Loki will, however much it may grate, admit to the resilience of the little girl who had tossed her head back and began laughing just days before. And perhaps a tiny bit to her audacity as well. So few had the nerve to laugh in his face, fully aware of who he was and what the consequences of such an action-more so, he could hardly remember the last time someone laughed at him. Even Thor(idiotic, brash, childlike Thor) knew better than to do such a thing.
It was then and there that he decided the mortal woman must be mentally impaired.
Hey, her voice, loud and obnoxious, echoes in the confines of his mind. There's no need to be rude, Cranky pants.
He wants to pinch the bridge of his nose, but he knows it will do nothing to quell the building headache.
Poor baby, she sneers.
'I will end you.' He promises.
Ohhhh, I'm shaking in my Converse.
'Hn.'
You're such a bastard. Dude, when are you going to tell her what happened? If I know me-and I do!-your mysterious shit is going to drive her nuts.
Ignoring the fact that what sort of villain was he if he wasn't even a tad mysterious(and the fact that it was just so much fun to toy with others), why should he feel any need to explain anything to a miniscule slip of a girl? He owed her nothing besides possible retribution for that little stint she'd performed when he had arrived.
That had been a surprise.
And in fact, it had been that surprise that had him refraining from going out and finding her and crushing that slender neck in the palm of his hand.
Well, that, and...
You're a talkative bastard, aren't you?
'Quiet, filth.'
Filth! I'll show you filth, you no good rat bastard piece of pie eating...!
'Insults with baked goods? Your vocabulary must be severely lacking.'
Eat my shit!
'Lovely.'
Loki could count the number of times he has been truly horrified on one hand. Most of them had in some way or another recently occurred, and those had been unexpected and unprepared for. But he had handled it; granted, not in the most honorable of ways, and the end results were less than satisfactory, but he dealt with it. He didn't run or hide or pretend everything was so lovely, so fine. It had not even occurred to him to do such a thing. His first reaction had been to put his Allfather into a coma, albeit not intentionally. Everything just seemed to fall after that.
So Loki's initial reaction was to go a tiny bit mad with power. He thinks-in a morbid, detached-amusement sort of way-that it definitely could have gone better.
But that wasn't his problem at the moment.
No, his problem was in the form of a brunette who had had the nerve to laugh in his face, wipe the tears from her eyes after an obnoxiously long amount of time convulsing in giggles, and asked him if he was serious.
Or, more accurately, what the irritating chit had unleashed upon them both.
Hey! Her voice pitched higher in her irritation. Why me?
'Whose first instinct, when confronted with a fallen god, is to touch them?' He shoots back easily.
Really though, who did that? Absolutely disregard any thought for their safety so that they could touch an unknown entity that, in all likely cases, stronger in most possibly every way? If he had learned just one thing from observing these pesky, irritating humans, it was that they were terribly oblivious, but at least most had a sense of self preservation. This one seemed to have been born without one.
How delightful.
Ha! The irritating little humans voice piped up smugly. Aren't you forgetting something, asshole?
Oh. Right. Drat.
A snicker was his reply. He instinctively snapped his teeth in warning.
Oh please. She snorted. What can you do to me? S'not like you can do anything to her, either. You're pretty much helpless, oh great asshole.
Damned if she wasn't right.
Not for the first time, Loki cursed the mortals ignorance... And sheer dumb luck. Traveling through space and time, not to mention the events before that, had weakened him to a point where his magic had been bubbling dangerously close to the surface. He had been in a, as distasteful as he finds it, weakened state of being when he had finally arrived on Earth.
In that oh so attractive heap, is slyly murmured through his consciousness. Are you still spitting out sand?
'Quiet, chit. I may still dispose of you, one way or another.'
Right, she snorts, drawing the syllables out obnoxiously. He ignores her in favor of watching the clouds. Frivolous, to be sure, but he was in desperate need of quiet... Something he was beginning to realize was futile in light of recent events.
You're going to have to explain sometime. The girls voice says, subdued now and with none of its earlier lip. If you don't... I don't know what she'll do.
He snorted humorlessly. 'Step in front of an oncoming bus, I expect,' he thought with distaste. However much he found it distasteful, though, she had a point; at some point, he was going to have to inform the little mortal twit of their... Delicate predicament.
