Authors note: Holy shit another chapter!?!?!?! And unfortunatly my beta reader is still not online so this one is unbeta'd... hopefully she'll be getting on soon and I'll upload the grammatically correct versions. My beta reader happens to be my real life best friend and thank god she puts up with me and my slash filled stories. (pst she's a nonbeliever when it comes to slash... especially this story hahahahaha). Hope you all like this chappy!
Disclaimer: I don't own them!
Harry could tell there was something to be edgy about. For the past three days Sirius had been very mellow and even if things obviously bothered him he didn't bring it up. Remus had been sleeping all the time and when he was awake he remind Harry vaguely of the zombies from the movies Dudley used to watch. It wasn't until he was up, yet again, at three working on his potions essay that he realized the moon was awfully close to full. No wonder everyone was at edge, okay well everyone being Remus and Sirius. Harry didn't even know what Remus did on full moons and he was pretty sure they didn't want him to find out. So the next morning at breakfast when it was just he and Sirius because Sirius felt it was "best to let Remus sleep in" he asked. He was right Sirius just shrugged and muttered something about the bacon Harry cooked not being burnt for once.
But here he was the night of the full moon staring up at the sky wondering why they didn't want him to know. It was only nine so Remus's transformation had just taken place and the last he knew Sirius was with him.
Sirius wiped his eyes for the hundredth time as he watch Remus, actually Moony, throw himself at the bars for the hundredth time. He knew that this was going to cause some ugly bruises on his Remus, not that this part of Remus wasn't his as well but it was just… different. He always hated seeing Remus like this, even with the potion he still had his violent moments and since he'd insulted Severus about something or other he'd been refusing to make the potion. Now a sane person would say "if you hate seeing someone like this then why not leave?" and of course Sirius wasn't exactly the poster child for sane. Sirius hated being witness to this but what he hated more was know that Remus was alone, even if he didn't remember who was there during the night Sirius still knew and that was what mattered. Sure he could have told Harry but Remus hadn't wanted him he said Harry had been witness once he didn't need to see it again but somewhere Sirius knew it was really Remus's dormant pride. Then again Sirius didn't want to jeopardize Harry's respect and love for Remus by showing him this side again and again. He knew sometimes, in his dark moments, he thought of Remus as something less. He couldn't let that happen to Harry, he just couldn't, he'd never forgive himself.
Harry paused as he passed the door leading into the basement, no duh, that would be where they'd set up a place for Remus. He pulled open the door listening to the sounds downstairs, he could hear Moony's growl and he could dimly make out Sirius sitting at the bottom of the stairs. He sighed and closed the door before sitting down at the kitchen table. He couldn't hear anything from downstairs now and that worried him that they put a silencing charm on the basement where Sirius was sitting alone, with a werewolf.
Sirius looked up as he saw the light from the door spread across him, he looked up to see Harry's silhouette standing in the light before he closed the door again. He figured he should probably go talk to Harry, ensure there was nothing wrong. It took him a little before he managed to work up the courage to leave Remus all alone in the dark basement. Once he did he bolted up the stairs pushing open the door, luckily he didn't have to search the whole house for Harry.
"Hey," he waved as he moved to take a seat.
"Why is there a silencing charm on the basement?" Harry asked matter-of-factly.
"Sil..what?" Sirius asked looking at bit stunned.
"Silencing charm, on the basement," Harry repeated.
"Just so you know, you could go on without the noise," Sirius explained trying to make it sound like it was no big deal.
"Yeah so if something would happen down there I wouldn't know until morning and by that time you'd be dead," Harry pointed out.
"Harry I," Sirius was about to explain all the ways Harry was wrong but then he realized he wasn't, "See your point."
"Thank you, now will you take it off?" Harry asked though at this point it didn't really seem like a question.
"Tomorrow. Harry I just don't want you to have to deal with that," Sirius said softly looking at his hands.
"I've seen it before Sirius, it doesn't bother me," Harry insisted wondering what Sirius was going on about.
