Bethany came back to herself with the sound of a pointed cough in a deep rumbling voice.
She looked up from where she had pressed Leliana up against the wall (she had pressed Leliana up against the wall) and quickly moved backwards. She put her fingers to her lips, which felt wet and swollen (she had been kissing Leliana) and made an inarticulate sound of shock and shame. She pushed herself further back across the box they were sitting on. Leliana's face was flushed and her hair was askew, (Maker, Maker, what had they been doing? And who had seen them?) and she was looking over Bethany's shoulder with wide eyes. Bethany turned her head.
Fenris and Isabela were standing in the doorway to the warehouse. "Um, Bethany," said Fenris, looking pointedly at the sky. "You might want to..adjust your robes."
"Don't move on my account," said Isabela with a cheerful leer, making no effort to look away whatsoever. "I'm quite enjoying the view."
Bethany looked down. Her robes had gone from practically a belt to pauldrons to literally a belt with pauldrons, though there was nothing on her lower half for them to hold up apart from her underwear. At least they're clean, said a small, unhelpful voice.
"What's this?" called Marian, as she followed the others outside. "Maker above Bethany," she cried as she came through the door. Bethany winced. She was so loud they could probably hear her in the Chantry. "I can see your small clothes! Just wait until I tell Mother! And...canoodling in public! With Sister Leliana! Oh, my poor delicate eyes..."
"I'm so sorry!" said Bethany. "I, um..." She tried to pull down her robes without sitting up and flashing any more skin than she already had. "Could you all...turn around please?" she asked, trying not to die of embarrassment.
"Spoilsport," said Isabela. "It's not like you have anything to be ashamed of, your arse is a lot nicer than mine."
"I...thank you, but I'd still rather..."
"Fine, fine." They all turned around, and Bethany stood up, and offered her hand to Leliana. She looked as embarrassed as Bethany felt, her own skimpy outfit had ridden up and one of the oversized breast cups was sitting askew.
Bethany looked away, and blushed. "I, um...I'm really sorry," she said, as she tried to pull the creased fabric of her robes into as presentable a configuration as possible.
"You are?" asked Leliana. Her voice had a pointed edge to it.
"Yes! I mean, not about the...uh...but just for...for putting you in this position."
"Oh," said Leliana. They stood in silence for a moment, and Bethany shivered.
"Are you done molesting my sister?" asked Marian.
Leliana's face fell. "I'm sorry too," she said. "So, so sorry. I...I have to go." And then she pushed past the others and walked quickly away back towards her house, her face a picture of misery.
"What was that all about?" asked Marian.
Leliana had looked so sad and it was all Bethany's fault. "I am...the worst person in the history of Thedas," said Bethany.
"Oh I very much doubt that," said Isabela. "I mean...what about Loghain? He was pretty bad."
"But all she wanted was a friend and I took advantage of her. She's never going to want to speak to me again!"
"I very much doubt that too," said Isabela. "She had a pretty tight grip on your arse there, Sweetness." Bethany blushed and felt even worse. Isabela sighed. "Look, Bethany, I know Leliana, and I know women. Maybe she's feeling a bit...conflicted right now, but she cares about you, and whether or not the two of you end up...canoodling again she's not going to stop being your friend. Go talk to her, and discuss how you're feeling, and I'm sure you'll be able to work things out."
"Are you sure?" asked Bethany.
"Positive," said Isabela. "Give her a little while to calm herself down, and she'll want to clarify things as much as you do."
"It seems like reasonable advice to me," said Fenris. "Not that I am an expert on the subject of women. Or friends for that matter."
"Awww, don't say that Fenris," said Marian, punching him in the arm affectionately. "But Isabela is right. Do you want us to go with you?"
Bethany weighed up the options. Walk with the three people she'd just horribly embarrassed herself in front of, or walk alone with nothing to distract her from her own shame and confusion? Maybe if she prayed really hard the Maker would kill her on the spot and she wouldn't have to do either of them. But, that miracle not being forthcoming, she eventually decided that there was nothing Isabela or Marian could say that would be worse than the thoughts in her own head.
"Um. Alright," said Bethany. "Just to get me back to her house, I should probably talk to her alone."
"Great!" said Marian. She gave Bethany a hug, which did make her feel a little better. "We can walk Bethany to Leliana's house, and then go back to the Hanged Man and finish our game." She leered at Fenris. "I still haven't seen all of your tattoos."
Fenris groaned. "I wish I could say the same," he said.
"Actually, I wouldn't mind stopping by the Hanged Man first," said Bethany. "I, uh…don't want to be walking through the city dressed like this longer than I have to. Um. Not that there's anything wrong with your taste in clothes!"
Isabela laughed. "Don't worry, I'm not offended. What's fine for me is uncomfortable for you, and vice versa. It's these little differences that make the world interesting."
"Interesting, is that what you'd call it," said Bethany darkly.
