Mrs. Cross couldn't come to Nebraska with us, so she agreed to look after Punch. She was a mess… she couldn't stop hugging and kissing me and telling me how sorry she was for my loss and to make sure that I called her if I needed anything. I cried into her shoulder a good long time before she actually allowed me to pull away. I gave Punch almost all the love I could give him and hugged Mrs. Cross once more. Icee and Kawasaki had to stay behind because Icee had a fight to train for but both gave me the best hugs. Icee whispered that he was sorry he couldn't come as he uncharacteristically held me tight and I told him I understood. Kawasaki kissed my cheek in a silent expression of lament and bowed to me. Hammy and Tick stuck to me like glue; even as we took a 15 passenger Chevy van to the airport. English draped his arm around my shoulder as he sat beside me. He tried to make me feel better by telling me how him and his brother were fighting over this girl and it came down to who could double-dutch better, but as they were jumping the rope… the slut went off with one of the 'Silly' players. I almost laughed when I found out that Silly was a position in Cricket… English was always a strange character, but it he made me smile and I couldn't help but lean my body into his. He didn't take it as me coming on to him… he just hugged me tight.
Ever since Jugg's unfolding human interaction in my bedroom; he's been trying to avoid me. In the van, he was all the way in the back… on the 2 hour plane ride he was 4 rows behind me… and now, at the hotel, he was two floors below me. Coach bunked me with Bingo and I was completely thankful. Bingo treated me like a daughter and cradled me in the nook of his arm where I cried nearly all night. He made sure I ate and drank and that I was never alone. He called his wife and she talked to me and put me at a veritable ease while Bingo got caught up with his own sustenance.
Bingo took the couch, gladly, and gave me the bed. I didn't sleep… I couldn't. Every time I closed my eyes… there he was. I sat on the edge of the queen sized bed and just cradled my head in my hands. I was so tired, but sleep wouldn't come to me. I hear a soft rapping at the front door. At first, I believed it to be just subtle noise of the hotel, but when it came again, a little heavier… I pushed myself off the bed and zombied myself to the door. I looked into the peep hole and saw someone turned away from the door in a hoodie sort of swaying in a jittery fashion. One of my brows shot up and I gave in to curiosity and opened the door. The person twisted at the sound of the door opening and my eyes shot open so wide, "AMY!?"
No glasses, her deep brown hair slightly frizzed as it dripped out of the hood, her blue eyes glazed and a hint of red around the white parts of her eyes, and face both relieved and shot with sorrow, "Oh Penny… I apologize for the late night rendezvous, but… I just couldn't allow myself to not come and see you." She plowed into me with a forceful embrace and I swam in her scent and warmth. I didn't dwell on why she was here, in Nebraska… in this hotel where I happen to be staying; instead, I run through all the guilt in my mind. I slept with this woman's love of her life, I ran away and barricaded her out of my life, but she still hugs me like nothing ever happened… like we were still 'Besties'… and that just made me cry into her maroon colored hoodie.
When she pulled away, I could see she was crying just as much as me. I wiped my nose and sniff back before just looking at her, "Ames, what are you doing here? How did you know I was here?"
Amy shoved her hands into the interlocking pocket in the front and looked a little pensive, "Your sister… she told us about your father and we all dropped what we were doing and… well… Penny… why?" She paused and looked as if she were trying to muster up the courage and looked me right in the eye, "Why did you run?"
The way she asked nearly broke my heart. Her voice was so small and she looked to be holding back more sobs, "Amy… after that night… I just couldn't deal with it. I was given a chance to start over… to get away from what I had become… Ames, I was working a dead beat job. My car was a rolling tank held together by duct tape. My acting career was just a murmur in the trepid wind. I drank because I thought it could fill a void or at least blur the pain… then… then…"
Amy took in a deep inhale through her nose, "… then you engaged in coitus with Sheldon."
I examined her face but I saw no trace of anger; only a sympathetic inquiry, "Oh GOD… Amy… Amy, I'm so sorry!"
