Will you help me?
When Rudy returned to the dojo he didn't even notice the bags of Jack and Kim, even though it was hard not to trip over Jack's. He'd come home late last night, and this morning Tiptip had woken him up early with a cry for food. But the results of yesterday had been good. Anne had agreed. All they had to do was file the paperwork, and it would be done. He opened the door to his office and walked over to his desk. But after one step into his office, Rudy noticed the TV was still on. There was nothing playing, but he was sure he had switched it off before he had left. And that was when he saw them. They laid together on his couch. Kim was pressed in between the back of the couch and Jack, her head resting on his chest. Jack was laying on the edge of the couch, one arm around Kim, the other arm hanging down next to the couch.
Rudy put his things on his desk and apparently even that sound was enough to wake up Jack. Jack looked over at Kim and saw she was still asleep. Rudy grinned contently as he saw a smile spread across Jack's face. Jack however suddenly seemed to notice they were not alone and his head snapped towards Rudy, who nearly jumped and could only just contain a what Jerry would call, Columbian war cry. Jack pressed his right index finger to his lips, signaling Rudy to be quiet, but it was already too late. Kim started moving and not much later she opened her eyes a little.
'Good morning,' Jack spoke softly.
'Mornin,' she mumbled back.
'Sleep well?' She just nodded and was clearly about to drift off to sleep again. 'Rudy is here.'
Kim shot straight up: 'No, he can't be here yet. I-.' At that moment she saw Rudy standing next to his desk.
'You what?' Kim immediately curled up against Jack again, hiding her face in the crook of his neck.
'Kim, it's okay.' Jack wrapped his free arm around her too. But he could feel her shake her head. The thoughts were coming in again.
'I'll go fetch you two some breakfast. Take your time.' With that Rudy left the office, but Kim didn't move.
What was she doing? She couldn't tell Rudy the truth, he wouldn't understand. He would take her father away from her. She couldn't lie to him either, he had seen the bruises. He was going to know what her father had done to her. He would take her father away from her. Her father. She hadn't been there for him this morning. He would have to take care of himself. He wasn't strong enough. She was failing him. She had to get there. But he would beat her. Didn't she deserve that for not being there? He was probably worried. But he said he didn't want to see her. But he needed her. She had to be there for him. No, he didn't need her, he needed her mother. Nobody ever needed Kim. She was just worthless, useless. What had she been thinking? She was taking so much from Jack. But she didn't want to let go. She was so selfish. It had to stop. It just all had to stop. She needed to stop causing people pain. She had to… to…
'Kim!' Jack's voice suddenly penetrated her thoughts and Kim saw what she had been doing. Jack had pulled them into a sitting position before she would have pushed him of the couch in her struggle with herself. She was trying to claw at her arms, but Jack had both her wrists caught in his hands.
'You were thinking it again, weren't you?' Kim nodded, the panic not completely gone from her body.
'My dad is all alone at home, he can't take care of himself. I should have been there for him.'
'Kim, he would have beaten you.'
'You don't get it. You don't know how hard it is to not surrender to the thought that I completely deserve it!' Kim pulled her hands free from his grasp. 'I'm trying to get my mind straight, but I find it so hard to believe that my thoughts are wrong. Every step my mind makes seems logical.'
'Kim, I'm sorry. But I don't know what I can do to help you.' Jack answered a little frustrated.
'Can you just give me a hug and tell me it will be alright?' Jack smiled and pulled her in his arms.
'It's all going to be alright.'
'You're just saying that because I told you to.'
'No, I may not know how, but I know you're strong enough to get through this,' he let go of her and looked her in the eye. 'You're Kim Crawford, you can scare even Bobby Wasabi.' A smile found its way on her face again
'How can you make me feel like this?' Kim wondered out loud.
'So you do have a crush on me,' Jack said, but was immediately hit by Kim.
'No!'
'Make you feel like what?'
'Like everything is going to be just fine and that I'm safe.'
