The Pirate's Treasure

Chapter Seven: The Birds and the Bees


Lovino follows Francis down into the man's room and looks around, surprised at how spotless the room is. He can't even get Antonio's room this clean thanks to the maps and treasures he has all over the place. "Hm…so you're into cleanliness as well."

"Of course I am! I do not allow filth to touch me!" Francis says and Lovino raises a brow.

"Antonio said you used to cavort with the seediest of whores." Lovino points out, making Francis smile nervously.

"Eheheh….really now…? He tells you everything, does he?" Francis asks and Lovino shrugs.

"I suppose…maybe."

Francis sighs, placing a hand on Lovino's shoulder. "If only I had found you before Joan, I could have had so much fun with little Antonio over you!"

Lovino looks up at him confused. "Try not to piss him off, he paces the bedroom when he's pissed off and keeps me up."

"How sad, that's such a boring way to be kept up in a bedroom!" Francis gasps, appalled at the idea.

"Huh? What's so fun in the bedroom…?" Lovino asks and Francis smirks.

"Things on the bed." Francis says, winking at the boy.

Lovino lights up. "Like jumping on it? Because I always imagined that would be really fun, but I wasn't sure if it would break it…or…" He trails off when he notices Francis laughing. "I have said something unreasonable…"

"Not unreasonable, just childish!" Francis points out before regaining his composure. "Anyways…we did not come here for idle chit chat. It is my job to teach you in the ways of physical love~!" He coos and Lovino backs away.

"You're…creeping me out…maybe it would be better if Antonio taught me-!"

"No can do, mon ami~! He wouldn't know what to tell you because he's a virgin! Sure he could tell you the basics, but any real questions you have would go nowhere!"

Lovino twitches. "I don't see me asking questions."

"Alright, how's this reason; it would be awkward for him to tell you about sex, because of that painfully obvious sexual tension between you two." Francis says and Lovino blushes.

"Th-there's not-! We're not-! I barely know this man! Be reasonable!" Lovino huffs and Francis nods

"Yes, yes, anyways, time to get to teaching~!" Francis coos and pulls out a sketch book. "Alright! Now I'll show you some diagrams to go with my teaching!" He says, creating a quick yet strangely detailed picture of a female body.

"AH! I don't want to see that!" Lovino yells, blushing and covering his eyes.

"Now, don't be shy Lovino!" Francis says, sitting the boy down and pointing to areas, telling the name and function. He then draws a picture of a male body, making Lovino go a darker red.

"I-I know what these things are! I don't need to learn about males!" Lovino huffs and Francis laughs.

"Of course you do, now listen!" Francis says, going into the same detail as before. "Now comes the fun part! Sex!" He tosses the papers on the floor and sits on the table. "Sex is where two people decide to reach a state of mutual pleasure with one another. Sometimes it's for pleasures sake, sometimes it's for love. Every time is based on attraction."

"Uhuh…I am aware of these parts of it." Lovino says, rolling his eyes.

"Yes, yes, right! Now for the true birds and the bees talks!" Francis exclaims.

"What do they have anything to do with it? They cannot have sex with one another." Lovino points out and Francis pauses.

"Hm…well there's pollination done by bees, nesting by birds, I'm sure there's something in there if you dig deep enough." Francis decides. "Anyways! I will explain all the different types of sex out there for you, so listen up!"

Lovino sits there and listens as Francis goes into the basic forms of sex for each orientation, than group sex, than domination sex, and finally other fetishes. By this time the color in the young merman's face has completely disappeared, leaving him as white as a sheet and his eye is twitching furiously.

"Understand?" Francis asks and Lovino remains silent. "I will take that as a yes!" He smiles and looks over the boy. "It truly is a shame we couldn't meet under different circumstances. Taking the innocence of such a treasure as you would be the greatest conquest. Your value as the creature you are alone is enough to make someone want to, just to be the first! Then of course the virginity. Everyone remembers their first time. It is the one thing in sex that can never happen again."