Hey, the sense of a shrug brushed against the inner workings of his consciousness. Least you can be content in the fact that even if she does try something, it won't be half as creative or horrific as what you can do. Yeah?
'Excellent point,' He allowed. Still. Even if the female didn't immediately get herself maimed or killed(by himself or otherwise...), there was still the possibility that she could go to the human woman Thor was infatuated with. Foster? Yes, Jane Foster. And however much the Internet had told him otherwise, he refused to believe that humans-even those as close to eachother as 'sisters', blood related or not-would put another before the safety of themselves. Though the Foster woman had shown an amazing lack of awareness towards her self preservation in the past, it was no where near the sheer amount of personal safety the brunette had disregarded.
Darcy, she suddenly grumbled. You can't keep referring to her as 'twit' or 'female'.
He certainly didn't see why not.
Because, you jackass. You want her to like you, remember?
No, he certainly did not remember this. When did this become part of the plan? He thought he just had to avoid killing her. He could've done that(maybe). He's not interested in becoming her best friend; he's absolutely not interested in her feminine talk, going on about her hopes and aspirations.
She tasored you. She tasored you while you were stumbling up like a homeless drunk, spitting out sand from your face. I think the last thing on her mind to talk about with you is her hopes and dreams.
He must have gotten the logical bit of her awareness. Damn.
It makes sense though, doesn't it? She pressed, unmoved by his growing ire. Become her friend. Play nice. She won't want to immediately turn you into Eyepatch... Remember, if you go in for 'debriefing', she will too. And there will be a lot of uncomfortable questions.
'Hn.' He pulled his lips over his teeth and smiled viciously. 'And weren't mortals so intent on their comfort?'
It takes a couple of days-it's so hard to find good help(I don't know why you don't just read their minds or something, she complains, but where's the fun in being a master manipulator if he can't put his skills to good use once and a while?)-but eventually he finds out the perfect opportunity to pay another visit to his dear little human.
A dinner.
Adorable little Jane Foster, inviting S.H.I.E.L.D. members into her home for a little get together, hoping to break the ice that had frozen over when the little human was found around the area he had been having a bit of fun at. Apparently, the girl wasn't as trusted as Miss Foster regarding the secrecy and secrets of S.H.I.E.L.D.
This would undoubtedly make his job more difficult, but Loki always enjoyed a challenge.
You realize this isn't a joke, right? The girl(Darcy, she points out nastily)says, breaking his train of thought. One wrong move, and you both will be in deep shit. Despite what you may think, these people aren't idiots. One slip up, bro, and it's the glue factory for both of you.
He didn't dignify that with a response.
Ugh! Will you quit being a prick? I'm trying to help you!
'Why?' He doesn't even try the calm and collected appearance. She is in his mind, touching his magic, arguably knows him better than any who had met him before. 'Why are you trying to help me? Me? Do you not want to be reunited with your original host?'
...I don't know.
He is not so easily dissuaded, however. 'Why?' Loki insists, furious with her sudden silence. 'You were so intent upon being heard before. Why so silent now? Hmm?'
She didn't reply.
'Good.' He sneers, back in good humor. 'Time to, as they say, crash the party.'
He gets up from his spot on the roof, barely spares the bustling city a look before he takes a measured step forward, and is confronted with Miss Fosters apartment. He is across the street, though his view of the lot is only obstructed by a few lonely passing vehicles. A sad looking four-door car, beat up and appearing to be on its last wheel, turns and putters into the lot and takes a vacant spot in front of the building.
Loki leans against a streetlight, hands in his slacks and leisurely watching the ditzy brunette stumble from the vehicle, catching herself at the last minute on the glass of the door.
With her forehead, he notices with a smirk.
He senses that the Darcy in his consciousness wants to comment, but only ends up sighing.
'Good girl.'
The sigh turns to a snarl, and his smirk widens.
...Before disappearing completely at the appearance of a man in a black suit, coming down the steps and heading straight for the girl.
You did know there were going to be S.H.I.E.L.D. agents...
She ventures cautiously. His upper lip curls in distaste.
Wait. Wait, what're you doing...? Loki? Oh shit. Dude, don't kill him!
He was already across the street, long legs eating up the space between him and the chattering Darcy and amused looking Agent. She's half in the trunk, digging out plastic bags full of food and passing them off to him as she saw fit. Both arms are loaded when Loki finally reaches them, and swiftly snaps up the next bag she hands out.