'I don't know.' They sat in silence for a moment. Letting their minds drift of to each other. Jack couldn't help but dwell on what Kim just said. She said he made her feel safe. Was that a good sign? Or was that more a sign that she enjoyed being friends. It was so complicated to have feelings for your best friend. Everything she said that he might have been able to interpret as a hint for her feelings could just be a sign of friendship. Besides that, Kim wasn't just any girl, she had made that clear on more than one occasion. And at the moment, even though she would probably deny it and hate him for thinking this, she couldn't handle a lot more than what was already troubling her. Jerry might have been right when he had said that Jack had a Hero-problem, for he was now also falling for the damsel in distress.
Kim was thinking on her confused feelings. Jack was saving her life, that was for sure. Just his presence helped her a bit already. If it hadn't been for him around she would have bolted right out of the office, when Rudy came in. Still, she hid her face, but she just needed time. How long she would need she didn't know, but it was getting better, a little. At least now that Jack knew she wasn't alone anymore. Secretly she was hoping that he wouldn't leave her side for the next few days, but she wasn't going to tell that to anyone. She was going to have to deal with a lot of things, and Jack just made it all better.
'You should tell Rudy,' Jack broke the silence.
'What?!'
'I think you should tell Rudy everything that happened to you. I really don't know how I can help you, and he might have a solution for your problems.'
'Jack, he wont understand. I mean, he's an adult. He will go tell the police, and they'll send my father to jail. I don't want that.'
'But something has to be done. He's beating you, and you can't just allow that.'
'I know that!' Kim snapped. 'But I don't want my dad to go to jail.'
'Then what do you want?'
'I don't know.' Silence fell for a moment.
'If you tell this all to Rudy, I do believe that he will understand you. If you ask him to, he wont go to the cops.'
'Jack… I don't know… What if it goes wrong?'
'Then I'll be there for you, no matter what.'
'But, when my dad is gone I'll have to go to my Aunt Anne in New York. I can't let that happen!'
'Kim, listen. I won't let them take you away to New York. Even if I have to hide you in my room until you're eighteen, I'll make sure you wont have to go to New York.'
'You would really do that for me?'
'I have no problem with keeping you in my room.' The look in Jack's eyes said enough to not even want to go into his mind.
'You're a pig,' Kim said. 'But thanks.' At that moment Rudy came in. Kim jumped up and felt immediately like wanting to hide, but one look at Jack told her she really had to do this. All it would take was to simply calm down and… Calm down and tell Rudy that her father was physically and mentally abusing her, she was cutting herself and that she didn't want her father to go to jail. Oh, who was she kidding? Rudy would never listen to her. He would say it was very irresponsible that she didn't accept the fact that her father would go to jail and he would go to the cops himself.
'Kim, what happened to your face?' Rudy broke through her thoughts.
'Nothing! Gotta go! Bye!' Kim wanted to jump up and run of, but before she could even move Jack had gotten hold of her. 'Jack, let me go!' She fought against his grip, but familiar with her temper Jack's hold on her didn't loosen.
'Kim, I'm doing this for your own good,' Jack answered. 'You're not leaving until you've told Rudy.' At that point Kim did the exact thing Jack would have considered a move never to be pulled on purpose by anyone in the dojo, even Kim. Her heel came up and hit him right in the delicates. Jack immediately let go of her and doubled up, his face scrunched in pain. Kim bolted for the door, but didn't make it more than two steps outside before Jack had gotten hold of her hand again.
'That was low, Kim, really low,' his voice was a tad high, but no one seemed to notice for Kim was already trying to pull free from his grasp. Actually, she was pulling so hard that she pulled Jack right along with her to the middle of the dojo. This was where Jack caught his breath again, turned them around forcefully and took a fighting stance, ready to block her way out at any cost.
'Jack, let me go!'
'No, Kim, I'm not going to do that. You need help, and Rudy is going to give you that.'
'Please, leave me alone,' Kim cried.
'Never.' With that Kim threw the first punch. Jack caught it without much ado. He hadn't expected Kim to sent a kick right after it and so he was forced to let go of her hand and jumped out of the way. Kim wanted to make a run for it, but Jack dove on top of her and pinned her down to the ground.
