Oh, another update! I've been working on a Captain America cosplay, so it's def gotten me back into the mood to write about these two! I really enjoyed this chapter. I also really enjoy mountain settings and hot tubs ;)


"What're you doing?" Steve's voice called into the sitting room.

Of course he'd decide to show up at the most inopportune moment. Bucky hadn't even had a chance to think of all that Banner said and here was the whole issue, padding up the steps, calling out to Bucky before the man even reached the other.

Jesus… Bucky wished he had a memory wipe right now.

"I just wasn't hungry," Bucky said, his gaze still fixed on the flames of the large fireplace.

Steve sat down next to Bucky; their shoulders were touching. The warmth Bucky felt was indescribable. His anger subsided, his worries seeped into the back of his head. He was present with the object of his fixation, whether it was because of a lingering ghost of a man before, or because he remembered enough of how that previous man felt about the man before him to consider this a present love.

"I was talking to Sam and-"

"You're leaving. I know. Dr. Banner told me."

Steve's head twitched, like he was astonished that Banner would get up here so fast just to explain that. "Is it okay?"

"You're asking my permission?" Bucky shot back. He knew his tone was borderline irritated, but he couldn't help it. It upset him that Steve was thinking of leaving for awhile.

"Well, yeah. I won't leave if you really need me."

Bucky lay his head back against the ottoman. He could feel one of the buttons on it as balanced part of his skull. It wasn't uncomfortable; just noticeable. "I don't know Steve…" Bucky sighed, leaving forward now, placing his face in his hands. He felt exhausted. "I'm scared. Confused. Irritated. Highly bi-polar and…I don't know."

"If you need me to stay, I'll stay. Stark'll go in my place. Probably best that he and Sam go anyway. Both can fly."

Well that was handy… Bucky wish he could fly away right about now. "So you've already planned that I wouldn't want you to go? So there's your answer then. You made it for yourself."

"Why're you so difficult? One second you're here and we're talking like we used to and then another you're like…this." Steve gestured with his hands over at Bucky's body.

Bucky smirked, however, inside he felt like crying. "Guess that's just part of my charm. I'm getting a headache. Can we not do this?"

"Not do what, Buck?"

Bucky finally looked over at Steve. The man's brow was knit together and his jaw was clenched. "I don't wanna argue with you. I don't know why I'm the way I am. I just…am."

Steve relaxed, much to Bucky's pleasure. The blonde sighed, fidgeting with his shoes. "Yeah…you're right. I'm sorry, Bucky. I'm just…" Steve laid back against the ottoman now. "I'm worried for Natasha. Barton hasn't checked in with her for weeks. She's out there by herself against Hydra, whatever's going on with Barton and God knows what else."

Bucky leaned back against the ottoman too, turning to look at Steve's angular face. He liked how the shadows danced against his cheekbones as the fire continued its flickering against the wood. "I'm making this a lot more difficult for you, aren't I?"

"Don't worry about it. I'd rather have you like this than not have you at all."

Bucky felt his heart clench. "Do I really mean that much to you?" He was fishing; trying to get any input from the other whatsoever. Maybe this was a good lead in to that….other conversation.

"You're my best pal, Bucky. Of course you mean that much to me."

Best pal, huh? Discouraged, Bucky leaned forward, stretching out his shoulder muscles. "Is there a bathtub here? I'd like to soak for a bit."

"There's a hot tub in the basement. It's really sweet."

"Join me?" Bucky heard himself say before he even had a chance to evaluate the words.

"Sure. I'll find us some swim trunks." Steve stood up, stretching his arms up to the sky and yawning. "Wait, can your arm get wet?"

Bucky laughed. "I've had showers since being with you all. It's waterproof."

"Oh, neat." Steve started for the staircase with Bucky right behind. Bucky watched his shoulder blades through the fabric of his shirt. Did Steve know how beautiful he'd become? He'd always been beautiful, small and scrawny. It was the eyes that drew Bucky to him first.

Wait…

Bucky's eyes widened, and his steps fell silent as he froze. He dropped his mouth, staring now at the end of the hall. He'd remembered… He'd…remembered. Steve's ocean blue eyes...are what Bucky had always liked the most...


The hot tub was located on the lower level's porch. It looked like at least ten people could fit comfortably. There was a little light in the middle that kept changing colors softly, each blending from one to the next. The exterior was the same mountain that enveloped the house. Bucky guessed it was a custom piece. He stood there awkwardly, watching Steve casually hop into the hot tub, moving to turn on the bubbles and jets.

Bucky watched the muscles of Steve's back flinch and relax as the man adjusted to the heat of the water. Steve turned to Bucky, his bare chest exposed like the cascade of a mountain side. Each angle was enhanced by the shadows cast by the colors, blue, green, now purple, pink…

"You coming? Or are you afraid of a little water?" Steve joked, splashing some of the water out at Bucky.