"Come on," said Isabela. "Let's get into you a nice sensible ankle length dress and you'll feel much better about things."
Bethany knocked on Leliana's door and tried to think of what she was going to say. It occurred to her belatedly that Leliana might not even be there. But then she heard her voice through the door.
"Who is it?"
"Bethany," she said. "I came..." Why had she come? Leliana had made it clear that she wanted to be alone. "I came to apologise again. But I will leave you alone if you'd prefer."
"No, do not go. But...what are you apologising for?" Her voice sounded quavery, as if she'd been crying. Bethany cursed herself. She had made Leliana cry.
"I want to apologise for...for embarrassing you in front of everyone. And for taking advantage of you. You were feeling emotionally vulnerable, I should have respected that. I should have been a proper friend instead of a...instead of treating you with disrespect."
There was a sound of a bolt being pulled back, and Leliana opened the door. Her face was blotchy, she had been crying.
"You want to apologise for taking advantage of me?" she sniffed. "But...but I took advantage of you!"
"What?" said Bethany. "That's not...how were you taking advantage? You were feeling sad, and then I kissed you!"
"But I kissed you back!"
"Yes, but..."
"We should not discuss this in the street," said Leliana, and stepped away from the door so that Bethany could come inside. "Would you... like a cup of tea? Or, um, to sit..." She stepped forward to gesture to her small couch just as Bethany was coming in, and they barely avoided bumping into each other. Bethany smiled apologetically and shifted past her to sit down. Leliana had lit a lamp, but it's feeble light could do not much to fill the gloom. Bethany cast a simple spell to make it brighter.
"I don't need any tea," she said. "But thank you."
Leliana looked down at her, seeming unsure whether it would be better to sit down or keep standing. She eventually decided to sit, but scrunched herself as far as possible over onto the other side of the couch.
"I know you kissed me," she said. "And it was...it was lovely. I do not want you to feel ashamed or guilty. But you are very young, and inexperienced, and I should not...should not encourage you to do things you may not be ready for, or to become attached to me when you..."
"Oh," said Bethany. "No, I...I know you would never...feel that way about me," she said. And she had known it, of course she had. If not before, then certainly when Leliana had run from her embrace. So why did her heart suddenly ache so? Leliana looked at her in surprise. Bethany frowned. "But I am not a child, Leliana. I knew what I was doing. Or at least, I should have."
"I know you are not a child," said Leliana, softly. "And I did not mean..." She sighed. "Have I ever told you about my first kiss?" she said.
"No," said Bethany.
Leliana looked out of the small window in her front room into the now empty street. "I was...very young," she said. "Younger than you. I had already known Marjolaine for many years, since I was little more than a girl, and after Lady Cecile's death she was all I knew of love, of affection. And I think she really cared for me, in her way. I was like a toy for her, she would dress me up in pretty clothes, and praise me when I learned my lessons well, and she was charmed by my naivete as she taught me to steal, to lie...to kill. I was very happy."
She paused and looked at Bethany. Not knowing what to say, Bethany put her hand on Leliana's, and Leliana gave a small sad smile. Bethany gave her hand a squeeze. "I was...still a child in some ways. I loved Marjolaine with all my heart, and so when she kissed me, I was so...flattered, that this beautiful women, so sophisticated, so mature, would see anything in a simple girl like me. We were in her quarters, she had invited me in for...for a game. It is something we play in Orlais, there is a checkered board, and coloured pieces...it doesn't matter. She won, and demanded a kiss, and so I gave it her. And then when she demanded more I did not...I did not know how to say no. I even convinced myself that it was what I wanted. She used my love, my...passion to manipulate me, and I would never, never want to do the same to you. "
"Oh Leliana," said Bethany.
"I had thought...I had thought that if you and I were to kiss, it should be somewhere romantic, like that bridge you like in the park, that I would kiss you gently, and tell you that I...that I love you. And then we would hold hands, and talk, and whether or not we were to be...to be lovers, or just friends, I would make you feel safe and cared for, and you would do the same for me. But instead...instead I have ruined everything, and made it sordid. And I am so sorry." She sniffed and wiped her eyes.
"You..." It felt like the room had tipped upside down, and what had been oppressive darkness had become blinding light. Bethany felt that she should speak further but the words stuck in her throat. And she could understand Leliana's concern, she would never have thought herself a prisoner of passion but kissing her before...even now, though the idea of sex was strange and terrifying, part of Bethany wanted nothing more than to give herself to Leliana, to have Leliana give herself in return, to lose herself in her touch, the smell of her soft skin. And she had thought about kissing Bethany, had been thinking about it long before tonight! "Leliana..." she said. "Leliana you...you do make me feel safe and cared for. I...there is noone in the world I trust more than you. You are not Marjolaine, or you would not be having these doubts. You chose not to be her, you are a good person, one of the best people I know. I must admit, I am not ready for...for much in the way of passion. At least not yet. But love... have you not said that love is a gift from the Maker? And passion too, I suppose."