Amy licked her lips and gave a very mild grin, "Don't be sorry. You needed someone and… so did Sheldon. Human needs must be quenched with those we find acceptable to relish with. I forced Sheldon into coitus, but… he gladly swayed with you and even delved into the antediluvian ritual of 'Defending His Mate'. Penny, you were and still are one of my best friends I've ever had… I might have yelled at you and given you the silent treatment for approximately six weeks, but I would've forgiven you. Your absence tore the group apart. Sheldon demanded to be transferred out of Pasadena. Leonard found a new roommate and married her two months later. He doesn't hang around the boys anymore. Raj disappeared for a year then showed up one day and told us his experimental drug trial of induced control over the overactive amygdale worked perfectly. He is talking up a storm to any woman he comes into contact with." She smiles so warmly at that before continuing, "Howard and Bernadette have a two year old son… Steven Urijah Wolowitz. Oh Penny… he is beautiful… and Bernie is such a great mother… she is so warm and loving even for someone who doesn't like kids. She barely lets him go and Howard… he can't stop talking about how beautiful he is. I mean it… Cannot. Stop."
I had missed so much and that was just a glimpse of what had happened. Through it all, I was caught up on the fact that Leonard was MARRIED… What the Hell? I knew there was so much that I missed and Amy had wanted me there every step of the way. I could see it on her face. I didn't want to ask about Leonard or tell her that I saw Sheldon a month ago and still hadn't heard from him since then; so I just stuck with my guns. I wanted to know how she knew I was here, "Amy… how did you find me? My sister didn't know I was at this hotel… neither did my mother."
Amy looked sad… she dropped her head and the hood covered her features, "Your Coach."
My eyes go wide, "What? Coach? Coach told you I was here? Why?"
Amy looked back up at me, "I begged him. I called him every hour when I found out… I called him and asked about you every hour and eventually… he gave in. Penny, I know you want to escape your past, but… we love you. You had become a constant in the equation of our social group. We would've done anything for you… anything! Your Coach understood that. He has been giving me updates on you since your first fight. He says that he had to exclude you from the meetings because it would 'piss you off' and I understood. I was just glad to hear that you were doing ok."
I WAS angry… but not as much as I should've been… Coach went behind my back… not a single word that he was communicating with friends from my past… but… his actions were to soothe my friend's heart. I sighed out the anger and swept her up into another hug. She gladly hugged me back, "Amy… I'm sorry. I really did miss you guys, I really did, but I had to keep going forward. If I went backwards once, I would become what I promised myself I'd never become again…" I squeeze her a little as I say, "Thanks for coming, Ames."
She pulled out of the hug and wiped her nose with her brown sweater sleeve, "I would've come sooner, but I had to help Howard and Bernadette put Steven down. I really had a hard time seeing Howard Wolowitz with child… I shook my head at the thought of a child in the group and I feel sick to my stomach… I felt sick at all I missed… Amy's voice was soft when she just matter-of-factly added, "I'm his God-Mother." I knew I looked shocked, but… I really wasn't. Amy, though a bit quirky in a sense, was a very warm and loving person. She could be a little creepy, and I wouldn't be surprised if she hadn't hooked the baby up to one of her brain monitoring machines… but she would love that kid more than life itself and that made my shock dissolve into a smile, "You should be, Ames… there's no one better." Amy seemed to glow at my statement and leaned over to kiss my cheek, "I'm glad I got to see you… I know you need your allotted REM sleep, so… see you at the wake… Bestie."
Hearing her call me that was like a glorious sting against my face… like she slapped me with all the joy of the world… but it was a good kind of pain. We shared a brief, acknowledging smile as we stood in front of one another. I had forgotten how much I loved her calling me that… forgot how much it meant to have her in my life… the tears built up as the good times I had with Amy filled my memory and I wave at her as she walked down the hall. She waved back before slipping around the corner towards the elevators. I silently slide back into the room and close the door gently so as not to wake Bingo. When I get to my bed, I crawl into the comforter and when my head hits the pillow… I go into a deep sleep.
