That Fanfictoin I was talking about nad never actually got around to telling you the name of (that was this story?), it's called: Skulduggery Pleasant and the Theater. Very funny. Check it out. Now. It's by Shadowdawn199, and no, she didn't tell me to mention it. It's a coinkydink.
7
What Skulduggery Did Before
"What are we doing here," Valkyrie asked as they stopped beside a small grey cottage. He didn't say anything, just checked his facade and got out. She sighed and got out after him. He knocked on the door and waited.
"What are we doin' here?" Sanguine asked.
"What does it look like we're doing here?"
"Waitin' for someone to open their door."
"Then that's what were doing." The door opened to reveal a short, squat lady in an ugly grey dress with grey hair. "Hi there. My name is Skulduggery Pleasant and this is my partner, Valkyrie Cain. We need to-"
"Who are you're friends?"
Skulduggery and Valkyrie looked behind them and turned around. "We don't have friends," Skulduggery told her.
"Oi," Sanguine said.
"They're more... associates, of the can't get rid of one without getting rid of the other kind," Valkyrie continued, ignoring Sanguine.
"What did you say you wanted?" the old lady asked.
"We... didn't actually say. But we need to talk to you about a friend of yours."
"Come in then," the lady said, standing aside to let them through. Valkyrie looked around the sparse room. She and Skulduggery sat down, while Tanith and Sanguine stood behind them. "So who did you come to talk about?"
"I've heard talk that you have a friend that knows a someone who is an expert on true names. Would that be about right?" Skulduggery said, taking off his hat.
The old lady considered this, tapping her chin and pursing her lips. "Nope. I've no idea who you're talking about."
"So you don't know the person I'm talking about?"
"I never said that. I do know them, I just wouldn't classify us as friends."
"We need their name."
"Whats in it for me?"
"The continuation of your life, of all life, of the world as we know it."
"Sounds tempting, but I need more than that."
Skulduggery stood up, his facard flowing away. He looked at her with empty eye sockets. "You know who I am. You've heard of the things I've done. I, and Valkyrie, have saved the world. You would stand in the way of that? You would risk the lives of everyone on the planet, simply for compensation?"
The lady got her feet as well, staring Skulduggery down with eyes like steel. "And you would come to my home, demand my secrets and expect me to give them away."
"We're Sanctuary operatives. We need you to tell us."
"Not many people around here like the Sanctuary. Things were running smoothly until the new Council," her mouth twisted the word into a sneer, "took over and got us all into war. And the two of you have had your parts in this. You want to save the world? I say stand aside and let someone who won't endanger us all do it. Because your heading down a road, the two of you, and your taking everyone else with you. And none of us want to know where the road ends. You accuse me of sacrificing the world? You've been doing a better job of it for the past six years than any else has been trying to do for the past hundred."
"So, why are we here?" Tanith asked from behind them.
"We're here to stop Darquesse," Skulduggery said, then turned back to the old lady. "Look," he pointed at Valkyrie. "I know she doesn't look incredibly bright, and yes, she's is as annoying as she seems." Valkyrie glared at him, but he ignored her. "But we need you to push that aside and help us. Because Darquesse is coming and we need to stop her. And to do this, we need you to help. So maybe this time you can help us break our streak of saving the world at the last minute and instead we can save the world well before it's in any more danger."
The old lady stared at him. "What does she have to do with any of this?"
"She's my partner."
"Is she the only one that would take you, or was she was just desperate?"
"Neither, actually. She-"
"I think she was desperate. She would have to be. I would, to partner with you."
"Can we move beyond this now?"
Valkyrie stood up. "I'm sorry, but my partner is right."
"About you being anoying and not very bright?"
"What? No. About needing the name. The threat is bigger than the Faceless Ones, or the Necromancers, or the mortal population finding out about us. So give us the name, and we'll leave you be, and you get back to whatever it is you do all day, and we can get back to doing what we do all day."
"Which is?"
"Well, you know, be awesome and hot and save the day. Normally without them."
"What do they do all day?"
Valkyrie shrugged and looked behind her. Tanith was sulking and Sanguine patted her shoulder.
"If I tell you, will you get out of my house?"
"Most definetly."
"The person you're looking for is my old colleague's uncle's brother. I didn't know the uncle or the brother, but my old colleague's name is Peter Seam."
"Where can we find him?"
"He's somewhere in the south. What was that place, Russia? Alabama? New York? My geometry isn't so good."
"Uh, I think you mean geography."
"Maybe."
"And all those places are in the northern hemisphere."
"Well, if you know all that, why do you need me to tell you where he is?"
"Because we don't know where he is."
"I do," Sanguine said suddenly. They all turned to look at him. He shrugged. "He's Jethro's son."
"Jethro," the old lady said wistfully. "I remember Jethro. A nice guy. Met him in Canada. Have you ever been there? Be sure to pack a pair of shorts if you do. It can get damn hot down there. I wonder what happened to him."
"He died," Sanguine supplied.
"That's a shame. He and I had a whirlwind winter romance. Very, very passionate." Sanguine pulled his razor out of his pocket and looked at it, something akin to horror on his face. he bent down and wiped it on the carpet at his feet. "You can leave now, can't you. I told you what you wanted to know."
"Yes, thank you for your help. Hopefully, we'll see you again sometime."
"Hopefully not. You all irritate me. So hopefully next time there wil be someone else you can go to instead of me."
There you have it. Chapter 7.
