Disclaimer: I'm not an owner, I'm just a random shipper.
Kim Possible: The Princess Bride
"There has been a titanic contest of strength here." Monkeyfist said, examining cracks in the rock. "A struggle between two men of immense power. One was surely the same who defeated the martial artist. The other..." He looked more closely at the stress fracture where Hego had placed his elbow. "...was enormous. A veritable mountain of a man."
"About 6'5?" Bob the henchman asked.
"Why, yes." Monkeyfist replied in surprise, still examining the rock.
"Arms about twice as thick as his legs?"
"Indeed. Very good." Monkeyfist responded approvingly.
"Wearing blue clothes?"
"Well, of course, wearing-now how would I know that?!" Monkeyfist rounded on his henchman. Bob simply pointed at Hego, who was watching the fiasco from a little ways away. "Oh."
He approached the giant. "I say, good man. Did you happen to arm-wrestle someone recently?"
"I sure did. It was a lot of fun. He was the strongest guy I've ever met. How'd you know?"
"Nevermind that." Monkeyfist waved him off. "Which way did he go?"
"That way." Hego pointed down the path. "Did you want to challenge him too? I don't know if you can win, but I admire your spirit. Good luck."
"Certainly." Monkeyfist hesitated. "Before I go...how would you like to join my army?"
"Might as well." Hego said with a shrug. "I've recently become unemployed, and I wasn't really sure what to do next, so this is pretty convenient for me. Thanks."
"Indeed. You there!" Monkeyfist called out to Bob. "This man has just joined the army. Take him to the nearest outpost and get him settled in. Everyone else, ride on!" They all remounted and galloped down the path.
Hego and Bob watched them go, and Hego shook his head. "He doesn't stand a chance."
KPRSKPRSKPRSKPRS
Meanwhile, Kim was getting sick of being manhandled. "Quit shoving me, you neanderthal!"
"You're not in a position to make demands, Princess." The man in black responded with venomous sarcasm.
She tried a different tack. "You would be wise to let me go. Lord Monkeyfist is a world-renouned tracker. There is no way you're getting out of this alive."
He snorted. "I'm not scared of the aptly named Monkeyfist. Speaking of which, you are a sick person. How could you be attracted to someone with a face like a monkey? What are you, a deviant?"
Kim felt an obligation to defend her betrothed's appearance, but she could not actually bring herself to do so. "I never claimed to be attracted to him." She finally said resentfully.
"Ah, of course. It's the money. It's always the money. What a gold digger." He spat out spitefully.
"No! You...you...you nasty, evil person! You might as well take off that mask right now, I know exactly who you are. No one else could be so evil. You are the Pirate Ninja Hirotaka, admit it!"
"Of course!" He spread his arms theatrically. "What of it?"
"You killed my love!" She hissed.
"Maybe. Maybe." He nodded and stroked his chin. "I've killed a lot of people, though. You'll have to be a bit more specific."
"His name was Ron. He was average looking, a bit clumsy, and...and mine. He was mine." She choked back a sob.
"Ahhhh, Ron. Now that does seem to ring a bell. Probably better I killed him though, wouldn't you say?"
"No, I woudn't. How could you even say something so awful?"
"Well, at least now he doesn't have to see your betrayal. He clearly loved you far more than you loved him. Tell me, did you get engaged to Monkeyfist the day you heard of his death, or did you wait an entire week out of respect for the dead?"
Kim shook with rage and sorrow. "I hate you." She whispered. "I hate you. I hate you! I HATE YOU!"
They stood on the edge of a very steep incline, nearly straight down, at the bottom of which was the dreaded Fire Swamp. With her final scream, Kim pushed the pirate over the edge with all her strength. As he tumbled down head over heels, he yelled out one word. "BOOOOOOYAAAAAAAAH!"
Kim blanched. "Ron!" She thew herself after him.
"Knew it." Drago said smugly.
"Oh, you did, did you?" Said Drakken skeptically.
"Of course. It was obvious. He was jealous because she got engaged to another guy and he wanted to make her feel bad. Typical stupid couple behavior."
"And where, pray tell, have you seen this 'typical stupid couple behavior'?" Drakken asked, unsubtly eyeing Shego.
"Yeah, Drago, where have you-hey, why are you looking at me? I'm not the jealous type!" Shego protested.
"Oh, really? What about last week when you picked that poor woman up and slammed her into the wall?"
"Hey, now, that was completely warranted! She was totally flirting with you!" She said defensively. "I mean, who just says hi to someone they've never met out of nowhere?"
"She was a Walmart greeter, Shego! That's her job!"
"Well, she didn't have to do it so enthusiastically." Shego grumbled. "Besides, you're ten times worse than I am."
"I am not." Said Drakken regally. "I show proper restraint."
"Restraint. Huh. Is that what you call it when you throw Drago's swimming intructor into the pool and then freeze it solid?"
Drakken purpled in anger at the memory. "That oaf is lucky I didn't use my heat ray instead of my freeze ray, with how he was looking at you! I paid him to teach my son to swim, not to ogle my wife!"
"Look, can we just agree that Drago has seen plenty of examples of 'stupid couple behavior'?" Kim interjected placatingly.
"Ahem. Yes, well, I suppose that might be the case." Drakken said with a bit of embarassment. "Moving on."