I met the boys downstairs for breakfast. I felt heavy… but not as miserable as before. The hotel had a smorgasbord of breakfast foods splintered all over a small, buffet line. Tick, Hammy, Bingo, English, Hot Sauce, and Coach were piling on eggs, bacon, sausage, pancakes, tenderloin, gravy biscuits, grits, toast and hash browns while I was sticking to the oatmeal and fruit aisle right beside them. I shook my head at Hammy's plate as he gave me a huge 'Oh Hell Yes I'm Eating All This' grin. I shake my head and give a little smile as I pop a grape in my mouth and pretend that it was an orgasmic experience. He laughs while heading to the table. I go back to the fruit selection and start picking and prodding through them. Grapes, peaches, strawberries, and kumquats were almost all they had. They had Honeydew melon and I was all over that. I saw Cantaloupe, but passed on it. It was never my favorite, but it did better on my weight restriction than the salivating strips of bacon that sat there in my peripheral vision… fingering at me to come over and put it in my mouth.
Jugg slipped in between me and the bacon and slopped a spoon full of grits into a bowl, "How're you feeling today?"
I stare at him. He pretends to concentrate on the slab of butter he put into the steaming bowl. He looks… nervous… and it makes me smile. I pretend to concentrate of the Honeydew spoon/tongs, "I feel heavy… exhausted… and fatherless… you?"
He looks at me and I turn to meet his gaze, "Look… Coach told me about you and your Mother's relationship… are you sure you don't want any of us to stand with you? Moral support is what a partner does. This is already a hard enough time for you… losing your father… so if it gets to be too much… you just say the word and I'll drag you outta there, myself."
I look at him with a poker face that even Gustav 'Gus' Hansen would've been proud of. I was flattered he cared so much, but at the same time… I was angry that him and Coach were gossiping about my life, "Jugg… I can handle my mother just fine on my own… It's burying my father I'm going to need you guys for… besides… George has made sure that I'll be the first person in line and my mother with be the last. You guys aren't the only ones who know my relationship with my mother… George and Don practically lived it with me." He sighed through his nose very audibly as he stared down at me. He licked his lips and briefly looked over at the table where the guys sat then back to me, "I… I just want to help… sorry." I feel a pang of guilt hit me as he took his bowl and headed to the table with a dejected look. I turned and finished picking the fruit as I cussed myself out for being such a bitch to the man that was just trying to help.
Breakfast was just everyone trying to avoid the words 'father' 'death' 'funeral' and 'Slugger', but other than that… it was a regular moment with my boys. As they all finished their manly breakfasts, they started to scatter back to their rooms. I tried to connect gazes with Jugg, but he avoided me like the plague... I couldn't blame him... eventually it was just me and Coach sitting at the big table. He smiled at me as he sipped his mug of coffee, but I wasn't all smiles, "So… Coach… You been talking to my friend in California about me? You been talking about my family ties with Jugg? Who else you been talking to about me?"
He put down his cup of coffee very calmly and talked softly with his Boston accent, "Oh boy… Ok… I know you're mad, but know that I only talked to Ms. Fowler on a weekly basis. I tried to blow her off, but she called the gym almost every five minutes… wrote me letters day after day… emailed me… HELL… that little minx even got my cell phone number and texted me God knows how many times. I had to give in… HAD TO... that girl really loves you, Slugga… She wouldn't take no for an answer. Now, as for the details of how much you and your mother absolutely clash… yes… I found it highly important that I told the boys all the details before we decided to come here. They needed to know that you aren't all sunshine and unicorns with your family… and then again… who is?"
I play with the straw in my OJ and try not to cry. Coach reminded me of dad… overprotective but so full of love for me and it made me cry harder… I take in a lot of deep breaths before I stop playing with my straw and look at him, "Coach… you could've run all this by me. I know I'm a little unstable in the anger department, but eventually I would've gotten the courage to talk to her myself… AND… I could've told the guys about me and my mother… but it is essentially you going behind my back with Amy that's really my concern… that was something you NEDDED to tell me."