"I know but Harry sometimes… Harry have you ever gotten thoughts that you hate, ones that you thought 'never in a million years will I think that' and yet you do?" Sirius asked looking back up.
Harry simply nodded, he finally got what Sirius was so worried about. He stood and walked over to the other end of the table. Sirius who loved Remus seemed to occasionally think less of him. Harry thought he'd be angry if he'd ever heard something like that but he wasn't actually, he wasn't upset at all. Everyone had their doubts and fears about people they loved. He kneeled next to Sirius's chair hugging his waist, resting his head on one of Sirius's legs.
"I love him Harry I do its just sometimes when I'm really angry I think these awful things," Sirius confessed as he stroked Harry's hair.
Harry looked up and sighed, "Everyone thinks bad things about people they love and it always seems to be the last thing they want to think."
"I know but… I scream and yell at people who even insinuate he's something less than them, I'm a fucking hypocrite," Sirius growled using his free hand to wipe at his face.
Harry sighed figuring it was just best not to fight with Sirius, especially not now, they'd fight later when he wasn't so emotional. So simply he rested his head back down not saying a word. And they must have staid there in complete silence for almost ten minutes before Harry finally stood. Instead of going back so his own end he sat on the table watching Sirius. He smiled when he saw the collar, he had noticed it had become a permanent thing shortly after he'd moved in.
"Why do you wear it?" Harry asked reaching out and running his thumb over the engraved word.
"Funny story. I don't know if Remus told you but I was Padfoot for like two weeks before you came," Sirius laughed.
"He mentioned it but I think he used different words," Harry nodded, it was more like 'damn mutt' and 'asshole'.
"Well he decided if I was 'going to act like a dog I was to be treated as such' and voilà, collar," Sirius explained, he just didn't feel the need to inform Harry that recently it'd had been used in a much more… adult manner.
Harry snickered and shook his head at how weird Remus and Sirius were. He sometimes found it completely irritating, but others, he found them so oddly endearing.
Sirius smiled at Harry's snicker and couldn't help but admire the boy. Harry was definitely almost sixteen, it was scary how much Harry looked like James but at the same time he was different. His face wasn't as hard proving him to be some of Lily's as well, of course his green eyes, and Harry was smaller and seemed a bit more nimble something that Sirius wasn't sure where he got. Harry's personality was not James or even Lily's, Harry was… Harry. Sirius often wondered about how different Harry would have been if James and Lily hadn't been killed. Of course he would have spent so much more time with Harry and probably have been something more of an uncle, not just the guy that was supposed to be his godfather.
"Sirius… you're staring," Harry stated crossing his arms over his chest a little self conscious, god Sirius's gaze was weird.
"Oh sorry, didn't mean to," Sirius apologized looking down at his hands.
Sirius felt guilty for some reason, sure at the corners of his little mind parade he'd been thinking so not right things about Harry. About how he wondered what Harry's stomach would feel like to run his hands over. He shouldn't be thinking that for many reasons the main being: He had Remus, he loved Remus and two Harry was so much younger than he was. Sirius had given up long ago playing the 'I'm his godfather' card, it didn't work when you basically only met the kid when he was thirteen. Yes he'd been having some impure thoughts about poor Harry since Remus had stuck the damn collar on him. He hadn't mentioned it to Remus, he didn't need the 'that's sick' lecture. He knew it was probably sick but, it was his damn fault for putting on the fucking collar.
"Sirius…" Harry asked after, once more, Sirius gaze got a bit too much for him to deal with.
"Oh, god Harry. I'm sorry I keep doing that," Sirius said shaking his head trying to will out all deep thoughts.
Harry nodded, "Alright.
Sirius looked up and on second thought, "I think I should go back downstairs," he said before standing and walking down the stairs.
