Chapter 7
It was storming. I was vegetating in the garden, getting drenched to the bone and loving it.
Mokuba liked rain, although his version was a different kind altogether. It consisted of cotton clouds squeezing a couple of drops here and there – the type that could hardly be felt, hardly be called rain, if at all, because the sun would still be out.
I snorted. It wasn't as much about rain as it was to do with the rainbow that almost inevitably followed suit. Mokuba would stare at it wistfully, ephemeral as it was, as if he made a wish then and there it would come true the next time one came about, or something to that effect. I would stare at him instead, wondering how in the world an eighteen-year-old managed to retain a heart-shaped face and starry eyes.
I preferred storms myself. Mokuba would undoubtedly scowl (if not hurl thunderbolts at me) for intentionally getting caught in the downpour again. I smirked smugly, even though guilt gnawed at my ego and I quickly muttered a mental apology. Such temperamental weather was rare to come about, I rationalized. The wind was howling and the torrents raging; I didn't have the heart to resist such an invitation, and Mokuba would really have to be here to understand.
But oh well, he'd get over it.
Getting soaked in the rain was as close to therapeutic as it got for me. Raising my face to the sky and letting the water fall, having it beat down on my body, and I would croak and splutter, and no one would ever be able to tell that I was really… because who could tell the difference between rain drops and tear drops anyway?
Rolling around in the mud, pulling grass out by the roots and thumping my head against a tree trunk because I could, because I was frozen and feeling too much and too little all at once. Because none of this made any sense, because I hadn't be able to say, or communicate anything, for the longest time. Because I was falling forever, all my life, because I kept on stalling for time and it was just a matter of switching off the life support. Because I had been very tired, Mokuba, because I am a coward and you are the only one who can release me from my promise. Because I miss you mom, because I hurt all over and nothing's really helping and I've had enough… why have you forsaken me?
I was sinking into the dirt, being buried under water, and ascending somewhere, like being carried away, by wings…
Warm… like Mokuba's sunny rain…
I blinked away confusion, it took some time for my eyes to adjust to the lighting and take in my surroundings. There was a sinking feeling in my stomach that something went horrendously wrong. "May I ask why we are naked in the shower with you draping over me like a thermal blanket?" I tried my best not to panic.
"Drink this, and for once, shut up and do as I say." It didn't take a genius to figure out that whatever had gone on, Mokuba was not impressed. I sipped on my miso, cringing as my brain raced to piece the broken fragments together, my head throbbed.
"Try not to think too much. Just relax, I'll fill in the gaps for you later. Are you warm enough?" A sigh, and Mokuba was pushing my bangs out of my eyes worriedly and pressing a kiss to my forehead. My eyes watered. I almost fucking pouted. My mind was too foggy to care.
We sat in silence for a while, before I decided to break it. "What happened?" I asked tentatively, "Was it that bad?"
Mokuba drew a shuddering breath, like he was being forced to remember a bad dream, and I impulsively reached for his hand which trembled in my grip. "I found you in the garden, paler and colder than the dead. You were in a breakdown, delirious as well as delusional. I took you inside. Your temperature was too low, and so was your blood sugar, which indicated that you've been out for too long. Your pulse was too fast, which wasn't surprising given the state you were in. You were slipping in and out of consciousness. You shook a lot. Your eyes were rolling back. I had to warm you up and calm you down. I didn't want to get the medics involved for your sake, you were lucky that it worked. Honestly, Nisama, how many times do you plan to stop my heart with your dying stunts?"
"I…" I closed my eyes.
"You know…" Mokuba spoke into my hair, stroking it absently, "I always thought of rainbows as bridges between us and the spirit world. It was really my only chance to plead to mom that she mustn't take you away from me, even if I ripped her away from your life. I knew that as long as rainbows kept on appearing, I would have her forgiveness… so she wouldn't take away my sunshine, when she renews her promise with each arc after the rain."
My throat tightened, I could never stand seeing Mokuba cry. "It's not a competition, Mokuba, it never has been. Mom gave me you in her passing. I don't deny that I miss her, but believe me when I say that she never wanted you to feel like it was your fault that she died. She loved both her sons. She made me promise on her deathbed that I'd love you the same way I loved her. I didn't have to choose."
Mokuba stayed silent, before squeezing my hand in return moments later. "Thanks. But don't think you're off the hook baka. Another incident like this, accidental or otherwise, and I'll have you put in charge of human resources just so to keep an eye on you 24-7."
I nuzzled Mokuba's neck in apology. "Next time I feel like venting and playing in the rain, I'll have a shower instead."
