DISCLAIMER: I do not own Emmerdale or it's Characters, they belong to ITV1
chapter 7
***warning*** NO AARON!
***advanced warning*** It's nearly time for Jackson coming OUT...some emotional and unpleasant scenes to follow in up coming chapters
HI, HOPE YOU LIKE THE CHAPTER! LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!...Mark xx...THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH ABIT OF JACKSON RATHER THAN AARON!
LATE AUGUST 2005
Jackson Walsh came out the pub with a group of his builder work mates, the street was damp from the heavy drizzle, " That bird was so INTO you Andy...you should have took it home!" told Tim.
Andy pulled his hoodie round him, " WHAT!...that was dog rough mate!...I've seen better breeds in the kennels!"
"SHEEE was certainly built like one" agreed Wayne, it was Wayne who turned to Jackson who was unusually quiet, "int' that right Jackson"
Jackson was preoccupied, but nodded at him, raising his eyebrowes, " yeah, BUILT like a bulldog, Mate!",
They came to the corner, where Andy turned around to face Jackson, " so are yah coming out tomorrow with us...first rounds on Wayne...", Jackson smiled, there was always banter between Andy and Wayne, " maybe..." he finally answered, suddenly noticing that Bar West was only across the street, ahead of them.
"awwwwww, told yah that the missus has you under the thumb mate, especially with that sprog on the way..." cried Tim in jest.
Jackson shook his head at him, "NO, she hasn't actually...I DO WHAT'LL WANT!"
Tim was holding his hands up to him, backing off, " alright, alright, keep yah hair on, I were only messing with yah mate!"
Jackson realised he was over reacting, and backed off himself, " nah...it's me...too many early mornings...", Andy laughed out loud at that remark, " and there will be alot MORE of them when the sprog arrives!"
Jackson smiled, even though he didn't feel like it, because he had spotted Joe coming up the street, the lad was busy chatting to one of his mates to notice Jackson, but he also failed to notice Jackson's burly mates blocking the pavement, Joe bumped right into Andy, the most hot headed of them all.
"HEY!, watch where you're going you PILLICK!" he cried, Joe held up his hands to him, " sorry mate, I didn't see you there..."
Andy was about to let the matter drop, when Joe's mate opened his mouth...big mistake...Jackson cringed...the lad was camp as christmas, " ees not even hada few yet!" he laughed.
Wayne laughed out loud, " pair of jessies!...bet you pair are heading to that club!", he pointed towards Bar West, Jackson stared toward the pavement, he really couldn't face looking up at Joe, but Joe had already clocked Jackson...but he never said owt..." we're going there yeah...problem with that..." told Joe, Jackson could clearly see Joe was winding up Andy, so he stepped in, " hey, lets not get into any trouble lads..."
Andy burst into laughter, " WHAT...with THIS fruitcake!...HE won't be causing any trouble, I can tell you that..."
Joe's friend looked very uncomfortable, Jackson manouvered himself so he was between him and Andy, " let them alone will yah...they're just out having some fun...like us..." he reasoned, glancing toward Joe briefly, Joe's eyes shot away from him.
Wayne stepped forward, " FUN!...bet it's a different kinda fun we know!...a lads!", Andy's voice became camp, as he became mimickly intimidating, " yeah, a QUEER kind of fun!", Jackson raised his hands, " look lads, lets get off yeah...big day tomorrow on site...up early and all that...", Tim glanced at his watch, " yeah...he's right...it's past 11, mate"
Andy glared at both Joe and his camp mate, then turned away to his own mates, " yeah, lucky for them...", Jackson stepped aside and let Joe and his mate pass, both avoided eye contact at first, but as Jackson started to work up the road with his mates, he glanced back to see Joe and his mate disappear into Bar West, Joe glanced around once...but his face clearly was bemused.
As an excuse to break away, Jackson bid goodnight to his mates, and made for the taxi rank, then as he stood with his hands in his pockets waiting for his mates to vanish down the street, he soon began to head his way back up in the opposite direction, toward Bar West.
Inside, Joe was at the bar with his mates, they had all just got their drinks in, as Jackson headed down the steps and into the club.
He scanned around him, until he spotted Joe and his mates in the nearest booth away from the bar, they were just settling in...Jackson swallowed nervously, before casually strolling up to them, Joe's camp mate was first to look up...the look on his face showed Jackson he was afraid of him...that he was gonna cause trouble, but, as Joe looked up, he immediately stood up and grabbed hold of Jackson's arm and pulled him into a corner.
"WHAT was that all about!" he cried angrily.
Jackson was shaking his head, " look...they were just messing with yah...I've come back to see if you are alright..."
Joe was quite offended by that, " why...because being gay makes me weak...and that I'd go and cower into a corner..."
