AN: Here's the next Update. Please excuse any mistakes. This chapter is the turning point in the Jax/ Carrie relationship. So i hope you won't be disappointed in reading it. Thank you for the lovely reviews on the previous chapter and for the follows/favorites. I also want to thank my best friend Nicole for helping me figure some things out. (DISCLAIMER: I do not own dialogue, characters or anything recognizable from SOA. They belong to Kurt Sutter and FX.) With that said i hope you enjoy this chapter.
Chapter Seven
"You okay?"
"Yeah," Carrie said drinking a glass of water. "Why wouldn't I be?"
"You just seem like something is bothering you."
"You mean that scene out there?" Carrie questioned placing the empty glass in the sink. "Jax can do whatever the hell he wants."
Carrie didn't wait for Gemma to respond as she walked away. It was true that Jax was able to do what he wanted but seeing it still hurt.
Yet she kept thinking about that one line in David's letter. That had her thinking that maybe he had been reading too much into Jax's actions. There was no way that he could love her when he so easily went after whoever was close enough.
Carrie stopped by Opie's room to check on him but he was already sleeping. So she closed the door and made her way towards the room she was staying.
She quickly changed into her sleeping clothes. Only to find that sleep seemed to be evading her. Instead letting her thoughts whirl around in her head, she opened the door so she wouldn't feel as if the room was closing in on her because of her thoughts and jumbled feelings.
"You're still up."
Looking towards the door she saw Jax leaning against the door jam.
"Can't sleep," Carrie said as she watched him step into the room.
"You need to rest," Jax softly said. "Is something bothering you?"
"No."
"You sure?"
"I said I'm fine," Carrie snapped looking at him, before changing her gaze to the wall in front of the bed.
Carrie heard Jax sigh before she saw him walk towards the door. Instead of leaving he simply closed the door. Before crossing his arms and leaning against the drawer where her clothes were in.
"I know you're not fine. So spill it," Jax said. "Is it what happened with Jimmy?"
"No it's not. So you can leave."
She knew she was acting like a bitch but he couldn't just walk in here acting like he cared. Not after what she saw.
"I'm not leaving until you tell me what the hell has you acting like this," Jax argued.
"Why do you care?"
"Because I do and I'm sure you keeping shit bottled up isn't good for you or the baby," Jax argued. "So spill it."
"Why don't you go back to Trinity and leave me alone. I'm sure she actually wants your company," Carrie snapped standing up.
"That's what this is about? Trinity?" Jax questioned fighting a smile. "You jealous? Well nothing is going on between me and her."
"I'm not jealous and what I saw says otherwise."
"Yes you are," Jax said walking closer. "And I was just comforting her."
"I'm not jealous," she argued.
"Whatever you say Carrie but we both know you are. Now get some rest," he stated before kissing her forehead and leaving.
Jax had stayed up late the night before causing him to sleep in. Before he was woken up by his visitor.
Now he had everyone gathered to relay what Kellan Ashby had told him.
"Kellan need us to prove Jimmy blew up that gun truck," he informed them.
"And what about Abel," Gemma argued.
"Same promise. We get Jimmy…we get Abel."
"Then we start with O'Neil," Clay stated.
"Yeah," Jax agreed. "Him and Jimmy's guys were the only ones not in that barn."
"Any remote detonator could cover that distance," Opie explained. "It had to be him."
"O'Neil's their officer. We call him out as a rat. We pretty much condemn the whole charter," Bobby informed them.
"Maybe it's time we start to look at that," Clay stated. "How do we know Jimmy didn't turn others?"
"Because my boys are loyal to the MC," McGee interrupted as he walked into the room. "You're right about O'Neil. The Irish became more important than the patch."
"Well that's not what you told me," Clay argued.
"Because I like to give my boys the benefit of the doubt Clay," McGee defended. "But after yesterday. There's no doubt left. He's gone. His flat's empty. He's gotta be with Jimmy."
"Son of a bitch," Chibs swore loudly.
Carrie watched as the club left Maureen's shop. After the interrogation had led them nowhere. They weren't able to get O'Neil's location out of Cherry with her saying she didn't know anything. Even though they all knew she was lying.
