Chapter 7 - Lyla


"Are we friends?"

I look up from my desk. I've been pouring over the textbooks ready to start uni next week and I didn't hear Sera come up. She stands in my doorway, leaning against the frame, looking down at her feet. Strange; it's rather meek of her.

"Of course we are - well, I hope we are," I smile.

She shuffles into my room and sits on my bed. I swivel in my chair and turn my music down. "What's up?"

"You really wanna know?" she asks, twisting her hands in front of her.

I frown. "Only if you want to tell me," I say gently.

She puffs her cheeks, starts a sentence a few times before blurting out: "What's the deal with Solas?"

It's as if a bucket of ice has been chucked over me. I blink several times before saying in a voice, more level than I feel; "W-what do you mean?"

"Sorry, but I don't like him."

I take a steadying breath. "Sera-"

"Does he hurt you?"

I stare at her, repeating her question in my mind. Does he hurt me? Oh, yes he does. Can I tell her that? Can I tell anyone that? No.

"Don't be ridiculous," I say carefully, turning back in my chair to my work. I thumb a page in a textbook and pretend to write down a note. "Solas and I are just going through a… rough patch, that's all," I explain patiently, my voice surprisingly level.

Sera doesn't reply. A few minutes later she gets up with a huff and stalks out of my room, slamming the door behind her. I stare at the back of my bedroom door, feeling empty. It takes me a few minutes to notice the tears spilling from my eyes. Droplets fall on my notes, blurring the ink, so I wipe my eyes furiously. I push myself up from my chair and flop down on my bed, bringing a pillow of my face, as I sob silently into it. I don't feel anything, and that's what scares me. It's almost as if I'm still sat at my desk, watching a girl cry but feeling no emotional attachment, like a dull television show.

I know Sera is trying but I cannot tell anyone. What would Solas do if he found out I had told a friend - or anyone for that matter - that I think he's abusing me? To be fair, I've never really brought the subject up with him. Maybe… maybe he doesn't realise that he's hurting me.

I steady my breathing and pull my pillow away. Yes, that's got to be it. I'm not abused. Neither of us know any better. First relationship. All the magazines and movies say that communication is key. My stomach clenches - when was the last time we actually sit down and talked? Have we… ever?

My phone buzzes on my desk. I reach forward look at the ID, noting a text from Cullen. But the caller ID takes up most of the screen. It's a picture of Solas and I over a year ago. I'm smiling in the picture. Was I happy?

I swipe my phone to answer the call. "Heya," I say, voice muffled from little crying fit I'd had.

"Hey, wass sup? Wanna time face me nude? Heh. I wanna see all of you."

His words are slurred. I feel sick. "I, ah, I look a mess. And I'm studying. Maybe later?"

"Oh, come ooon." he says, drawing out his words.

"No," I snap. I can feel myself shaking. Emotions returning.

"Wha-the fuck Ly?"

Ok, deep breath. "I said no, okay? You're drunk."

"So? You're my girlfrien'."

"I said no."

"You don' get to say no to me."

I bristle. "What?! And what are you going to do about it?" I feel stronger knowing that he's not here. I would never dare say this to his face.

A harsh laugh makes my toes curl in disgust. "You want to be punished? Oh yeah you do. I can do tha' when I see you."

"Oh, and when will that be? You never visit me. I always have to visit you." It's what's been on my mind for months now. But I try to ignore that stray thought that I don't even want to see him: that it's my duty to do so.

"Whatever. Are you gonna TimeFace me or no?"

"I said NO," I practically shout. Not caring that Sera could hear me in the room next door, or Cassandra in the room below.

"Fuck you, Ly."

I hang up and carefully place my phone on the bedside table. I calmly lie back down on the bed and scream into my pillow.


When I wake in the morning, I'm still dressed in what I was wearing when I cried myself to sleep. I chuckle darkly at the thought. Am I fifteen again, crying myself to sleep? Creators, help me.

I sit up in bed and stretch, rubbing my eyes which feel too big and puffy to be mine. I reach for my phone and finally open the message from Cullen I'd forgotten to check after that disastrous call yesterday.

Cullen (from work) Rutherford
[You working on Sunday?x]

I check my diary and punch reply, relieved for the distraction.

[Morning! Yeah, but finishing early as I'm starting uni on Monday!x]

He replies almost straight away. I can't help but smile.

Cullen (from work) Rutherford
[Oh of course! You'll be fine: Dorian's with you for most classes, isn't he?x]

[Not sure if that's a reassuring notion or not! Do you want a lift to work on Sun?x]

Again, an instant reply. I can't help but play with that little pendant around my neck. I freeze when I realise what I'm doing and snatch my hand away.

