"Where are they? Is this or is it not a war council? We can't very well have a war council without the other side." Rod's voice was cool, but there was venom in his words. Lili shrank into the comic book she was reading. Reading about Superman always calmed her down in a world she was quite afraid of. She watched as Vash played solitare. They weren't the only ones not really doing anything. Liz was standing by the jukebox, and all Rod was doing was shouting.
"Superman doesn't use knives," she said quietly. "He doesn't even use an atomic ray-gun." Vash gave her a tiny smile.
"Superman? I love Superman," he said.
"Then why don't you marry him?" snapped Rod. He was probably only tense because the Sharks had yet to show up, and because 'West' was also gone. Even Gilbert wasn't there. Still, she thought he was being quite rude.
"I won't ever get married," said Liz. "Too noisy." Rod gave her one of his rare smiles, though it wasn't a nice one.
"You won't ever get married because no one would want to marry you," he said. He paused and threw a dart at the dartboard. "Ever," he finished. Liz just smirked at him and made her gloved hand into the shape of a gun.
"Pow, pow," she said. "Man up, or I'll hit you with my frying pan."
"Oh no, I'm dead," he said in a monotone voice. Just then, the door opened loudly. Lili jumped, but it was only Gilbert. She gave him a tiny smile, and went back to her comic book.
"What on earth is wrong with you? You could have opened the door with a bit more care," said Rod, who also looked alarm. Gilbert shrugged.
"I got caught sneaking out of the movies." Vash arched an eyebrow at him.
"Why would you sneak out of the movie theater? What is the point of that?" As if this was exactly what he had been waiting for, Gilbert responded without missing a beat.
"I sneaked in." He glanced at the bird that now sat on his head. "Also, this bird sat on my head and refused to leave. I got in trouble for having him, too." He paused. "Or her, but I refuse to check. I think it's a guy, though. If you hear him chirp, you'll know. Damn bird sounds manlier than half of you." He squinted up, trying to see the top of his head. "I think I'll name it Gilbird," he muttered.
"Wow, Gilbert, there's a war council coming up and you're going to movies and naming birds after yourself? Good job," said Liz sarcastically. Before Gilbert could say anything, 'Doc' walked in. Doc, who was probably the furthest thing from a real doctor you could find, had no side in the gang battles and merely focused on his ponies and keeping his hair 'faboo'. His real name was next to impossible to pronounce, so most people called him Doc.
"Like, hi guys!" He frowned slightly in Liz's direction. "And girl," he added. He met Lili's eyes. "Uh, shouldn't you be in bed? Like, you're totally way too young to be up this late, Lili!"
Gilbert's eyes widened in shock. "I thought you were a boy! What the heck!" He turned to Vash. "I thought that this was your little brother! I didn't know she was your sister."
Vash frowned at him. "You didn't know the name 'Lili' was feminine?"
"I didn't know her name!"
While they argued, Lili smiled at Doc. "We're having a war council here, sir!" she exclaimed.
Doc's face clouded over in confusion. "Uh, who?" he asked dimly.
"We're deciding on weapons for the fight with the Sharks," said Vash calmly.
"Uh, you guys are so weird! Like, couldn't you play basketball like normal kids?"
Gilbert turned to face Doc. "Hey, by any chance have you seen West around? Doc ran his fingers through his hair and squinted, his mouth open slightly. He made an 'uh' noise for about a minute before answering.
"Like, no! He is totally not here, man. It's, like, closing time? Yeah," he said, turning around to leave. Rod turned to face Gilbert.
"What do you think the Sharks will want to fight with?"
Gilbert shrugged. "How should I know? Rubber hoses?" Just then, Lili heard a noise, and looked up to see the Sharks. She stood up and walked over to where Vash was. She watched as Liz gave Gilbert a pleading look.
"Come on, you have to let me stay. You let her stay," she said, gesturing to Lili. Lili felt her face go red. She really was in an awkward position.
"That's only because she's Vash's little br-sister. Now, leave." Liz complied, but pushed past the Sharks angrily, brandishing her frying pan and muttering profanities at them.
Antonio was a tall man, with tan skin, brown hair, and green eyes. His face seemed friendly, but she had been told enough times from Vash to never trust him, regardless of how sunny his face was. She tried not to shake. Already, she was seen as a coward, and she wanted to hold her own. When his eyes met hers, she looked away, staring at Vash's dark gray combat boots.
"Let's get down to business," he said, seriously but somehow with more cheeriness than the situation really called for. Gilbert gave him his most smart-alecky smirk.
"Apparently Antonio hasn't learned the procedures of precious living. He won't even stop for a soda. I could get him and his nice young boys some soda pops, but no, they don't want to play nice at all." Antonio frowned slightly.
"Look, you don't like me, and to be honest, I can't say I like you very much, either. So we should just be as professional as possible, no?"
"Fine, fine. Let's be 'professional'." Gilbert cleared his throat. "I, Gilbert Beilschmidt, and my lovely little gang would like to challenge you, Antonio Assface, or whatever the hell your name is, and your lovely little gang, to a brawl."
"On what terms?" Lili couldn't help but admire him for not smacking Gilbert across the face. She almost wanted to herself, and she was on his side.
"You tell me, buddy boy. You've crossed the line once too often," snarled Gilbert.
"You started it," replied Antonio cooly. Gilbert snorted.
"Please! Who jumped Roddy the other day?"
"Who jumped me the first day I moved here?"
"Hey! Here's a thought! Who asked you to move here?"