"You hear what happened to Sack?" Gemma questioned moving closer to Cherry.
"Yeah."
Carrie thought it was a low blow to use Kip but if that got Cherry to talk and get them closer to finding O'Neil. So they were closer to finding Abel. Then she would go along with it if she had to.
"You know O'Neil is connected to that."
"Bullshit," Cherry argued.
Gemma briefly glanced at Carrie before looking towards Maureen. Causing Cherry to look at her too.
"No, she's right. Both Cammy and Liam…both under Jimmy's authority," Maureen informed Cherry. "You know Liam was privy to your man getting a knife in the belly."
"And you protecting this guy makes you just as guilty," Gemma added to what Maureen had said.
"O'Neil isn't in the MC anymore," Gemma stated as Cherry began to deny again. "He turned on his brothers and he bailed on you."
Cherry looked torn before continuing to cover for him or spilling everything she knew.
"Think about Kip, Cherry. Do you think he would want you covering for the one responsible for his death," Carrie spoke up for the first time. "If you know something. You need to tell us."
"Just tell them what you know Cher," Trinity stated.
Carrie briefly glanced at her before returning her gaze on Cherry. Who finally seemed as if she would be spilling everything.
"Alright," Cherry said sighing. "Last week I found a lot of cash in his pocket…so it made me curious and I went looking through his things."
She looked at the four of them watching her, "I dug up two receipts for bank accounts. Both with a lot of money and a contract for some kind of loft down by the docks."
"So maybe he's there," Cherry suggested.
Carrie watched as Maureen grabbed Cherry by the neck, as soon as she had finished talking, pushing her back while tightening her grip.
"Never. Ever. Lie to the club. Do you hear me," Maureen demanded through clenched teeth.
"Get the club," Maureen ordered at Trinity after she had let Cherry go.
Carrie watched as Trinity walked out but didn't miss the look that passed between Gemma and Maureen. It was brief but she saw the approval and understanding.
Cherry was still holding her neck and trying to return her breathing to normal when the club walked back in. Causing them to look at her before looking around at the three of them.
As Jax's gaze lingered on her, Carrie simply shrugged before crossing her arms.
"Will you able to talk or do you want me to do it for you?" Gemma asked as she noticed that Cherry was still holding her neck.
Carrie stayed silent as Cherry got herself together and told them what she had confessed earlier.
"He wants us to kill Alvarez and steal a quarter of a mil from his home safe," Piney informed Tig and Kozik of the call with Salazar.
"This guy's gone off the deep end man," Kozik said looking between Tig and Piney.
"You're certain that Salazar's got Tara?" Tig questioned.
"Yeah. He took her and the red head from the hospital. We don't deliver in 24 hours. Then they're dead," Piney explained.
"We gotta let Jax know," Kozik stated.
"No. He's got a lot on his plate," Piney argued.
"Yes he does," Tig agreed. "We need to handle this."
"We got to reach out to Alvarez. Get him to play along." Kozik suggested. "Only he could supply intel on Salazar. He might know where he's got the girls."
"Don't let that horse truce fool you. The Mayans hate us," Piney argued.
"What else are we going to do? Whack Alvarez and start a blood war," Kozik argued. "It's our only shot."
"What if he says no?" Tig questioned. "He can say no. Then we played our hand and the girls are dead."
"He's a smart guy. He's got a family. He'll get it," Kozik explained.
Tig turned to look at Piney causing Kozik to look at him too.
Piney only rolled his eyes in response. Knowing they were going to talk to Alvarez.
"Better be right," Tig stated getting up.
Piney sighed and threw his unlit cigarette onto the table. Before following Tig and Kozik out of the chapel.
"So you and Jax finally got together," Cherry said motioning towards her baby bump.
Carrie softly rubbed it, "No. It's not his."
"You and Opie?"
Carrie shook her head, "He's my brother," she informed Cherry softly laughing.
"Juice?"
Carrie laughed shaking her head, "He wasn't a member of the MC."
"So who is the dad then?"
"David Hale," Carrie answered.
"Shit. Wow…you got knocked up by the Deputy Chief and he's okay with you being here?"