Harry sighed as he rolled over looking at the clock for the seventeenth time since he'd tried going to bed. It was only three minutes since the last time he checked and it was only 1:30 am according to the ugly red glare. About five hours until Sirius would be half dragging Remus up the stairs to their bedroom where they'd both crash for the day leaving him to his own devices. And that really didn't sound appeasing to him, apparently neither did sleeping.
Finally giving up Harry stood and started down into the kitchen. He pulled open the basement door, damning Sirius and his stupid ideas. He shut the door after him, still standing on one of the top steps, letting his eyes adjust to the dark light for a moment. He slowly made his way down to where the growling was getting louder and he could hear Sirius's breathing, which he thought was odd.
"Sirius," He said softly as he walked towards the figure he knew had to be Sirius.
"Harry what are you doing down here?" Sirius asked rather alarmed as he looked between Harry and the cage.
"Keeping you company… and no I'm not leaving," Harry stated and to punctuate this he sat down next to Sirius.
"Alright." Sirius agreed actually happy to have some company.
Harry didn't say anything else but instead looked at Sirius. He seemed sad sitting down here in the dark watching, what normally was, Remus throw himself around. Harry didn't really blamed him, he honestly didn't want to watch it but at the same time he understood Sirius's unwillingness to leave him alone.
And as Harry thought and watched Sirius what he wasn't aware of was that Sirius turned to look at him as well. When he didn't notice this he didn't look away but instead looked back, directly at him.
Suddenly they were kissing, he had no clue who had started it. God it felt good, and Harry had no intentions of pulling back. But just as he decided this Sirius pulled back almost like something had shocked him.
"Oh god… Harry I can't…" And that was all Harry heard of Sirius's declaration before he turned and bolted up the stairs.
He slammed the door a little harder than necessary, they just kissed. Was all he could think about until the nasty realization he'd also just been turned down, sank in. He leaned against the hallway wall breathing heavily trying to pretend that didn't just happen.
"Harry," That was Sirius who sounded just as breathless as he felt.
Oh god he'd just been rejected and now Sirius wanted to talk about it. He couldn't handle that, he could barely deal with the fact they'd kissed. But once more without warning he felt Sirius's lips on his own. What the fuck was he doing!
Sirius pulled away slower this time, "I didn't finished. I can't… not down there," and with that his lips were back on Harry's.
They stood there in the hallway kissing feverishly taking only the necessary air breaks. Harry seemed to need someone to hold him up so he was latched around Sirius and Sirius, he need someone to anchor him and Harry served as that. Somehow with out words they managed making their way backwards up the stairs, well that was until Harry tripped landing on his back. Sirius just knelt around him still kissing him, his hands unable to rest in one spot.
Harry was contented to lay there on the stairs kissing Sirius. But then reality got the better of him, Sirius was in love with Remus. He pulled back, but now out, from Sirius. "But…" was all he managed before Sirius nodded.
"I know, I know, Remus," He said hanging his head though he didn't feel the slight bit guilty.
"You love him and you…" Harry started for Sirius but couldn't even fathom what to put in the spot for him.
"Love you too," Sirius said quickly and it almost shocked him to hear himself say that.
"But what about…" Harry trailed off once more.
"Remus? I don't know Harry," Sirius finished before pulling away sitting on the steps next to Harry.
"Maybe we should think about this," Harry said praying Sirius wasn't going to call him nuts and say he had Remus and didn't need him.
"I think we should and part of that would mean me going back downstairs," Sirius admitted.
"And me upstairs," Harry agreed before standing he was half way up the stairs before he turned quickly, "And Sirius," he called.
"Yeah?"
"I love you too."
Thanks to: living-is-easy-with-eyes-closed, Spinner2009, berkum (hahaha that dream about Voldy is due to the fact I was having this weird dream and voldy was doing the can-can on my school stage), TheFrogFromHell, aspireraywriter, Aeowyn922, RahRahReplica, -Xany-Insany-Xenia-o-Awesome-, sncaggie, Fallen friend, Lixa Luvs Moony Padfoot Prongs, momijisora (I know! Kawaii right?), and platinumvamp
