Chapter Seven
In the Garden of Good and Evil
It is only through labor and painful effort, by grim energy and resolute courage that we move on to better things
-Theodore Roosevelt
Central-Fall, 1920
0300
The cool, crisp air whipped around him as he sat in the dewy grass, his eyes riveted to the stone, its etchings partially illuminated by the waning crescent moon. He'd taken to coming here when memories prompted them, usually choosing to do so in the middle of the night to limit interruptions. The darkness, the eerie silence didn't bother him; he'd long let go of those childish fears of phantoms and ravaged fiends years ago, especially when he faced one in the mirror daily. The scars of the past were firmly etched on his psyche, the horrors of his deeds recorded and stored in his heart. How could he be afraid of things that went bump in the night when he'd been the worst of them all?
A small mirthless chuckled left his lips as he glanced around the cemetery briefly before refocusing on the stone once more, shaking his head in disbelief. Once upon a time, he'd promised that he'd seize power and set in motion the ripples of peace emanating from his staunch desire to protect and secure those under him so that they could in turn protect the people under them. It had been the driving force, the catalyst for all of his plans- that was until the vision dimmed.
Roy leaned forward slightly. Although partially hidden in the shadows, he knew the name, the epitaph by heart. Along with the remains of his best friend, the last of his idyllic dreams rested here, ensconced within the eternal darkness. Losing Maes wasn't merely a strategic loss; his sense of loyalty and fierce resolve had been unparalleled. Maes had been his foundation, his moral compass and he missed their philosophical conversations, the witty banter- even the ever obsession with projecting his love for his family on him. Maes had stood beside him through the tough times, stopped him from making the mistakes that would cost him his dream and his life. He had been committed to see him rise above the deceit and destruction, to protect the ones he loved and cared for. He was his confidant, his guide- the brother he'd never had.
Roy cast his eyes downward, attempting to ward off the despondency he'd worked so hard to banish. He'd exacted the revenge he sought, extracted the price of Hughes' life out of Envy's smoldering body, each flame driven home penance for the tears shed. Still, he felt it hadn't been enough. If not for Edward and Riza's interference, he'd been satisfied with taking Envy's life. Mad with grief and hungry for retribution, he hadn't taken in consideration the consequences of his actions. It hadn't been until he'd faced Riza's steady aim and resolute gaze that he'd understood the ramifications. If he'd acted, she would've done what he'd commissioned her to do and in return, stricken her own life.
He was a bastard but he wasn't selfish- especially when it concerned the love of his life.
"I went about things the wrong way. I nearly got everyone under my command killed, lost my sight, and purpose. I nearly broke my promise." Roy paused and shifted his eyes upward, "I've been a complete idiot, Maes." The soft breeze rustled the brittle leaves of the surrounding trees, its quiet whisper a response. Roy laughed again and relaxed, "Well, you didn't have to agree with me so readily." A whisper of wind ruffled his hair, its gentle touch making him smile wider. Roy exhaled wistfully and began again, "So much has changed in five years, Maes. The Ishbalan restoration efforts are nearing completion; Ishbal belongs to her people now. The state of Amestris is now under a democratic rule and Grumman's term is about up. The campaign season begins soon- I could've used your help on that. My strength lies in strategy, not public relations."
The wind blew a bit harder and Roy nodded, "Yeah, I have my work cut out for me but I know of one person who won't let me slack off." Thinking of Riza, he placed his hand on his chest and closed his eyes. He'd been so close to losing her, to losing his future that he hadn't wasted time in securing it the moment he'd regained his sight. It had been the best, the smartest thing he'd ever done.
"Speaking of slacking off, Ed's been laying low in Resembool, awaiting the birth of his second child. Who would've thought that arrogant kid would do something right? And Alphonse is still in Xing. That young man…He's something special Maes, but then you knew that, didn't you?"
A fierce gust blew against his face as if to say, Of course I did, silly.
Roy steadied his gaze on the stone, his eyes running over the name and dates and exhaled heavily, almost hesitant to say the words. He'd known long ago that he'd have to move on from this, reconciled his sorrow to the corners of his heart but speaking it into existence…
Instead he evaded. "Uh, Gracia and Elicia are doing fine. Elicia's getting so big and she's got your inquisitive nature. She spent the day at the office with her Uncle Roy today and promptly solved the mystery of the missing pastries. As you can guess, Breda had something to do with that."
An insistent gust blew against his face and he relented. He was stalling and Maes knew it. No matter how much it pained him, he'd chosen to come to the garden of good and evil tonight to release the burden of grief he'd held on to for so many years. He'd gone through the stages of mourning just as he'd traversed the seasons, the journey to resolution irrevocably changing who he'd become. He was forever altered; his arrogance and hubris lay asunder while his temerity and fortitude remained and yet he still had much to learn.
He cleared his throat roughly and wiped at the welling tears, "Even after all these years, your absence still hurts. There…there are times that I can still hear your laughter in my ear, your words of encouragement when everything's going to shit, even your annoyingly persistent prodding to find a wife- although I have that one covered." Roy fingered the simple band on his finger his thoughts going to his wife and daughter at home. A warm smile broke across his lips as he nodded,"You were right, Maes. We do lean on those we care for and love. It makes us stronger."
And that was all he had left to say.
Roy stood swiftly, averting his gaze to the sea of stones before him the serenity of the moment enveloping him. He'd chosen to embrace life, to put one foot in front of the other and keep moving. One day, this would be his final resting place but for now, he'd leave a part of his heart as another promise.
"We'll meet again, Maes." Roy stared at the stone for a moment longer before turning to leave.
A brisk wind blew past him and he swore he could hear his soft reply.
Until then…
He'd done and said enough. Now was the time to move on to better things.
End
A/N: And it is done. Thank you to those who read, reviewed, followed and favored- I'm honored that you gave me a chance on my first Fullmetal Alchemist fic.
Until next time!