Cullen (from work) Rutherford
[If that's ok? I hate to ask!x]

[Hmm, you just want me for my car! Haha!x]

There's a slight delay before he replies.

Cullen (from work) Rutherford
[You know that's not true.x]

[Haha I know, just winding you up. ;) Of course I'll give you a lift. Pick you up around 11am?x]

Cullen (from work) Rutherford

[Amazing - thank you! I owe you a coffee or two!x]

I don't hesitate in my reply.

[Okay.x]

But then I get no answer. Oh crap, what if he's taken it the wrong way? Well, part of me wants him to take it the wrong way… wait, did I just admit that? I shake my head and throw my phone to the floor, running my hands through my hair. One battle at a time, I scold myself.

Instead I jump in the shower, noting that Sera's door is closed, as are Dorian's and Cassandra's. I take a long shower, letting the water wash over me, enjoying the warmth. I scrub hard at my skin, hoping it erases the memories of the night before and of that phone conversation. When I'm out the shower and dressed, I pick up my phone and find that I've got no calls or texts. It's a strange mixture of relief and annoyance.

After a few minutes, I dry my hair and braid it loosely before lying back down on my bed. I need to think about things, but I really don't want to. Part of me wants to hibernate, hoping this will all blow over. I peer over and look at the stack of books on my desk, all new and fresh, ready for the new term to start in two days. I finally pick up my phone again and text Dorian.

[Hey! If I make some hot chocolate, can we study together today?x]

As I wait for a reply, I flick through various social media channels. I end up on BookFace and browse Solas' profile. I frown at some pictures he's tagged in. Curiously, I look further and see pictures from last night. He's at a nightclub (since when did he go clubbing?). His arm around a woman's shoulders. She's pecking his cheek. His eyelids are heavy and he's clearly intoxicated in the snaps, which are a tad blurry. I'm not sure what this bizarre feeling is in my gut. Am I jealous? Envious? Overreacting?

Yes, yes I'm just overreacting.

"Knock knock!" Dorian says from my doorway. I shove my phone under my pillow.

"Hey! Did you get my text?" I fiddle with the pendant distractedly around my neck.

He rolls his eyes. "I did. You do know that we live in the same house, right? One floor below each other?"

I chuckle. "I wasn't sure you were in," I say, shuffling up when he comes to sit next to me on my bed.

"Next time why don't you knock? I'll even put a handkerchief on the doorknob if I've got company," he winks at me.

Now it's my turn to roll my eyes. "Oh geez, Dorian."

"Just saying! It could happen!" He reaches to my desk and grabs one of the thicker books. "Ooh, my favourite - political analysis of Ferelden literature form the 4th Age. You ready to begin?"

I grab my note pad and we sit and study together. As I get to know Dorian more and more, I'm beginning to see just how brilliant his mind is. He's so quick and switched on - I'm lucky to be learning from him. However, his eager eye is almost too eager.

"What's this?" he says, leaning forward to look at the pendant around my neck.

"Oh! It's a Jayne Ayres necklace," I smile, showing him the tiny inscription.

"Did Solas give it to you?"

I snort. "No way. Cullen got it for me actually."

His eyebrows rise. "Oh, really?"

"Yeah, for Satinalia… he gets everyone gifts, he said…?" Dorian's eyebrows rise so high, I think they're going to disappear in his hairline. "What?" I demand, giving him a gentle shove with my shoulder.

"Oh, nothing. Let's move on to Orlesian romance, shall we?"

We fall back into our comfortable study silence, pouring over books and writing notes. He shows me his notes and annotations from last term and by the end of the afternoon, despite being up in my room all day with no breaks, we've covered all the work I'd missed. I'm amazed at how well we study together. We lie on my bed - tops and tails - cushions propping us up on either end, books scattered on my bed, empty coffee cups lining my desk.

It's almost dark when Dorian says, "There's something vibrating." I blink at him, trying to comprehend. He shuffles around on my bed, moving my pillows and cushions. "Is it your-"

"It's my phone, Dorian! My phone!" I say exasperated, but laughing.

He picks it up and to my horror he answers, laughter hitching in my throat. "Hello, this is Dorian."

There's a voice on the other end I can't hear. I scramble forward and reach for it, but Dorian is surprisingly strong and effortlessly manages to still hold the phone whilst dodging my grabbing hands. Panic sets in - shit, what if it's Solas?

