The next 6 month's passed by without special happenings. Derek slowly had found back to his usual self. He still hadn't talked to anyone but Penelope about his abuse but felt better than anytime before. Derek and Penelope spent a lot more time together since she'd told him she loved him. Penelope slept at his home mostly, and he liked it that way. Falling asleep with Penelope in his arms and waking up, all the same, was the best thing that ever had happened to Derek.
Today, he was packing his clothes for a visit in Chicago. He would visit his Mom, for it was her birthday. Derek had asked Penelope to join him, but she wasn't allowed. She had to help team B during a case. Derek felt sad for not seeing her for a whole week. He'd gotten used to his Solace at his side. Derek loved her more than anything. Still, they hadn't shared their first kiss or gotten intimate with each other. Derek knew things like this were about to come, and it made him slightly nervous. He'd never shared a bed with a woman he'd loved. All the women, Derek had brought to his bed, had been a prove to him that he didn't like what Carl Buford had done to him. That he was normal.
Never in his life, he'd made love to a woman. Honestly, it scared the shit out of him.
So, perhaps, a few days apart from his Baby Girl wouldn't be that bad, even if he would miss her way too much. Derek needed some time to think. Still, he was fighting with the knowledge he had to go to a therapist at some point. Derek knew he needed to do that before he could entirely give into his relationship with Penelope. But he was scared. Didn't want to talk about these things anymore. Just wanted to forget them. This wasn't the right way, Derek knew that also. He had to face his inner demons.
Finishing his packing, he closed his bag and walked downstairs, where Penelope and Clooney were waiting for him to come back.
He smiled sadly at Penelope before he pulled her into his arms for one last hug.
"I'm going to miss you, Baby Girl," he whispered as she wrapped her arms around his waist.
"I'm going to miss you too, call me as soon as the plane hits the ground again alright?"
"I promise I'm going to do that." He placed a tender kiss on the top of her head and inhaled her scent, closing his eyes for a brief moment.
"And whenever you need me..."
"...I'm going to call you too." Derek ended his sentence with a smile. Penelope cared so much about him it with all her being. It was something he loved about her. "But you, Silly Girl will do the same, promise me."
"I do!" Smiling, Penelope tilted her head to look at him. Her eyes were full of love for him. He looked right back at her beautiful brown eyes, also smiling at her.
"I know you will," he almost whispered. Derek so badly wanted to kiss her at that moment. And he could see it in Penelope's eyes that she just wanted the same.
So, he tilted his head a little bit more in her direction. Their noses touched first, so softly, Derek almost hadn't felt it. He tilted his head even more and finally found her lips with his own. Derek kissed her slowly, tenderly. Penelope responded to the very first kiss, Derek had given her until now immediately. Her lips were so soft, it felt so good, that Derek hugged her even tighter to his body. The urge to have her close to him was unbearable.
Derek didn't know, how long they stood together, kissing each other softly. But somehow they had to pull apart a bit in need of air. Derek put his forehead against Penelope's, closing his eyes for a moment.
"That was awesome Hot Stuff," Penelope whispered after a moment. Her voice was full of joy he could hear it, and that made him proud of himself for being brave enough to kiss Penelope.
"Hell, it was," Derek admitted smiling. It had felt too good to be true. Still, Derek believed he didn't deserve her, but Penelope was so kind, so full of love for him that he just had to give in to his feelings.
"I have to go...," he whispered weakly. Derek so badly wanted to stay at Penelope's side, but he knew, visiting his Mom and sisters would be good for him too.
"You know that I'm going to miss you even more now, Handsome?" Penelope asked him before she put a soft kiss on his lips. She let go of him as soon as Derek had answered the kiss with a tenderly one of his own.
"I know that Baby Girl, same here," he answered. "I love you," he added softly, earning a loving smile from the beautiful woman in front of him.
"And I love you too! Come home safe my love!"
After one last goodbye kiss, Derek made his way to the airport, and a short time later he met with his mom and sisters at the airport. Derek loved being around these three women and was glad, he'd been able to make it to his mother's birthday. Derek called Penelope, and they talked a few moments before he decided he wanted to go out, visiting some places that were special for him.
And only a few hours later, Derek was in big trouble. He had been arrested in his mother's house for being the murderer of at least three innocent boys. He knew he wasn't guilty but the Officer had always given Derek a hard time, since the day Derek's dad had died and he'd gotten into trouble.
