Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

Please read and review. I am going on vacation so I won't be updating for a while, again I ask you to please review. It seems like this story is not capturing your attention. I would like to know how you feel about it, if you want me to continue writing or not.

Chapter 7

Numbness, she felt numb after Severus uttered those words "We can't do this anymore." She sat up and saw him get up as well; he dressed and tossed her silver dress to her.

"As of tonight this liaison is terminated." He said tonelessly. "I just told you I loved you." Tonks spoke woodenly, she felt used, cheap. A feeling she never encountered not even after that first time when he didn't know who she was.

"I don't love you and will not love you. I was clear when we first started this." He didn't have the courage to look at her.

"I want to know why you are ending it." she put on her dress and walked up to him. Tonks tried to reach his shoulder but he shrugged her away.

"I used you Ms. Tonks you were my plaything but I have grown bored with you." His eyes glinted with cruelty, his face was an evil mask but Tonks saw through the façade.

She smiled and touched his face, "that's not true, you're a good man." She kissed his hard cold lips.

He laughed cruelly and batted her hands away, "I am a death eater, I could never be with a half breed like you." He sneered.

Tonks cried silently, "Don't say that, and please don't call me that." Severus was breaking her heart. "Please don't ever say that" she attempted to kiss him but Severus moved.

"I am sure you won't tell anyone about this, I do not wish to see you in here when I come back. Needless to say that our extracurricular lessons are also over." Severus entered the bathroom.

He vomited, he was repulsive; Nymph loved him. "It is the best for her, she cannot be saddled with an death eater." Severus agreed with Dumbledore, the Dark Lord was alive somewhere. It would start again, and he could not offer her anything but a life of secrecy and deceit. His Nymph didn't deserve that; she was pure, better than him. Severus heaved once again; bile rising as he dropped to his knees one more time.

Tonks didn't know how she managed to get to her dormitory. She peeled the sliver dress; she showered and then went to sleep. Why would he do this, he was a death eater, he couldn't be one. She loved him, how could she love him when he was evil. Severus never felt anything but brief desire for her. He thought she was a half-breed. That word cut her so deeply, she'd heard it before, when she was a young child and her parents took her to Diagon Alley. She asked her mum but Andromeda Tonks gently said to forget about that. So Nymphadora looked the word up in his father's magical encyclopedia it was an insult, referring to one's ancestry. She didn't understand it then but when she entered Hogwarts one of her friends told her that the Slytherins called her that not only because she was a half blood but also because she could morph.

The young woman cried herself to sleep, she remembered all the long night she spent by his side loving him, talking to him, trying to understand him. It was all a fantasy in her young head. Severus just used her, not Severus anymore. Professor Snape, he was no longer Severus to her. When she finally exhausted herself she had nightmares, once again they all featured him. He humiliated her, insulted, belittled her; it was worse than what had happened earlier. In her nightmares, his face contorted with rage. He boasted to his other death eaters, about bedding, using and discarding her.

If there was any consolation it was that she was going away. Her mother had insisted that she come home for the holidays. "Nymphadora, you will come home, we don't see you anymore and it will be worse after you finish school." Her mother angrily demanded. Tonks didn't plan on going but after yesterday night it was her only option.

She packed her things; she found the Christmas gift she bought for him. It was an old black leather journal; Severus loved to experiment with new potions and charms, he always scribbled along notebooks, spare pieces of parchment and even some discarded essays. The sight of it made her want to cry again, she didn't want to see it but she couldn't throw it away either. Tonks pressed a loving kiss to it. Severus didn't deserve anything from her but she would give this to him. Something inside of her could not reconcile her lover and friend with the person who had shattered her heart yesterday night. It was as if someone had changed the quiet, funny and loving man she knew for someone entirely new. The metamorphmagus wrapped the journal and sent it to him with a school owl.

