7. I Wanna be a Producer- Matthew Broderick
Coulson sat at his desk on the Helicarrier signing papers, a very bored expression on his face. Fury was working him like a dog. In the rooms next to him, the bored groans of his coworkers symbolized he wasn't alone. A chorus of chants started out from a few rooms, turning into the entire office. "Unhappy, unhappy…very unhappy…unhappy, unhappy, very, very, very, very, very, very, very unhappy…"
From the room next to him, a man sang out. "Oh, I debits all the morning, and I credits all the evening, until them ledgers be right…"
"Until them ledgers be right…" others sang out.
"I spend my life in signing, you know papers, and such."
"UNHAPPY."
"To what is my life amounting, it figures not much…"
"Unhappy."
"I have a secret desire, hiding deep in my soul…it sets my heart a-fire, to see me in this role…" He got up and walked from his office, looking at the others who aspired to him. "I wanna be a Producer with a hit show on Broadway…I wanna be a Producer, lunch at Sardi's everyday…I wanna be a Producer, sport a top hat and a cane…I wanna be a Producer and drive those chorus girls insane!"
S.H.I.E.L.D. agent women jumped from their offices, all in a line like a chorus line as he walked down the hall. "I wanna be a Producer and sleep until half past two…I wanna be a producer and see you, you, you…" he pointed to the girls in line, and got to the last one, who was hideous. "Not you… I wanna be a Producer, wear a tux on opening night…I wanna be a Producer, and see my name; Phil Coulson, in lights!"
He started walking down steps, the girls following and dancing in a chorus line. He danced with them, his co-workers watching from the hall. "He's definitely got the mind to do it."
"He wants to be a Producer," the girls sang.
"Sell it girls!" He called.
"Of a great big Broadway smash…"
"Don't forget the balcony!"
"He wants to be a Producer, every pocket stuffed with cash…shh. He wants to be a Producer, pinch our cheeks til we cry-"
Coulson ran down their line pinching their butt cheeks. "Ouch!"
"Eee!"
"Oooh!"
"Oh!"
"Ah!"
"Yes!"
They looked innocent as they paced a bit, then whistled as he walked back into their view. "He wants to be a Producer, with a great big casting couch!" They all started to dance again. They danced all the way to the bridge. "I wanna be!"
"He wants to be!"
"I wanna be!"
"He wants to be!"
"I wanna be the greatest, grandest and most fabulous Producer in the world!"
They all got into a kick line. "He wants to be a Producer…he wants to dine with the duchess and the duke."
"I just gotta be a Producer, drink Champaign until I puke!"
"Drink Champaign until he pukes!"
"I wanna be a Producer, show the world just what I got…I'm gonna put on shows that will enthrall 'em, read my name in Winchell's column! I wanna be a Producer…cause it's everything…I'm not."
"Unhappy…unhappy…so unhappy…very, very, very, very, very, very,
very, very, very…sad."
"I wanna be a Producer…" He looked out the window as the music in his head stopped. "Hold everything. What am I doing here? Mr. Stark was right! There is a lot more to me than there is to me! Stop the world, I want to get on!"
Everyone on deck scrambled for words at the things that had just transpired.
"Coulson!" Fury called. "Where do you think you're going?"
"Colonel Fury…I have news for you, I QUIT. Here's my badge, my scary laser shooty thingy, and my big finish! I'm gonna be a Producer, sound the horn and read the grind…I'm gonna be a Producer, look out Broadway here I come!"
The girls returned again as he ran out, them running after him. "Broadway here he comes!"
A few minutes later, Coulson walked back. "Ur…sir? I didn't really mean it, can I have my job back?"