He raised his hand, "Slugga… You are by far the most stubborn woman I ever met… and that includes my wife… if I told you about that girl… you would've shunned her out of your life completely." He and I gather ourselves as our conversation got louder. He sipped his coffee before putting the mug back down and got back into a lower tone "I didn't do any of that JUST for you, Slugga… I did this for the people who love you more than your own damn biological family. That girl's voice was so sincere… so downright full of determination and anxiety that I knew that this girl had a close relationship with you… she was just as stubborn as YOU are." He chuckled and shook his head as he remembered. I gave a little smile at the thought that I rubbed off on Amy… my smile got bigger the more I thought about it. Coach's voice cut in again with a little more volume, "Now, listen… your sister will be here to pick you up in two hours… Don't look at me like that… I tried to tell her you were coming with us, but… I couldn't get a word in edgewise to say it! Now… Go on! Go get ready. Me and the boys'll meet you there!"
I finished off my OJ and gathered all the bowls and napkins I used on my tray. I lift it up off the table as I stand, but don't move. I look down at Coach and he looks up at me. I smile at him and say softly, "Thank you, Coach… thank you for always taking care of me… even when I don't think I deserve it. You… you are the only father I have now… and I… I love you."
Coach's eyes water but I had already moved towards the trash cans. I clean off my tray and put it where there was a pile of them and wipe my eyes. I look back at the table and see Coach gripping his mug… crying very softly.
Bingo had opted to get dress in Jugg's and Hot Sauce's room… which was good for me because I needed the solitude. I stared at myself in the black pant suit with the crimson shirt underneath. My father's favorite color was… red. I start to tear up again and I shook my head out of the sobbing. It had been a long time since I actually blow dried my hair and mildly crimped up the ends. I took in a big breath and stepped away from the mirror. The loud banging at my hotel door made my heart start beating extremely fast… I open the door… and there she was... My sister, Georgia. If anyone on this Earth loved me and hated me just as equally as they could, it was George, but as I stared at her… she seemed… different. She wasn't scowling at me or avoiding my gaze… she smiled, "Hey Pen-Pen!"
I could see the tears in her eyes and it made me drop my guard for just a few seconds, "Hey George!"
We broke the space in between and hugged like two sisters who had never fought a day in their lives. We cried and hugged for God knows how long before George pushed off, "You don't call me… you don't write… what the hell is wrong with you Pen! You might be able to pull that shit with mom… BUT ME? Oh… and then I find out that you fight for a fucking living… REALLY? Pen, what the hell? Heaven only knows how hard it was to shut mom up when SHE found out… but daddy… Pen… daddy was so proud of you. He wanted to go to one of your fights, but mom… she wouldn't let him. He kept up with your bouts, Pen… He talked about you at work… He sent me and Don Alan emails about how much ass you were kicking… Pen…" She had to stop… we started crying again. She shook her head and dabbed her eyes before looking at me, "We all missed you, Pen… but no one more than daddy! C'mon! We're gonna be late! Ken is bringing Doug and D.A.! The reverend needs us all there before the people start showing up. Pops and Gran Gran will be there too! "
I grabbed my small purse and smile. Ken was my dad's brother and lost his wife to lung cancer in late November, 1995. It broke his heart, but he never gave up. He is a great man and though I loved my father a lot… I found myself more drawn to Ken. I practically lived with Uncle Ken while my mother got worse and worse with her drinking. Ken had taken in Doug, Don Alan's son, as my brother went further and further down into the rabbit hole. I could tell that Doug hated it, but when I talked to them on his 13th birthday (buying that comic book for him from Stuart); I could tell that him and Ken were like father and son. I wished I had that with mom… when I lived there; she slurred insults so ripe and sharp that it made my father cry. That made me afraid of being alone with the woman. George had had enough of the woman's mouth and she ran off with Fredrick… Ugh… Fred… Fred wasn't a bad guy… I mean, he loves my sister… would die for her… but he was still a leech! He doesn't have a job… he doesn't do any house work… he doesn't even LEAVE the house (unless George is paying)… but who am I to judge her and her love life… still, doesn't stop me from not liking that douche!
