DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HOBBIT OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS, NOR AM I MAKING ANYTHING FROM THIS APART FROM MY OWN ENTERTAINMENT

"I'm sick." declared Una, marching up to where Bilbo was playing chess with Ori under an oak tree in the royal gardens. They both glanced up at her.

"Oh dear." was all Bilbo could think of replying. She certainly didn't look or sound sick. "That's…not good."

Ori curled shyly in on himself. His face turned red as he spluttered "Poor you."

Una crossed her arms. "Well what are you going to do about it, Master Baggins?"

Bilbo stared at her, perplexed. He wasn't a doctor. "Shall I send for Oin?" he suggested helpfully.

"Definitely not." Una shuddered. "I will not submit myself to the clumsy administrations of that deaf old fool."

Ori gasped, but quickly snapped his mouth shut when she glared at him.

"Well then, how about a different doctor?" Bilbo tried.

"I don't want just any old doctor. I want you." snapped Una.

Bilbo blinked. "Me?"

"Yes, you. I need someone by my side to look after me and bring me anything I might need."

Bilbo's heart sank. "What exactly is the matter with you?" he tried to keep the frustration from his voice.

Una's tone turned pitiful. "I have a terrible throbbing pain in my head," she moaned, "and my throat is on fire. My back is aching and my stomach feels fit to burst!"

"I see." He replied sceptically. "The thing is Una, it's mine and Thorin's sort of…do you call it a stag party?" he asked Ori, who nodded.

"Well that's not a problem, I'll just come along too."

"But it's just for company members." Bilbo protested quickly.

Una was quick to take offence. "Very well. You all go off and celebrate! Leave a poor sick old woman behind in her bed, weak and helpless. Who knows, I might even die sometime in the night and you'd all just party on oblivious. My own nephew and his fiancé, abandoning his beloved great aunt to-"

"Alright, alright." sighed Bilbo. "Of course you may come, I was merely saying that-"

"It's decided then. What time does it start and what is the dress theme?"

Bilbo wished a bolt of lightning would strike him dead there and then so he wouldn't have to face Thorin. "8pm and its just casual."

"Excellent!" Una clapped her hands happily and walked away, whistling a merry tune with a spring in her step.

Ori leaned over to Bilbo across the chess board. He whispered conspiratorially "I don't think Ms Una is actually sick, Bilbo."

Bilbo sighed. "I think you're right Ori. At least, not from a physical ailment, but perhaps from lack of attention. It is true we have all been very busy lately with the wedding arrangements."

"Am I still bringing the rings?" Ori's eyes were wide and hopeful as a puppy's. He had never been trusted with such a great responsibility before.

"Of course!"

Later that day Bilbo broke the news to Thorin, who promptly choked on his ale. Bilbo leapt up and down on his back for a good few minutes. When he was recovered he slammed the tankard down on the table with enough force to leave a permanent mark. "No." he growled, eyes red and watering.

Bilbo had expected this reaction. "I know it's not ideal but - "

"I will not have that foul woman at our party. It is for close friends only."

"Well, she is your aunt…"

Thorin exploded. "Why in Durin's name do you want her there?! She's brought nothing but misery since she arrived! I want her gone right this instant, she has outstayed her welcome. There is no way on middle-earth that she is invited to our wedding, am I clear? I forbid it Bilbo."

"Please, Thorin…" Bilbo cringed.

"NO. What exactly are you about? Why do you care for her good opinion? She's a monster to me, Fili and Kili and we all hate her."

Bilbo began to feel irritation rising. "Honestly, Thorin, all she's really done is make you dress up in pink for her own reception party."

"That is not why I dislike her," snapped his husband. "She is manipulative and evil, you can see it in her eyes. She maintains a good façade but it doesn't fool me."

"Oh, that's just verging on ridiculous! She is a sweet old lady who is feeling isolated and alone and would greatly benefit from a little attention from you."