Severus opened his eyes and examined the room around him. He was in his quarters; it was the day after the Yule Ball. He remembered the night before and wanted to vomit again. There was no time for regrets; this was for the greater good, her benefit. Nymphadora would find someone else to love in no time. "Stop moping Severus; this shall pass too." He showered with ice cold water; trying to forget about her. The dark haired man tried to think about the fact that if he could live without Lily he could surely get over Nymphadora. "Shut your emotions, shut yourself." Became a mantra that morning until her gift arrived in the early afternoon. It was a small package; he opened it, at first he thought it was one of his new volumes of potions that had arrived but then he saw the simple black leather journal. In the first page there was a note. "I know how you love to scribble on almost anything, and that you are an incredibly messy man when it comes to remembering where you put your papers. So this is to help you. Love, Nymphadora xoxox."

Severus caressed the book lovingly, this was the last gift, he was sure that Nymph had not remembered to take out that page, it was written yesterday. The potions master smiled sadly but decided to remain strong, inside he was wounded but this note reinforced his musings, such a lovely woman like her deserved a good man, and Severus Snape could not be accused of being one.

Tonks looked at herself in the mirror, she was almost ready to leave Hogwarts and board the train home. She didn't feel like dissaparating, she needed time to think and be by herself. She looked just like she felt, horrible. She had bags under her eyes from not sleeping well, her eyes were red same as her blotchy nose. She was pale and her hair hung lifeless around her face, it had taken a mousy brown color.

She sighed and tried to morph but couldn't, it wasn't the first time. Not morphing had happened before, happy thoughts, immediately an image popped into her head. Severus and her laughing while she danced to a new Weird Sister's song, Severus laughed with his whole body, his eyes sparkled, his face brightened, his shoulders shook with mirth and the sound was something beautiful. "He pretended to like you, he used you. Stop thinking about him." She shouted to the mirror. Crying when not even anger would make her hair transform.

Nymphadora spent the whole train ride sleeping, she didn't want to do anything but sleep. Sleep until all the pain and hurt went away. As soon as she got home the witch waved at her parents and went straight to her room. "Ted, I think something's happened to her." Andromeda anxiously looked at her husband.

"Don't worry, she's probably had a bad day that's all." Ted distractedly looked up from his magazine.

Andromeda frowned but decided to follow her husband's advice, by Christmas however it was perfectly clear that something was wrong with Nymphadora. She didn't eat as much as she used to, her festive spirit was gone and her eyes were always red.

Although Andromeda tried, the relationship with her daughter wasn't the best. Nymphadora was a tomboy, Andromeda tried to groom her daughter into a proper lady but she was having none of it. There was also a strain because as much as Andromeda Tonks wanted to deny it she had believed her daughter would be her salvation card. Grandbabies were supposed to soften grandparents but the Blacks turned even more after knowing that the little girl was a metamorphmagus. So it was Ted's job to investigate Nymphadora's current mood.

That Boxing Day, Ted Tonks knocked on his only daughter's bedroom door. He heard shuffling sounds on the other side of the room, after a few minutes his girl opened the door. Her face was pale, her eyes red and her nose runny from crying. "Hey rainbow." He said softly. His face concerned but his eyes pleading that he tell her something. The last week had been hell, his little girl was depressed, and he knew that. Meda tended to have depressive episodes from time to time. It seemed psychological disorders ran through the Black family.

Nymphadora looked at his dad and hugged him fiercely. "He doesn't love me daddy." She finally let it all out and bawled her eyes out in front of her father. He consoled her, just like when she was little and fell from the bikes, scraped her knees or when her favorite muggle show was cancelled.

Ted tried to talk to her; he couldn't help but feel relief. It would pass, it wasn't that bad. He of course didn't say anything, he had been young once, and Ted remembered what it felt to be scorned by someone you care about deeply. Andromeda eloped with him without really loving him, she had been afraid, almost sold to the Malfoys. She wanted to escape and he was conveniently there to catch her.

Little by little he managed to make her fall in love with him. It took years, but eventually Andromeda Black said those words to him. "I love you." She'd said them when Nymphadora went to Hogwarts.

Father and daughter were sitting in the bed. "Rainbow, tell me what happened?" Ted, kissed her forehead. Tonks wiped her face with her hands and sat in front of her dad. "I love him, I know this sound childish but I really do love him." She said with shining eyes and with his conviction.

"Daddy, promise you won't tell mum. I will tell you everything but only if you make and unbreakable vow." Ted frowned but agreed to his daughter's terms. They stretched their hands and performed the spell.