"Oh, I'm sorry, she's rather busy right now," he says in a bored voice.

I try not to scream. If Solas is on the other end, I… I don't know what I'm going to do. I struggle harder, knowing Dorian is only jesting, teasing me as friends do, but Solas won't understand. He won't see it that way! He'll think I'm cheating on him with Dorian! Creators, help me!

"So why don't you tell me about this necklace, hmm?"

I freeze, eyes widening. Dorian smirks.

"And where's my present?" he scoffs. "All right, I'll pass you over - hang on." He holds the phone out to me. "Cully Wully, for you."

I snatch my phone out of his hands, and he barks out a laugh. I tug my hair behind my ears and clear my throat. "Um, hello Cullen."

"Hey - please ignore Dorian… please?" his voice hums on the other end. I ignore my stomach flipping. I'm just relieved it's not Solas, aren't I? Creators, my emotions are a mess.

"OK I'll ignore him," I chuckle, peering at Dorian, who's watching me closely.

"Look, I'm sorry to call, but Blackwall's just phoned in sick. Can you come and work this evening instead of Sunday?"

"Of course," I say instantly.

A relieved sigh. "Amazing, thank you so much."

"I'll be there in twenty minutes - that okay?"

"More than okay," he says. My face warms.

"Alright, see you in a bit."

"Bye."

I hang up and glare at Dorian. "What?"

He hums and twirls his moustache. "Oh, nothing, nothing."

"Dorian-" I begin and his smile fades. My voice broke. Oh crap, are those hot tears? Shit!

"What is it?" he asks, face now full of concern.

"I… please, I don't want to sound horrid, but please don't answer my phone. If that had been Solas then…"

"Then what?" he presses.

"Solas would've flipped a lid," Sera says from my doorway. I jump up, startled. "I'm right, aren't I?" she says, arms folded.

I chew my lip and turn away, pulling open my wardrobe, searching for my bar clothes. I hate that she's right, and I think she knows that. But I can't… I mustn't speak.

"What on earth are you prattling on about?" Dorian asks as I quickly pack my bag.

"Solas is-."

"Drop it, Sera," I warn quietly. I rummage under my bed for my shoes and pull them on, not looking at either of them.


She strides into my room. "No, I won't drop it! I've seen your arms!" Her face is so close to mine, that as I stand, I can see every little freckle on her cheeks.

Dorian stands. "Sera, what-"

"Your arms!" Sera demands.

I take a breath. "I don't know what you're on about," I say calmly, pushing past her, hoisting my bag on my shoulder and running down the stairs. I don't even say farewell to either of them.

By the time I finally arrive at the pub, my strange mix of anger, fear and - well - just that strange conflict of emotions disappears as soon as I push through the doors. The pub is packed full, mainly with Skyhold rugby fans, all slopping beers, singing awful chants and generally just getting merrily smashed. And let me tell you that being sober, in a strange state of emotions and working in a roomful of sports fans, is not really that much fun.

I slip though the crowds and behind the bar, shimming past Cullen and Maryden who don't even clock that I've arrived. I dash upstairs, throw my bag on the sofa in the staff room and quickly ready myself by pinning on my apron and brushing myself down. I hold a hair bobble between my teeth as I pull my hair into a messy bun and pause: my eyes are still red and puffy. Did I cry on my way over here? The drive to work is a bit of a blur.

And so I rummage in my handbag for foundation, eyeliner or any sort of makeup but - Fen'harel take me! I've got nothing. I'll have to go down on the bar floor looking like a right state. How did I end up like this? Never mind - I'm sure that the business of the pub downstairs will, no doubt, keep me occupied, so these nasty thoughts won't have time to filter through and throw me off-balance. I remember that Cullen said he keeps himself busy to distract him from Kirkwall. I wonder if that technique will work for me too, as I try to forget this mess I'm in?

Minutes later I'm behind the bar, working between Maryden and Cullen, pouring pints, making spirits and counting out change. As I stand and take a breath pulling a large order of beer, Cullen slides up next to me, using a different tap.

"Hey," he says.

"Hey yourself," I grin, tilting the pint glass with one hand, whilst pumping the tap with the other. "Blackwall bailed on your again, huh?" I say conversationally.

"Yep," he does the same with his pint, before flicking a glance at me. "But I think I prefer working with you."

I try to ignore that little flip my stomach does at his words. Instead I chuckle and shove him gently with my arm. He realities and does the same, a wicked smile breaking on his face.

"Flatterer," I say, starting another pint.