Don Alan… the middle child… my big brother by a year and month… my big teddy bear of a sibling! He was a really really smart guy. Not Sheldon smart, but Ivy League smart! He was a good looking guy, too… He had the world around his finger, but I could see he wasn't happy… He had a son with a woman that he stayed with for a couple of years before she just up and left him AND the kid. It tore my brother up… he wasn't anywhere NEAR ready for a kid… Uncle Ken helped him out while 'D.A.' (as he started calling himself) was supposedly finding a job. That's when he met Clive 'Stink Bug' Clarence… That bastard RUINED my brother. At first, they delved into marijuana… sold it… smoked it… Hell, I even purchased some… but it wasn't enough for D.A.… He needed more money… more clientele… so Clive introduced him to the wonderful world of cooking METH. D.A. dropped off the face of sanity and his grades dropped like a pair of bull testicles… and so did his presence in Doug's life. I ran to California with Kurt just as his rise to Meth got higher and higher. I did miss him a lot, though, so to actually be able to see him today… not stoned or tweaked out… that would make the sting of the viewing less painful.
Gran Gran and Pops were going to be there! That was the best news I had gotten in the past three years. They were my father's mother and father and were the perfect description of loving grandparents. I hadn't seen them since my abrupt decision of just leaving Nebraska behind. It was actually Pops who said that if I wanted to be an actress… then he felt sorry for whoever was going to stand in my way. Pops was a man that I wish I could find. Kind, self-sacrificing, loving, but always knew when to give space… when to keep his mouth shut… when to give his all… Gran Gran once told me that Pops never once raised his voice, never cussed, and never even looked at her wrong. I told Gran Gran that it sounded like he wasn't the only great person in that relationship… if Pops never had a reason to do those things, then of course he wouldn't have to. She scooped me up in the biggest hug of my life and whispered to me, "You'll find yours, my little Honeysuckle… just don't sit there and look all pretty… that attracts the ones who want a taste of the sweetness… it's the one who braves through all your thorns just to have you all to themselves that you wanna keep around."
Her words were only a whimper in the back of my mind as I drank and screwed through half the male population of Pasadena… would she be proud of me, now? Now that I gave up all the bad decisions I had made and became a disciplined fighter? Would Pops? Everything was building into anxiety as George drove us a few miles down from the hotel to the Korisko, Larkin, and Staskiewicz funeral home. It was a beautiful place. The staff was unbelievably caring as soon as me and George walked through the door. A young redhead showed us to the viewing room. We thanked her and I paused at the door… my mother was in her Sunday best chatting up the reverend as if trying to convince him of taking her in the backseat of her Hyundai Genesis. When the reverend saw us, he stepped back a little and looked awkwardly over at us. My mother looked over and sniffed in what sounded like disgust when she locked eyes with George. Then… she saw me and her eyes softened then went back into its disgusted mode, "Well, my daughters finally learned how to be on time for something. Oh… and one even learned how to show up, at all. I am so proud." I could hear the disdain in her voice and I could feel the fear building up. It was Don Alan's voice behind me that shook the fear right off, "You should be, Mom…" I spun around to see my big brother shooting daggers towards her and I couldn't stop the happy tears and grotesquely large smile from erupting as I lunged at him. He scooped me up in a big bear hug that I had completely missed and he rocked me side to side like he used to.
I broke away from the hug just as George took over the hugging. I smiled at my older siblings just as George spat out, "So, they letting you off for good behavior?"
He bent down and showed his bracelet, "Naw… just letting me mingle with the commoners for three days. Uncle Ken signed off on being my 'handler'."
As he said that, Uncle Ken came around and entered into the room, "Yep… kind of wished it were a shock collar though… be a whole lot more fun." I stepped to the side of my brother and Ken's eyes lit up like Christmas, "Oh My GOD… Penny! Look at you…" he scoops me up into a big hug and talks into my crimped hair, "Me and Doug have been cheering you on. He downloaded your fights on our laptop. Can't wait to see your next one. You won the Strikeforce Bantam Weight Belt, right?"
I smiled and nodded, "Uncle Ken… I think you're my number one fan!"
His smile faded a little, "Your daddy was your biggest fan, Pen. The happiest I had ever seen my brother was when he saw you win that belt. Probably the last thing he ever did on this Earth was holler your name as that ref threw your hand up in the air…"
I started to tear up as my brother squeezed my shoulder. I didn't get a chance to cry as Doug trounced in and I gasped, "Oh My G… Doug? Geez… look at you… you're like three times bigger than the last time I saw you. What are you, 8 foot tall now? Lord… you even LOOK like your dad!"
