Adam Hades mansion – The Underworld
As he entered the mansion he slammed the door behind him, it wasn't deliberate, he just needed to get the hinges fixed. He jumped when it made a noise.
"Damn…" he hissed. "Every time…" he mumbled as he got out some Dog food for Cerberus. He read the label for a moment.
"Oh this is good… yes its dinner time… who's a good doggie? Yes… you are…" He said as his three headed hound waited patiently to be fed. After feeding the dog and as it devoured its din dins, he walked over to the fish tank where there was a tiny merman swimming around inside it.
"Hello tiny Posiedon…" he said with a chortle. "365 days of being smaller than a Sea Bass… how does it feel?"
"When I get out of here I will churn you up and feed you to the sharks!" screamed tiny Poseidon who was clearly under some strange enchantment. "I might be three inches in length but even I know that giving those idiots a day… is a bad idea!"
"What idiots?" Adam said with fake innocence. "Oh… Kirkland and Bonnefoy… I know… yes… you think I should have given them an hour?"
"What are you even playing at? Seriously!" yelled tiny Poseidon. "If I was full sized again you'd be laughing on the other side of your face!"
"Aren't you cute when you're trying to be aggressive?" laughed Adam. "I told you its up to Father to turn you back to normal size, until then you're my pet… " he said. "And I know, giving them 24 hours was crazy wasn't it? But what fun do I have stuck down here 24 hours a day 7 days a week? Everyone here is fucking depressed…" he said with a sigh.
He sat down and looked into a large crystal that he held in his hand. "Well now lets see what we can see with the magic crystal…"
"That's a fake." said tiny Poseidon and folded his arms in a huff.
"Wrong fishface… it's pure obsidian… so… lets see whats happening…."
There appeared in the crystal, a vision of something that was going on in the overworld. Alfred dressed as Achilles was reading from a script, badly.
"Hector!" he yelled "I will break your body into a thousand pieces you… heathen!" he read, and then hit Hectors helmet with the sword. He was so amateur at this he made Adam Hades laugh out loud and he continued to watch.
"Ow! That hurt Achilles. "You are invincible it seems!" Heracles dressed as Hector replied and pretended to fall down. Again he it was so badly acted that Adam screamed out in laughter.
"You have got to be fucking kidding me!" he cried, laughing. "This is the worst reinactment of the siege of Troy I have ever seen."
"Och…Aye… that bastard is gonnae win this battle… its no fair… as Ah've only ane sun left…" Allistor said. "Ach… ye're an ugly fucker… see these fists? They'll cunt ye a belter…" he said reading the script wrong.
"Just a minute… just a minute…" Heracles said as he took his helmet off. "You are supposed to be in LOVE with Achilles… see the direction." he said pointing to the script. "Priam stared upon the godlike form of Achilles as he would a lover."
"I telt ye at the beginin… Ah'm no gonnae be a sissy… Ah dinnae love Alfred, Ah'm no gonnae gaze upon his form like he's some gobshite God…"
"Will you just stick to the script please Allistor?" Heracles said "We want the gateway to the Underworld to open for us, and that won't happen if you can't stick to the script."
"Jesus…ok" Allistor said rolling his eyes. "Oh thou art as beautiful as any man I have seen Achilles, why I could kiss your lips… even though you have killed my son in the most horrific of ways." he said looking very annoyed.
Alfred got into the overacting again. "OOOOH Priam… thou art as my own father… an old man… and yet… your beauty surpasses any of your age in all of Troy…" he said and swooned. "I shall now cry, for I miss my father greatly…" he uttered.
"Aye…" Allistor groaned. "Fuckin… I'll let ma tears fall as well fur ye killed my son…." he said "Who wrote this script anyway?"
Adam by this time was on the floor crying with laughter at this hilarious reinactment of the Seige of Troy. It was terrible, like a kids amateur stage production. He continued to watch.
