AN: Ah, I'm sorry for still being terrible at updating things – too much work and personal nonsense recently has left less time than I'd like for writing. But I still won't give up on this story or my other ones, because they're too much fun to write!

OreoSparrow – thank you for your review, and yes that's a great idea about having Rancis as a sat-nav! I'd never considered him being one before, but if he did appear than yes Vanellope would hate it and Ralph could get a bit of revenge back and keep him on.

And as always thank you to everyone who's reading this random nonsense story of mine! :)


Fifth Gear – Spearmint Sea

'Swimming? Did you just say swimming?' Ralph repeated, even though he knew that was exactly what Candlehead had just said.

'Swimming is so much fun!'

'Not when you can't breathe it isn't!' Ralph shook his head, and briefly covered his eyes with his hands before they collapsed heavily against the outsides of the kart.

The kart rocked in place, and Vanellope grabbed a fistful of his shirt to steady herself. 'Easy there Rock n' Rolla!'

'Easy? I'll only be easy when this whole day's over and done with!'

'Everything's easy when you know the answer!'

Ralph squinted heavily at the sat nav, and bit down the response he really wanted to give and instead said 'So answer me this then Candle Quiz Girl – how am I supposed to breathe underwater with no equipment?'

'You're not!'

'Oh for the love of pineapples, this-' Ralph began in despair.

'You don't need to breathe if there's no water around you, all that wet getting into your nose and eyes and ears and fingernails. That's just silly!'

'I-' Ralph started before Vanellope quickly interrupted him.

'Don't go havin' a hernia on me now Pitstop Pitiful! I remember this bit of the track – Candlehead's right, you don't need to worry about breathing, because even though we're going under water we're not actually… touching the water, if you see what I mean.'

'No I do not see what you mean!'

'You'll be able to see soon though! It's lovely and clear and you can see everything. Except for when something squishes against it and makes a mess – a red horrible mess with bits in – and then you can't see out of it, because of all the mess. And the things eating the mess.'

'Mess,- what?' Ralph spluttered, as he tried the impossible of looking at both his navigator and his backseat passenger. 'What are you guys talking about?'

'It's a tunnel,' Vanellope explained. 'A secret invisible tunnel that leads out from the beach and goes under the water. It's transparent, which means you can see out of it into the sea beyond and it's got loads of air for you to breathe, which also means you can stop whining like a baby about not having any of it.'

'Uh-huh,' Ralph said, feeling as unconfident as it was possible to get. 'And where exactly does this tunnel lead to then?'

'An island in the middle of the ocean. A small, uh, deserted one.'

'Great. So we're going deep sea driving just to get stuck on a tiny bit of land in the middle of it? Excellent, this all sounds truly excellent, it really does!'

'Oh, I'm so happy you're just as exciting about it as I am! I was a bit worried that you would feel scared or nervous or fearful, but this is one of those times where I like being wrong!'

'Is there any other way to get off this track?' Ralph asked forcefully, hoping against hope that there was. 'Because I'll go back up a mountain, or one of these tree things, I really will! I'm not scared of heights guys, just- you know, falling off of them, which is completely understandable given-'

'No.'

'No!'

Ralph slumped in his seat, and turned his gaze out towards the bright expanse of blue water, which went as far as the eye could see once it left the beach. He squinted, and thought he could make out their island destination in question, but he couldn't be sure. That dark lump of...something out there shimmering on the horizon could be their island, or it could just be a whale or a shark or something in his eye or just a figment of his imagination.

Ralph sighed loudly and, after once again cursing the fact that he got out of bed this morning, suddenly sat up straight. 'Fine!' he declared loudly, his temper rising up steadily again. 'Just-fine! Come on then ladies, let's all go for a swim shall we!' And he transferred his anger by punching the ignition button, jerking the kart into gear, gunning the engine long and loudly before accelerating with a burst of speed which shot them forwards, glistening sand grains kicking up in the kart's wake.

'Wheeeeeeeee!'

Ralph then stomped on the brake and turned the steering wheel sharply, putting the kart into a tight right hand turn, which threw up a sparkling wall of sand behind them. The kart rocked precariously on its side for a second before it settled back onto the ground, its tyres still spinning, to face back the way they had come. Ralph then stamped on the accelerator, changed gears with a crunch and they raced back down the track they had come down.

'Yeah, now this is more like it!' Vanellope cheered with a grin. 'Race it Ralphy race it!'

And as he increased speed, Ralph felt his irritation blown away by the wind in his face to become dust behind him. He found that he'd put everything out of his mind except on how he should drive; how he should steer and maintain an ideal speed, thinking only of the track ahead and where he wanted to be on it.

And as he raced back to where the track split, Ralph couldn't help but think briefly that if this is what racing could do for you – could clear your mind and sharpen your senses and leave you feeling victorious regardless of position – then no wonder Vanellope loved it so much.

But these thoughts really were only brief ones, because before he knew it Ralph had returned to where the track split. He put the brakes on hard and turned the wheel sharply, putting the kart into a far messier turn to bring it to a halt at the shoreline.

Ralph took a deep breath and looked out towards the sea, as his brief sense of contentment was taken over by apprehension.