"Yes," said Leliana, softly.
"And he has given us this gift...given us both this gift...if he has led us to each other...then we should not reject it. Should not..." Words failed her. She looked at Leliana with hope in her eyes.
Leliana smiled at her, and gave a slightly sodden laugh. "Yes, that would be very rude of us, would it not?''
"Exactly," said Bethany, her heart lifting. They held hands and smiled at each other in silence, and it was a perfect moment.
Leliana tilted her head a Bethany and batted her eyelashes. "So..." she began and then she laughed again. "It is my way, you see, to be coy, to hint, to make others fill in the empty spaces between my words. That way I do not have to admit to anything until I know where I stand. But I will not be coy with you. Do you love me, then, as I love you?"
"Oh, yes," said Bethany. "So much, for so long."
"Oh," breathed Leliana. "Oh I am glad to hear it, my darling, my dearest friend." She gave Bethany a mock frown, completely failing to hide her joyful smile. "But why did you not tell me!"
"Well why didn't you tell me? I don't know anything about romance!" Bethany tried to frown at her as well, and failed just as miserably. She laughed. "This is the price you pay for being coy," she said. "Although...I must admit I like it sometimes, when you, uh..." Leliana smiled at her and Bethany could feel her face going pink "...when you are all...Orlesian. It's, um..." incredibly sexy "..nice."
"Nice, hmm?" said Leliana, with a knowing smile.
Bethany giggled nervously.
"I will not tease you," said Leliana. "Well, not too much." She gave a happy sigh and moved closer to Bethany. "Would it be alright if I embraced you?" she asked.
"I would like that better than anything," said Bethany. So they embraced. Being in Leliana's arms filled Bethany with a deep contentment. She kissed Leliana on the cheek.
"Ah, no, we cannot have that again!" said Leliana.
"Oh!" said Bethany, blushing.
"I am only teasing," said Leliana. "Here, kiss my other cheek." Bethany planted a large, loud, wet kiss on the side of her face. "Ah! Ewww!" Leliana giggled, and then grabbed Bethany's face and covered it in lots of tiny kisses. When she reached her forehead she stopped, and gave a single, gentle kiss in the centre and then looked Bethany in the eye with a serious expression. She leaned down and kissed Bethany on the lips, and then sighed. "You are...so beautiful," she said. "But we should send you home, it is late, and I am sure you family will worry about you."
Bethany gave an awkward laugh. "Actually on the way here Marian was giving me some...uh...very personal advice, and said she would tell Mother I may not be home until morning. But I...um...probably should go. It's not that I don't want...uh..." She gave an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry that I'm so...so awkward. I haven't...I've lived a very dull life, you see."
"Dull?" said Leliana. "With all the dragons and Blights and escaping from Templars? You are the opposite of dull, my friend. You are inexperienced in some ways, but...that can change. And there is no need to rush into these things, even between two lovers who are old hands at such matters." Bethany flushed at the word lovers. This was all definitely going to take some getting used to. "And besides..." said Leliana, leaning to speak softly into Bethany's ear, "...the anticipation can make it all the sweeter."
"Oh...my," said Bethany. Leliana grinned at her, looking very pleased with herself.
Bethany took a moment to compose herself, and then laughed ruefully. "You do like teasing me don't you?"
"Just a little. But come, I will walk you to the Hanged Man, where I assume we will find your sister, and if you like I will come visit you tomorrow."
Bethany smiled. "I would like that," she said. "Although, um...you may be in for a little teasing from Marian and Isabela."
"Ha! They do not scare me!" said Leliana.
"Glad to hear it," said Bethany. "And if you ever want to shut them up, just ask them about the exact status of their relationship."
Leliana laughed. "I'll bear that in mind." She stood, and offered Bethany her hand.
As they walked through the now empty market, Leliana said "By the way, by walking with you I do not mean to imply that you cannot take care of yourself," she said. "I just wish for a little more of your company. And it is dangerous in Lowtown at night."
"That's ok," said Bethany. "And...um...doesn't the danger make it romantic? Look at how pretty the stars are! And the...uh..."
"Romantic? Ah, yes! And the refuse on the ground, it is like...rose petals, creating a scented path under our feet."
"Exactly!" said Bethany. "So, we have a romantic location..." She took a deep breath, then leaned across and kissed Leliana lightly on the lips. "And here is...if not our first kiss, then at least a kiss. And now...I tell you I love you."
"I thought I was supposed to say that!" said Leliana. "Well then I shall. I love you. Ah, it is good to be able to say that to someone again."
Bethany reached out and held Leliana's hand. "And now, if I remember what you said correctly we...walk and talk about our feelings, am I right?"
Leliana laughed. "Yes. But our feelings about what? About shoes? I have many feelings about shoes."
"Yes, that sounds about right," said Bethany. "So, tell me your feelings about shoes..."