Nymphadora needed to talk to someone. She would not say his name but she needed to tell someone about this. Her dad had always kept all of her secrets; she had no reason to doubt him. She couldn't tell her friends, in fact she wasn't close to anyone really. There was no way she would tell mum, she would see right through her feeble attempts at deception.

Ted was ready to hear about pregnancies or other scare; his girl had stopped calling him daddy when she was nine. Now it was only used when she was really sad. Nymphadora shut the door and breathed, "He is older than me, I won't tell you his name but he is definitely younger than you."

"We were together for more than a year, but I didn't mean anything to him. He said he couldn't be with me anymore after I said I loved him." Her voice cracked and tears rolled down her cheeks again.

Ted hated seeing her like this, he hugged her, "it will pass, and he doesn't deserve you." He caressed her cheek and said with a smile. "He's a fool, you are wonderful. Brilliant even, a bright beautiful young woman."

She shook her head, "he said he couldn't be with me, he called me a half breed, he was disgusted, he used me and I still love him. I can't get over him. He is not this cruel man. I know him, he is good; he used to care about me, he knew everything Daddy. He told me that he wasn't looking for love, he was clear and I knew the risks he didn't promise me anything." Tonks flushed and looked away.

"Whenever we were together, it felt like he loved me. I felt like I was floating, he was so loving, gentle and in his arms I felt invincible." Ted heard his baby girl speak about this man in such duality; by the blush in her face it was clear that the relationship was physical as well.

He tried his best understanding voice, "I don't know this bloke but if he let you go he isn't worth it. It hurts I know it does, if there is someone who knows about unrequited love that person is me." Nymphadora knew about her parents' rocky relationship. Andromeda loved Ted but the first years of Nymphadora's life were spent wondering if her parents loved each other. That changed after her first year at Hogwarts, they seemed in love, kissing, laughing and just adoring each other.

"Listen carefully Rainbow, he has ended the relationship, you have to move on. You are young and will find someone else. You will save years of pain by moving on. If he's meant for you he will come back to you, the best thing to do now is to put distance and let things unfold." Ted looked into her sad brown eyes, "I believe in fate, if he is for you he will come back to you." Tonks cried and hugged him. She now needed him to comfort her.

After that talk Tonks went to sleep and woke up after about fourteen hours, she felt groggy and her head ached but strangely enough she felt better. She ate a sandwich and watched midnight shows on the telly. It was the first step toward recovery. Slowly nut surely, Tonks regained strength, she ate more, went outside, even talked to Andromeda and laughed when her father joked or tripped.

All of this progress was threatened by the start of Hogwarts' new school semester. "You will do this Nymphadora Vulpecula Tonks." She cringed when she said that out loud. The young witch was about to enter Hogwarts; her tactic would be to ignore him. She couldn't morph so it would be easier for him to ignore her too. It had worked for about an hour until she went to the Great Hall. There in the staff table was the object of her suffering. Severus Snape in all his dark glory staring menacingly at the younger students. Her heartbeat increased, her palms sweated and the lump in her throat quadrupled in size but she managed to endure the ordeal without crying. She was proud of that, it hurt, but she would soldier on. The optimist in her wanted to believe that she would forget him in no time but it became excruciatingly untrue when she laid eyes on him. Under all of the hurt and sadness her heart fluttered at the mere sight of him. She was a junkie, a heroin junkie. Seeing him brought the rush, the euphoria and then she would go back to craving him. Wanting him, needing him seemed to be natural for her but she would not humiliate herself, she was stronger than this. Nymphadora Tonks would not approach Severus Snape.

Potions classes were a torture to be endured twice every week. She entered the classroom and focused on her work only. She was efficient and managed to finish of all her work in record time. Tonks didn't dare look up during her lessons, she was afraid to give herself away. He was a very skilled legilimens; she knew it was impossible to occlude when he was in her vicinity.

The Hufflepuff successfully avoided any contact with Severus Snape for about three weeks. She couldn't morph yet, it was harder to wake up, and face the people around her. Everyone noticed that she wasn't the same; it was not only the fact that her hair remained limp, mousy brown and that she didn't laugh as much or really talked to her friends anymore. By the end of the third week, Nymphadora went down the dungeons for her last potions class of the week. She walked to her workbench and sat down. The witch waited patiently for him to address the class. "Settle down, professor Snape is indisposed, he won't be covering today's class or next week's classes." Professor McGonagall spoke in her usual voice, she glared at those students who dared to clap or grin enthusiastically.