'So this is the place, huh?' he asked the sat nav.

'Yep! It's called Spearmint Sea. But there's no spears in it, because they're sharp and pointy and don't belong in the sea unless you're a mermaid warrior. But you don't have to worry about them because they live on another level. And it's called mint because…well maybe because that's what the water tastes like. I don't know, I've never tried it. I have no mouth you see! See…that…rhymes with…sea! Yeah, the see sea could be all…minty. Like mouthwash. Like mint mouthwash. Mouthwash that is mint. Ooh, you should taste it and see Ralph! Yeah, let's find a cup and a straw and a cute umbrella to put in it and I'll make you a spearmint sea cocktail! I'm sure it will taste nice, but obviously if the sea is less minty than promised you'll probably poison yourself and be sick, and since there's no antidote or time to get you help and because everyone knows if you're out of your game and die you die forever you could end up-'

'Hey!' Ralph exclaimed. 'Less of the sea drinking and more of the sea tunnel if you don't mind. Where is this thing I'm supposed to drive through?'

'It's a secret!'

'…any chance of making it unsecret?'

'See those two gold shells there?' Vanellope said, as she stood up and pointed over Ralph's shoulder to where the water was gently lapping the beach. 'Line up the kart so the two front wheels are both on them and the tunnel should appear.'

'Should appear?'

'The more time you spend whining, the quicker you're gonna get sunburnt,' Vanellope said bluntly, before her voice rose in fake concern. ''Cause you're already lookin' lobster red here Seaweed o' Stink! Yeah, the fat folds of your neck are cookin' good, which is the only thing that is because overall you don't look good, all that sweat and skin and-'

'Yeah yeah yeah!' Ralph snapped, as he sub-consciously ran a careful hand over his head and the back of his neck. 'Thanks for the sun lecture there kido, but we've got more important things to do you know!'

'No, get out of town! I thought the whole point of a racing game was just to sit and complain and wipe away my big boy tears when I thought no-one was looking and-'

'The only point this game has is a bad one! A really big, sharp, pointy one, that I oughta grab hold of and throw right into-'

'Spears have points! But not Spearmint Sea though, because it doesn't have spears in it, like I've already told you. The golden shells are disappearing now but that's OK, because listening to you guys is fun and I don't mind waiting another three hours for them to come back again!'

'AH!'

'Ah!'

Ralph and Vanellope both snapped their attention to the two shells on the shore, which were fading in colour and sinking into the sand.

Without being told, Ralph started the kart up again and raced to the edge of the shore, hoping that he'd lined the kart up correctly and that it wouldn't be too late.

He had positioned the kart correctly and it wasn't too late, because the moment the kart's wheels made contact with the shells the tunnel appeared.

It shot out of the water immediately, a sudden surge upwards of curved cut glass, transparent with just a hint of light blue to it. It rose into the air and seemed to hang suspended there for just longer than a second; just long enough for them to admire its design and respect its purpose as it shone at them, bright and dangerous and sparkling in the sun.

And accompanying the tunnel's appearance was a huge burst of fireworks in the sky - shells and umbrellas and smiling sea creatures in blazing yellow, pink and green, as invisible speakers blared a noise as if they'd just uncovered the secrets of the universe.

And then the tunnel crashed back down into the ocean like an attack, sending up waves of water and temporarily blocking out the sun, as everything except the entrance door became completely submerged.

Waves caused by the displaced water rolled towards the shore, and Ralph and Vanellope squinted and shielded their faces from the spray that accompanied them. Despite the tropical environment the water was colder than ice, and the faint taste left on their lips was of bleach and vinegar.

Ralph felt his lips tingle in a burn and he scanned the tunnel and surrounding water quickly, a sick feeling in his chest and a sharp crawl down his spine.

But just as he was about to voice his concerns, regardless of how much of a coward Vanellope would call him, the tunnel's entrance opened.

A dark silver door of heavy glass slid soundlessly to one side, revealing a long length of pitch black nothingness.

Ralph stared unblinking into it and, as his vision adjusted immediately – he lived in a game played in the dark after all – he saw that it wasn't nothingness; it was the tunnel they were to drive down.

Thick drops of water fell lazily from the ceiling, some straight down and some to the side, curling down the inside of the transparent tunnel to add to the pools of water on the floor. The floor itself was composed of what seemed to be sharp shells, fish bones, discarded beach toys and…

…and it was moving.

The whole floor was moving, emitting crackles and snaps as the rubbish littering it got crushed.

The blood stained floor was moving backwards, bringing with it the scent of stagnant water and rotting flesh.

Ralph snapped his head around to stare wide-eyed at Vanellope, and as he opened his mouth in horror the sat nav burst back into life.

'We're heeeeeeeere! Oh this is so much fun, going for a drive into the sea together! I wish I'd brought some snacks, but we can always nibble on any fish we find still flapping about that haven't died yet, and there's loads of seaweed as well, yeah, the dark green kind that tries to strangle you and the light green one that tries to blind you! And for a drink I can make you a minty fresh cocktail! Mmmm, I wish I had a digestive system because it all sounds delicious! Come on Ralph let's get going let's get driving, because it's time for our Aquatic Adventure to really begin!'