"He can't say anything about it anyways," Carrie said. "He's dead."
"Shit. I'm sorry," Cherry said looking down at the picnic table they were sitting on.
"It's okay."
They both stayed for a couples of seconds. Carrie occasionally moved her hair from her face as a soft breeze blew by.
"He really loved you," Carrie stated breaking the silence. "Even though you guys were only together for a short amount of time."
Cherry looked up at her before looking back down. Carrie didn't say anything else as she watched Cherry pick at her boot.
"I really loved him too," she softly stated.
"He was buried a full patched member," Carrie informed her squeezing her hand.
"I'm glad. He deserved it."
"Yeah," Carrie agreed. "He did."
They were quiet again while they thought of him. Each having different memories but still thinking of the same person. As they watched the sun slowly begin to set.
"How'd you get my address?" Alvarez asked as he kept the gun pointed at them.
"Got it from Salazar man," Tig answered. "Know what he's done? He's kidnapped Jax's old lady and a woman she works with."
"Are you serious?"
"He's got a very interesting list of demands," Piney stated.
"Salazar wanted us to come here and kill you," Tig informed. "Then take the 250k you got hidden in your safe."
"Know what I got in that safe? Two old watches, insurance policies and my kids' baby teeth," Alvarez explained.
"Shit," Tig muttered.
"We'll get the money from somewhere else. What we need to from you is to play dead. Just until we get Tara back," Kozik explained.
"Excuse me?"
"Just put it on the street man. It'll get back to Salazar and buy us some time," Tig answered.
"Do you know what that does to my business? If my competition thinks I'm dead," Alvarez argued.
"Marcus…we just need twenty four hours. Then you can rise from the dead and all those vatos will go spooky respect with that shit," Piney stated.
"You come to my house. Where my family is. Pull guns and make demands. Do you have any idea what I can do to you?"
"Look it was stupid of us to come here. We get it but Jax's son is already missing. The thought of him losing the girl he loves…we can't let that happen. We're really sorry we upset you're family but we're desperate. You're the only shot we got at rescuing those women," Kozik stated. "We'll make it up to you somehow. Please."
Alvarez looked at them before looking back at the house.
"Alright. I'll play dead twenty four hours. That's it," he stated.
"Thank you," Kozik said.
"But you come here again. Truce or no truce. I'll kill all of you," Alvarez warned.
"I asked the Father to bring you here," Brendan Roarke, member of the IRA council said. "Wanted to thank you personally. This information confirms the suspicions about Jimmy we've had for quite some time. We know you risked your lives to get it. We owe you."
"How do we get to Jimmy?" Clay questioned him.
"That's an army matter," Declan Brogan answered. "He's a traitor and will be dealt with as such."
"That's not the deal," Jax said looking at Kellan.
"I'm afraid it is Jackson," the priest stated.
"What are you talking about?" he questioned standing up and raising his voice. "You said I would get support to take out Jimmy."
"Hey…easy. Easy," Clay said calming him down. "Not here."
"This is a sensitive situation. Has to be dealt with internally. I'm sure you can understand that lad," Peter Dooley, another IRA council member stated.
"Jax and I have some outside issues to discuss," Kellan announced. "We'll do that later son."
Carrie walked back into the living room of the lodge as Jax was walking in.
"What happened brother?" she heard Opie question.
"I went to Saint Matts. Kellan wasn't there and Casey wouldn't tell me where he was."
"Well the cops found the bodies at the docks," Bobby informed Jax. "They're going to come here asking questions."
"We find Abel. Catch Oswald's plane tomorrow night and get the hell off this moss covered shit hole," Opie stated.
"Amen brother," Chibs agreed before taking a swig of the bottle in his hand.
"I can't just sit here. I'm going for a walk," Jax announced walking out again.
"You watch him," Gemma ordered Opie.
"Yes ma'am," he answered getting up and walking out.
Gemma looked at her and Carrie nodded before following after them.
Carrie noticed that they were halfway out the lot and knew she wouldn't be able to catch up with their strides.
"Hey," she called out causing them to pause and turn around. "Wait for me."
She started to pick up her pace so they wouldn't have to wait long.