He shrugs. "I try."

We fall back into that satisfactory rhythm of working around each other, even with Maryden - who I've only worked with once before - humming around us. As I suspected, those nagging little thoughts have all gone, and despite everything and how tired I am, this evening I feel at my most content. I'm actually enjoying being worked off my feet, of working with a someone who is becoming a good friend. I smile to myself - I really do enjoy working with Cullen. I glance at him just a few inches away, our arms are close enough again that they occasionally brush. His white shirt sleeves are rolled up to his elbows, his apron is mucky over his dark jeans and he's also smiling, but he's smiling at me. Shit. I hide my confusion of emotions by pulling a stupid (and probably repulsive) expression on my face. Instead he throws his head back and laughs, little creases cornering his eyes. I have to admit - I like his laugh. Makes me want to laugh. Bugger.

As the evening continues, the bar starts to quieten down as many groups shuffle off to seek nightclubs who will remain open. I glance at the clock, noting that there's only an hour of serving time left, when a familiar face leans over the bar.

"Hello Lyla," Cassandra says, her words a little slurred.

Cullen touches my arm, and I move away from the till: it's a normal gesture we use as we work around one another. And yet I try to ignore the warmth of his hand when it touched my arm.

"Hey Cass," I beam. "What can I get you?"

She purses her lips in thought, looking at the rows of spirits behind me. "I'll get eight bottles of… Skyton's Best Cider," she says. "Although I might need a hand carrying them."

I touch Cullen's arm and he moves past me, whilst I punch Cassandra's order in on the till.

"I'll carry them over," Cullen says, glancing at Cassandra.

"It's alright," I say, opening the cash drawer. "I'll clear some of the tables at the same time."

He nods and moves down the bar to start serving another group of rugby fans. I flick off the bottle caps for each beer and place them on a serving tray before dashing round to the other side of the bar next to Cassandra, who takes a few bottles. I lift the tray onto my shoulder and follow her through the crowds, until we arrive at a corner booth full of rugby players.

"Lyla, this is Iron Bull, the captain of the rugby team," she says, sitting down next to the huge Qunari.

I place the tray on the table and hand out the beers. "Nice to meet you, Iron Bull," I say, slightly intimidated. He's got an eyepatch and a very chiselled jaw. Creators - I do not want to get on the wrong side of him.

But I blink when he roars with laughter at my obvious expression. Cassandra rolls her eyes. "Don't let his appearance fool you: he's a big teddy bear, really."

"Haha, although not on the playing filed, am I right boys?" he shouts to the group around him. They raise their bottles and cheer.

I look at Cassandra. "I should get back to work," I say and with a wave head back to the bar, clutching the empty tray to my chest. I pause at empty tables and pile it up with empty glasses and bottles before winding back to the bar. I put the full tray down with a sigh, and freeze when a hand touches my back.

"Hey darlin'," a man drawls from behind.

I spin on the spot, hands grasping the edge of the table, only to find myself cornered by a large Ferelden man. His breath stinks of beer and his eyes are sagging with intoxication. I try to hide my repulsion as he leans a hand on the table so he's eye level with me.

"Wha' time do ya clock-off?" he says, not abashed at all as his eyes look me up and down.

My gut twists with distaste. "Sorry, I'm taken," I reply with a forced smile, moving to push past him, but his reactions are fast, considering he's so drunk, and a hand clasps my elbow tightly. With a wave of nausea, I notice that it's a similar grip to the one Solas has grasped me with before.

I take a staying breath. "Please let me go," I say.

He grins, clutching my elbow tighter. "Not until you give me your number."

"HEY!" a voice behind the bar calls, and I think it's Cullen. And when I think of Cullen and how I like his company and how I really loathe Solas' at the moment and I think about how unfair this whole mess is; well, I think something inside me snaps.

I bring my knee up and shove it firmly into this guy's crotch. He lets out a little "Oof!" before doubling over, grasping his crown jewels. I clench my jaw and glare, knowing that this probably wasn't the best idea in the world, but right now, I simply don't care.

Cullen and Cassandra are both at my side, Iron Bull also here. Bull grabs the groaning guy by the collar of his shirt and pulls him to his feet. "What are you playing at, huh?" he yells, making the whole pub fall silent and watch.

"She-she kneed me!" he gasps, pointing a shaking finger at me.

Cullen stands in front of me, stopping me as I move forward to do, well Creators knows what. Instead his back blocks my view, but I hear his words.

"And you harassed a member of my staff and a friend. Get out. Now," he says, voice low, dangerous.