Thorin's eyes narrowed dangerously. "So I am ridiculous now?"

"I never said that!" protested Bilbo. "I just think that-"

"Well don't think! My relatives are not your concern."

"Seeing as how I'll be marrying you in 3 days and becoming a part of your family, I'd say it is my concern." Bilbo replied with cold insolence.

Thorin stood and towered over Bilbo. "I WILL NOT BE SPOKEN TO LIKE THAT! I am King-Under-The-Mountain!"

Bilbo stood himself and yelled back "START ACTING LIKE ONE INSTEAD OF A SPOILT CHILD!"

"HOW DARE YOU!"

"I AM NOT JUST ONE OF YOUR SUBJECTS THORIN, I AM A HOBBIT OF THE SHIRE AND YOU HAVE NO AUTHORITY OVER ME!"

"I HAVE AUTHORITY AS YOUR HUSBAND!"

"YOU'RE NOT MY HUSBAND YET!"

"I DON'T CARE YOU STILL HAVE TO LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY!"

"HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO LISTEN TO YOU WHEN YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME! I AM NO LESSER THAN YOU! YOU ARE UNREASONABLE, REDICULOUS, IMMATURE AND YOU DO NOT FRIGHTEN ME!"

"Get out." Thorin growled. His voice was suddenly so quiet it was almost inaudible, but filled with trembling emotion. A fire burned in his icy blue eyes and his fists were clenched. Bilbo, red from anger, stormed from the room to his own hobbit-hole chambers. He threw himself down on the bed and began to cry from anger, horror and frustration. Slowly, the emotions soaked away and he was left feeling numb and empty. His throat was sore from yelling. He lay there listlessly and listened to the bird song outside.

Then there was a knock. Bilbo sat up and wiped away his tears. Running to the door, he opened it whilst speaking "Thorin, I'm so s- oh."

It was Dori. "Is the party still on for tonight, Bilbo?" he asked with a big smile. Then a slight frown formed on his features as he noticed Bilbo's dishevelled appearance. "Is everything quite alright?"

"F-fine, Dori." Bilbo tried to smile. "Everything is fine. And um…I think we're still on."

"Excellent!" Dori scurried away and Bilbo shut the door. He leaned against it and slid down to the floor. Was it still on? He knew Thorin had a temper, but it had never been directed at him before. Perhaps he had spoken harshly, but it wasn't like he had asked a lot – Thorin was treating Una abominably, even if she was a little overbearing at times! And why was he always so fiercely controlling? He began to feel pulsing anger again as he thought of the argument. Why should he be sorry? He was in the right, not Thorin. Let him apologise if he wanted Bilbo back.

With this thought to harden his heart, Bilbo drew himself a nice deep bath and let the tension melt away.

Thorin, meanwhile, was furiously storming about the halls of Erabor. A dwarf approached him to ask about the importation of glass wares. A few moments later, he was running away trembling and in fits of tears. Thorin then smashed an intricate metal vase to the floor. The gold coins it contained went skittering about his feet. He kicked out viciously and sent them bouncing into the shadows. The stubborn Halfling! How dare he challenge Thorin's wishes in such a manner, how dare he mock his position so? After all, he was nothing but a simple hobbit from the Shire. Why was he so determined to see everything and anything in a good light? It was sickeningly naïve!

The figure of Dori came tottering toward him.

"What do you want?" Thorin snarled.

Dori blanched. "I just c-came to c-ch-check the party tonight is still going ahead? Bilbo seemed a little...unsure."

Thorin scarcely heard him. "I care not. Very well, what does it matter. Now leave me!" he strode of cursing.

Dori stood looking after him. "I guess that's a…yes." he murmured to himself, a little perplexed. "I'll go tell the lads."

SORRY TO LEAVE IT ON A BIT OF A CLIFF HANGER! I'LL TRY AND GET THE PARTY CHAPTER UP SOON. HOPEFULLY IT WILL BE A BIT MORE CHEERFUL…