Bucky smiled, feeling his shoulders relax. "I'm not scared of water."

"I'd hope not, considering you saved me from it once…" Steve said, sitting in a corner.

Bucky swung one leg over the side, wincing at how hot the water was as it playfully bit at his toes and ankle. "Fuck that's hot." He swung the other leg in and stepped forward, the water now searing comfortably around his thighs. "I put you in that water in the first place though…"

Steve rested his head back against a plush cushion. "You didn't know any better."

"No…at that point I think I knew I knew you. After you'd sat there and continuously explained you knew me." Bucky waded across from Steve. Even with their legs stretched out, their toes could barely touch, but if Bucky scooted down a bit he could probably graze Steve's, though he wasn't going to attempt that right now. "It was like… each time I punched you I just got this feeling."

Steve cocked a solo eyebrow.

"Okay…so…don't think this is weird, cause, it's probably weird but fuck it." Bucky laughed nervously. "Each time I touch you, it's like my body remembers you, even if my mind doesn't."

Steve's brows shot up as his face rounded out in astonishment. "Really?"

Bucky felt like drowning himself now. He scooted down, feeling his feet brush against Steve's. Shit…

Steve scooted to the front of his seat he'd been nestled in, he outstretched his arms, his palms were toward the sky. "Touch my hands."

Bucky now cocked a single eyebrow.

"Seriously, touch them!" Steve laughed.

Begrudgingly, Bucky moved forward, placing his hands atop Steve's. The water occasionally swayed so that Bucky's fingers could graze against Steve's rough palms. He could feel the small jolts, like electricity shooting down from the nerves in his hands to his elbows before it subsided.

"What do you feel?" Steve asked, seriously.

Bucky closed his eyes, thinking hard. "I feel…" He pulled his hands back, falling back into the seat carved into the hot tub. "It's hard to explain."

Steve moved forward, he was on his knees as he scooted right in front of Bucky. "No seriously, I'm really curious." He outstretched his hands again.

Bucky rolled his eyes, but obliged. Their hands met once again. Bucky felt a strange warmth down in the pit of his stomach, but it was enjoyable. "I get more relaxed. Like my body recognizes you and knows I can trust you."

"Anything else?" Steve asked.

"No," Bucky drawled. "It's more of feelings versus actual memories. Like when I was punching you, I could feel I'd seen your face so many times before."

"So it kind of depends on where?"

Bucky laughed. "I don't know." He recoiled his hands once again.

"Touch my face."

Bucky laughed harder. "Serious?"

"I'm dead serious! I'm curious!" Steve said with a smile. Bucky wanted to kiss those cheek bones as Steve smiled.

"You're insane," Bucky said, but he reached up and held the sides of Steve's face. His fingers tingled, like they were falling asleep, but the feeling wasn't painful, it was almost pleasurable. "It's the same. I just know I've seen your face, skinny and short, tall and muscular. I know I've shared a life with you. I just can't see the individual memories."

"Muscle memory's different from the mind's memory," Steve said.

Bucky moved his thumbs against Steve's face, following the man's cheek bone under his eye. "Yeah, I guess." Bucky could feel a pressure at the back of his neck, like someone was pushing him. He moved in, just an inch before recoiling altogether, bringing his knees up to his chin as he wrapped his arms protectively around them.

"Woah, you okay?" Steve said, moving closer, placing a hand on Bucky's wet shoulder. The motion splashed a lot of water out of the hot tub. Bucky heard it's crashing sound, like glass.

"It's…" Bucky closed his eyes. He just wanted to go under the water and never come back up. "This is really…trying on me."

"What is?" Steve asked, moving so that he sat next to Bucky. He wrapped an arm around the other.

Bucky fought the urge to lay his head back. "Do you really not have the slightest clue?"

"Uh, getting your memories back?"

"No!" Bucky shouted. He was exhausted. This dance he and Steve had been doing since they met again… It was all so tiring! "I often space out when looking at you. I touch you and I get these little jolts of energy that run down my nerves! How does none of this…" He stopped abruptly, watching Steve's eyes carefully as he could see the light bulb hadn't gone off in the blonde's head yet. "You know what…never mind."

"Bucky…"

"N-no, Steve. Let's just stop. I wanna get out." He tried to stand up but Steve's arm held him down.

"I didn't know you knew again!"

"Knew what?" Bucky hissed.

Steve released his grip, wading to the front of Bucky now. Steve's face was distressed. He lightly dug his top teeth into his bottom lip as he looked from side to side. It was strange to Bucky. He hadn't seen Steve like this yet, at least that he could remember. "Maybe you don't remember," Steve mumbled.

"Remember what?" Bucky shouted. "Just fucking tell me! Cause I can't do this anymore!"

Steve recoiled.