Calling Hotch and the rest of the team had been his only chance to not go to jail. Soong, he knew he would have to talk about his past. Knowing Carl Buford was near, didn't make it easier to him. He needed to get out of that room as soon as possible. It was necessary for him to hear his Solce, her voice telling him everything would going to be alright. Derek knew she wasn't with the team, so the first thing he did was hiding in an apartment an dialed Penelope's number from the phone that was inside. He would have to stay there until it was dark before he could go out onto the streets again.
She answered the call quickly, and Derek sighed in relief as soon as he heard her voice.
"Garcia?"
"Penelope..."
"Oh my God..., Baby...I mean, are you alright? Hotch just called me, and I have to reveal your secrets from your youth, God Derek, I'm so sorry!" Her voice becoming very silent now and almost sounded as panicked like he felt.
"I have to find out what happened...Penelope," he almost begged as he spoke. "I have to show them it wasn't me who killed the boys." That was a fucking nightmare. Derek could barely think. Gladly, Penelope was able to calm him within seconds just with her voice.
"How can I help you, Handsome?" She asked, and Derek knew, she was sitting ready in front of her babies to do whatever he asked her to.
"I have to talk to James...," he managed to answer somehow.
"Do it, Baby."
He nodded, not even realizing that Penelope wouldn't see it, but she was right. But he had some time, and Derek really needed his Solace. Derek sighed deeply and rubbed his face with his big palm.
"Baby Girl?"
"I'm here Hot Stuff."
"Can you talk to me? I need..."
And like always, Penelope fully understood what he needed. She just kept talking to him. Derek listened to her voice and calmed down with every encouraging word Penelope spoke. He was sure he wouldn't remember any word she was telling him, but he also knew she was just talking, it wasn't something important.
"Thank you, Penelope," he said at some point, for he knew, he needed to go to talk to James.
It wasn't easy, telling James that he, Derek Morgan, the man James was looking up to, had been molested too. But it was even harder to know that the same thing had happened to the young man in front of him. Derek always had thought he was the only one. Or at least, that had been his hope...now he knew better.
Now Derek knew, what he had to do. The only way to prove his innocence was to reveal his secret. If he wanted it or not. He had to.
And he did.
"Carl."
Derek hated being in the same room like this man. But he had to talk to him. Carl looked up and quickly walked over to him.
They faced each other for a long moment.
Derek was brave. He faced his personal demon Carl Buford. Made Hotch and Gideon listen even if Derek was ashamed of being too weak to stop a man from molesting him.
To stop the man from molesting many many children after him.
Derek couldn't look his teammates in the eyes after that. Couldn't even talk to his mom or sisters. Derek just wanted to come home, he needed the arms of Penelope around him, comforting him, holding him.
The flight home was silent. His mom tried to call him a few times. Somehow he gave in and answered it, telling her he was okay, promising her to call her as soon as he was home, so she knew he was safe.
Impatiently, Penelope was waiting in front of the elevator. Like every time, she wanted to welcome her team home. But this time, it was different. She needed to see Derek, desired to know him home safe. Penelope had talked to Fran. Derek's mom didn't really know what exactly had happened and Penelope hadn't told her. That was Derek's job to do so. However he'd managed it, he'd hidden his secret from his mom once again. Derek had told her, Hotch and Gideon knew, no one else. But she'd heard it in his voice it was enough to drive him on edge.
The elevator doors opened a while later, revealing a tired team. Again, Penelope hugged each and every one of them and like always, Derek was the last one to pull into her arms. He moved his arms around her waist, but it felt almost limp as he did so.
"Let's get you home, Handsome," Penelope almost whispered, receiving a nod in response.
She drove him home. The whole way, he didn't say a word, just kept looking out of the window. Penelope looked at him every here and then, concerned about his behavior. He'd done so good the past six month's, and now she felt like he did a big step back.
Penelope stopped the car, and both of them headed to his front door. As soon as she unlocked the door, both of them were greeted by Clooney, who was beaming with happiness to see Derek again. Derek patted his dog a moment until he headed upstairs to take a shower.
Penelope looked after him before she decided to get them a light supper ready. It didn't take Derek long to come back downstairs. He was talking to his mom, telling her, he was home and with Penelope. He walked to the freezer, grabbing himself a beer while he was talking.