"You're starting to waddle there Care," Opie joked as soon as she was standing in front of them.
Causing Carrie to smack him. As Jax coughed to disguise his laugh.
"Not you too," she stated as she saw him bite his lip to keep from laughing.
"You were kind of waddling," Jax said.
Causing Opie to laugh and Carrie to smack him again. Which only made Jax chuckle.
"You know what? Fuck you guys. I don't need this," Carrie stated walking ahead of them and onto the sidewalk.
"Hey don't get mad at us for pointing it out," Opie said grabbing her arm to stop her.
"But you didn't have to laugh," Carrie said her voice starting to quiver as her eyes started to water.
Both Jax and Opie looked at each other as she sniffled.
"Shit Carrie we didn't mean to make you cry," Jax said rubbing her shoulder.
"Yeah it was just a joke," Opie said running his hand through her hair.
Her sniffling stopped as she couldn't keep herself from laughing. Before softly smacking both of them.
"That's what you assholes get for making fun of me," She said before she started walking again.
"You should go back. It's not safe for you to be walking around at night," Jax said as they walked beside her.
"But it's safe for you two," She retorted.
"We're armed. So we can protect ourselves," Opie chimed in.
"Well there you go. Nothing's going to happen to me with you two around," Carrie stated. "So where are we walking to?"
Jax watched as Opie and Carrie walked back into the lodge. Just as Trinity was walking down the stairs from her apartment.
Instead of lighting the cigarette he said he was going to smoke. He walked towards Trinity just as she stepped onto the pavement.
"Heard you're going to be leaving," Trinity asked as he sat down on the bike in front of her.
"Yeah. Soon as I get my kid. Hopefully tomorrow," he answered.
"That's good. Getting your son."
Jax nodded before saying, "I'm sorry about McGee."
"Thanks. Guess he was the closest thing I had to a da."
"Where's your old man?" He questioned standing up.
"Killed in Lebanon. I was a baby," Trinity answered.
"He was a soldier?"
"Aye."
Jax stepped closer placing his hand on her shoulder to offer some comfort. He was going to remove his hand when Trinity placed her hand over his. Rubbing her thumb on the back of his hand before she closed the gap between them. Barely kissing him, when he stepped quickly back.
He chose to look at the ground instead of her. Knowing he did the right thing in breaking the kiss. It wouldn't be right of him to kiss Trinity back. Not while Carrie was only feet away from him.
But looking up and seeing Trinity's expression snapped something inside of him and before he knew it he was the one initiating a kiss.
Carrie walked into Maureen's place in time to hear Cherry say, "I heard they buried Kip with his patch."
"Yeah," Gemma answered before noticing Carrie walk into the kitchen.
"Sorry for just walking in," Carrie said apologizing to Maureen before turning to Gemma, "Clay said you were here."
"It's fine. Pull up a chair," Maureen said as Cherry scooted over.
"Thanks."
"That's cool they buried him with his patch," Cherry said picking up the conversation again.
"No tears for the man that just died?" Maureen asked Cherry.
"Why? He was a liar and a rat," Cherry stated.
"You don't know the facts," Maureen argued.
"Do you?" Gemma questioned. "McGee ever say anything about Jimmy?"
"No," Maureen answered. "He was more distant than usual. I didn't see it coming."
"Desperate times cause men to do desperate things," Gemma stated.
"What do you know about desperate? All of our times here are desperate. SAMCRO has no idea the risk Belfast makes to keep Charming all safe and cozy," Maureen argued.
Causing Carrie and Cherry to glance at each other. Not knowing if they should change the subject before things got out of hand.
"Redwood put SAMBEL on the map."
"Aye and after four days you nearly wiped them off," Maureen argued.
"I'll assume it's the drink talking," Gemma said pointing to Maureen's full shot glass.
"You assume whatever the hell you want. All I know is that since you two and your boys rolled into our alley. We're short three lives," Maureen argued.
Carrie wanted to protest that they were missing Abel and she had nothing to do with it but Gemma beat her to it.
"And I'm missing my grandson because you're asshole brother is playing a shell game with his life." Gemma argued back.
"I should take your right eye for talking shite about a man of God," Maureen warned.
