So it's been two years. I'm in high school now. I'm 16. I'm in all Honors classes, and I do sports inside and outside of school. I'm a little busy. And school IS my top priority. I promise this will be finished DURING my lifespan. Sometime in there. Hopefully next chapter will be posted before I'm 20. Oh, and my Rock Lee's Guide story is discontinued. It was super crappy, I was reading over it. Thank God I've improved, huh? Comments are much appreciated. And I don't own Naruto. Please enjoy.
Generally speaking, Hyuga Neji is a rather simple specimen. Disregarding his long-term Lower Branch crisis, of course, Neji is content with choosing the easiest lifestyle possible. Unfortunately for the poor, sufferable soul, he has been handed quite the complicated situation. Among questionably sane teammates such as the ever-youthful Rock Lee and Maito Gai combined with an unquestionably insane teammate, Wasanabi Tenten, he has much conflict in his life. Neji does not like conflict. Neji does not like bipolar females, nor does he like crying sessions and passionate hugs under the sunset, especially with those of the same sex.
And as he has recently discovered, Neji does not like birthday parties. But above all of the previously stated, Neji holds a profound resentment for culinary preparation. As in his case today, this might refer to baking a cake.
Neji aimed a particularly deadly poke to Hyuga Hiashi's midsection while mentally damning Haruno Sakura and Yamanaka Ino to hell. Before his uncle had a chance to retaliate, a piercing shriek had resounded from the Hyuga residence. A piercing female shriek that most certainly did not belong to Hinata, Hiashi noted, since she had taken the rest of the day to spend time with her teammates at the amusement park after practice.
Before Hiashi had time to raise an eyebrow, Neji wordlessly darted from the training area
Neji scrambled inside the prosperous dwelling and into the kitchen. Upon entrance, two angry females approached him armed with an eggbeater and a bowl that contained an unidentifiable, murky substance.
"This is all yourfault, Neji!" One screamed.
"If Sasuke was working with us, we wouldn't have had this problem!" The other hollered.
Neji gawked at them, and then at the disaster-struck kitchen. "What… what… have you guys done?" He managed, not hearing a fourth presence enter the room…
- A few hours earlier -
"And that concludes practice today, my precious students!" Maito Gai announced to the three teenagers. It was approaching noontime.
"Yes Gai-sensei!" Rock Lee rushed back from his training log as if he had not endured a gruesome, life-endangering practice. Although Gai had been ruthless in constantly watching over his prized prodigy and, well, his not-as prized, almost prodigy's dynamics, Lee couldn't help but not be too embarrassed around his mentor. However, Tenten felt a horrible mixture of mortification and murderous intent whenever her teacher spied on her while she was in the company of Rock Lee.
Ignoring the fact that Gai's other two students were approaching death, he continued speaking to the trio. "It has come to my attention that you are attending a social event at the amusement park in a short while?" Rock Lee nodded vigorously while Neji and Tenten grunted in approval as they dragged themselves over to the other two. Gai resumed, still blissfully unaware of his two students' sufferings. "In honor of this, I have ended practice earlier so the two of you can clean yourselves up a bit!"
Neji blinked. He was quite sure he heard "the two of you." He was always concerned about and a little afraid of Gai-sensei's brain cells and his lack thereof, but Neji had sometimes been almost sure that his teacher knew most fundamental math skills. It was Tenten, however, who voiced his confusion.
"The two of us? What's that supposed to mean, sensei?" Neji could detect the beginnings of one of Tenten's infamous mood swings. He cringed as Tenten continued, her voice increasing in anger by every word. "Oh wait, don't tell me. Are you forbidding me or Lee to go so you can go spy on us to prove our nonexistent dating status? Do you think we're going to ditch the invite for some amazing, bed-thumping SEX?! Or maybe you think we're going to have a giant group orgy, being the horny fourteen-year-olds that we are! Which is it, Gai-sensei?"
A painfully long silence later, Lee spoke, clearly out of sorts. "That Tenten! Her and her jokes." Lee was losing assurance in each word he spoke. "So full of… youth… burning… exploding… tights…" He anxiously pulled at the neck of his jumper and chuckled awkwardly before positively sprinting as far away from Tenten and his sensei as possible.
Neji, Gai, and Tenten watched Lee dash from the fields until two pairs of concerned eyes rested on the aggravated kunoichi. In Tenten's defense, Gai-sensei had been beyond embarrassing concerning her self-proclaimed platonic relationship with Lee. Ever since the events of Sunday's meeting, she could not strike up a conversation with Lee outside of practice. Whenever they were within a twenty-foot radius of each other, Gai would seemingly pop out of nowhere and, quite loudly and publicly, make all sorts of assumptions about the two. Even Neji had to admit, if he were in Lee's position, he would have snapped long ago.
