Chapter Seven: Don't Ask, Don't Tell

AN: When I was first contemplating Lorne's sexuality, there were a few things I was trying on for size ad the possibility of him being a victim of domestic abuse was one of them. Here's the chapter that was written before I changed my mind.

There was something going on with Major Evan Lorne, Carson Beckett wasn't sure what it was but he could sense it beneath the surface as he checked the other man's blood pressure. There was tension set in the other man's hunched shoulders as he sat rigid and still. He looked like a man consumed by his troubles and that made Carson curious. He had always liked Lorne, the other man was kind and there was a gentleness deep inside that was rarely exhibited. Men like him and Sheppard were always in control, they were calm strategists and eager planners. They were cool under pressure and he had never seen a poker face quite like his.

"Is everything ok Major?" Carson asked as he reviewed the band around the other man's bicept. "Your blood pressure seems to be a little high."

"Yes." Lorne responded in a frosty voice.

Carson recognized that tone. He had heard it in many military men before and he had no doubt he would hear it in the future. There was a secret bubbling underneath the surface and for some reason it intrigued Carson Beckett, the same way the bruises that marred the other man's torso, wrists and legs did. Lorne had always said that it was from sparring when Carson had come across them during routine health checks but it was happening often and the injuries were always in areas that could not be seen underneath the uniform.

Carson sighed out loud as he situated himself against the table across from Lorne, his arms crossed over chest as he surveyed the other man. Lorne turned his face away from the doctor's analytical gaze. He could feel Beckett's eyes roving all over him and it made him want to shy away from the other man's stare. In the most dire of situations he could stare down any nemesis without fear or humiliation but when he looked at Beckett, he could feel the shame flushing through his chiselled features.

He didn't know what the other man thought of him and it was horrifying to think that after all this time of keeping his sexuality a secret that there was a possibility of being exposed. If the truth behind what was happening to him came out then it would start a chain reaction in which Evan would have no control over and he despised the implications of his private life being aired out in the open.

The military had always had a firm 'don't ask, don't tell' policy and that was fine with Evan so long as he suffered no repercussions. He had found others like him over the years, soldiers who were hiding what they were under the banter between their team mates. He had fucked a few of the guys he knew from that circle but there had never been more than an instinctive chemistry between him and any of those guys. That was until he'd arrived on Atlantis and met Tony.

His guy was over six feet tall with curly, short dark hair that was closely cropped to his head. His eyes were chocolate brown and he was always clean shaven. Neatness was something that Tony had learned in the military and it had seemed to stick.

Tony had been the only guy that Evan had ever fallen for, there had been a first love back when he was sixteen but nothing even came close to what he had thought he had with Tony in the beginning. The other man had whisked him off his feet when they had first met. He was fierce and smart, dedicated to his job as a field medic. He had been military trained and had stuck with it over the years. It was clear they had sexual tension from a private sparring session they had had on the mat. It had ended with rough passionate kisses and deviant touches.

After that Lorne had taken it upon himself to avoid Tony, he didn't want a relationship and things on Atlantis were already complicated enough dealing with aliens and all the crazy situations they got themselves into. Yet Tony kept turning up, gradually winning him over a little at a time.

It had started with dessert after a rough day, the other man had noticed that whenever he was stressed Lorne seemed to eat sweet things and favoured a certain type of chocolate not available in their ration packs. That was the start of something, it showed Lorne that there was someone out there who was willing to give something and at the time it was exactly what he had needed after Cassandra had gone missing.

Those days had been so infuriating, the woman had been part of his team and it made him sick to think of her trapped in the hands of that psychotic half breed. He despised how helpless that made him feel and he knew that whatever he must have been feeling must have been even worse for Sheppard, who had spent his time prowling around the Gate Room waiting for news of any sort.

It was the night he had killed the clone that things had changed for him and Tony, that man had been working his way through Lorne's defences since day one and that night when Tony had turned up at his quarters he had been powerless to stop what was happening between them. He needed the comfort that could be sought from the arms of another. After seeing the way Sheppard dealt with his wife's trauma Lorne was faced with a truth that was both damning and haunting.

Major Evan Lorne was lonely. He had never thought himself the type of person who needed a significant other, he was used to being independent and most of the time he liked it but at that point he had been vulnerable and Tony had gotten through that tiny chink in his armour.