"Don't look so happy Mr. Weasley. Professor Snape left precise instructions for you to complete during his absence." McGonagall conjured instructions on the board and proceeded to sit down and open a book.

"You may start now." All the students looked at each other and began shuffling around for the required ingredients. Nymphadora finished the first phase of the polyjuice potion and approached the desk.

She breathed deeply, and bravely asked the older witch, "Is professor Snape well?" McGonagall couldn't hide the surprise in her face, "He is fine Ms. Tonks, I am sure Severus appreciates your concern." The animagus said shortly.

Tonks nodded and left the room, she wanted to know more; he had to be in the castle. The professor said that he was indisposed, was he sick. What had happened? "You should not care, Severus lies, he feels disgust for you. He made that perfectly clear, you are not to worry about him." Tonks spent the rest of the afternoon thinking about Severus and imagining terrible things. "It has to be something important, he's never been absent for any of his lectures." The witch hoped to catch a glimpse of him in the Great Hall but he wasn't there either.

It was slowly killing her, not knowing where he was if he was in danger or sick. Tonks bid her time and waited until midnight; she disillusioned herself and prayed to whatever Gods to make it safely to the dungeons. Her prayers were heard, she had some close calls; she tripped down some false steps and was almost caught by Mrs. Norris but she made it to the dungeons. She walked past the classrooms and went deeper into the cold dungeons. The other entrance to his quarters was just under a torch. She remembered his password, and hoped that he didn't change it during the break. "Purpureus." She whispered. The door slid open just a few centimeters. This meant that Severus had company over, usually Tonks would have gone back but she foolishly decided to enter the quarters.

She walked past the small corridor and skipped the door to the classroom and the lab. She then entered his bedroom, she walked carefully and then found something heart wrenching. Madam Pomfrey, professor McGonagall and the Headmaster around his bed. Severus was in bed, his skin had a greenish tint to it, he seemed to be sweating and muttering things. "Poppy, is there something we could do?" McGonagall anxiously asked, she caressed his head and muttered something to him.

"It is useless Minerva, I've given him the cure, he's not responding to it." Madam Pomfrey sighed and gestured to the Headmaster. "Albus we knew this could happen. He's never had dragon pox."

"But you vaccinated him. I made sure to remind him of the shots every year." McGonagall almost shrieked at Poppy as if saying that it was his fault that Severus was this sick.

"Minerva, he's a half blood. Don't look at me like that, when it comes to magical diseases it rarely matters but it seems that it does in his case. Remember when he was in fourth year he suffered that cold and it took him almost a month to recover. We ran tests, we called his parents; Tobias was beside himself, he blamed himself but Eileen simply said, "It is the Princes' curse. I thought it was a lie, for my mother threatened me and said that my children would die."

The transfiguration professor shook her head as if in denial, "That's not true, Severus was never a sickly child." Minerva's voice broke when Severus whimpered, and said "make it stop mum, make it stop." Albus stepped in and said, "Tiberius Prince designed the curse to make sure that all of his sons married pureblood witches. If any of them had any affairs the children would get sick an die." The old man said sadly.

Tonks' heart stopped beating for a second, he was going to die, and surely that was not going to happen. "Minerva we are not there yet. Severus is strong, the antidotes are not working but this boy has withstood the cruciatus curse. He'll get trough this, we just have to let his body battle the illness." Poppy said carefully, trying to give all the information to her friends.

Professor McGonagall looked hopeful, "I have to be clear. He is in danger. Ever since he came back from the winter break he's been weak. He doesn't eat or seem to sleep properly. His defenses are low; it all depends on tonight and tomorrow. He's feverish and having flashbacks, after he's out of this stage we all can breathe easier." Madam Pomfrey sighed and waved her wand around the bed. "We'll know when he wakes up."

"I'll stay with him." McGonagall was about to sit down next to Severus when the Headmaster frowned, "I can't let you Minerva, you've not had Dragon Pox yet, and he'll be extremely contagious the next few hours."