Following yet another silence that was actually more painful than the recently finished training session, Gai discovered his power of speech. "Actually, Neji wasn't allowed to go," he corrected quite lamely.
Neji was rendered speechless. Tenten, however, required several moments to recreate some sort of organized thought process within her currently scrambled brain. At a loss for words, she spoke in an airy voice as she drifted off in the opposite direction. "Well, okay… Thanks for that… Gai-sensei."
Once Tenten had exited the premises, Neji directed a simple question at his erratic sensei. "Why?"
Gai soon regained his former exuberance, as if Tenten's sudden outburst hadn't utterly deep-fried his occasionally functional brain. "Well, that Inuzuka boy had given me this note intended for you to read yesterday," Gai had whipped out a crumpled, torn piece of paper from his vest pocket, "but I'm afraid I was far too occupied with following your two teammates that I had forgotten to hand it to you! It contains all the details."
Being nearly fully recovered from practice, Neji shakily stood on two feet and ambled over to his teacher, seizing the piece of paper with a tad too much force than intended. "Thank you, Gai-sensei," Neji strained, his voice deadly even.
Oblivious to his remaining student's irritation, Gai flashed his winning smile before walking off. "Anytime, my student!"
As Neji staggered over to the Hyuga complex, still feeling darts of pain shoot up his legs every now and then, he uncrumpled the note from Kiba and began reading, with a growing crease forming between his eyebrows as he continued.
NEJY! (He was in half a mind to stop reading already.)
Just letting you know that TOMORROW you'll be working with Sakura and Ino on the cake for Birthday Boy! I found them at the market yesterday, and they decided it would be best if the three of you cooked at your mansion for the extra room. If you have any problems, talk to either of us and we'll work it out for someplace else. But by the end of today! If we don't hear anything from you by the end of today, then it's assumed they'll be coming over yours tomorrow at 1 o' clock, PM. Meanwhile, Hinata and the rest of us are taking Shino out for the amusement park just in case. You guys can come over once you're finished.
Have a great time BAKING!
- KIBA (and Akamaru)
For a moment, Neji was extremely worried. Within the next hour, Sakura and Ino would arrive at his place to start baking. This wasn't the main cause of his concern, however. His uncle, Hyuga Hiashi, would throw a fit if he witnessed his nephew baking, for two reasons. According to the Hyuga clan leader, baking cakes is an activity that should be reserved for females, and females alone. Also, on a lesser note, Neji had inherited from Hiashi his borderline-obsession with maintaining a certain degree of cleanliness wherever he went. Neji had a well-founded belief that this cooking experiment will most likely result in a chaotic, possibly life-threatening aftermath. Hiashi would not be terribly pleased.
But then Neji remembered that Hiashi wouldn't be coming home from his mission until later on in the evening, which would give the trio ample time to clean up. Although, Neji sighed as he entered his home, it was quite a blow to his masculinity to be spending a day with two girls, baking a cake.
No sooner had Neji plopped down in a comfy chair than he heard a loud knock on the front door. At first, he was agitated because he never had a chance to relax after practice, but then concluded it was for the best to finish this "cake business" as quickly as possible, unless he would prefer to suffer Hyuga Hiashi's wrath.
He opened the door and was face to face with two kunoichi with various cooking utensils in their arms and…
Aprons. Three aprons. Three frilly, pink aprons. Neji eyed the accursed, possibly satanic objects with disdain.
"No," he hissed venomously. Sakura and Ino stared at him confusedly.
"Hi, Neji," Ino drawled in a falsely sweet voice as she let herself inside the complex, Sakura in tow.
Neji did not move. "No," he repeated, devastated, sounding much like a young child who had been told the truth about Santa Claus by his parents.
---
"Neji, did you find a pan, yet?"
"Yes, Sakura. I found a pan."
"A thirteen-by-nine inch pan?"
"…"
"God, Neji, what's wrong with you? Who doesn't have a thirteen-by-nine inch pan?"
"Yeah. I bet Sasuke has a thirteen-by-nine inch pan!"
Neji decided that girls were more trouble than they were worth. He wouldn't really need a girlfriend, when that period of his life kicked in, would he? He would be much more satisfied to remain a permanent bachelor than to endure the horrid mood swings, the constant fussing, and overall cattiness that every female he had ever encountered seemed to demonstrate. But at least he had managed to avoid wearing that hideous apron after being reduced to begging.
He had been searching for that damned thirteen-by-nine inch pan for a half an hour while the two Harpies confided in each other the latest village gossip or exchanged personal opinions of the male ninjas, most notably Sasuke. Desperately wanting to end this nightmare of an experience quickly as possible, Neji procured a pan that might pass for being thirteen-by-nine inches.
"Here. Found one," Neji declared in an annoyed monotone.
