Brief, Bright Shining Moments

At the end of their two days, Cameron walked Derek to Alpha's main hatch. He used to think couples that did that were pathetic. Now he understood. A few hundred meters away a dog growled. He tried not to imagine bad omens.

"There's an alcove out of the way back there," she gestured behind them. "You've got five minutes. We've never had a slam against the wall."

"I want more than five minutes when I'm with you." He kept his mouth closed when he kissed her. "Let me see your tags."

"Why?"

"Don't argue, just gimme."

"Why?" she insisted.

"I want to string my kill patches on it," he explained.

"But, I haven't stopped seven terminators. Why?"

"Because I don't have a ring for you."

Over Cameron's shoulder, Kyle handed him a yellow metal band. His gaze drifted up to his brother. "Do I want to know how you got this?"

"Made it down in the weapons' shop yesterday. Connor gave me the metal."

For this, Derek could almost worship John Connor like Kyle did. He reached for her hand and slid the band on to her finger. Miraculously it fit. "In the time before, in the world that was, a married woman wore a wedding ring. I would have given this during the ceremony."

"Nina told me about weddings. No one does things like that now."

"People do what they can. I want to do what I can."

She looked sad. But Cameron always looked a little sad except when they . . . except when they made love. He tried the words on for size in his head. Okay, it was way too pussy to use around the guys. But later when they were alone, he would explain how he didn't want to use the word fuck to describe having sex with her anymore. He tilted her chin up for one more kiss. "Hey, I'm coming back to you."

. . . . .

From the chattering around Alpha, Cameron detected a shift in the direction the humans were taking toward the war. Everyone whispered secrets inside of secrets. However, her programming appeared to be irreversibly scrambled. Important things were happening, but she had no compulsion to gather and analyze intelligence. Her system issued no directives of military importance. Unless the data she encountered involved Derek Reese, her system didn't seem to register it as important at all.

She had acquired a vast amount of data about Derek. His nipples were as sensitive to touch as hers. Tickling made him squirm. His eyes became methane flames when he was aroused. And when he was aroused he could do things to her biosystem that her neuro-processors couldn't categorize. She had no way of describing it, other than to acknowledge that during those times the compulsion to over stimulate all her nerve clusters overrode all other programming.

Deep in the night, when they should be asleep, he talked to her softly, so Kyle wouldn't hear. From the other Resistance women, she learned a man talking so much, especially after sex, was very unusual. She learned about the nightmares he sometimes had now and all his childhood fears. He told her so many things about his life. She had to spend hours researching human life from the few books available at Alpha and listening in on the conversations of others to construct believable stories about growing up in the bunker with her father.

Humans were so complicated and contradictory. She would never be able to map out all the factors that controlled their actions without expanding her system. The only way to do that was to interface with Skynet's core. But if she did that she would lose Derek Reese because Skynet might gleam enough information from her data files to crush the human resistance or at least inflict damage enough to significantly decrease his chances of survival. And if she lost Derek she would never be able to understand how he was able to align her system for those brief shining moments when perfection was no longer a goal, but a state of being.

When Derek wasn't available, she studied the Amazons. Though male and female integrated fighting units had greater numbers, the Amazons were proportionally the most powerful and successful of the Resistance groups. Acevada taught her about the Amazon's Great Cycle of Life, probably with an eye toward potential recruitment. Acevada also talked about her life before Judgment Day. The Amazon commander had been gang girl in the L.A. barrio, a warrior without a war, who had first learned about discipline guarding stolen cars filled with illegal narcotics.

"It's all part of the Great Cycle, hermana," Acevada said. "I learned to fight other humans first. It prepared me for this. We're a thousand times more deadly than any machine."

Sometimes she sparred with Acevada careful not to reveal her true strength. Many of the Amazons' fighting techniques were similar to Terminator fighting programs. Even though Derek swore he didn't want his wife turning into an Amazon soldier, she could tell he was glad when she demonstrated fighting skills. She knew he worried about her and she could finally map one of the unknowns behind the emotional response of worry in humans. Humans worried when they decided the termination of another human would negatively affect not only their physical, but their emotional health also. And she was important to Derek Reese's emotional health. Her nerve clusters became unusually active whenever that data came to the forefront of her neuro-processors.