The first two months had been good, their relationship was kept strictly between them and Lorne had to admit it was good to mean more to somebody than just a fuckbuddy. Yet he had to admit there had been downsides, sometimes the sex was a little too rough for his tastes but he kept at it because that was what Tony liked even though sometimes it hurt like hell. He liked feeling wanted by someone else and Tony was always telling him how much he needed Lorne in his life. It made Lorne feel special and cared for to hear words like that and Tony's gestures were always affectionate despite the fact he found them a little too possessive for his liking.

The relationship had become too much, he was starting to feel stifled by Tony's constant need for attention. The man was stressed all the time because of the increasing pressure brought on by Cass's absence. There were more teams in rotation than before and it would be a while before the newbies that Beckett had selected would come aboard the floating city.

It had started with Tony grabbing his collar and shaking him, the other man had been screaming in his face over a mistake that had been made. Lorne had been so surprised the thought of untangling himself from Tony's grasp had never occurred to him.

When his head had hit the wall behind him he had seen stars and yet again it was like another switch had been flipped inside of Tony. His sensitive instincts had flipped into overdrive and Lorne had found himself dazed and confused cradled in his lover's arms listening to him apologize profusely.

There had been sincerity in his lover's voice and Lorne had reasoned with himself that sometimes he too felt like lashing out, he didn't blame Tony for his outburst and they had made up in an almost violent way.

The second time had been worse than the first and it always stuck in his mind how much it had hurt when the two of them had 'reacquainted'. He knew this couldn't be love, people that loved one another didn't lash out like this, they wouldn't tell you to 'be a man' while they took their own pleasure from your body. He had tried to call it quits but Tony had threatened him with exposure if he ever tried to leave.

How would your team mates respond to knowing their leader was a fag? He had sneered cruelly.

It begged the question. One of his other friends had come out a few years ago and it had gotten real ugly, he had left the service in the end. Lorne couldn't do that, the military was his life. It was the path he had always wanted to take and he was making his mother proud following in his father's footsteps.

The feeling of entrapment was killing him, his stomach was constantly in knots whenever Tony summoned him to his quarters. The thought of the other man's hands touching him made his skin crawl but it was a small price to pay for keeping his home here and his career safe. Lorne ground his teeth together, his jaw aching from clenching it so hard.

Lorne wished Hope was here, or Cassandra, he could talk to them maybe work out some way out of this mess if they mediated between him and Sheppard. He was terrified of going to his Commanding Officer with this problem. Sheppard was as manly as they came and the two of them bonded over football and their past missions, he couldn't stand to see the disgust in the other man's eyes if he had admitted he was a homosexual or a victim.

"Evan?" Beckett's voice brought him back to the present and Lorne found himself staring into concerned blue eyes.

It made his chest ache just a little to see that caring expression on Beckett's face. The Doc had such a huge heart when it came to other people and it made him want to open his mouth and pour his whole heart out to Beckett. There was something about the other man that generated comfort.

Beckett's hand came to rest lightly on Lorne's shoulder, Lorne flinched at the warm gesture leading Beckett to draw away with further acknowledgement. He knew that there was more to Lorne than met the eye and he could feel that steely determination raising up inside of him as the pieces suddenly slipped into place.

Lorne was already raising to his feet, his back straightening and his posture becoming more rigid as his gaze fixed on something in the door way. Beckett could see the change in Lorne's demeanour almost instantly, Beckett glanced over his shoulder to see Anthony Castanza lingering in the open archway. His thumbs were hooked into the belt loops of his uniform as he and Lorne stared at one another in silence before a wide grin spread across Castanza's features as he stepped into the room.

"You all done Doc?" he asked, turning his head towards Beckett. "Lorne and I wanted to hit the gym."

Lorne's pallor was already turning pale at the prospect and Beckett filed away that tiny shred of information adding to the collection he was building. The picture was becoming clear now and he didn't like the image he was seeing.

"Actually, I have a few more tests to run." Beckett informed his field medic with a dismissive tone as he rose to his feet, his hand grasping the bright blue curtain for the medical bay. "So if you excuse us..."

Beckett drew the curtain around the confined space effectively shielding Lorne from Castanza's penetrating gaze. There was a second of silence as Lorne and Beckett stood stock still listening for the other man's footsteps as he retreated from the room. It was a brief reprieve but it bought Lorne a little time before he decided what the hell he was going to do.