"Are you sure, Neji?" Sakura asked suspiciously as she observed the pan in detail. "It would ruin the whole cake if the pan was too small, you know."
Neji made a mental note to make sure that he was the one who poured the batter in the pan. "Positive."
"Great!" She replied, and then found a large bowl. "So, Neji, have you ever cooked anything before?"
Neji scoffed. "No. Even if I wanted to, my uncle would forbid me to. That's why I've been wanting to hurry up before he comes home!"
"Why won't your uncle let us cook?" Sakura questioned as she rummaged for the cinnamon in her bag of ingredients.
"Because baking is for girls," he spat, growing tired of the mindless chatter.
A sudden, devilish grin flashed Ino's features before she said casually, "So then why aren't you allowed to –"
"Why don't Neji and I slice up the carrots, and you can crack the eggs, Ino?" Sakura interrupted, wanting to survive the day with minimal conflict. Without waiting for a response, she thrust the large bowl into Ino's arms and dragged Neji by the sleeve over to the cutting board.
---
"Damnit!"
"Neji, don't startle me like that!"
"I cut my finger! What do you want me to say?"
"Ugh, not again! We have no more band-aids left, see?"
"And that's not how you cut up carrots! They're way too tiny, Neji!"
"I bet Sasuke knows how to cut carrots."
"Never mind that," Neji sighed exasperatedly, nursing his index finger by patching up the bleeding with a paper towel. "Are you almost done with the eggs, Ino?"
"Well, about that –"
"Great," Neji strode over to the bowl of eggs, placed it underneath the cutting board, and scraped the carrot shreds into it with his knife. He then poured in the rest of the ingredients. "Now where's the egg beater –"
"Neji!" Ino snapped.
"What?" Neji responded, nearly beside himself.
"If you had let me finish, then I could have told you that the bowl had egg shells in it!"
Neji grip on the bowl momentarily slackened, and he gazed into its contents with horrified wonderment. All he wanted to do on this deceivingly, mockingly beautiful day was to recline in his comfy chair, maybe doze off for a few hours, and spend a day away from his insane teammates and their equally insane friends. Forget the amusement park, Hyuga Neji only wanted a day of relaxation for himself; a day without springtimes of youth, green spandex, awkward silences, Sasuke, and rampaging females. And yet he had been rewarded with all of the above and more. These petty, insignificant mortals could not begin to comprehend the woes of Hyuga Neji's life.
"I give up," Neji uttered in surrender. He threw his arms up in resign.
"Relax, Neji," Ino comforted, beginning to worry for the genius's sanity. "It's just a cake."
"Yeah," Sakura added, trying to bring Neji back to the good side. "It's not a big deal. Besides, we can always make another one!"
Before Neji had a chance to scream out a list of profanities that would make your grandmother blush, before he had the chance to do something highly illegal, and before he had the chance to plunge the sharp cutting knife through the middle of his forehead, he looked out the window and noticed a certain towering figure approach the Hyuga complex.
The corner of his lips twitched, and Neji, who was absolutely certain, at the least, that nothing else could possibly happen to further worsen his day, couldn't help but chuckle.
Hyuga Hiashi.
Sakura and Ino watched in awe as various facial expressions passed over Neji's visage. Considering his peculiar behavior, Ino was tempted to believe that, maybe, Neji experiences a type of "Guy PMS." After all, she always suspected that Neji was sort of girly. He was a neat freak, temperamental, and had beautiful, flowing hair that she had secretly envied. Before she had time to pity Neji and his menstrual cycle, however, he had darted from the kitchen area, only saying, "Just hurry up with the cake. Hiashi's here."
Ino watched him leave, and then advised, "I think you should crack the eggs this time, Sakura."
---
Hyuga Hiashi walked into the kitchen to find a flustered Neji, a furious blonde girl brandishing an eggbeater soaked in a gooey substance, and a furious pink-haired girl holding a bowl of the same mysterious substance. His glorious kitchen was in utter disarray, with the murky liquid splattered all over the walls, floor, and windows. Hiashi decided to speak up before things got even uglier.
"So, what happened here?"
His nephew whipped around and, judging by his shocked facial expression, seemed to fear for his life. He looked as though he awaited his eternal Judgment.
"Uncle! It's – It's not what you think! This wasn't my idea! This is all… Hinata's teammate's fault! Inuzuka Kiba! He came up with a ridiculous idea to throw the Aburame boy a surprise birthday party, and assigned me to bake the cake with these two! I – I wouldn't have chosen –"
Hiashi raised a hand, signaling Neji to cease his frantic tirade. "Well, there's no doubting that those Inuzukas always had a few screws loose… Before I ground you until your birthday, answer this for me, Neji."
The three teenagers gulped.
"Why didn't you simply purchase a cake?"