I peer over Cullen's shoulder and see the fool try and stand and straighten, only for Bull to pick up him so his feet are off the floor, noses pressed together.

"He said GET OUT, did not not hear him?!" Bull roars, saliva spitting over his red face.

The Ferelden man squirms then nods vigorously. Cullen is shaking and I gulp, preparing for our friendship to be halted because, here in this pub, he is technically my boss. But when he turns to look at me - once Bull has escorted the man out - it's a look that makes me pause. It's a look of such…genuine care and concern that I see and it's unnerving me. His eyes soften and he runs a hand through his hair and, if I'm really honest, this shakes me more than this whole incident. And that's because no-one has ever looked at me like that before - like we're the only two people in the world. Creators - I'm in trouble.

"Are you okay?" he asks, hand on my upper arm. It's a gentle touch, one of concern and kindness. My face burns and I look at everything else in the pub except for him.

"Yeah," I say as casually as possible. "Yeah, I'm fine."

The pub closes soon after and we fall into the close-down routines. Despite Cullen's insistence I take a break, I carry on working, desperate to distract myself from these maddening thoughts. I can't think clearly - and in the last twenty-four hours I've not been thinking properly at all. Once the final customers are ushered out and the doors are locked, Cullen leans over the bar, uncaps two bottles of beers and hands one to me.

"What's this?" I ask.

"An alcoholic beverage called a beer," he grins.

I roll my eyes. "You're starting to pick up my sense of humour. It's not a good sign." Regardless, I take the bottle, careful to make sure our fingers don't brush.

"Sure you're okay?" he asks as Maryden pulls on her jacket.

"Yeah, I'm fine - just mortified," I admit. "I thought you were going to fire me on the spot."

He takes a swig of his beer before answering. "I was angry," he says carefully. "But not at you. Just don't tell Leliana, okay?" He leans back. "You too, Maryden. Let's keep this between us."

"I hear ya," she calls, picking up her handbag. "Am I ok to leave?"

Cullen nods. "Go ahead - Lyla and I will do the final lock up. Thanks for your help."

Maryden hesitates by me. "Don't worry about it, sweets: you know, I punched a guy in the nose on my first week," she winks before slipping out the pub.

I'm only too aware that we are now alone in the pub. I take another sip of my beer and rack my brains for something to talk about. But now it's just us two here, I'm very much coming to realise that this man here is stirring something inside that I cannot allow. I've had many friends in the past who I've had subtle crushes on, but I've always been in a relationship with Solas. They've been little fancies, harmless flirting. But this is different and I'm terrified. I won't cross the line, and yet I really want him to. I'm just curious.

As if on cue, my phone in my back pocket vibrates and Solas's image flashes up. My thumb hovers over the answer button but I glance at Cullen who's watching me closely.

"I… I should probably get this…" I trail off.

He looks away. "Sure. Of course. I'll just, ah, finish closing up," he pushes himself off the bar, leaving his beer and heads up to the office.

The phone buzzes in my hands, and I'm so close to answering, but I don't. I decline the call and slide my phone back into my pockets, following Cullen upstairs. He sits in the office turning off the lights and locking windows whilst I slip into the staff room and grab my bag. I linger in the office doorway when I see Cullen's head in his hands, taking a deep breath.

"Cullen?" I ask quietly.

He looks up, eyes weary, a loose curl of hair falling across his forehead. "Sorry - just got a migraine. I'll finish locking up - you can go if you want."

"I can give you a lift home…?"

He looks at me, and my stomach flips. I chew my bottom lip and try to ignore the sensation.

Cullen sighs and rubs his chin. "I… I shouldn't. But thank you. I'll walk today."

"Alright then… I… goodnight," I say. "And thanks again."

A faint smile on his lips, so brief I think I may have imagined it. "Goodnight, Lyla."

I back out of the office and head downstairs. The two bottles of beer, still predominately full sit together alone on the bar top. I squeeze my eyes tight shut, blinking back tears. I wipe my eyes, angry at myself, unsure as to why I'm feeling like this. Part of me wants to take both bottles up and sit with him in the office and talk. I know that perhaps a week or so ago I probably would've done that. But now… now I remember the whole night and I think of the pendant around my neck.

With much reluctance, I slip out of the pub, leaving the two bottles on the bar. I can't help to think that in another life, I would be walking up those stairs and letting myself dive headfirst into this mess. But not now. I can't. As if on cue, my phone buzzes. This time I answer it.


AN: Thanks for reading! Update in 2 weeks ^^