Doug rolled his eyes playfully and wrapped his long arms around my neck, "Hey, Auntie!"
I smile into the hug, "How's school going?"
Ken rolled his eyes and gently grabbed the back of Doug's neck, "He's just like his daddy… the girls want him… the guys want to BE him… and he sucks at math."
Don Alan and Doug both squeak in unison, "Hey!" It makes everyone laugh.
My mother's voice almost cuts like a knife, "Glad my husband's death can bring such smiles and laughter to you lot."
I see everyone turn and look at her just as I do. Her face was twisted in anger and she nearly succumbed to tears. Ken stepped forward, "Alexis… you aren't the only one who lost someone here… I lost a brother… your children lost a father… I want you to know that your husband believed in one thing… FAMILY. He believed that without it, we were just people sitting around with our thumbs up our butts. I think you have forgotten that… and that's why your children are the way they are…"
I swallow at the intensity of the situation, but a smooth voice sung in the air with a tad hint of a Scottish accent, "I raised you better than to speak such ill towards people, Kenneth. Alexis's love for her husband is just as strong as your love of your brother. She just shows her sorrow much differently than yourself."
Pops walked in, cane in one hand, and Gran Gran's arm wrapped around the other. He moved towards the gathering and Ken stepped back, "I apologize, Alexis."
I give a big smile and move to the older couple. Gran Gran looked at me and smiled big as she and I met within a hug, "ello my little Honeysuckle."
I pulled out of the hug, "Hey Gran Gran." I slip to her side and snuggle Pops and he hums as he squeezes me. I pull away and step back as everyone gets their hugs and I end up standing beside my mother.
It was as if the others were in another country as I looked over at her… her staring at me. She huffed and looked me up and down, "You're too skinny… all that fighting and you can't eat a sandwich?"
I swallow, "Nice to see you to, mom."
She just kept her scowl, "The only time we ever seem to hear from you is a simple Happy Father's Day or Happy Mother's day… after that… no phone calls… no letters… not even a carrier pigeon… NOTHING. Your father and I worried ourselves to sleep wondering if you were even ALIVE. Can't believe it took your father's death to bring you back."
I shut my eyes tight. Though her voice was callous and rubbed me raw, she was right, "I'm sorry! I had to get away. I needed to be my own woman. Needed to get out of the shadow you kept casting over me. I know I could've done better with communication, but… I'm happy. Shouldn't that make YOU happy or do you want me to be as miserable as you are! I KNOW daddy's gone… I KNOW… I haven't stopped crying since your heartless letter! Uncle Ken was right… You aren't the only one who lost someone!"
Me and my mother are nose to nose, neither one backing down, until the reverend places a hand on both our shoulders', "Please, ladies, now that everyone is here I will go over the steps of the evening."
As the reverend droned on and on about the events, I couldn't help but phase out. How was I going to do this without spontaneously arguing with my mother? That's when I start thinking. Amy, Raj, Howard, Bernadette, and their son were here… most of my new boys were here… my family was all around me… and still… still I think back to the two men I regretted hurting. I wondered if Leonard would come… wondered if he did, would he bring his wife… wondered if Sheldon was coming… It made my heart flutter in my chest… and it didn't stop fluttering even as the drone of people walk down the line; giving their condolences. I was the first person in the line of my family that people got to greet.
When I see Howard bouncing the cutest damn baby I think I ever seen in his arms, I melt. Howard's jaw line had a little fuzz showing along with the skin above his lips. When Howard saw me, his eyes softened and he smiled and I shared his smile with just as much emotion. I cover my mouth with my hands as I look at the gorgeous baby, "Ohhhh HOWARD… he's beautiful!"
