AN: Hey folks, first of all apologies for the radio silence, but I'm afraid that I'm going to plead life once again. What can I do? It has a pesky habit of getting in the way.
Anyway, not sure how many people are still reading this/interested/care, but here's the latest chapter. Would be grateful for your thoughts, even if it's just a couple of words.
Enjoy
Can you keep a secret?
There are shadows drifting around her, clouds failing to settle. In the distance a whistle is being blown, so shrill that Alex has to cover her ears, but for some reason this only makes the sound louder and it's then that she realises why. The noise is actually coming from her….and that it's not a whistle at all…but her own screams
Can you keep a secret?
And suddenly she's aware of flesh, supple and warm, delicate against her face and breath laced with a feint aroma of Vanilla and it takes a few moments for her to realise the gentle, rhythmical stroking is that of Piper Chapman and that the black clouds have vanished, belonging to nothing more than her sub-conscience. She supposes this should afford her some comfort, but instead her stomach lurches uncomfortably. So she excuses herself, vomits up this morning's breakfast and most of last nights' dinner, splashes her face with cold water and perches herself on the lip of the bathtub, breathless, hands clammy.
There's a gentle rap on the door.
'You ok?' Piper enquires.
Silence.
'You wanna talk about it?' the words are quickly followed by laughter. 'Stupid question huh, since when do you ever talk about anything?'
And the girl's frankness makes Alex smile and her heart feel a little lighter. 'I'll be out in a second' she replies as calmly as is conceivable right now.
It's midday, two hours until she needs to meet M. Her mouth tastes stale, acidic and unfamiliar. She sticks her head under the cold tap of the sink allowing the water to fill her mouth, until it spills out over the sides. She repeats the process several times until it feels a little less disgusting.
'You sure you're ok?' Piper enquires again.
Alex swings the door open and from the look on the blonde's face, it's probably safe to say that she looks far from ok.
'Anyone ever told you it's rude to stare?' Alex says. She strides over to a chest of draws where she'd hurriedly tossed some clothes yesterday evening and searches for a suitable top to change into, one that doesn't carry with it the stale smell of vomit.
'I'm sorry…just you look….well….terrible'
'You know what they say about flattery….'
Piper laughs, 'I know, I know, I don't mean it that way….it's just that…maybe you're sickening for something?'
Home! Alex's mind barks 'I'll be ok' she replies instead, 'probably the chicken from last night'
'You didn't eat chicken'
'The wine then, I don't know' she says waving a hand dismissively, unable to prevent her mind from wandering to M, what he needs to discuss with her. She has nothing of any worth to report back to him, not right now, she just needs more time. But, she's quickly learning, it's the one thing she never seems to have in surplus.
'Polly, Greta and I are heading up to the Kehlsteinhaus shortly if you'd like to join us…..' Piper asks.
There's a hopeful quiver to her voice that makes Alex feel even more rotten than she already does. 'I can't' she replies, not bothering to make eye contact, trying to take the easier route out.
'Why not? The fresh air might do you good and…'
'I said no Piper!' The words are spat out with such ferocity that the blonde's head jolts back in surprise.
'Well fuck you then' she replies, snatching up her coat from the back of a chair and making her way towards the door of the hotel room. And it's only a few seconds before guilt slices through Alex, until her fingers curl around Piper's wrist pulling her towards her in a clumsy sort of embrace.
Piper's eyes are searching hers for something, anything, but she's only met with a tender confusion. 'What is it?' she whispers, 'you can tell me'
Can you keep a secret?
Alex's lips brush Piper's forehead, something in between a kiss and a gentle breath and it's a strange sort of cathartic motion and suddenly she's wishing she didn't have to leave, that M didn't exist, that her life hadn't happened the way it has, that she was free.
'I'm sorry kid' she mutters softly into Piper's hair, 'I'm sorry' she repeats. And although Piper's confusion has failed to abate, she knows better than to question further, so she simply laces Alex's fingers through her own and they stand there for a little while, gently swaying to nothing and everything, neither of them wanting to be the first to pull away, when eventually a knock on the door parts them. Piper goes to answer and Alex fails to suppress a weary eye roll when she realises it's Polly.
Piper invites her inside and the expression on her friend's faces quickly changes into something harder, impenetrable, when she spots Alex sitting on the edge of one of the beds.
'Hello again' she offers, the words barbed, almost as if it's painful for her to deliver them. Alex merely nods in response.
'Piper are we leaving? I told Oskar we would meet them at the café around the corner before we made our way to the Kehlsteinhaus.
'You shouldn't have done that' Piper replies, her eyes darting from Polly to Alex and back again.
Polly laughs, 'Oh come on Pipes, Oskar is cute and fun, what's the harm?'
'You heard what she said' Alex interrupts. She doesn't care that she's not been directly included in the conversation, the discomfort on Piper's face is enough for her to know that Polly is pushing something she shouldn't be.
'And what does this have to do with you?' Polly replies flatly. 'You weren't invited'
'Poll, that's enough' Piper snaps
Polly averts her gaze to the floor as if she's aware she's overstepped the mark, but Alex is still unmoved.
'She was invited, I invited her' Piper adds
'Don't worry' Alex says glancing over at Polly, 'I can't make it anyway'. She stands up and grabs her coat and scarf from the bed.