"Won't be the first thing you took from me."
"Maybe if you didn't chew men up like a meat grinder they wouldn't be overseas looking for some tenderness," Maureen stated.
"You dink of a whore," Gemma yelled jumping across the table.
Causing Carrie to jump up and pull her back before she attacked Maureen.
"What the hell are you guys talking about?" Cherry questioned them.
"I need smokes," Gemma said shrugging off Carrie's hold before leaving.
"I need whiskey," Maureen said taking her shot and following after Gemma.
"I need a new life," Cherry muttered resting against the table.
"You're not the only one," Carrie said sitting back down.
They stayed that way for a couple of minutes after Gemma and Maureen left. Before Carrie broke the silence.
"I'm going to go make sure they don't kill each other if they haven't already," Carrie announced before leaving Cherry by herself.
Carrie arrived into the shop just in time to see them throw the door leading into Maureen's office open.
"Christ Ma," she heard Trinity yell.
Causing her to walk closer and peek into the room. Taking in the sight of Trinity holding her cardigan closed and a shirtless Jax pulling his pants up and clearing his throat.
"You want to shut the door?" he questioned after buckling his belt before noticing her standing there.
Her eyes locked with his and she saw him take a step but she shook her head as her eyes roamed his state of under dress over.
She felt Gemma grab her arm but she shook her off before quickly leaving as she heard the office door close.
Jax felt like shit as he followed Gemma back into the lodge. He had let himself think with dick. Instead of with his brain which had been telling him to walk away ever since he started following Trinity.
Now he was sure Carrie would chew him out before she listened to what he had to say. He knew it was shitty of him to want to confess his feelings in light of the situation but he had no other choice. He had to tell her that he knew she was the one he wanted to be with before she killed him. For what happened back there.
"Where you going?" Gemma questioned as he began to make his way towards Carrie's room.
"Need to talk to Carrie," Jax answered.
"She can wait. Me and you need to have a little talk," Gemma stated making him follow her into his room.
Carrie paced the length of Opie's room as she gathered her thoughts.
"He's such an asshole," Carrie muttered. "And a slut."
"No shit. That's not something new. You knew how Jax was," Opie said. "Now why are you like this?"
Instead of giving a worded answer Carrie gave a frustrated cry.
"I'll go bring you some tea or something to calm you down," Opie stated. "And maybe a strong drink for me."
"Apparently John didn't tell anyone," Gemma said from her spot after revealing Jax and Trinity were half siblings.
"Clay?" Jax questioned as he took a drag of his cigarette.
"No," Gemma sighed, closing the distance until she was in front of him. "I'm sorry you had to find out like this."
"Yeah no shit. Two minutes later and I would have been dancing in Tig territory," Jax informed looking up at her. "How'd you find out?"
"Found a letter your dad had wrote to her," Gemma scoffed. "A love letter. Like the ones he wrote to me. She was nineteen. A fresh start."
"Sorry ma," Jax said rubbing his thumb across the side of her hand.
"Kellan's here. Cleared out the clubhouse," Opie informed them after knocking and opening the door.
"Alright man," Jax said before Opie walked away.
"Look you go out there and find our boy," Gemma stated. "That priest does not leave this alley, until you have an address. You hear me?"
Jax nodded, "Yeah."
Carrie was still pacing when Opie returned with a mug and a glass half way filled with what she assumed was whiskey.
"Here," Opie said handing her the mug as she finally stopped pacing.
"Thanks."
Carrie watched as he sat down on the bed before taking a sip of his drink.
"So what's wrong?"
"Everything," Carrie muttered as she fiddled with the tea bag.
"Everything?"
Carrie sighed setting the mug down on the nightstand, "I'll be back."
Quickly making her way towards her room she grabbed the letter out of the drawer and made her way back to Opie.
"Here," she said handing him the envelope.
"What is it?" Opie questioned setting his glass down, taking the letter from her.
"Read it."
Carrie grabbed her mug and sat down at the foot of the bed as Opie began to read the letter. She watched as his eyes moved along the page, occasionally glancing up at her but not saying anything.
She quietly sat that drinking her tea and picking at the loose threads on the blanket beneath her. Hearing Opie sigh and the sound of paper being stuffed into the envelope made her look up.