He gave me a smile, "Why thank you… luckily he got his mother's looks." I her Bernie behind him, "Aww Howie…" Howard looked at me and raised his free arm in the air signaling he wanted a hug… though I had always thought Howard was a creep… I really missed him… I gave him a small hug then turned and gave Bernadette a bigger hug since she wasn't holding a child. I feel like such an idiot, but I start to stutter, "G… guys… I'm so… so so sorry." Howard shook his head, "No need to apologize, Penny. You did what you thought was right and just left us wondering if you were kidnapped by space pirates or you spontaneously combusted in your apartment… if you need to apologize to anyone… it would be Amy and Sheldon… those two went nuttier than a jar of Chunky JFG." Bernadette slaps his arm, "HOWIE! Oh Penny… we forgive you and we are so sorry about your father." She pulls me into another big hug before they move on to George, who the couple knew.
Raj and Amy were next. I couldn't help but notice their arms hooked as I smiled at them. Raj gave a small wave and weak smile, "It's nice to see you again, Penny. You look well."
I give a smile and take him into a hug. I can hear him let out a sigh and he began to cry… it was obvious that he was holding it in, "Thank you Raj… I'm happy to see you too…" I pull away and look at Amy and wink, "I'm glad you finally found someone to keep you warm at night."
They both blush and I smile before snuggling Amy up in a big hug. They, too, had to move on and I felt empty, but… interestingly lighter.
The boys showed up a little later and it made my heart warm. Coach gave me a big kiss while Hammy nearly smothered me in a hysterical hug. Tick and Hot Sauce hugged me a whole lot longer than English liked. When it was his turn, he held my hand and put his forehead on mine while saying how sorry he was for my loss. Bingo gave me a very quick hug and kissed my temple. Jugg was next and he simply grabbed the back of my head and kissed me soundly on the forehead. I watched them move on with tears in my as as more people I didn't recognize passed through… and then… my heart stopped completely… "Le… Leonard?"
There he was… glasses… black hair… short stature… with a very beautiful woman on his arm. He swallowed very deeply as he took a few breaths, "I'm… I'm so sorry for your loss, Penny. Wyatt was a great man." He stepped in and we hugged. I had never felt as hollow, scared, and sickened all in one flash. I wanted to punch him… to kiss him… to cry on his shoulder… to leave… I pulled out of the hug and looked at the woman beside him. Long brown hair, shapely body, same height as I was, and smiling at me… I feel like scratching her eyes out, but Leonard's voice cut through that nonsense, "Penny… this is Jeane… Jeane Hofstadter." He stared at her like a beautiful night sky as she shot her hand out at me, "I've heard so much about you, Penny. I'm sorry about your father."
I take the hand and shake it lifelessly. Leonard doesn't look at me again and they both moved on… leaving me ripped and torn in one little spot. My body, my mind, my very existence was vibrating in a numbing comatose state. The people touched my arm as I just could barely breathe. I bowed my head and could only see the shoes that passed by. I see a woman's shoes with dark hose tracing up towards her skirt her darkened toes being squeezed into some cheesy, tanned church heels… it was her Texan voice erupting in the small room that healed my very soul, "Oh Penny, Dear don't you look so downtrodden. The Good Lord will take good care of your father."
I know my eyes were watering up a storm and were wide as coasters as I stare directly at Mary Cooper. She drags me into a hug that was warmer than any hug I had ever had. She whispers encouraging words into my hair as I just revel in her floral scent. I open my eyes, looking for Sheldon in the line, but I don't see him. Missy, on the other hand, is right beside us and she gives me a teary eyed smile. When Mary pulls out of the hug, she cups my face, "Sheldon called us as soon as he heard and we rushed our little butts over here to see ya. I know it's hard to see right now, but the Lord has blessed you with so many people in your life. You'll find a way to get through this loss. And don't you worry none; Shelly will be here as soon as he finds a parking spot."
That hit me far too slowly as Mary moved on to my sister and Missy swooped in for a hug. Sheldon… driving? What the hell? Missy didn't say much because of the fact she was trying not to cry. She had so much emotion… no wonder Sheldon had none. I hear someone's heavy jogging and people's voices murmuring and calling out. As Missy moved forward, Sheldon slipped in front of the next person and he apologized woodenly then looked right at me, panting… sweaty… and so intently. I… I couldn't catch my breath and I really didn't want to.