Lovino looks at him annoyed, backing away towards the door. "And who was your first time with?"

"I forget!" Francis says, smiling.

"Y-you said it was memorable!"

"It is! The act, but I'm not great at names. I'm sure of the gender, though! It was a woman! A very boyish woman! …Or was it a feminine man…? Hm…" Francis mumbles, trying hard to remember.

"Lech!" Lovino yells and Francis smiles at him eerily.

"Oh, but if I were to have your first, I would remember it forever, as would you. Name and all." Francis says as he watches Lovino press his back against the door, despite the fact he himself hasn't moved from the table on the other end of the room.

"A-ANTONIO!" Lovino yells, must to Francis' delight. As soon as the name is called, the room door flies open and Antonio comes running in.

"Damnit Francis! What the hell did you do now?" Antonio hisses and Francis raises his hands in the air nonchalantly.

"I've been over here the entire time! Haven't even touched him, aside from a hand on the shoulder." Francis says.

"Ugh…I knew having you teach him would bite me in the ass…" Antonio groans. "Thank god for Joan...this could have gone far worse…"

"Hahah! I would not touch what's yours, Antonio! Friends don't do that~!" Francis coos and looks at Lovino. "So, what did you think of my lesson?"

Lovino twitches, moving behind Antonio. "I'm never participating in intercourse in my life!" He yells before stomping off.

"Oh my! I didn't mean for that to happen! So sorry, Antonio~!" Francis teases and Antonio rolls his eyes

"What do I care if he has sex? In fact, his disdain towards it is probably best, since now he won't do anything stupid to get laid." Antonio says and Francis smirks.

"Mhmm, I suppose it would be good for you…since now he will only be yours."

Antonio looks at him a little surprised for a second before turning away. "Yeah, sure, until he returns to the ocean."

Francis watches his friend and leans back on the desk. "You dread that day, don't you?"

"I...don't look forward to it, but I do not rue it either." Antonio says, looking back at him. "Not for the reasons you are thinking of, however. I simply do not wish to lose the prestige of having a merman."

"Or a companion you can talk to about anything with." Francis points out. "That was one of the first things that attached me to my dear Joan. The life of a pirate captain is lonely, not being able to trust your own men. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to lose the closeness you have gained." He says, smiling gently at his friend. "There is also nothing wrong with being afraid of that closeness."

Antonio rolls his eyes. "Who is afraid of closeness? I used to live on it, remember?"

"You were a very different person back then, mon ami. I know you, I know what you will end up doing." Francis gets off the table and goes up to Antonio, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Stop keeping him on a leash. You may think having control while distancing yourself is the right idea…but it's not."

Antonio groans. "Stop with your incessant rambling. Spending time with a woman has made you far too emotional." He mumbles, heading out.

"Mon ami, I've always been like this~!" Francis calls as Antonio leaves. "I truly worry about those two…" He mumbles. "I don't want Antonio to grow weak…perhaps it would be best if someone else got a hold of Lovino, just for a little while…"

On deck, Lovino runs over to Joan, grabbing the woman's shoulders gently. "Miss Joan! I have come to the realization that you are a saint!"

Joan looks at him confused for a moment before smiling. "Ah, that is right, you had the 'bird and the bees' discussion today! I see it went…well, it went." She says and Lovino looks at him horrified.

"You poor, poor woman! I pray you never become infected with a living creature inside you!" Lovino says and Joan laughs a little.

"Pregnancy is not a horrible thing, Lovino."

"YES IT IS! JUST AS SEX IS!" Lovino hisses. "Humans reproductive methods are disgusting!"


A.N: Seriously, where the hell did 'the birds and the bees' come from? I mean, pollination is a good metaphor for fertilization I suppose...maybe...and birds nesting can symbolize taking responsibility for the child...but still, WTF? Poor Lovino...poor, poor Lovino...