"So this is what has you acting like this?" he asked holding the envelope up.
"That's part of it," she answered as Opie set the letter between them.
"What's the other part?"
"Everything else," Carrie stated.
Opie didn't say anything. Instead he waited for her to get her thoughts together knowing she would elaborate when she was ready. In the meantime he casually sipped his drink and watched her. Waiting for her to be ready.
"Everything is just so fucked up," Carrie said aggravated. "I'm having David's baby and he isn't going to be around to see our son grow up. Yet he tells me I should be with Jax and allow him to be the father figure in our son's life. Because he knows Jax loves me even though he doesn't realize it yet and that I love him as well."
"Yet Jax is with Tara and trying to fuck Trinity. And we're not even close to finding Abel," she said sighing while fighting the urge to rip her hair out.
"There's more."
Carrie scoffed while shaking her head, "And I'm finding out that David might have been right about my feelings towards Jax."
"So you love him but he's an idiot who keeps screwing things up," Opie summed up.
"I wouldn't say it was love," Carrie mumbled.
Opie only shot her a look as if to say yeah right. Which caused her to mumble incoherently.
"What was that?"
"I said," she stated sighing. "That maybe I do love him."
"Seriously? Quit playing with yourself Carrie. You fell in love with him from the moment you saw him," Opie pointed out. "You wouldn't be here if you didn't."
"I'm here to help find Abel not because of Jax."
"Are you ever going to admit that you love him or are you just going to go around in circles," Opie argued. "Because I don't see why you two are so dense when it comes to your feelings. Either you love each other or not. There's no in between when it comes to love."
"Well he makes it difficult for me to admit that I love him okay," Carrie argued. "Maybe if he wasn't such a slut willing to fuck anything with two legs. I wouldn't be having this conversation. Besides he chose Tara so he obviously doesn't feel the same about me."
"Have you asked him?"
"Like I'm going to go up to him and say, hey Jax I know we're supposed to be looking for your son and you're with Tara but I love you. So I was wondering if you felt the same way about me," Carrie sarcastically said. "Like that would go over well Ope."
"This is the problem with you two. You don't talk shit through. Instead you just assume and make stupid decisions. That lead to stupid mistakes that you end up regretting later on."
"At least I don't stand up people in order to go fuck the person who broke my heart," Carrie argued.
"But you pushed him away when you lost the baby and let David be there for you instead of him," Opie pointed out. "He was the father and he should have been the one with you not Hale."
"I gave him a chance to be there."
"Did you?" Opie argued. "Because if he would have had the chance. He would have been there for you in heartbeat. You didn't see him when Unser went to deliver the news or after you kicked him out."
"Was it that bad?"
"He was scared shitless and devastated when he heard the news about the baby," Opie said. "And even more so when you blamed him for it. He was hell bent on revenge but he also wanted to be there for you. But you wouldn't let him."
"He didn't try hard enough," Carrie argued.
"You wouldn't let him Carrie. What did you expect him to do force you to let him in? Would that have made a difference?"
"No."
"See?" Opie pointed out. "You need to have this conversation with him. It's long overdue and you two have shit you need to let go of in order to move on."
Jax walked back into the lodge after hearing that Kellan had put his son up for adoption. Having the nerve to basically tell him that Abel wouldn't have a good life with him. He was pissed at the circles they had gone. Only to feel his heart drop at the fact that his son was up for adoption.
He stepped into the hallway and noticed Carrie stepping out of Opie's room. She froze as she spotted him before quickly making her way towards the room she was staying in.
"Carrie," Jax called out as he followed her.
Carrie managed to get into the room and was about to close the door behind her. When Jax stopped her and walked into the room closing the door behind him.
"What do you want?"
"Look I want to talk about what you saw back at the store," Jax answered.
"Look you don't owe me an explanation. We're not together so you don't have the obligation to explain anything to me."
"Yes I do," Jax argued.
"No you don't. You can do whatever the hell you want and fuck who you want. You don't need to tell me anything. That's between you and Tara."
"Why do you always bring up Tara?" Jax questioned.