'Look, don't leave on my account' Polly says in a tone that's lacking any discernible conviction.
Alex laughs, it's sardonic and raw, 'don't flatter yourself, I've got things to do. I'll see you later Piper'. She doesn't wait for a response before exiting, she figures it's better to take a walk, grab some food, do anything to clear her head before she meets M. She's half way down the corridor before she hears Piper's voice calling out to her, but she doesn't stop, doesn't respond. She can't afford to look back. Not now.
…
It's 1pm, she's in a small pub a few doors down from the chocolatier where she's been requested to meet M. She orders Bratwurst and Bratkartoffein. The sausage is good, but the potatoes are little too salty and she finds herself having to swill it down with copious amounts of beer to make it even vaguely palatable. It does the trick though, because soon not only is the taste of the food barely noticeable, but everything seems softer some how, more pleasant, as if she's viewing it through a different lense. But there's a man in the corner of the room, tucked into a large booth by the far window. Alex can't be completely certain, but she thinks she may have spotted him in the hotel yesterday and in the lobby this morning when she was leaving. She takes another long pull on her drink, tries to examine him further without raising suspicion. He could just be another guest, visiting friends? family? She notices a wedding ring, but no sign of a wife and a scar across the top of his right cheek. And then he looks up, momentarily their eyes meet and she notes he's just as keen as her to look away, his hand swiftly moving to rest just above his right hip.
He's got a gun
The realisation hits her with sobering force.
Alex tosses some notes down for her meal, her head suddenly swirling with a mass of darkness, almost tripping over the leg of her chair in haste to leave. It screeches across the tiled floor like a strangled scream, but if he's noticed, the man doesn't look up. And just as she thinks she's in the clear, fingers clasped around the handle of the exit door, a firm hand pulls her back; it's one of the barmaids. She thrusts a note into Alex's hand wordlessly and returns to wiping down tables. The motion is so smooth, Alex is in no doubt that she's one of them.
She doesn't waste any further time, ignoring the cold slap of air that hits her as soon as she hits the street, her coat still clutched firmly in her left hand and makes her way down the cobbled path, turning into the first secluded alleyway she can find. She's surprised at how breathless she is, how hard her heart is rattling her rib cage as she unfolds the piece of paper, but if she's hoping the neat black script will alleviate her fears, she couldn't be more mistaken:
Platinum,
Meeting has been compromised, await further contact. Be on your guard.
M.
Alex swallows hard, bile filling her mouth with alarming ferocity and then for the second time that day, she's sick.
…
She guesses it's early evening, the cool shadows creeping across the room, dancing haphazardly; an eerie puppet show. Her head is still throbbing and her throat feels like sawdust. She pulls herself upright, grabbing her glasses from the nightstand, eyes re-adjusting to the near gloom flanking her bed.
'You're awake' a voice says. It's Piper.
'Hey' Alex replies, barely able to recognise the croak that leaves her mouth.
'You should rest more, you were running a fever a while ago'
'I was?'
'Uh huh'. Piper walks up to the bed and delicately places a hand on Alex's forehead, she automatically flinches at the touch. 'It's ok, you're safe'
And her choice of words automatically puts Alex further on edge, but her legs feel like jelly and the room seems a blur, as if she's viewing it from under water. So she's rooted to spot for now, surrounded by an ever-blooming sense of dread.
Piper's eyes don't seem blue like before, they're icier, almost white and her lips, no longer rosy and inviting, instead crimson and ominous.
'It's going to be ok' the blonde assures her, slender fingers curling strand's of Alex's hair around her fingertips 'you're safe now' she repeats, pulling the brunette close, kissing her lightly on the top of her head. But Alex is still, rigid with trepidation, because this girl doesn't sound like Piper, she doesn't smell like Piper, she doesn't feel like Piper….and yet she is….Piper.
'Can you keep a secret?' she breathes, causing Alex to shudder involuntarily. And then her free hand is moving, but Alex's eyes can't focus to see what she's doing, but she swears she's caught sight of something, the glint of metal, or maybe it's just the light, if only she could get her goddamn eyes to focus. She begins to squirm, but she can't feel her legs at all now, not even a twinge and her mouth opens to form a scream, but there's no sound.
'Can you keep a secret Alex', the words sound so delicious from her lips, soothing, almost a lullaby, a gentle hum, a summer breeze
My darling München
Alex closes her eyes momentarily, mere seconds, but it's both long enough and short enough. Long enough for Piper to draw the knife, long enough for her to ram it right between Alex's ribs and short enough. Short enough for Alex to realise the fire currently spreading through her chest is the conclusion. And really, she shouldn't be so surprised, should she?
Can you keep a secret?
Alex is taking it to the grave.
…
There's voices she thinks. Her mother? Her aunt?
Laughter and a strange sort of ethereal glow and an odd pressure on her chest, it starts off innocuous enough and then gradually increases until she's squirming under the strain, her mouth opening and closing goldfish like for breath that will not come. And the scream that's trapped in her mind, only seeks to confirm what she's known all along. It's always been her.
And then she's falling, but she's ready for it, to embrace it all.
But it's 6pm, she's sitting bolt upright in her bed, covered in a sheen of cold sweat, blanketed by darkness. Alive.
But alone.
Again.
