He could tell when she was having a nightmare. Hers were more subtle, with no noise to be heard, but he could always tell. Every muscle in her body would go stiff, her form rigid against his. Her eyes shut tight, her fists clenched. Sometimes, it seemed she would be immovable, paralyzed with fear.
He couldn't leave her this way. He'd sit up, untangle them both, and he'd pull her rigid form onto his lap, into his arms. He'd wait, soundlessly, as she strained against him weakly, holding her tightly to him. Not shaking her or calling her name, but just holding her. Slowly, ever so slowly, she would come to. First would come the trembling, a violent shaking like that of someone suffering from hypothermia. He'd hold her still. Soon after, her eyes would open. He hated this part. The look of confusion, of utter fear and isolation, broke his heart every time. He'd hold her still. She'd break down at this point, flooded with the realization that she'd been dreaming. That she was safe. That they were both safe. And the relief, culminated with the shock and fading terror, the horror of what she'd seen, would rapidly overwhelm her. She'd begin to sob. He'd hold her still. She'd curl against him tightly, grabbing him fiercely, her head buried in his shoulder. He'd rest his chin on her head and begin to rock her back and forth slightly, not saying anything but "Shhh... Shhh..." for a long time. She'd sob for however long, and he'd wait it out for as long as it took. Sometimes she'd speak, short of breath and hysterical, "Josh... I... No..." And he'd hold her still.
Eventually she would calm down, her sobs fading to silent tears. It was then that he would grab her chin, tilting her face up to lock eyes with him. Confirming that she was back in reality now, he would say firmly, "I'm still here."
He'd repeat it, again and again, until he was sure she understood. "I'm still here."
To the two of them, this meant a lot of things. This meant not only I'm still here, but you're still here, we're still here, and I'm not going anywhere. It meant; I'll never leave you.
And soon, he'd be saying these things too. He'd be saying all of these things, and I'm still here, until he'd have her saying it too. "You're still here."
When this was made more than clear, he'd lower them both back down, pulling her against him. He'd switch to "I love you", and keep it up for as long as it took. He wouldn't hear any of her apologies, and he'd ask if she wanted to talk about it.
"In the morning." She'd say. So he'd go back to "I love you."
And he'd hold her still.
He'd wait for her to fall back asleep, and he'd hold her still. I'm still here. He'd always be there.