"Because you're with her and she's the one that you're supposed to be having this talk with."
"Then why are you here?"
"Because this is my room," Carrie answered sarcastically.
"I meant here in Belfast," Jax snapped.
"Because believe it or not I love Abel and I wanted to help you bring him home," Carrie answered.
"That's the only reason?"
"Yes what other reason would I need to be here?" Carrie retorted.
Jax shrugged while looking down at his shoes. Realizing that this was his opportunity to say what he needed to tell her.
"Nothing happened besides a couple of kisses and even that was wrong," Jax began his confession. "Two minutes later and I would have been in Tig territory."
"Tig territory?"
Jax chuckled, "Turns out Trinity is my half-sister."
Carrie looked at him in shock practically having her jaw on the floor.
"Eww Jax. What the fuck," Carrie stated.
"I didn't know until after the fact that we had gotten caught," Jax explained.
"I still can't believe you did that," Carrie said looking at him before laughing.
"It's not funny," Jax said before chuckling.
Carrie looked up as she stopped laughing noticing how close her and Jax had gotten. He reached up and ran his thumb across her cheek.
"I never meant to hurt you," he softly said watching as she closed her eyes.
"But you have," she said stepping away. "You've made it hard for me to let you in."
"I'm sorry."
Carrie ignored his apology, "Do you have any idea how it felt being stood up? I waited for you almost all night Jax. Thinking that maybe you had club business or something had happened to you. Only to find out that you didn't show up because you were fucking Tara."
"I had to help her with a problem she had."
"Oh yeah. I'm sure the itch she had was a problem that only you could scratch," Carrie sarcastically said.
"Some ATF guy was stalking her. I couldn't ignore it and have something bad happen to her on my conscious," he snapped.
"So you dealt with him and then fucked her. Classy Jax."
"I fucked up. I know and I'm sorry I hurt you. But you've hurt me too,' Jax stated. "So we're both the bad guy here."
"At least I didn't string you along," Carrie snapped. "And then knock you up."
"If you would have asked me to leave Tara I would have in a heartbeat."
"Yeah until you decided you changed your mind and then what?" Carrie questioned. "I didn't want to force you to be with me because I was having your kid."
"You wouldn't have forced me if I wanted to be with you."
"Don't lie to me Jax," Carrie retorted. "We both know you can't love anyone besides Tara."
"That's not true. At least not anymore," Jax explained. "I ended things with Tara. For good this time."
"You say that now but once we return to Charming. Everything will go back to normal."
"Why are you being so difficult?"
"Because I can't move past everything that's happened between us. You left me when I needed you the most Jax," Carrie blamed.
"Because you wouldn't let me be there for you. You pushed me away and ran to David. So don't put the blame on me," Jax argued raising his voice. "That was my baby too and I had a right to be there with you. But you wouldn't let me."
"Because I thought you were responsible. Put yourself in my shoes," Carrie snapped matching his tone. "How could I let the guy, who I was told was at fault for that beating I received, to comfort me when I had just lost my baby."
Carrie lowered her voice, "You're in the same situation now. Don't deny that you've been pushing Tara away and secretly blaming her for Abel's kidnapping."
"The only difference is that you can still get your son back," Carrie stated. "Did you know that David helped me to realize that it wasn't you who was responsible for that beating? That it wasn't your fault I lost our baby. So I'm sorry that I pushed you away and placed the blame on you."
Jax didn't do or say anything but stare at her for a couple of minutes and she didn't push him knowing they both needed to collect their thoughts or else they would just start blurting whatever came to mind.
"Screw it," she heard Jax mutter before he closed the distance between them. Kissing her with everything he had. In that kiss she could practically feel every single emotion that he couldn't put into words.
Pulling apart, they were both breathing heavily as he rested his forehead against hers. Locking their gazes. Neither willing to look away.
"Sorry I stood you up a year ago," Jax said running his thumbs across her cheeks. "I haven't stopped regretting it or the choices I've made that ended up hurting you. I always think about what it would be like if I hadn't been an idiot and chosen you. Would you still be expecting our baby? Would Abel still be with us and whether we could have been a happy family?"
"Why do you care so much about me forgiving you?" Carrie softly questioned placing her hands over his.