"What the...?" Her head pops up, peeking up from the side of the trunk up at him, glasses askew. He quirked his brow and smirked.
"Son of a- holy christ oh god jesus ow!" He turns away from her convulsing form, content in letting her clutch her no doubt throbbing skull where she had thwacked it rather impressively against the trunk.
"Hello." He says smoothly, extending his free hand towards the narrow eyed Agent. "I'm Darren. Darcy's l-"
"Friend!" She shrieks, having successfully untangled herself from the vehicle and throwing herself in front of him, arms spread. "Cos-Buddy! Can you... Can you go take those groceries up to Jane? I can get..." She chokes a little. "Darren here to help me with the rest.
"...I was unaware we'd be having an extra guest." The Agent(Buddy? Hm, no, that doesn't sound right at all) said smoothly, eyes darting suspiciously from the girl to himself. His disguise was flawless, he knew, and offered a friendly-if sharp-smile at the scrutiny.
Cocky.
'Confident,' he corrected.
The little human laughed nervously. "Um, well, the invitation I got was 'Darcy plus one'." She gestured wildly behind her, nearly smacking him in the face. "This is my 'plus one'."
"...I see." He said, in a voice that betrayed absolutely everything. Loki withheld the urge to chuckle. For now.
You're such a bastard.
'Yes,' he thought cheerfully. 'Yes, I am.'
"I'll just be going then," He went on, pursing his lips on obvious disapproval, even as he turned and went back to the stairs. Without a backward glance, he climbed them and disappeared from view.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" She whisper-yells at him, spinning around furiously and nearly smacking him again with her wildly flailing arms. "How the fuck did he not recognize you? More importantly, what the fuck are you doing here?"
"Are you not happy to see me?" He makes his lips turn down at the corners.
"You're an asshole. Answer me. One minute, you're there infront of me, glaring like I just stole your crayons, then you disappear and I have to explain to the newly returned Jane why there are two plates at the table and all of these uncomfortable questions-" She's panting hard now, face red in her fury. Her glasses are still crooked. "-And I don't see you for days, not that that wasn't a fun little anxiety trip, but your voice won't shut the fuck up and... And..." Chest heaving, she buries her face in her hands and groans. "Just please, tell me what you're doing here."
He opened his mouth-
Play nice! Her voice said frantically. Play nice, damn it!
-And snapped it closed with a glare.
The little human flinched. Somewhat comforted now, Loki clears his throat. "He didn't recognize me because I did not want him to recognize me. You mortals are so blind, I didn't even have to put much effort forth towards it at all." He shrugged lightly. "As for why I'm here?" At this, he grinned. Slowly. "Why, I'm your 'plus one'."
She actually face-palmed, and Loki couldn't help but toss his head back with a bark of laughter.
"Ugh." She sighed, scrubbing her face with the palms of her hands. "Ugh. Fine. Okay, whatever. But here's the deal, okay? I won't tell them you're a lying sack of poo, and you won't go crazy and make the mashed potatoes come to life and kill us all. Okay?"
Again, Loki shrugged. "Why not."
He stared in fascination as her expression hardened into something some would refer to as deadly intent, and held out her hand purposefully.
"Swear it to me, God of Mischief. I want your word you won't harm any of the people inside that building."
"And how do you know, little human, that I will keep to my word?" He inquired curiously, staring down at her extended hand with amusement.
She didn't even bat an eyelash. "You said you would."
What? He never…
Inside his mind, Darcy whistled.
He cocked an eyebrow and looked her up and down appraisingly. "Clever girl."
She doesn't budge.
Smirking, Loki reaches out and clasps her forearm with hand, relishing her jolt of surprise. "You have yourself a deal, little human."
She didn't let go; in fact, if anything, her hand tightened its grip on his arm. He could sense the graveness of her attitude in the solemn, searching way she studied his face.
"Fine." The girl said shortly, dropping his hand and spinning back to the open trunk. "But you still have to help with the groceries."
Wha-psh.
Oh, mentalvoice!Darcy. Whose side are you on, anyway?
I'm not so sure if I'm happy with this, but I'm pretty sure this is as good as it's going to get. For Loki, at least. Maybe. I just can't get inside his head like I can with Darcy.
"I have enough people who are not myself inside of my head now, thank you," Loki says frostily.
For now.
"What?"
What?