Jackson shook his head at him, " course not...THAT'S NOT what I ment...", Joe backed off, "well it sounds like it to me...for YOUR information, I can look after me self"
Jackson glanced over toward Joe's mates in the booth, " your mate looked abit shaken...I wouldn't have let him get hurt you know..."
Joe started to back away, " look...WHY are you here...just go back to yah mates...YOU don't belong in here...", Jackson stopped Joe from leaving, " Joe...please...YOU KNOW what kinda mess I've got meself into...I'm really confused..."
Joe tried to sympathise with him, " look...Jackson, only YOU can decide what you want...I said I'll support you, and I will...but HAVE to do the right thing..."
Jackson shook his head, " yeah, I know...and I HAVE...I ended it with Craig...I'm gonna stand by Sarah and the baby...", there was 'a trying to please' with in his tone of voice, and Joe sighed, "but is THAT what you want...you MAY be doing the right thing in everybody elses eyes...but IS IT RIGHT for you..."
Jackson stared to the floor...his head spinning, Joe stepped forward, " Jackson...if you were to marry Sarah...or have a future together...will you be able to stay true to her...or will you wander...", he trailed off, Jackson knew exactly what he ment.
And Jackson thought about that on his way back to Sarah's house, he imagined himself married to Sarah, bringing up their boy...he would leave her at home to look after the child, and go to work...and he would work hard for them...then when it was time to clock off...he would have a few jars with a few mates...and then end up in Bar West...or someother club like it...or worse if he was desparate...he'd go out cruising for it...he shook his head to himself...the more he thought about it...the more he feared for the future.
Sarah has making herself a hot tea, when she heard the back door rap, she went over and peered through the frosted glass, she was relieved to see it was a Jackson shaped shadow at the door, on opening it Jackson pushed his way in, " didn't yah get me text" he said bluntly, Sarah pulled her phone out from her dressing gown pocket, " it's switched off...what's with the mood...SEEING SINCE YOU'VE just had a good night out with yah mates..."
Jackson leaned on the counter, he glanced up at her briefly, before focusing on the sink, "it weren't THAT good!"
Sarah stirred her tea, " well it's a social life...I'm 17 and I can't even get out the house...I was telling MOTHER earlier...as SOON AS THIS IS BORN..." she rubbed her bump as she spoke, "...I am heading back to college, I want to get some friends of me own..."
Jackson was staring to the sink in a trance...Sarah leaned in forward, " ARE you listening to me...or am I talking to meself..."
Jackson looked up at her...again Sarah could see the troubled 'look' deep in those brown pupils, " ARE you alright...you've been acting wield lately...especially since my fall...that was a couple of weeks back...I'm fine"
Jackson shook his head at her, and held up his arm...Sarah snuggled in, and Jackson rubbed the bump...he liked to do that, " I'm just...well...I'll be fine once it's born and safe..."
Sarah smiled up at him, " i'm still going to college though...I NEED a social life...Mum keeps wrapping me up in cotton wool after that fall, and there's Craig having the time of his life with his new fella..."
This news rocked Jackson...since he ended it with Craig a couple of weeks ago, they pretty much had been avoiding each other...Craig was always out, when Jackson came to the house...and Jackson had pretty much had stayed away from Bar west, except for tonight.
But the news made him want to know more, " he's gotta bloke has he..." trying to sound that he was only half interested, Sarah nodded, " yeeaahh...Kyle I think his name is...quite fit of what i've seen...", Jackson swallowed, the jealously seething through him, but Sarah took his expression for something else, " awwwww look at you...don't worry, he's not as fit as you..."
Jackson blew out a laugh, and kissed her on the lips, " well, that's not hard is it...", but as he held Sarah...he thought about Craig...with somebody else.
Jackson was still thinking about Craig as he got into bed, Sarah smiled at him as she reached to switch off the lamp, " remember we're starting them antenatal classes next week, so you'll have to get some time off work..."
Jackson stared to the ceiling, he shook his head, " yeah..." he sighed, not really interested in antenatal classes...he was MORE interested in finding out what Craig was doing with this new bloke of his.
When Sarah had fallen asleep, Jackson stared at her face...he, like most nights, was deep in thought about the future...but tonight, his thoughts were interrupted by a vehicle pulling up outside on the driveway.
Jackson could see headlights shine up at the window...and then go out.
He glanced toward Sarah, " are you still awake...", Sarah was quiet...so he very gently lifted his arm away, and rolled out form the duvet, then crept toward the window, glancing to Sarah to make sure she wasn't watching him, he then focused on the window, and looked through the blind, Craig was on the driveway talking to a bloke...they were laughing and joking with eachother, and there was some touching.
Jackson could feel his heart sink...this must be this Kyle that Sarah had gone on about earlier...Craig's new bloke.
Jackson backed away slightly, Craig was leading Kyle toward the house, Jackson came away from the window, and went to the the bedroom door, it was on ajar, so he could hear what was happening downstairs in the kitchen.