'I'm not letting you do this to yourself,' Jack said as Kim still fought him. But as seconds passed as if they were hours Kim's attempts became weaker until she finally stopped moving at all.
'He's gonna take him away. He's gonna take you away, and Milton, and Jerry and the dojo and everything I care about.'
'I'm not going to take anything away,' Rudy suddenly spoke. Both Jack and Kim had completely forgotten that Rudy had actually been there the whole time. 'Now, Kim, please, tell me what's going on.' Jack got off her so Kim could sit upright. She bit her lip and fiddled with her fingers. She wanted to talk, she wanted to tell everything, but at the same time every cell in her body was screaming at her to run fast and far and never return. She was scared of herself, of what she was going to do, of who she really was. And that was the moment she involuntarily decided to just blurt it out.
'I'm completely messed up, my home situation is sick and my mind is trying to kill me.' She took a breath. 'I need help, but no one can know.'
'Sheesh, Kim, what have you gotten yourself in?' Rudy said.
'I was wondering the exact same thing,' Kim said. 'It's all such a big mess I don't even know where to start or even when to start. I have no idea how it began, what triggered it, or what I can possibly do to stop it all. My head is going in every direction but the right and I don't know what to do.' Kim stopped again. It was insane to tell something like this, but she had to. Her eyes sought out Jack and it wasn't until she had made eye-contact that she found the courage inside to go on.
'When my mom and my sister died something changed. At home and inside me. I blamed myself for the accident and somehow it got from bad to worse,' Kim's eyes were still locked with Jack's and it helped. It was as if she was telling this to Jack, and there was no one around. And it was okay, because Jack knew, and Jack wouldn't ever leave her. He mouthed to her to go on and she complied, knowing that it was the right thing to do.
'My dad had started to drink and he was convinced that I had killed my mother and sister. One evening he had drank too much and he snapped, he hit me. From that day on he kept hitting me every time I was around him while he was drunk. Sometimes I would catch him still sober early in the morning, but that usually didn't last long. Every time he beat me he was talking to himself and telling me why he did this, and I believed him. I believed every single word he said. I fully believed I deserved every time he beat me. And it got to the point that even with him punishing me I thought it wasn't enough.' Kim looked away from Jack and down to her hands. This was bad. This was really really bad. This was completely mental. Completely dysfunctional. Insane! She had let this get way too far. Her eyes darted over to Rudy and fear began building up again, but even in his eyes was nothing but understanding and compassion. Kim felt about to cry again, but she had to finish her story first.
'On a really bad day I heard my dad say my mother's name in his sleep and I just snapped. I ran up to my room and…' It was impossible to put this into words. She simply couldn't. She couldn't even say the word. It was just too sick. How could she tell Rudy what was going on. Jack saw her struggle, but there was nothing he could do about it. Kim's eyes slowly turned to her left arm and suddenly she realized something. If she couldn't get the words out she could still show Rudy. Kim bit her lower lip and her fingers closed around her sleeve. She was going to do this. She could do this. She had the strength to do this. Then why were her fingers trembling? She looked up at Jack again and his gaze locked with hers. He was talking to her, speaking soft words of encouragements that didn't pass his lips and only she could hear. She didn't need any more strength, slowly she pulled up her sleeve and bared her arm with that one move.
A gasp came from Rudy as he moved closer and took her arm with both his hands, but Kim didn't look away from Jack. She knew she was going to break if she would do that, and Jack seemed to know this too. No one spoke a word, Kim hardly dared to breathe. But they all knew. The silence lasted until Rudy finally let go of Kim's arm. Jack sensed she needed him right now. He was not sure how, or why he knew this, he just didn't question it and wrapped his arms around her. Her arms snaked around his neck and she buried her face in the crook of his neck. That was when the tears started falling. Rudy wrapped his arms around Kim too, at the edge of crying himself.
'I'll help you, Kim. I'll help you.'