Jax pulled his hands away taking her right hand and placing it over his heart as he pulled her as close as he could.
"Because I love you," Jax firmly stated. "And I'm going to make every single stupid mistake I made up to you. No matter how long it takes."
"What about Tara?"
"Me and her are done," Jax answered. "We were done a long time ago but I was stuck in the past to realize it. But it's you who I want to be with and who I want to raise Abel with."
"Jax I'm having another man's baby," Carrie reminded him. "I can't just think about what I want."
"I don't care that you're having Hale's baby. Just like I know you don't care that Abel isn't yours," Jax pointed out. "We'll make this work. I know we can but you have to be willing to give us a shot."
"You say that now Jax but what about when the baby's here and what if he looks like David? He's just going to be a constant reminder that he isn't yours."
"I don't care Carrie because as far as I'm concerned that baby is going to be my son. I'm not going to love or treat him any less than Abel or any kids we might have," Jax stated. "Just like you won't treat Abel any different because he isn't yours. Or are you going to cast him aside?"
"You know I wouldn't do that," Carrie argued. "He may not be mine by blood but ever since I first saw him. He's always had a special place in my heart and I'll always consider him as my own."
"Then you don't need to worry about me casting him aside," Jax said placing his right hand on her baby bump. "Because as far as I'm concerned he will and is my son too. Just like you consider Abel your own. So screw what anybody else says. As long as we're happy with our family. Everyone else can go fuck themselves."
"You really want to do this? Take on this responsibility?" Carrie questioned. "You won't change your mind later on?"
"I'm sure," Jax stated. "I'm not going anywhere Carrie."
Carrie tried to find some hint of unsureness or dishonesty but she couldn't find any. She could feel her heart start to race as he cupped her cheek, leaning his forehead against hers.
"So what do you say Blake," he said referring to her last name. "We going to give this a shot?"
"I don't know Teller. I'm going to need more convincing," Carrie joked.
"I can do that," he said before kissing her.
"You can't leave me breathless Jax," Carrie breathlessly stated. "Lack of oxygen isn't good for the baby."
As if to back her up, she felt the fluttering of her baby moving. Causing her to look at Jax as she began to rub her belly.
"See even Kip agrees with me," Carried said as Jax placed his hand to lightly run his fingers over her baby bump.
"Kip?"
"Yeah I thought it would be nice to use Kip's name as a nickname for the baby. Since he wanted the baby named after him," she explained softly laughing.
"At least he didn't tell you to use Half Sack," Jax joked laughing.
Carrie shook her head smiling, "That would doom the poor kid."
"Yeah it would," Jax agreed. "So what are you naming him?"
"Benjamin David," Carrie stated, "David picked out the first name and I thought it was only fair if he carried his father's name to remember him by."
Carrie watched as Jax continued to quietly run his fingers lightly over her bump.
"It's a good name," he finally said looking up at her. "He talked to me you know?"
"David?" Carrie questioned even though she didn't need too.
Jax nodded, "He told me that I needed to get my head out of my ass and realize that I loved you," he explained looking up at her. "He wanted me to promise him, that in case something happened to him, I would be there for you and the baby."
"I want you to know that even though I promised him I would be there for you two," Jax explained. "That isn't the only reason why I want to be with you. I really do love you."
"I know Jax," Carrie said stepping away from him taking the envelope out of her pocket.
Handing it to him and motioning for him to read it.
"Unser gave me that letter the day we left Charming," she explained watching him read it. "Said David wanted him to give it to me in case something happened."
"Guess he gave us both a push in the right direction," Carrie said as she watched him fold it back up.
"Yeah. It only took us almost a year to stop running around in circles and actually say something," Jax agreed. "Even though you haven't said how you feel about me."
"I think I just showed you," Carrie pointed out.
"I don't think so Ms. Blake," Jax playfully argued. "I need to hear it."
"Actions speak louder than words Mr. Teller," Carrie stated before wrapping her arms around his neck. "But in case you still need to hear it… I guess I love you too."
"You guess?"
Carrie laughed before softly kissing him, "I love you."
"I love you too," he murmured against her lips.