Lili gasped. She didn't particuarly like the Sharks (though she didn't know much about them, as Vash usually wouldn't tell her the details) but she thought that Gilbert's comment was quite rude and, honestly, a little racist. She stood a little closer to Vash, but continued to stay quiet.
"And who asked you what you thought?" replied Antonio.
To Lili's surprise, Rod intervened. "Well, nobody asked what you thought either, you filthy Spaniard."
"We accept your challenge," said Antonio. "What time?"
Gilbert just grinned. "Tomorrow. By the river, the one under the highway." Lili watched quietly as they shook hands. "Hey, by the way, what weapons are we using, exactly?"
As if it were no big deal, Antonio shrugged. "Your challenge." After that, they both named possible weapons back and forth: sticks, rocks, poles, cans, bricks, bats, clubs, and all of the rest until they were silenced by an outside shout.
"Bottles!" Everyone stared. It was West! (Lili wondered if he had a real name. She decided he didn't.)
"Knives, guns," he went on. "What a coop full of chickens. I am ashamed to call all of you my former brothers," he said. Antonio raised an eyebrow.
"Every dog knows his own," he said calmly. But West just shook his head.
"I'm talking to all of you. It sickens me how you all have to fight this way. With weapons. Are you afraid to fight without weapons, the honorable way? Is that what I'm hearing?" His voice was cold, but unlike the previous coldness in the room, it was loud. This coldness pierced your eardrums. You couldn't block it out by thinking as hard as you could about being swept away by Superman.
"Why don't you just have the best man from each gang fight? Wouldn't that be more efficent? Or is it fear that I smell in the air?" The only thing Lili couldn't understand was why West was egging everyone on. Normally he seemed so sensible. It was like he was everything Gilbert was not, but now his words could have just as easily been Gilbert's.
Antonio looked West right in the eyes. "I will look forward to that," he said.
"What?" said one of Antonio's gang members. He was tall, with purple eyes. He wasn't looking at her, which was good, because she felt like she would easily melt under his gaze. She wasn't sure who scared her the most.
"No!" exclaimed Rod at the same time. But Gilbert shook his head.
"Commanders decide. What do you say, Antonio? Fair fight?" Antonio nodded, and they shook hands again. Antonio continued to stare right into West's eyes. Lili wasn't sure why. If there was anyone who wouldn't be fighting, it was probably him.
"When I am finished with you, you will look like a fish after it has the skin removed," he said coldly.
"Your best man fights our best man-and we pick him," said Gilbert, slapping a hand on Vash's shoulder. No. Not Vash. Anyone but Vash.
"But I thought it would be-"
"Hey, we shook on it, did we not, amigo?" Gilbert smirked yet again, while Antonio sighed.
"Yes," he said, "we shook on it." Suddenly, the door opened, and in walked Lt. Jones. Lili shuddered. Lt. Jones was probably one of the scariest men alive. Then again, she was surrounded by scary men, wasn't she.
"Good evening, Lt. Jones," said Rod, formally and politely. "Ludwig and I were just closing up." Ludwig? Was that West? So he did have a name. From the way Gilbert talked, you certainly wouldn't know it.
The Sharks all headed towards the exit. Lili couldn't say she blamed them; Lt. Jones was not the kind of person she would voluntarily choose to be around. And if she saw him in a back alley...she shuddered at the thought. When they all left, he began to egg Gilbert for information.
"Hey! Dudes! So, guess what? I am totally on your side! Like, if you can just tell me where to meet up with you, I'll even help you fight! I mean, I know that cops probably shouldn't get involved, but, like, you guys totally defend truth, justice, and the American way! So, where are you fighting?"
Lili could swear she heard crickets chirp.
"Oh. Fine. I see how it is. Fine, you don't want my help? Okay, I got you. But I will find your little battle. And if you don't want the hero's help, then...well, it doesn't matter, because heroes help no matter what!" He stormed out of the building. Lili was happy to see him leave.
Gilbert looked around. "Well, I guess I'll see you all tomorrow. Vash and Rod, I need to talk to you guys, come with me." Vash looked back at Lili. "I'll be fine, Bruder," she said politely. Of course she would run to catch up with him once they were done. In the meantime, she was probably fine with Ludwig, or West, or whatever he wanted to be called. Just as she was getting her coat, she heard him talk with Doc. Oh, was he still here?
"Wow, like, what are you on tonight? Seriously, I want some. What have you been taking?"
"Let's call it, a trip to the moon." He smiled before heading towards the exit. Lili hurried to catch up with him, though quietly. She felt a little like she was eavesdropping. Maybe she was.
"Buona notte, signore," he said to him.
"Like, buona notte? So that's why you made it a fair fight! Oh my God, that makes, like, so much sense!"
"Doctor? May I tell you a secret?"
"Like, oh my God! I love secrets! You can totally tell me anything!"
He hesitated, but then spoke. "I think I may be in love." Love? With who? Lili tried very hard to keep from squealing. Love! It was so exciting!
"How do you know?"
There was a long pause. "I don't think there's any way I could feel.'
"Oh, wow! Aren't you afraid?"
"Why would I be?"
"Hmm, I suppose that's true. Man, like, I'm scared enough for the both of you!" Ludwig/West left out of the door, and Lili hurried behind him, hoping to see Vash somewhere around the corner. She didn't know what she would do if something happened to him. Blink out of existence, most likely. She pulled her coat around her tighter and was the last one to run out the door.
