Cast in order of appearance: Envy, Dorchet, Ed, Dante, Greed, Marta
Envy, talking to Dorchet while he cooks
Envy: Look all I know is that the food looks iffy, and I'm not the only one who thinks that, I'm sure.
Dorchet: *rage*
Envy: So I'm just gonna make sure that you step the main course up a notch, okay?
Ed: *runs into kitchen* Hey Envy! We gotta go!
Dante (looking through menu): Is there anything on this menu that isn't swimming in gravy?
Greed: I'll go ask the chef.
Envy (still yelling at Dorchet as Ed pulls him away): It's a simple question! Is there, or is there not anything edible on this menu?!
Ed sees Greed coming and pushing Envy around the corner
Envy (while being pushed away): I didn't ask about dessert yet!
Greed walks in
Greed: Hey pal, what's your policy on making special orders?
Dorchet: That's it! You want a special order then make it yourself! I quit! *puts chef hat on Greed*
Greed: Hang on there.
Dorchet: I try and I try there's just no respect for people with vision! There's nothing I can do about it!
Greed: Please don't go!
Dorchet walks out
Marta: Ordering: three pork combos, extra bacon on the side, two chili cheese samplers, a basket of liver and onion rings, a catch of the day, and a steak cut in the shape of a trout.
Greed: ….
Marta: Ya got all that?
Greed: Three oinkers wearing pants, plate of hot air, basket of grandma's breakfast, and change the bull to a gill, got it!
Dante (sitting at table): What is he doing in there?
Envy: What's going on?
Ed (trying to open window): No time to explain. We just need to get out of here.
Envy: In a minute! I'm still hungry! *walks back into kitchen*
Ed: Envy!
Envy (to Greed): Listen, I'll make it simple for you. Just make me a spinach omelet with whole grain toast.
Greed (cooking): Can do.
Ed comes around corner
Dante bursts in
Dante: What is taking so long?!
Ed hides under table
Dante: What are you doing?
Greed (continuing to cook): I'm a little busy right now.
Dante: *sigh* Why am I not surprised?
Greed reaches under table, Ed hands him a bowl then runs out and dives through window
Dante: *rage* Well while you're at it make me the special! And hold the gravy!
Envy walks back in as Dante goes out through other doors
Envy: On second thought, make my omelet a meat pie.
Greed: Meat pie got it.
Envy walks out as Dante walks in
Dante: Can I order the potatoes as a side dish?
Greed: I'll have to charge you full price.
Dante: *growl*
Dante walks out, Envy walks in
Envy: How 'bout a side of potatoes?
Greed: Sure thing. Want cheese on those potatoes?
Envy out, Dante in
Dante: Thank you, Greed, cheddar will be fine.
Dante out, Envy in
Greed: Cheddar spuds coming up.
Envy: Spuds yes, cheese no.
Greed: Cheese out.
Dante: No I want the cheese.
Greed: Cheese in!
Envy: Homunculi don't like cheese!
Greed: Wait what?!
Dante: Potatoes with cheese! You got it?!
Greed: Okay okay!!!!
Envy and Dante: On second thought, make my potatoes a salad.
Al watches as Dante and Envy sit down
Al runs up to Marta
Al (pointing to Dante): You see that woman over there…?
Marta: *nod, nod* No problem, we do that all the time.
Envy and Dante sip their drinks then pick up menu
Envy puts menu down, then picks it up as Dante puts hers down, hesitate
Dante sighs and looks over at Envy become suspicious
Dante: …?
Crowd: Happy, happy, birthday! From all of us to you!
Dante: AAAAHHHH!
Large crowd gathers around Dante singing happy birthday
Ed and Al reach through window and pull Envy out of restaurant before anyone can notice him
Greed comes out of kitchen still cooking
Greed: It's your birthday?!
Dante: *scowl*
Man places cake with four hundred and twenty-seven candles on it in front of her while confetti is thrown and party hat is put on her head
Envy (being pulled away by Ed and Al): What are you doing?!
Ed: They're two people in there looking for you!
Envy: Who?
Ed: A big guy with the ouroboros and a skinny old woman.
Envy: Wait, was this woman scary beyond all reason?
Ed and Al: Oh yeah!
Envy: That's Dante and Greed! I'm saved! *pulls out hair scrunch-y and takes off sun glasses*
Al: Trust us, they're not here to save you!
Envy: *ignore* They'll take me to Central! Thanks for your help you guys, you've been great! *throws cloak back at Ed and begins walking away* I'll take it from here.
Ed: You don't get it! They're trying to kill you!
Envy: "Kill me"? Their whole world revolves around me!
Al: No! We can't let you!
Envy: What? Oh I get it now! You don't care about me! You just wanna keep me stranded out here in nowhere land!
Ed: Just listen-!
Envy: No! You listen, all you care about is that stupid tin can! This has all been an act and I almost fell for it! Just get away from me!
Al: Envy!
Envy: Get away from me! *storms past them*
Ed: *rage* Fine! Go ahead!
Envy runs down steps and over to where Dante is getting into portable tent
Dante (before she can notice Envy): This entire mess is your fault!
Greed (carrying piece of cake and Dante's party hat): What I do?
Dante: If you hadn't mixed up those potions Envy would be dead now!
Envy: *shock*…?!
Dante: They'll be no more distractions until we track that homunculus down and kill him!
Greed: I said it was sorry, you can't even let it go, not even on your birthday. *gives cake to Dante (sitting in tent) and puts tent on his back carrying it away*
Dante: Envy will be eliminated and we'll finally be rid of that useless parasite!
Greed: Well you have a point, now one seems to care he's gone do they?
Greed runs back down path into the forest
Envy: …*hurt* …. Ed?! Al?!
Looks around, no one there
Envy: Alphonse?! Edward?
Seven hours later:
Envy sits on the side of the road in a small town half way back to Dublith in the rain, hitchhiking or desperately trying to hail a cab
Taxi drives by and splashes him with water
Envy: It's because I'm a homunculus, isn't it?!
Gets up and walks under a cloth awning, awning gives out and splashes Envy with water
Envy: … *sniffle* … Don't cry, Envy! D-don't cry!! Whatever you do d-don't cry!!!
Envy begins crying
Envy: I'm weak!
Jumps up and runs over to random person
Envy: Do you think I'm weak?! I'm spineless! Just kill me now, I'm pathetic!
Person holds up hands and backs away slowly
Envy sits back down in a puddle and continues to crying
Envy vo: This is where you came in. See? Just like I said, I'm the victim here! I didn't do anything and they ruined my life and took everything I had-!
Envy looks up at sky
Envy: Give it a rest would ya!
Person walks by, looks at Envy screaming at the sky and speeds up
Envy vo: What? I'm just telling them what happened.
Envy: Who are you kidding? They know what happened, they read the whole thing.
Envy vo: Well yeah but-….
Envy: *brutally depressed* Just leave me alone…. *curls up in alley*
WOW! Is it Tuesday already?! Okay well here is the next chapter... poor Envy, I mean he's mean and all but can't you just imagine his little face?! I've been inspired now I'm going to go draw a chibi Envy! Oh yeah and you can see all my FMA drawings on Deviantart . com, my username is Tennessee11741 :P. Please review, because reviews are better than ice-cream! Thanks for reading!
Tennessee