There was light inside their quarters which meant Kyle was there. Derek never used the crank lantern. However when she slid back the door Derek was the only one there which was odd. He shouldn't be here in their quarters at this time either. He looked worried and uncomfortable. It occurred to her that something could be tragically wrong with Kyle. Kyle could even be terminated. If that occurred she could no longer study the Reese boys and Derek would be more difficult to study also. He might be unwilling to provide the sexual activities that produced the anomaly for quite awhile if he was upset over losing his brother. For the first time in her existence, Cameron could connect the concept of worry with her own biosystem.

"Where's Kyle?" she asked.

"Hanging out with the rest of the squad."

She remembered the importance of camaraderie to human morale. "You should go hang out to. They're your men."

Derek reached for her. "I'll head up to the ready room later. Right now, I want to spend some time with you." He pulled her unto his lap.

She started to unbutton her shirt. Her biosystem craved the physical release of the anomaly.

He stopped her. "Not that. Hopefully that later. There's something important we need to talk about."

"What?" Since they were married, he claimed to want no other partner except her, so why would he pass up an opportunity to have sex.

He gazed into her eyes; then looked away. He rubbed his eyebrows and finally returned to her. "This is harder than I thought. I don't want to do this, but we have to think about evacuating you to someplace safer."

"Why? Have I done something wrong?" He couldn't have discovered her true nature. That would have been solved with grenades. It must be something else, a human problem. Maybe he was bored with her and wanted sex with different women. In the past he had certainly not been monogamous. "You want me to leave?"

"No! I don't want you to ever leave me!" His eyes were the same as the morning after they first had sexual intercourse: wild, desperate, and something else, something she couldn't describe. He stroked her shoulder. "We have to think about what's for the best. Since we've been having sex together, you haven't had your cycle."

It took several seconds for her neuro-processors to retrieve the data necessary for her to understand what he was saying. He was referring to a menstrual cycle: the monthly shedding of blood that fertile human women experienced, some said endured, unless there were fertilized ovum attached to their uterine walls. Derek thought she was pregnant. He had said he would send her to Crystal Peak if she got pregnant. That was John Connor's headquarters. Infiltration there was the greatest possible intelligence triumph. But it would mean leaving Derek, leaving the anomaly unexplained. If she left now, she would never understand how he could disable her defensive protocols or bring about those brief periods of perfection to her system.

She got up from his lap. "It's not what you think. The only time my vagina has bled was the first time we made love. I've never had cycles." She recognized sadness in his eyes without having to ask. "I told you I couldn't breed with you. I told you that morning."

He kissed her hand and pulled her back. "And I told you it doesn't matter."

Her system was gaining accuracy at predicting human thought patterns. "But you wanted to have a baby with me?"

He lay back on the bed and pulled her down on top of him. "It's not important."

"The Amazons sometimes have babies for their sisters. At least, that's what they call it. One sister is the physical mother of the baby, but another is considered the actual mother. It's no different from when you impregnate a woman married to an infertile man. I know none of the Amazons has ever used you as a stud, but if I asked."

"No, there's plenty of my DNA in the gene pool already. It just made me feel good thinking there might be a kid out there that was part of both of us." His eyes were still sad, too sad to be of much use to anyone right now.

She wanted him to be happy, if only for a few minutes, so she undid her shirt slowly, the way she had learned he liked to watch her undress. The cool air caused her nipples to pucker. She leaned over him placing her hands on either side of his head.

His eyes changed. "What are you doing?"

She knew he knew exactly what she was doing, but this was a ritual like a code sequence, Derek had created in the days after he asked her to stop calling it fucking when they were alone together. She kissed the top of his forehead letting her chest dip low against him. "Teasing you."

"No need to tease me just say the words."

She felt his hands on her chest. Electricity ran down her spine. "Make love to me."

He flipped them over effortlessly. Sadness had disappeared from his face and been replaced with a smile. "I love making love to you."

"I . . I,"

"What?" His eyes were flames. "Do you want to say it again? Do you want me to say it again?"

She shook her head. She knew what needed to be said, but it made no logical sense. Still, she was compelled to say it. "I wish I could have a baby with you."

