not know or care. All she cared to know was that it was in Greg's arms she stood, and it was Greg's hand gliding across her back that sent chills down her spine. It was Greg's scent she smelled as her head fit perfectly in the crook of his neck, and Greg's voice that made her want to do back flips.
Why had she not even noticed any of these telltale signs of love before, when now they were so obvious?
Hesitatingly, Sara pulled away from him, but let him hold one of her hands with both of his. They remained silent for a little while, just staring at each other, taking in the sight of each other's face. Sara finally broke the ice with a sigh. "So, Nick, Warrick, Cath and Griss have seen you too, then?"
Greg looked away. "Yeah, they've been keeping me company."
"So," Sara continued, still on a constant vigil to figure out his riddle, "Almost everyone has seen you, except me?"
"Pretty much."
"Have you been at the lab?"
Greg looked at her. "Well, only once, just to get used to the place again. Remember what got us in this mess? I was shot too."
Sara's mouth shot open. She had forgotten all about what had even put them in this situation. The both of them had been shot at a crime scene, and that man had been hiding in the bathroom, waiting for a way out. Bitterly, she thought, "Why was it Greg who got the fatal blow? Why not me?"
"Right." Sara said, sighing again. "But, then, why haven't we been able to meet? Surely we would have been able to see each other?"
"I've seen you every day since the accident."
Sara looked at Greg, her eyes wide and jaw dropped. "…What?" She said incredulously. "What? You mean to tell me you've been able to see me every day and you haven't come up to me to tell me you're there, healthy, and…alive?" The last of her angry words came out as a whisper, for she did not want to think of Greg as dead. The knowledge that he was not in the same world as her anymore would ultimately, she thought, be her own demise as well.
Greg shook his head, as sombre as ever. "It's not that simple. You're the one who's in trouble; it's not up to me what you do. It's up to you to find me Sara, it's your responsibility to get in to the world where we can be together."
"I have no choice." Sara said, her voice so low she had to wonder if Greg could hear her. "I've found out how it is to live without you Greg, and it's not a world I can ever function in. I'm an outcast, a lost sheep in a flock. I need you to make me feel like I'm a part of something. So that's it." She said, her voice thick with concealed tears, "I've got to find you, one way or another."
Greg smiled then. "Attagirl, Sara." Then, he added in a whisper, as he brought his lips close to her ear, his breath hot and damp on her neck creating a tingling sensation, "Because if you didn't search for me, I'd never be able to live either."
He lifted his face away again, to look at her fully. Sara closed her eyes, relishing his touch, his voice…everything about him. The voice of the drugs only she could hear, they were right after all. The sleeping pills were the drug, sure, but Greg was the high to which she was addicted, a sweet compulsion that had come to slowly take over her, body and soul, so that thoughts of him had invaded every aspect of her life. She needed him more than anything else in the world.
And that scared her like nothing ever before.
"I wouldn't be able to go on without you either." She said, still looking him straight in the eye. "Can you ever forgive me? For never realizing…you know…us, before?"
Sara was shocked that she was saying these words, yet never regretted saying them. Sara usually never regretted telling the truth.
A smile spread across his face, a kilowatt smile that lit up his face and made him seem as young as a teenager again. Oh, how she had missed that smile! All the weight of the world seemed to lift off her shoulders at the sight, and despite everything she was going through, she felt her lips twitch in to a smile. She had forgotten how to smile while Greg wasn't around.
"On one condition." Greg said, still smiling. Sara looked at him, goading him to continue. "You never give up, and you find me. Okay?"
Sara smiled brightly. "Agreed."
Greg gave a light chuckle, and to Sara's dismay, backed away a little. However, he did not go any further than a foot away before kneeling down. She gave him a sceptical look; the tensions having died away for now. They knew they had to spend one more time together before once more they were separated, waiting for a time when they would be united again. Whenever Sara figured out his riddles…
"May I have this dance?"
Sara's smile faltered a bit, as she gave him an amused expression. "D-dance?" Then she looked about. In the conversation and questions that had arisen between Greg and her as she had landed in her dreams, she hadn't taken the time to look at her surroundings. Once again, she was amazed.
Sara and Greg were right in the middle of a circular room, completely dark save for faint beams of light that entered through the ceiling, completely composed of glass. The moonbeams and starlight lit the floor in such a magical way that a disco ball or chandelier could never do. The floor was empty except for the two lone occupants, and music could be heard, coming from what, Sara could not guess.
She felt like a princess and, Sara admitted to herself, she didn't mind calling it that, because this, being in this moment with Greg, even if only in her dreams, was the best she had ever felt in her life.
In reply to Greg's questions, Sara said nothing, but simply laid her hand in his proffered one, allowing him to lead her to the middle of the floor. He tentatively positioned his hands on her hips, but she only connected her hands on the back of his neck, and leaned in to him, not refuting but approving his touch on her. She leaned her head on his chest, feeling the throb of his heartbeat and the rise and fall of his chest as his lungs took in air. Her nose was filled with his intoxicating scent, and she closed her eyes, allowing his chin to rest comfortably on top of her hair. It was in this moment, allowing Greg to lead her in a slow circle while they took comfort in each other, letting the soothing sounds become background noise that she began to think once more.
"The more I seem to find out, the further I seem to be from finding Greg."
"Well, that may be just how it seems…you may be closer than you ever thought possible."
"But nothing makes sense! I mean it's only me that hasn't been able to find him…everyone else has. What does that mean?"
"It means that you're in the wrong place at the wrong time. You just need to go to a place and stay there, someplace that you know he'll be."
Sara smiled to herself. The music had hit its crescendo and Greg held on to her a little more tightly, and she was vaguely aware that Greg's thumb was creating haphazard circles on her back. "Well, that's easy. Greg's home away from home is my home away from home."
The music had slowed once more, finishing as Greg dropped her in a little dip, and brought her back up to his level. Sara looked in to his eyes, and saw that same love that she felt for him. She looked longingly at his lips, and the compulsion overcame the knowledge of what may happen and she brought her own lips to his as she closed her eyes.
But they did not touch.
She opened her eyes, and Greg was gone. No one held her close, drew circles on her back, talked to her. Nothing was left but the moonbeams and starlight. Not even music could be heard. And soon enough, her world returned to one of familiar static, a sign that the pills were wearing off, having done their job.
Sara never sobbed or wailed, yet she knew that tears travelled down her pale cheeks. She had been ready for the dream to end. They always did. She had been ready for the paradise to fade to white before her eyes as she woke up.
No, it was none of these things that had made Sara Sidle shed these tears. It was the fact she hadn't been ready to say goodbye. She would never be ready for that.
