Here it is...the next chapter. One or maybe two to go. Enjoy!

From a Dark Place

Chapter 7

January

Dr Burke's Office

"So how are you feeling since we last spoke Kate? Have the nightmares become less frequent?"

"I haven't been waking everyone up screaming anymore.. so I guess that's an improvement."

"But you're still having them?"

"On and off. Castle thinks it's getting better. Apparently I don't take swings at him in my sleep anymore."

"So you're sleeping with him now?"

Kate felt herself redden. "No.. I mean yes. We um.. share a bed but that's just because I find the nightmares aren't so severe when he's next to me. If it gets too bad he wakes me up and holds me until I calm down."

"That's a pretty big step. Trusting someone enough to sleep with you and hold you. You've come along way Kate."

"Yeah." She felt herself smile slightly, proud at the small yet significant accomplishments she had made.

"How are you going with other people? Are you still afraid of physical contact?"

"I really haven't tried." Kate stammered. "I've been avoiding it as much as possible."

"It's been almost a year Kate." Dr Burke chided, but not unkindly. "Do you think its time to begin challenging that comfort zone a little more?"

"I.. Uh… I'm not sure I can."

"Why?"

"I'm still.. It still scares me. I feel panicky and sick. I can't bear anyone touching me." Kate sighed in defeat. "Not even my female friends. I know its ridiculous but I can't even bear that."

"But you let Castle touch you."

"Yes."

"So why is he different?"

"I…. I guess its because we've been through so much together before. We've been friends for four years… He's always been… protective of me." Kate could feel her tears brimming as she thought of his loyalty and wiped them away quickly. "I guess I just trust Castle more than anyone else. I feel very safe when I'm with him."

"But not safe enough to let yourself get into a physical relationship with him?"

"It's not that. I feel safe…I'm just not ready."

"Why not? You wanted it before."

Kate shrugged. "I'm not sure."

Dr Burke tilted his head and studied her closely, waiting for a more truthful response.

"Ok. I guess I'm still afraid." She admitted.

"What are you afraid of?"

"I'm um…" She stared off into the distance and bit her lip deep in thought. What was she really afraid of?

"Think about it Kate. Try and determine what it is exactly that you are afraid of."

Kate nodded numbly. Her emotions still confusing her.

"Did you manage to do what we talked about last time?"

Kate shook her head, staring at the table in front of them.

"So you still haven't talked about what happened to you with anyone else?"

"I… I can't. I get too emotional. I'm a total wreck just thinking about talking about it."

"But you've confided in Castle."

"I don't feel like I have to hide anything from him."

"They're your friends Kate. Sharing the burden with your friends is a step towards recovery. You have to start trusting people. It helps. Go on… try it."

RKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRK

"Hey Lanie."

"Hey Girl. Whatsup!" Lanie looked up from the forms she was busy signing. "Great to see you back on deck." She rose from her chair intending to give her friend a hug but Kate stepped back quickly and Lanie tactfully pretended not to notice.

"So you back with us for good now?"

"Its.. just desk duties for now. I still have to do my shooting requals and a fitness assessment."

"Like you're going to have problems with either of those." Lanie replied, sarcasm evident in her voice.

"Yeah. We'll see."

"So you still staying with writerboy? Sold your apartment yet?"

"Haha." Kate rolled her eyes.

"Oh c'mon Kate. You know its only a matter of time." She grinned. "I'll bet he's been treating you like a princess."

"He has.."

Lanie's phone rang, interrupting their banter and she frowned at it. "Better go get that."

"Yeah." Kate hesitated, nervously fingering a case file that Lanie had just noticed she was holding.

"What's that?"

"Its… Uh.." She pushed the file into Lanie's bewildered hands quickly. "Read it… I'll call you later." Kate waved at her as she almost ran from the room.

RKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRKRK

A loud knock on the front door interrupted Castle's manic typing as he hurried to put all of his jumbled thoughts into words.

"Hey Lanie." Castle answered the door cheerfully, pleased to see their visitor.

"Is she home?"

"Lanie what's wrong? What is it?" Castle noticed that Lanie had been crying. He stepped aside inviting her to come in.

"Is Kate home?"

"Yeah she's in the shower. Are you okay?"

Lanie wordlessly handed Castle a case file. He paused for a second as he read the name on the cover.

"Oh." Understanding dawned on him quickly. No wonder Lanie was so upset.

"I um…. Did she give you this?"

Lanie nodded.

"Sit down." Castle gestured to the couch before taking a seat opposite her.

"Are you okay?" He inquired gently.

Lanie nodded again.

"I just.." she stared at the file. "I had no idea it was so…. bad. Why the hell didn't she say…" Her gaze shifted to Castle and she stared at him defiantly. "How long have you known about this?"

"Since the night she got drunk." Castle admitted guiltily. "She made me promise to keep it to myself. I'm sorry."

Lanie regarded him tearfully. "No." She shook her head. "Don't be sorry.. I'm just so grateful my girl has someone like you. Someone she trusts… someone who loves her and looks out for her."

"I try." Castle smiled weakly. "I do try."

"Hey Lanie." Kate emerged in a tracksuit, still damp from her shower. She saw the file sitting on the coffee table and swallowed. She had expected Lanie to be upset but her appearance in Castle's living room was unanticipated.

"You read it?"

Lanie nodded at her sadly. "Oh Kate, I'm so sorry. You should have talked to me." Lanie enveloped Kate in an awkward hug. Kate stiffened, but did not pull away Castle noted somewhat proudly.

"I would have.. I was just so ashamed." Kate admitted. "I felt so helpless. Like I couldn't look after myself and I didn't want people to know it. I didn't want you to think I was weak."

"Oh Honey. No one could ever think that you were weak. Look at how you fought back at them! It was a courageous move."

"Yeah and look at where it got me." Kate grimaced, "Hundreds of stitches and reconstructive surgery… I should have just given up and let them get it over with."

"No. You should be proud of what you did Kate." Castle interjected. "Your courage is what makes you .. you."

Kate was silent, pondering on that whilst Lanie prattled on, alternating between uttering expletives and words of sympathy.

"Javi told me you had trouble at the range last time. You didn't want to hold your gun. Is this the reason?" She inquired gently, gesturing at the file.

"Yes." Kate admitted. "Just the sight of it makes me feel ill. I don't know how I am ever going to be able to do it again."

"Does Javi know about this?"

"No. Of course not." Kate couldn't stomach the thought of the boys knowing the specifics of her ordeal.

"You should tell him. He helped you after you were shot. Maybe he can help you again."

"I will." Kate replied firmly, trying to convince herself that she would actually do what Lanie suggested. "Just not.. yet…"