Hey guys I really hope y'all can forgive me...I haven't updated in what seems like forever and no I haven't given up on it. School was so bad and stressful but good news! Since it's the break expect plenty of chapters coming ur way!
It is dark, I can't see anything in front of my nose and I shudder when my fingers brush the a thousandth cobweb. The lights flash on all of a sudden and I blink rapidly to adjust to the brightness.
Magnus stands in the middle of the room contrasting the drab room, he stands out like a disco ball in a museum...which is quite accurate. He is literally a walking glittery disco ball. I shake my head to clear my mind and I smile and start to walk to him.
Something is off, terribly wrong put I can't place my finger on it. It all seems to bright too happy, nothing has been happy since...a while.
I stop in my tracks when a pair of arms wrap around his waist and Derek's face comes into view his navy eyes staring straight at me, challenging. I take a step back and look at Magnus.
A silence seems to stretch on forever and Derek looks smug while Magnus is impassive.
"M-Magnus..?" I say and silently curse myself when my voice cracks. He looks at Derek for a minute before he looks at me hesitantly.
"Alec I-I'm sorry but you and me, will never work out. And it's just about time you come to terms with that, I'm sorry I do love u...but it's complicated..." He says and looks away. Derek squeezes his arm comforting him while I stare at them dumbfounded.
"You...what?" I say, the words still not reaching my mind yet.
"Alec, he doesn't love you, he never did. He felt bad for the mistreated and shunned shadow hunter so he wanted to show u happiness. He didn't know you were going to fall so hard for him, his relationships are never that serious, especially with a shadow hunter." Derek explains, all the while looks extremely confident.
I look over at Magnus to confirm but he doesn't say anything to deny it.
"I-I...you-I..." My cheeks flush as embarrassment washes over me. I feel so exposed and wish to just disappear into the floor.
I know the pain and grief will crush me later but all that matter right now is to not think, to not analyze because I do that too often and the pain will come over me. I stare at them blankly, who cares what they think or do they're of no importance to me.
Don't think, don't think, an endless loop in my head keeping me alive. Them holding hands right now doesn't bother me, nope. Or the fact that they look so perfect together, nope doesn't affect me.
I took one last look at them printing it into my mind and then I ran, I ran like hell was on my heels and not once did I look back.
I woke up with a start, my body drenched in sweat. I looked over at the clock and it read three am. I sigh as the nightmare still left chills running down my spine. And looked over at the peaceful sleeping face of Magnus. It was only a dream I remind myself and I stretch my limbs.
I smile but then frown realizing I can't just forgive Magnus like that. Yes, I do love him and would do anything to just live happily with him but, after everything I doubt that's ever possible again.
I sigh not wanting to get a headache but I know this topic can't be easily avoided. I think I've come to a conclusion though, I'm willing to start over but everything will evolve slower the before. Or at least as slow before I can't control myself.
I nestle against Magnus and breathe in his familiar scent, sandalwood. This felt so right, yet it felt wrong...
A buzzing noise brought me out of my reverie and I turned to investigate the sound. It was coming from Magnus phone but I hesitated to search further. Who would be calling Magnus late at this time? Not a client that's for sure he almost never gave them his personal number. Ugh, trust issues.
The buzzing noise is insistent, whoever it is wants to make sure there heard. I hear Magnus beside me start to stir and I lay back down, pretending to sleep. Don't call me out, or anything but I can't help want to do a little spying.
Magnus has always been a light sleeper so no wonder the noise woke him up. I watch through slits at what he does. Careful to make my breath slow and calm.
He stretches at first and yawns multiple times, him never being a morning person. He glances over and carefully reaches over me to get his phone. I hear him sigh loudly before he answers.
"What do you want now?" Magnus says, highly irritated, his voice bordering on dangerous. I smile internally, knowing the person on the other end will not appreciate Magnus wrath. Magnus stays silent as he listens to the person on the other end. I can't see his facial expressions in the dark, which annoys me.
"Okay, sorry-yes I understand I promised but I was busy okay...yes it was important I was trying to be FORGIVIN! You know the blue-eyed shadowhunter...yes it was important. I understand I made a promise and I'm sorry I wasn't able to be there with you but I will make it up to you!" Magnus says his voice holding annoyance get a familiar trace of...tender.
"Oh yes, don't worry I'll make it up to you for sure, babe. You don't understand I want you right now. I'm starting to regret not going over to yours...mmmm baby I can just feel you right now. I want to fuck you so hard you won't be able to walk for a week!" Magnus says into the phone.
"M-Mags...?" My voice squeaks into the the darkness. Silence ensues across the room, nothing is heard not even a single breathe, it seems the whole world is waiting and anticipating.
His fingers snap and the lamp is lit, he looks at me with pure horror written on his face. So I wasn't hallucinating...it is all true.
"I...uh did..you?" He says, for once at a loss of words.
"I trusted you" I say, my voice breaking at the end. " I went through all this crap for I was willing to let everything go and start new with you but...you you just through me away..." I say blinking back tears.
He stays silent and I can see the frustration and guilt on his features. He doesn't say anything and my heart breaks for the thousandth time. I felt so disgusted, just hours ago I let him be intimate with me, just hours ago he told me he loved me.
Lies, lies everywhere they filled the walls, suffocated the air, choking me. I climbed out of bed and carefully backed away from him.
"You-you lied to me...I trusted you but you- you just use me I give you chances but you through them away." I say as I snatch clothes off the floor to put on.
I'm at the door now, my legs threatening to collapse yet, Magnus remains silent.
I don't know what to say, I watch as my whole world is crashing down on me and I watch it, let it happen. I was so foolish to think that he actually loved me. So foolish to think he accepted me after everything. So I did the only sensible thing in my mind then.
I ran, I ran like hell was on my heels.
And not once did I look back...
Sorry guys again please forgive me, don't worry I'll be updating more!3