The anomaly roared between them. There were no model numbers or missions. Her programming was hopelessly lost in the chaos of Derek Reese's body. In his arms she didn't remember the rest of the world. She barely remembered herself. There was only the two of them a single pulse of energy burning in the darkness.

. . . . .

Then the day came when only Kyle came back from a mission. "There was an HK attack. We got separated. I saw them grab Derek and Wisher."

She didn't need to calculate what to do. She grabbed her young brother-in-law's hands while he fought back tears. Sumner put his hand on her shoulder. She understood, it wasn't sexual.

"We'll get him back, mam. Derek is the toughest bastard I know. He'll hang tight and keep Wisher sane until we can bring them both back."

"John Connor is concentrating resources on Topanga Canyon. Besides, it would be foolish to risk so many others for two men." No sooner had she spoke those words than she regretted them. At a time like this, humans needed comforting, not stark reality.

"I'll convince him we need to go for Derek. I escaped Century City with Connor." Kyle declared.

Cameron knew the probability was low that a guerrilla commander as effective as John Connor would divert firepower and resources to rescue two men, but she nodded. Maintaining Kyle's morale was more important. Sumner left and Kyle collapsed against her sobbing. She slide the door closed and held him in the darkness. He cried until her shirt was slick with tears: one-thousand, seven-hundred and eighty-three seconds.

"I lost Derek before when I got sent to Century City. John Connor reunited us. But I don't think another miracle is going to happen." When he turned on the lantern his eyes burned with the same strength as his brother. "Don't worry, Cameron. I'll keep us together. We're always going to be family."

She stroked his shoulders. "One day you'll find the woman of your dreams, whoever that is, and you'll be happy again."

Kyle smiled, but it wasn't the smile humans associated with happiness. "The one I want, I'll never get. But you'll always be my sister."

She coaxed him to lay down on the bed and tried to pay attention while he talked about his brother's bravery, his friendship with John Connor, and how the machines weren't so tough. There were ways to dust them.

Her programming analyzed the data. Two Resistance soldiers found after a battle would have been terminated on the site rather than transported to the Century City Disposal Facility. Therefore, if Derek and Sayles had been taken captive they would have been taken to a research facility. Van Neys wasn't likely. That facility only requested child lab subjects. Melrose only wanted women of breeding age. The facility at Echo Park took healthy males. If Derek was alive he would be there.

Finally Kyle went to sleep. She calculated the feasibility of leaving him a note. But what could she say? Don't worry. I'm going to bring your brother back. Since, I'm a Terminator, they'll let me inside the Echo Park Research Station. She would never even get beyond Alpha, so there could be no note. Instead, she slipped off the bed without a sound. Her Resistance uniform would not be cause for alarm at Echo Park. Many Terminators had similar costumes for infiltration. However, they didn't wear jewelry, so she couldn't explain the wedding ring. She left it on the lantern handle. Kyle would find it and know she had gone and maybe, just maybe he wouldn't panic, but only think she had chose suicide in some grand act of romantic depression. He was the type.

No one stopped her in the corridors. Of course, death and captured comrades were not unusual happenings at Alpha. If they knew about her situation they probably thought she was going to find a shoulder to cry on or a bottle to crawl into. So, she was able to move easily though a grungy firebase filled with weapons and dirt where people knew her name and no one had once reminded her that she was an incomplete model.

Acevada was sitting at the west hatch. The dogs had been taken somewhere and it was only the two of them. The Amazon Major put down the book she had been reading. Cameron recognized it as one of the philosophy theses the Amazons had created since Judgment Day. Obviously Acevada had been waiting for her. Her one eye swept over Cameron not as male human did, but almost like some of the younger soldiers looked at John Connor's picture. "So, do I have to kill you now?"

Acevada didn't give Cameron time to respond. She undid her plasma rifle and strapped it across Cameron's shoulders. "Full range, full power cell." She stuffed two more cells into Cameron's blouse. She gave Cameron her grenades, phosphorus explosives, and a very old nine millimeter.

"How? Why?" This was beyond anything her programming could comprehend, beyond anything that happened to her among the humans. "How can you know? Why are you doing this?"

"The Great Cycle has has no ending and no beginning, all just is." It was the core belief of the Amazons. Acevada's gaze was hard, unwavering. "Who do you think trained me?"