Chapter 7: Decisions

Disclaimer: D. Gabaldon owns all rights to Outlander.


Jamie picked at his food. Looking up at me, he simply said, "Claire …"

"Hmn …"

"Why is it, d'ye think as I canna remember anathin'?"

"I explained it to you once before, but I imagine you've forgotten. Put your fingers at your temples. Can you feel the little coin-shaped scabs?"

"Aye. What are they?"

"They are burns from a treatment you received."

"Burns?"

I sighed, feeling like a monster. My era was no less barbaric than his. "Yes. They put you in a room, Jamie. They strapped you down and placed two small discs on either side of your head. Then electricity was run through them. It stripped your memory clean."

"Elek-tris-i-tee …"

"How can I explain? You've seen lightning in the sky on our way here last night, yes?"

"Ah …"

"Electricity is like lightning, only man has learned how to control it."

He shook his head. Seems as I have a wee bit o' learnin' to do."

"Don't worry about it for now. Just relax and enjoy your meal."


Jamie stood there awkwardly, staring at the bed. "Is this where I'm to sleep?"

"Why, yes, of course."

"And ye'll sleep where?"

"I'll sleep with you in the same bed. It's all right, Jamie. I told you already. We are married."

He suddenly plopped down onto the edge of the mattress and cried. It was pitiful to see, but I understood. I held him in my arms, allowing him to weep.

In the morning, he awoke with a start, nearly tumbling from the bed. "Och … I didna mean to compromise yer reputation, Lass. I'm so verra sorry. I dinna ken how I came to be in this bed."

"I brought you here. I'm Sassenach … Claire, your wife."

"So ye said, but I canna be certain o' it."

Extending my palm out toward him, I remarked, "Wait. I've got the very thing."

I shot out of bed, and went to the dresser, taking out a small, black, velvet box. I removed the ring he'd given me and slipped it on my finger.

Jamie sat up and turned his back to me as I hopped out of bed, so I walked around to the other side. Crouching down, I lifted my hand to his eye-level. "Do you recognize this?"

His face contorted as he strained to think. "That was a key?"

"Yes, you had it made into a wedding band, and gave it to me on the day we exchanged our vows."

Those blue eyes came alive with the flash of a memory. "It's the key to Lally Broch?"

"Yes, Jamie."

"Weel, then, I suppose I musta marrit ye as ye said. I wouldna give that key to nary a lass, lest I was marrit to her, I expect."

"That's right." I looked at the clock on my nightstand. "Oh, blast, I have to get dressed for work."

"D'ye havta go?"

"I have to, Jamie. It'll look suspicious if I don't show today. I can't have them thinking I helped you escape."

I quickly dressed, then gestured for Jamie to follow me. Opening the refrigerator, I pointed to the shelves. "There's food in here. Just help yourself. The cupboards are stocked as well."

He glanced around, appearing to understand. "Aye … thank ye, Claire."

"Oh, wait, one more thing before I leave. "Under no circumstances are you to poke your head outside this door, nor open it to anyone."

"Why?"

"Believe me, the constabulary will have the bobbies looking under every rock for an escaped lunatic. If they're successful, it'll be back with you to the facility in less than a heartbeat. Neither of us wants that."

"I take yer meanin'."

"Please, Jamie, do this one thing for me."

I grabbed some notepaper from a drawer and scribbled a quick sign. It read, "Jamie, don't leave. They'll take you back to that little, white room if you do."

Securing it to the door with a piece of tape, I instructed, "Do you understand why this is vital?"

"Aye."

"All right. I'll be off then, shall I?"

With a kiss on his cheek, I said, "I'll be back as soon as I can."


I was verra glad to be doon wi' that place, but I still felt a bit strange 'round this place. E'en tho' she showed me the ring as I remembered, I didna have ana memory o' our vows, mind. Ifrinn, why could I no remember anathin' 'cept this bluidy key? Did I live at Lally Broch in days past then?"

Och … it was nay use and made my heid throb tryin' to make sense o' itall.


I was called on the carpet at Clive Burton's office for leaving Jamie's isolation room unlocked. No surprise there. I feigned horror. "Oh, my goodness, I'm so sorry. The alarm blared, and I suppose I got rattled and absentmindedly left it open."

The director glared at me, drumming a tattoo on the top of his desk with a lead pencil. "And as a consequence of your negligent behavior, Mr. Fraser is now out and about, mingling with the good folks of Inverness."

I covered my lips with my palm, then removing it, squealed, '"Oh, no, you mean he's escaped?"

"That's exactly what I mean."

"Well, I'm certain they'll find him. Chances are, a man wearing grey, hospital clothing would surely garner some notice. Don't you think?"