Bucky was exasperated. He huffed, mostly angry at himself. He slumped down, so the water covered his chin. His hair floated around his face, tickling his neck and shoulders.

"I don't want to ruin your memory process though," Steve said softly, he caressed the water softly with the tips of his fingers, back and forth in front of him.

"Okay," Bucky whispered. His stomach felt like it was in at least fifteen different knots; maybe his intestines joined the party too.

Steve backed up, sloshing water over the edges of the hot tub as he found his way back into his seat. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make this weird."

"You're fine. You're just trying to let me figure this out all on my own."

Steve's face brightened. "Yeah! Trust me, when it hits you again ,you'll know it."

Bucky smirked, nodding in acceptance. He wanted to ask… He wanted to say thing about what he'd been feeling since day one, but he was so tired. Tired of this game, this…dance. He just wanted to relax and go to sleep. "I'm getting out," Bucky said, standing up, feeling the bite of the cold air against his warmed skin.

"When you go back inside there's a room to your left where you can get into warm pajamas. The heated towel rack is right there tough," Steve said as he pointed to the towel rack next to the double doors that led back inside.

"Thanks." Bucky grabbed a towel, enjoying its warmth. He felt heavy. He drug himself inside, his feet protesting with each step. Steve was alone out there now. Probably a bit dejected. Bucky had a good idea of what Steve was trying to say. It was why he didn't flinch when Bucky ran his thumb over his cheek bones.

Steve had to have loved him too…


Stark, Sam and Banner were on the main floor; all sipping what looked to be coffee. Stark had a jug of Bailey's Irish Cream next to him though. Bucky smirked. He padded, barefoot into the room with the towel he'd used to dry himself off draped around his shoulders.

"Go for a swim, Tiger?" Stark asked.

"Just the hot tub. There's a pool too?"

"Yep. It's in the room that looks like a cave."

"You're disgustingly too rich," Bucky responded, sitting on the couch, next to Banner.

Banner looked at him inquiringly but said nothing about Steve.

"I'm exhausted. Which bedroom do I use?" Bucky asked, rubbing his face with both his hands.

"The one next to Steve's. It's got the bed that's bed posts look like deer antlers," Stark responded. "Want a drink before bed? Help you sleep?"

"No thanks," Bucky responded. "I'm pretty sure I'm going to hit the mattress and pass out."

"You feeling okay? You do look a little pale," Banner said, reaching up to check Bucky's temperature.

"I was just in the hot tub. S'got me sleepy," Bucky responded, swatting Banner's hand away gently.

Banner eyed him momentarily, before relaxing from the subject.

Sam sat in one of the oversized arm chairs, he was curled up, his feet tucked under his bottom with his mug in his lap. He merely eyed Bucky warily.

"You have a problem with me?" Bucky spat.

"Bucky," Stark attempted to deflect.

"No, I wanna know. Do you have a problem with me?" Bucky asked, standing up.

Sam didn't react for a moment, before finally shaking his head no. "Nah man. It's just weird knowing you tried to kill me once…well…a few times. And now you're here. Something I don't think I'm ever gonna get used to."

Bucky could understand that. At least Sam was honest. He merely nodded and made toward the staircase. "Night," he called out.

He got murmured responses of "night" back.

He found his room, turning on the lamp that rested atop one of the dressers. The room was deer themed. The bed had the posts fashioned to look like deer antlers. There was a deer carved into the tall dresser. The smaller one next to the door had a meadow painted onto it, but it was made to look really old and the paint was chipped, most likely intentionally. There was a deer with her fawn painted in the middle. The rug was a deep forest green and felt soft and plush against Bucky's bare feet.

He crawled into the bed, hoping the switch behind the nightstand turned the light off near the door, smiling when it did. He lay there, staring up at the dark ceiling, his eyes slowly adjusting as the moon's rays slowly trickled into the room. Steve said once he remembered whatever it was that Steve was going to say…he'd know it. Was it this? Had it been a secret this entire time? Or had it always been out in the open? Bucky just wanted to know now… He was tired of his memories lazily floating in like they weren't important.

He sighed, turning on his side to look at the large windows at the front of the room. They overlooked fig trees in the front yard. Luckily there was no giant backdrop of mountains. Perhaps Stark had done that on purpose when selecting Bucky's room… Stark was a lot nicer than what he let on. Sure they'd gotten off to a bad start, but Bucky was sure they'd moved past that by now.

Someone knocked on the door. Bucky turned his head to look, "Come in," he said.

Steve opened the door a crack, just exposing his face and a bit of his shoulder. "I just wanted to say good night," Steve said.

"Night Steve," Bucky said, smiling softly.

Steve closed the door softly. Bucky listened to his footsteps and then the shuffles of someone getting ready for bed in the next room. He felt his eyelids grow heavy. Each moment became harder and harder to stay awake and listen to those sounds.

Before he knew it, he'd found himself in a deep, dreamless sleep.