Heritage
The Scoobies were buried in various books at The Magic Shop, researching the latest demon problem when Willow arrived with an unusually serious look on her face, attracting everyone's attention.
"Honey, is everything alright?" Tara asked, concerned.
Willow gave Tara a hug and turned to Xander. "Do you remember asking me why you were able to take so many blows from the Troll Hammer when it only took one to put Buffy down?"
"Yeah," Xander replied nervously.
"I... Well, there's no easy way to say this, you're a government experiment."
"What?!" came the near universal chorus.
"They wanted to make a born leader, someone who could be the ultimate general," Willow explained.
"Like Captain America?" he asked hopefully.
"A general, not a front line fighter," Willow said apologetically. "So they took DNA from a world leader who did great things for his country."
"Who?" he asked nervously, not liking the way she was avoiding naming the donor.
"He did get the trains to run on time, as well as almost taking over all the known world," she said quickly.
Xander paled. "Oh God, I'm a Hitler clone!"
"Not just Hitler!" Willow said loudly, so she'd be heard over everyone. As they quieted down she explained, "The scientists were concerned with the social stigma of being genetically related to Hitler so they included DNA from one of his opponents."
"So... he's not just a Hitler clone, he's more like the child of Hitler and Churchill?" Giles offered hopefully.
"Stalin, actually," she said apologetically as Xander paled. "Now, I know what you're thinking!"
"I doubt that," Xander said numbly.
"You're thinking 'but neither of those two were known for their physical skills," Willow said.
"I wasn't, but that's a good point," he replied.
"They got DNA from a promising young football player who did go pro, and has been nominated for a Heisman."
"An American who was neither a Nazi nor a communist?" he asked hopefully.
"All American, though he is black, so a couple generations back his family was from Africa."
"Far enough back we all are," Xander waved it off.
"That explains the size of your penis," Anya offered encouragingly.
"Maybe," Xander said pushing down a blush. "So was he well known?"
"He was just in the news...," Willows voice trailed off. "Um, and his wife: Nicole..."
Xander's head hit the table with a thump. "Any more good news?"
"The last donor was added to give you more appeal to the common man," Willow offered.
"Yeah?" Xander asked, a trace of hope in his voice.
"Yeah, they wanted someone who could inspire a following," she said.
"It'd probably take dried blood from the shroud of Turin to counter-act the DNA I already have," he said, "but I'll take Bob Denver at this point. Who was it?"
"Manson..." her voice trailed off.
"Charles or Marilyn?" Xander asked before waving it off. "You know what, it doesn't matter. If anyone needs me I'm going to confession."
"But you're not Catholic," Anya said.
Xander left without replying.
As the door closed behind him, Willow burst into laughter, drawing everyone's attention.
"What's so funny?" Buffy demanded.
"It was a joke?" Spike asked, beginning to snicker.
"And he said my April Fools pranks sucked," Willow said with a grin.
"It's nowhere near April Fool's Day," Giles pointed out.
"Well yeah," Willow admitted, "that'd make it too obvious."
Spike fell over laughing.
AN: Typing by Ordieth!