"I suppose you could be correct in that regard, but the fact remains that you, Mrs. Randall, were negligent in your duties, and are primarily responsible for his disappearance. I'll have to document this incident and place it in your personnel file. Up until this moment, your work has been exemplary. Don't make me regret hiring you."

"No, sir. You have my word. I'll be extra careful in the future."

"See that you are. That's all; you are dismissed."

"Thank you, Mr. Burton."

Nodding, I turned and vacated his office.

Well, that went over better than I envisioned. I half expected to get the sack there on the spot.


At lunch, Sharon told me, "Burton was mad as a hatter when he discovered Mr. Fraser had gone missing."

"I know. I can't believe I forgot to re-lock his door, but bloody hell, that alarm was screaming in my ears, and it just slipped my mind."

"At least you kept your job. That was the main concern. It's not like Mr. Fraser is a threat to anyone. He only wanted to get out of here and find his wife, or so he said."

"The poor man. I can't even imagine the suffering he's been exposed to."

Sharon left and I spotted Dr. Prather sitting down to eat. I sauntered over to his table. "Sorry to bother you, Dr. Prather, but I have a question I assume you can answer.

"I suppose by now you've heard that Mr. Fraser flew the coop."

He took a sip of his drink and then gave me his full attention. "Go on, then. Your question is?"

"Well, I'm very concerned about him. He's had a shock treatment, and I was wondering how he can regain his memory more quickly."

"Hmn … that's the ticket. In my years as a psychiatrist, I've found that if one finds himself in familiar surroundings, he is more likely to recover his mental faculties. So, when he returns, the memories will hopefully come flooding back. Mind you, if the troublesome ones return as well, he'll have to be subjected to additional electroconvulsive treatments."

"Thank you for your time, Dr. Prather. I understand completely."

"Anytime. Glad I could be of help."


I pondered that idea for the rest of the day. Familiar surroundings; yes, it made sense.

Up until I had found Jamie here, I had no desire to travel back to the past, but for his sake, I would gladly go.

It also occurred to me, that I had a greater use to the people there than in this den of unfortunate souls. My one regret would be leaving the place understaffed once again, but there was no other alternative. It had to be done; and the sooner, the better.


That evening at dinner, I asked, Jamie, "What do you remember?"

"Weel … I remember wearin' a verra tight, white sark wi' funny sleeves, and sleepin' in a room as was covered wi' squares o' fabric."

"That's all?"

"Nay, I remember as we walked out the door to this place. Ye told me yer name and we were marrit, and as I called ye Sassenach in days past."

"What about Castle Leoch?"

"Och … I dinna think so."

I tossed my head in frustration. "Bloody hell—what would you say if I brought you somewhere that was more familiar to you? Dr. Prather says that it may jar your memory."

"I think as that would be grand."


I wrote a letter of resignation that very night, determined to drop it by the asylum the next morning. When I completed my task, I found Jamie in the bedroom. He had the kilt and his other accouterments spread out upon the mattress, and looking over his belongings with a bewildering expression on his face.

He turned as he heard me enter the room. "Are ye certain these are mine?"

"Oh, yes, my Scotty. You never go anywhere without them. And tomorrow I'll see that you don them correctly, because we are going to Craigh na Dun before sun up."

"Why?"

"Think about it, Jamie. You don't belong here in this century, and I admit I no longer fit in here either. At first, I thought this was what I desired the most, but I see now that I was wrong. I love you, Jamie, and I loved our life as a married couple. We are a matched set, however we were brought together. We're of no use to anyone separate; just no good one without the other."

Jamie peered at me so wistfully. Holding his face in my hands, I broke into tears. "Oh, blast, don't look at me like that. You're wearing down my restraint. I can't …"

I willingly surrendered to my emotions. I brushed my lips against his, and he responded in kind. Once ignited, he couldn't stop, and needless to say, I was not about to deter him in this pursuit.


His blue eyes shining, he propped himself up on one elbow. "Will it always be as this wi' us, Sassenach?"

"I don't suppose I can really say always, because we've only been married a few months. But on the whole, I would say, yes."

"Good."

I winked at my sweet lover. "I'd say more than good—smashing!"

Never breaking eye contact, he whispered, "Sassenach …"

"What?"

He took a tress of my hair between his thumb and forefinger, rubbing it. "I dinna think I've e'er seen another lass as bonny as ye are. I canna believe my good fortune as ye marrit me." Still holding the lock of hair gently, he murmured, "Mo nighean donn. It means …"

I put a finger to his lips. "My brown-haired lass. I know that phrase. You've called me that many times before."

"Ah, and yet it's still true, ken?"

"Is it?"

He pulled me to him and kissed me breathless. "Aye, true as e'er."

For the first time since we reunited, I saw him smile, a real toothy grin, and at that moment, I felt that everything would turn out right as rain.