Hello. Firstly, I want to thank all of you for your reviews. They mean the world to me. And secondly, this chapter is inspired by T. Swift's song "The Last Time". It's a little different.
I find myself at your door, I imagine you are home,
Just like all those times before,
I'm not sure how I got there,
All roads—they lead me here.
In your room, all alone,
And you open your eyes into mine,
And everything feels better.
It's open. Lydia Martin.
Stiles quickly read message on his way to her.
He took a deep breath thinking about her just like always, he thought about counting her freckles when she talks, her hair falling on her shoulder and her cheeks little reddish, every time he gave her any little dorky, awkward compliment.
He thought of her shrug and soft voice and the way she says his name, sounding like an invitation to her heart.
Stiles parked in front of her house, seeing no light in her room. And no light in the whole house for that matter. So her mother was probably out too.
When he finally made it to the house, he went straight upstairs, her bedroom door slightly open.
Lydia was resting on her back, legs bent and both hands on her stomach in her big queen bed. She was facing ceilings, blinking heavily.
And right before your eyes,
I'm breaking, no past
No reasons why,
Just you and me.
"Hello, Love." He greeted quietly, leaning his head on the side of her doorway.
She turned her head just a little, smiling a little, trying to get a fuller image of him, remembering and taking it all in.
She remained silent, letting him speak, and he definitely had things to say.
"I talked to Malia." He told her, measuring every word. "She thanked me."
"For what?" Lydia asked.
"Mostly, for the way I pulled her to life. And took care of her." He nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets, stepping in to the room and sitting on her bed, not facing her.
"You feel guilty now." That wasn't a question.
"Well I'm supposed to feel guilty, Lydia. I left my Summer for my Christmas Morning. And I know I was all big talk yesterday, but..uhm." He sighed and shifted on her bed, putting his elbows on his knees, looking down. "It happened too quickly for me. I had this amazing girl by my side, and then it all changed in one hour. I just needed to hear that you need me, that you actually love me, and I ran to you instantaneously. Doesn't that make me kind of pathetic? To let you have this kind of power over me?" Stiles looked at her finally.
She sat on her pillow, trying to find words, looking into his eyes, swallowing her tears and fear.
"You know I can't actually answer you that. It's all clouded now. It's been for a long time and you shouldn't ask me, because I will answer you with the way I want things to be, and not the way they should be. Because I want you. And I can't force myself to deny that."
He took a breath and closed his eyes.
"How can I trust you?"
This is the last time I'm asking you this,
Put my name at the top of your list,
This is the last time I'm asking you why,
You break my heart in the blink of an eye.
She laughed a little, laughter mixing with tears and put her face in her palms, rolling on her back again.
"Oh my God. Oh my God I'm so stupid. That's what you wanted to talk about. Of course… You don't trust me. "
"Hey, hey Lydia." Stiles reached for her but then controlled himself, intertwining his own fingers together.
"Lydia, I'm sitting here, practically chaining myself because I want to touch you or..or kiss you. But I'm trying here. Because I want to do the right thing. For myself. And I'm sorry, I don't want to get all melodramatic here, but I've seen you with…I don't know, with that weird dude with a cool PlayStation in fifth grade, and Jackson, and my best friend, then Aiden, and all the other guys Allison told me about. How can I believe that you love me? When you ignored me half of my life and then kissed me, and then…you ran back to Aiden."
He wasn't shouting, or speaking angrily. She felt like he was stating facts, and she knew it was true.
"You know, every little thing is true. And it's going to sound cliché and stupid and maybe even bullshit, see I don't know, because I never told anyone these things." Lydia sat up normally, eyes a little red, not crying, but her voice was still thick with tears. "I fell in love with you because of a million tiny things you never knew you were doing. And I'm not afraid right now, because I don't feel like you would actually hurt me. And maybe that's selfish, but I am selfish with you. Because I breathe you. Even the last breath in my lungs is yours."
And right before your eyes,
I'm aching, no past
Nowhere to hide,
Just you and me...
"Stiles, can I ask you something?"
"Okay." He nodded.
"Why did you…actually, why didn't you hesitate last night?"
He really thought about this answer, before turning around from her, again.
"I think I was affected by your words. And everything I said I still think is true, but…it was unexpected, and when you wait for these kind of things for so long, when you get them you just..want to grab on them, and stay like this. I was a little drunk by your words. That happens a lot. I get drunk a lot."
Lydia stared at him a little, all of him, his face broken down, eyes filled with worry and love and frustration.
The she came to realization.
"This isn't going to happen, is it?"
He shook his head a little and scooted a little closer. Then brought his hand to caress her cheek.
"I don't know. I don't want to bullshit here, but if I could choose anyone to be with…I'd still be with you."
This is the last time I'm asking you this,
Put my name at the top of your list,
This is the last time I'm asking you why,
You break my heart in the blink of an eye…
