"Some days I feel like I'm wrong when I am right.
Your mind is playing tricks on you my dear."
Arthur Pendragon was finally King. Taking down Arthur would be far easier than taking down Uther, which Morgana managed to do. Morgause had been lost that night in Camelot, the last night she had ever seen Merlin. For months she'd been trying to avenger Morgause's death and finally she'd done it. She couldn't help but admit it was due to the great help that Agravaine had been throughout. Merlin stood ever more faithful at his side and soon Gwen would be made Queen and she'd be standing at his side. She knew that in power the three of them were capable of many things, but her magic would not succumb to weakness against them. As far as she understood her only enemy was Emrys. And with Emrys, well, he hadn't shown his face in Camelot.
Morgana was on the outskirts of Camelot. She didn't terrorize any villages or settlements. Sometimes she would even use a little magic to help them out. Mostly she kept to herself and plotted ways to get the thrown and rule as a kind Queen. It was to be her Camelot. Only a ruler of magic could truly bring equality to all types of life and people. Arthur was poisoned by his father's hatred for magic and clearly had no intentions of lifting the ban. Merlin was a brilliant man but was misguided in his assumptions of the inglorious Arthur Pendragon.
From time to time Morgana would use a scry to watch over Merlin. He was a well behaved boy and very faithful. Morgana would sometimes catch Gwen and Merlin talking over dinner in Gaius' chambers and she'd insist that he move on. Merlin admitted time and time again his heart belonged to the woman Morgana used to be and wouldn't give up the chance that it'd return. Gwen nodded sometimes, "I know." She always whispered it and likely reflected on that night when she told Morgana Merlin would always wait. He still waited. It wasn't until she was hovering over a piece of parchment with a quill in hand that she'd realized she was crying. She missed Merlin more than she could ever imagine. Too long it had been since they'd seen each other face to face. She hoped that if she sent for him he'd grant her the time of day, even if only to tell her there was nothing for her in him.
Merlin, She started.
You know well who I am and what it is that I seek. I'll be in Ealdor in one week's time. Tell your beloved King you wish to visit your mother, surely he can give you at least that much to enjoy. I promise you there is nothing to fear in this travel and in your absence. I'll be waiting to see if you show.
Always.
She waited until the dead of night to approach a set of people travelling into Camelot. She paid them a pretty pence to deliver the letter to the court physician. Gaius had a lot of respect for Merlin and would not question the letter in the slightest. As soon as she sent the letter she headed to Ealdor. She walked most of the way but eventually used magic to find a wild horse and more magic to tame it so she could ride there. Once near Ealdor Morgana paused her uneventful trip in order to scry Merlin.
She saw that he was riding to Ealdor. Her heart fluttered and she felt slightly dizzy. He had decided to meet her in Ealdor. Or maybe he missed his mother and thought he should go visit anyway. Either way, though, if she didn't see him face to face she could watch from a far. It was a disturbing settlement but she wouldn't mind. The only thing she was more passionate about than gaining Camelot for her own was her love for Merlin.
The first day in Eadlor Morgana watched Merlin from afar. She stay on the outskirts of town since she would be easily spotted in her all black dress. He said 'hello' to neighbors and surprised his mother as she pulled vegetables from the garden near her home. Merlin and his mother loved each other so generously. She kissed his forehead endlessly. They hugged and dined together. After the sun set she waited outside his window in the dead of night hoping to see him stir. When she found he would not wake she went to a nearby cave and slept. She did need rest too.
"Morgana." The whisper was far too familiar. She jolted awake and found Merlin hovering over her. She seemed to have floated up to his lips and snaked her arms around his waist. Their kiss was deeply passionate and very intimate. The heat was building between them over this single kiss but Merlin parted from her slowly and rested his forehead against hers. The sun had not fully risen but shed enough light that they could see one another's features.
"You look so much older." Morgana spoke softly yet playfully to the manservant that she loved so desperately. Merlin flashed a quick smile.
"I could say that same about you. I can't say I'd complain, though." Morgana tensed up with a need to have all of Merlin to herself. Many people her age were married with children and she'd never experienced physical love from Merlin, or from any man. It was funny because she would seduce travelers into helping her but she never followed through with it. She had always wanted to save herself for a time when she could be with Merlin.
"There are days when I wonder if I'm making the wrong decision for the right reasons or the right decision for the wrong reasons. Either way I think about it I find myself without you when I go to sleep." She was being far more serious now, showing her less than stable mental state. She had never really been whole since she left Merlin behind and watched Morgause die. Merlin let his hands wander over her hips and up her back, tracing the seams of her dress.
"You fool yourself with this nonsense. It's your mind playing tricks on you." Morgana shook her head and furrowed her brows. She was so confused. Admittedly she felt as if she were fighting a losing battle. The war against Arthur's reign seemed endless and she wasn't even promised the throne at the end of her endeavors. She tightened her grip on Merlin hoping that he wouldn't leave.
"I have never stopped loving you." Morgana sang to the manservant. Merlin pushed her back onto the cave floor, kissing her throughout the transition. Their hearts were racing but in their dizziness they made decisions that they would never regret.