"Behold…" said Gilbert playing Odysseus as he took to the stage. "I have built this wooden whore…" he said and checked the script. "Horse…" he uttered. "Wait can I try that again?" He took his position again and began. "Behold, I have built this wooden horse that we might give it as a gift to King Priam of Troy as a peace offering!" he said "But Achilles you must hide inside with me and all the rest of the army, and we shall be victorious!"
Adam screamed with laughter in his lair as he watched the production. "That is the most hilarious thing I've seen in years… Poseidon have you seen this?" he asked the tiny fishman in the tank. "This bunch of idiots are trying to reinact the Siege of Troy…"
Tiny Poseidon watched from the fish tank and even he couldn't help giggling at it.
"Vot you must do is climb inside the whore…horse…" Gilbert said pretending to by Odysseus reading from the script. "And behold the Trojans will open the gates and… and we will attack at midnight."
"Odysseus thou art a genius indeed!" Alfred said pretending to be Achilles. "We shall win this siege of Troy already! Can we stop now? I need some lunch…"
"You know what, if they are that desperate to get into the Underworld I'm going to let them…" Adam giggled, hardly able to get the words out. "With a wave of my hand shall a gateway open…" he uttered and collapsed in fits of laughter.
On the overworld they were taking a break from doing the Seige of Troy and had stopped for lunch and some ale.
"You know, playing the lead role of Achilles, I honestly believe I have found my calling." Alfred said as he downed half a bottle of rum. "And this outfit really shows off my muscles…"
"You certainly have muscles alright…" laughed Gilbert.
"Whit the Holy Fuck is this Fuckin script?" groaned Allistor. "Anybuddy would think Priam and Achilles were… you know… dating…"
Alfred wiggled his eyebrows at Allistor who stared at him in an aggressive way.
"Seriously you guys, if we want a gateway to the Underworld to open we are going to have to get a bit more serious here." Heracles interrupted. "If you must know homosexuality was rife back in the day…" he mused as if remembering.
"Oh my God!" Romano uttered. He was standing at the helm waiting to say his line in the script when he noticed something strange happening in the distance. "GATEWAY TO THE UNDERWORLD AHEAD!" he yelled, not quite believing it.
"You're kidding me!" Alfred said as he jumped up, spilling his drink everywhere.
"Vot do you mean a gatevey? Ohhh… " gasped Gilbert, his eyes wide. "Zat is kind of cool."
Antonio got up from behind Romano and looked out to sea, hardly believing his eyes. "Romano, steer towards that big swirly thing right now!" he gasped. "No way… its impossible…"
"The Underworld!" Heracles gasped, his eyes bright. "Here we go people… now we can rescue our friends."
Francis gasped as he saw his love faint on the floor in front of him. "Mon Cher… wake up…wake up…" he uttered, slapping him gently on the face. "Are you alright?"
"Francis…" groaned Arthur as he came round "I thought you said you were going to take my place and sell your soul to Hades… why…why did you do that?"
"I have no idea…" he said "It just seemed the right thing to do."
"Uhh… I never expected you to make such a sacrifice for me…" Arthur replied. "You do realise you'll be stuck here for all eternity…"
Francis helped Arthur to his feet and kissed him. Arthur responded, kissing him back and hugging him. "Why did you do that Francis? Why?" He uttered. "I love you so much."
"I love you too.. Je t'aime…" sighed Francis. "I thought that if we managed to get the HMS Victory sailing we could sail our way out of the Underworld before the new contract took place, then Hades would lose…" he said. "And this way, you have to come with me… see?"
Arthur grinned, his eyes full of love for his Frenchman, and he kissed him again, holding him tight. "You did it Francis… or at least … if we get the Victory sailing again…" he said excitedly. "We should get down to the beach immediately and get working on it!" he said as he took Francis by the hand. "Come on!"
"Of course Mon Cher.. but let me get dressed first non?" Francis said as he kissed him once more. "I will only be a moment."