Poppy nodded, Minerva wasn't as young as Severus, the last thing they needed was Minerva sick too. Tonks held her breath as the three adults left the room; fortunately they exited through the classroom passageway. She didn't move until she heard the classroom door shut.

She advanced closer to the bed, and really looked at her former lover. Severus was wearing a grey simple t-shirt and some grey shorts, he sweated profusely, he whimpered and trashed in bed. "Please hold me, Lily hold me." Tonks paled, however she toed off her slippers and climbed to the bed, she sat next to him and then cradled his body. She had dragon pox when she was seven; she shushed him and hugged him. It was like they never parted ways, she cried a little and kissed his greenish forehead. "Lily please, listen I didn't mean to, Lils no." his voice was full of anxiety and it pained her ears, he sounded so vulnerable. She'd never heard such a broken voice. Who was this Lily?

Tonks kissed his brow and continued soothing him with her voice. "I'm here love, nothing will ever happen to you." He calmed somewhat, after some time he let out the most heart wrenching sob, "Lily nooo, please, Lils wake up. I love you, I switched sides, I'm a spy for the Light, you were not supposed to die. Lily please." Severus sobbed and cried hard. Tonks cried with him, "he's a spy, oh god he's good." Tonks cried, and hugged him tight. "My Nymph, please don't leave me." He said breathlessly and fell asleep for a few hours. Tonks kept her hold and struggled to come to terms with what she heard. Severus had been in love with a girl named Lily, he called this girl Nymph; he switched sides because of her. Lily was dead. Tonks kept crying whenever Severus would get restless and shiver as if he was cold.

"I'm here love, you're fine." She whispered quietly against his ears, "I'll never leave you." Tonks kept caressing and kissing him, until at 3:00 AM she fell asleep too. Severus' fever broke during the early morning. He felt something heavy against his left side and saw brown hair and pale a pale neck. He knew that hair and that neck. His Nymph was here, why was she here? Severus slowly started to remember; he was sick, he had Dragon Pox since last Saturday; it was a bad case according to Madam Pomfrey since he was already an adult. He felt tired, thirsty and everything hurt. Severus felt her move, she inhaled deeply and looked up, his eyes remained closed, he wanted to enjoy her here. Nymphadora sat up as quietly as she could. "You look better love." Severus felt her hand against his forehead, "No fever." She kissed the spot above his left eyebrow and then kissed his crooked nose and lips.

It took all of his willpower to not respond to her sweet lips, "I love you, I know you don't but I still love you. I won't push you but I have to stop loving you. It hurts me, I have to stop." Her voice broke, and he felt a tear in his neck. His Nymph kissed his eyelids and his lips once again. She was able to leave the bed without noticing his eyes on her. Nymphadora looked disheveled, her face was a mess but to Severus she was a sight for the sore eyes.

"Goodbye Severus." She said to his prone figure before leaving his quarters through the passageway that lead to the other entrance, the one with the password.

The wizard sighed and felt a pang of regret. He could run to her, ask for forgiveness and admit that he wanted to be with her. He knew better, Nymph would do better without him. He closed his eyes and waited for Minerva, he knew for sure that Minerva would come in a few minutes. He didn't have to wait a long time; she came bustling to the door, "Severus, dear boy. You are awake." She said in a relieved tone. The witch settled next to him and took his temperature.

"I'll call Poppy, she has to examine you." Minerva sent her tabby cat patronus. Severus answered multiple questions and listened carefully as Poppy detailed the course of the illness. According to the witch he had to wait for another week before resuming his classes. It was respite from seeing her, which was better, he would have time to think and stay away from her. Severus' dreamed about her every night, her body, the passion in which she gave herself to her. He needed her; he wanted to have her, to whisper things in her ears and to make love to her. The wizard however was conscious that he had to keep away from her; he didn't want to hurt her more than he already had. He would not be responsible for her death; he would not lose another woman he loved. He didn't deserve to be happy with his Nymph. "Not Nymph, Ms. Tonks. She will not be saddled with a piece of work like me." he thought bitterly and drank the potion Poppy left. He recognized it as an itching relief potion.