And that was alot of whispering, and low voices...that were getting louder, as they got closer.
Jackson was clear out of sight, when he heard Craig whispering to Kyle as they climbed the stairs, " shhhh, me Mum's asleep...so you better go early tomorrow before she wakes up , like..."
Kyle laughed, " I love it...its ADDS to the excitment...!"
Jackson looked over to Sarah sleeping in the bed, he felt bad...but he was feeling angry with her, if it wasn't for her it would be HIM sneaking around with Craig, not that Div he was with.
The jealously was building within him.
A while later, Jackson was bursting for the toilet, he used the bathroom, and as he came out...he could see the light still on in Craig's bedroom...the light was shining out from under the door...it flickered abit, maybe it was the TV.
The door suddenly opened, and his gaze fell onto Craig's...he was taken aback at seeing him, they had both avoided eachother for the last couple of weeks.
Craig glanced back behind him, and then closed the door, Jackson stood still, as Craig approached him...he was just wearing his boxers, and THAT sight was arousing Jackson, "what are you doing loitering around the landing..." Craig hissed, he was bemused.
Jackson shrugged his shoulders, trying to be casual " I...I just used the bathroom...soooooo..." he glanced over Craig's shoulder toward the door, " that's Kyle...Sarah said you were seeing...someguy" he said raising his eyebrowes...Craig detected some sarcasm in his tone about Kyle.
"what's it to you...Kyle's a GREAT bloke...bout time I had someone I can count on..."
Jackson swallowed nervously...he then stepped nearer to Craig, Craig stepped back, "ohhh nooo, you are NOT gonna be messing with my head...YOU said we were over so WE are over...YOU said find some new bloke who will give me MORE than you could...I did..." jibed Craig, although he was struggling with his words, as his gave in, and stared right into Jackson's brown eyes.
"AND is he...better than me, I mean..." inquired Jackson.
Craig wanted to say no...because everytime he was with Kyle, he wanted it to be Jackson...imagining himself WITH Jackson.
But, he shook his head...Jackson was gutted, " yeah, he is...MUCH better...best thing you did was call things off with us"
Jackson glanced down to the floor, then turned and went back to his Sarah's room, he felt choked up, he saw Sarah was still sound asleep...he went over and brushed his fingers across her cheek as she slept, then went to pull on his jeans...
Jackson had come home...he couldn't face lying next to Sarah in bed...not with HIM on his mind...HIM with some jerk he had picked up...someone who should be him.
He faffed about in the fridge when the kitchen light snapped on, " oh my gawd!...it's YOU...I thought he had burglars!"
Jackson turned around to see his mum in the doorway, dressing gown pulled round her, "nah you're alright, nobody's come to steal your latest masterpiece" he said sarcastically, then feeling bad, he said, "sorry to wake yah mum...go back to bed will yah..."
Hazel shook her head at him, " Jackson, it is past 2 in the morning!...what are you doing home this late...I thought you were staying around Sarah's tonight..."
Jackson bit his lip, he but his back to her, " I've got to work early on site tomorrow...she...she needs her sleep"
Hazel wasn't convinced by that, Jackson had been acting strange since his birthday, "Jackson...WHAT'S got into yah...somethings on yah mind..."
Jackson pushed past his mum, and made for the stairs, " It's nothing Mum, night...", Hazel switched off the kitchen light, and followed her son up the stairs, " Jackson...THERE IS something on yah mind...I KNOW you, remember...YOU know you can tell me anything...don't you"
Jackson paused and shook his head...still not facing her, " I know that Mum...but it's nothing...well..."
"look IF it's Sarah...SHE'S gonna be fine...she won't fall again you know..."
"It's NOT about Sarah...well not really..." Jackson closed his eyes, he really didn't want to do this...
"Then WHAT then..." asked Hazel shaking her head, " I not a mind reader you know...YOU CAN TELL ME ANYTHING LOVE!"
Jackson slowly turned his head, his eyebrowes farrowed, as he looked as if he was about to cry, "and IF I do...you will hate me...Dad'll hate me...YOU WILL ALL HATE ME..."
This shocked Hazel, she KNEW something was wrong...but this seemed deep!
"why would I hate you love, you're my lovely son...I'll NEVER hate you..." she reasoned.
"maybe not...but it's WHAT I'VE DONE that will make you hate me...because...because..." the tears streamed, "because sometimes I hate meself for what i'm doing..."
Jackson then ended the conversation, and went to his room closing the door behind him...as always, Hazel knew not to pry deeper...not tonight anyway...
Something was wrong...and WHAT it was, baffled her...WHAT could be so bad that he thought she might hate him...
She was detemined to get to the bottom of it...
But Jackson had to open up to her...and in time...she knew he would...
To be Continued...