"I'm okay Ma, really! I just had to leave so fast because the jet couldn't wait. I'm going to make it up to you, I promise...yeah, I'm going to bring Penelope with me next time...alright...yeah Mom...listen I have to stop now, Penelope made some dinner, and I'm exhausted...yeah...I love you too, bye Mom!"
He hung up and sighed, put his cell on the table and sat down wearily beside Penelope. Derek placed the half-empty beer bottle on the table.
"Tired?" Penelope asked, making Derek jump out of his thoughts. "Sorry, Handsome...I didn't want to..."
"No, it's fine, Baby Girl...I'm the one who has to be sorry," he answered, gifting her with a small smile that didn't reach his eyes. Penelope put her hand over his and smiled at him, too.
"It's alright...hey let's eat and head to bed after? I think we could use some rest..."
"Sound's good to me," Derek answered. And again, they ate in silence. Once again, Derek was somewhere else with his thoughts and Penelope couldn't reach him. He had to start talking to her if she should help him.
They also headed to bed in silence. In the past six month's Derek and Penelope had slept a lot together, and this time, Penelope wanted to be with her Hot Stuff, who indeed was struggling again.
"You know you can talk to me," she whispered, as soon as they laid in bed together.
"I know, but I'm so tired Baby Girl. I need a break."
He looked at her with an apologizing face, searching for her hand. Penelope could see he wanted her in his arms, so she snuggled up against him, placing her head on his chest like many times before. Derek pulled her into his arms, holding her firmly and placed a kiss on the top of her head.
"Thank you for sticking with me Baby Girl," he whispered. His voice was full of emotions that fought their way out.
"I'm here Handsome, like always. I'm not running away, never."
"Hotch wants me to talk to someone about...about this."
Still, he couldn't speak it out loud. Penelope didn't blame him for that. She didn't know how she would feel if something like that had happened to her, but what Penelope knew was that Hotch was right.
She opened her mouth to tell Derek so, but thought otherwise, decided to just listen to him.
"I know I should...but how can I?" Derek asked as if he was talking to himself. "How should I tell a stranger what happened to me?"
"Don't you think it's good to talk to a stranger?" Penelope asked him. "He or she doesn't know you, therapists are trained to talk about these things. No one will think you're weak. And I know you think you are that."
"But it was...I was...am...whatever," Derek sighed, slowly caressing her upper arm. He was struggling, and if he didn't talk, Penelope was sure the nightmares and flashbacks would force themselves back into his mind again.
"It's not. But I'm not the right person to tell you. Maybe...I mean it's just a suggestion, and you don't have to do it, because if you think it's too close or you don't have enough trust..." Penelope began to talk faster, but Derek stopped her, putting one finger to her lips.
"Stop it, Baby Girl, what do you want to suggest?" He asked her, looking at her. His face was almost emotionless, and Penelope realized she was overwhelming him.
"Okay sorry. I wanted to tell you that my bigger brother, Carlos, he is a therapist. Mayber...just maybe you could try and talk to him?"
Silence. That was what she received, and she waited for a long time before Derek said something.
"Did you talk to him about that? About me?" He asked her.
"No! I mean, I didn't talk to him about your past. I just asked him how to help you, Hot Stuff. I didn't know what to do and needed help. And it did help..."
But Penelope couldn't end her sentence anymore because Derek released her out of his arms, sitting up on his bedside.
"Please go, Penelope."
"What?"
"Go...I didn't want you to talk about me with your brother. I trusted you."
"Derek! I didn't tell him what happened, I just asked him how to help you."
"I didn't want you to do that either!" He was angry with her, Penelope couldn't believe that.
"Are you getting crazy now? What did I do wrong?"
"You...I trusted you, and I didn't want you to talk to anyone about me...please, just go now."
Penelope moved out of the bed. She looked at him in shock.
"Are you sure about that?"
"Yes...," his voice almost cracked but he didn't look at her. "Just go and leave me alone."
Penelope stared at him for a moment longer. But then she pulled herself together and did what Derek asked her to. She put on her clothes and left the bedroom without another word. Penelope grabbed her purse and left his house, unsuccessfully hiding her tears. But before she did, she placed a note with Carlos' number on his kitchen table.
