The Chinese Guy Finds His Calling as an Auctioneer
The pirates all crawl out of the ocean, falling over on the beach, hacking and coughing the seawater out of their lungs.
Gibbs: This place sucks.
Elizabeth: I don't see Jack. I don't see anyone.
Ragetti: Just look, we're right here! You can't see me?
Pintel: That's not what she meant, moron.
Ragetti: Well, that's what she said.
Pintel: Yes. Duh. She's a woman. They don't say what they mean.
Ragetti: Then how are you supposed to understand them?
Will: You can't.
Elizabeth: Jerk. And to think I almost married you.
Barbossa: Stop worrying. Jack's around here somewhere.
Will: How do you know?
Barbossa: I'm just tight like that.
Elizabeth: And the fact that the Black Pearl is over there might have tipped him off.
Barbossa: That too.
The pirates stare in shock. The Black Pearl is apparently sailing across the dunes.
Gibbs: Well, slap me thrice and hand me to me momma!
Will: Do you really want me to?
Gibbs: Uh, no. It's just an expression.
Will: An expression of what?
Gibbs: That's a fascinating question... I honestly don't know the answer.
The Black Pearl stops, and Jack climbs down from the ship.
Pintel: It's the captain!
Ragetti: Congratulations, Uncle Sherlock.
Pintel: When did you learn to speak sarcasm?
Jack: Mr. Gibbs! Explain yourself!
Gibbs looks around.
Gibbs: Uh... what's there to explain?
Jack: Why is my ship crewed by the biggest bunch of suckers ever?
Gibbs: Um, it's not. Jack, you're still in the locker...
Jack: Duh.
Barbossa: Jack, long time no see.
Jack: Hector, not long enough.
Barbossa: You shot me.
Jack: No I didn't.
Barbossa: Yes you did.
Jack: Did not.
Barbossa: Did too.
Jack: Did too.
Barbossa: Did not.
Jack: Ha! Told you so. Tia Dalma! Hallucinations are so much more fun when you're here!
Will: He thinks we're a hallucination.
Jack: Gosh dang it, Will, didn't we just save Elizabeth? Do you really need me to help save her again already?
Will: Um. No...
Jack: Then you wouldn't be here! So ha! You're not.
Will: Your face.
Elizabeth: We're here, Jack. This is real.
Jack: Mr. Gibbs, did you hear something? I think that was the wind... So, I'm in the locker, you say?
Elizabeth: We've come to rescue you.
Jack: Oh, fantastic. Let's all just hop on your ship and sail away. Oh, wait, you haven't got one. So, if anyone is to do the rescuing here, it's going to be me, because I have a ship and you don't.
Barbossa: I see my ship.
Jack: What, that there?
Barbossa: That's a piece of driftwood. I was talking about the Pearl.
Jack: Sorry, she's not for sale.
Will: Jack, Cutler Beckett has the heart of Davy Jones and he's trying to take over the world!
Tia Dalma: They even sang the song.
Jack: Yankee Doodle?
Tia Dalma: No, you imbicile, the other one.
Jack: Oh. What, really? I leave you guys alone for, what, five seconds and the entire world's gone to pieces? Can't you function at all without me?
Gibbs: Apparently not. So let's go.
Will: You'll need a crew.
Jack: What, was that supposed to be a hint? Because I can't think of a reason why I'd want to sail with any of you. You guys don't even like me.
Will: Why... sure we do...
Jack: Actions speak louder than words. If you like me so much, why do you all keep trying to kill me? And not only trying, actually. One of you was quite successful in helping me along to my untimely end.
Jack looks at Elizabeth.
Jack: Which, by the way, was completely unnecessary. I had the entire situation under control.
Elizabeth: Uh-huh. And Beckett is handing out candy.
Jack: Yeah, he's poisoned it. We know that already.
Will: Elizabeth, what does Jack mean, one of us has killed him?
Jack: What, you didn't tell him? Ah, well, at least you won't get bored along the way. (to Tia Dalma) And as for you...
Tia Dalma: Come on, you know you liked it.
Jack: Heehee... okay, fine, you can come. (to Ragetti) No, too creepy... Gibbs, you can come. (to Pintel) Only if you promise to brush your teeth... (to Cotton) Just stop trying to get extra pay as a mime... that's creepier than like five of Ragetti. And bring your bird, I'll need someone to talk to. (to the Chinese pirates) What, another hallucination? Who are you guys?
Tai Huang: Your new best friends!
Jack: Um... no homo. Where do your loyalties lie?
Tai Huang: With the highest bidder.
Barbossa: Which would be me, obviously. I got them out of prison.
Will: No, I can teach them ninja skills with a sword!
Gibbs: I've got nothing...
Elizabeth: I'm the only girl in this entire movie!
Jack: I've got a ship.
Tai Huang: Jack is the highest bidder.
Jack: Awesome. Let's go!
Barbossa pulls out the charts.
Barbossa: Where to?
Jack takes out his compass and looks at it. It spins itself in circles at like 200 mph.
Jack: You're not helping!
Compass: Wheee!
Yay, updates. This scene was actually kind of tedious because it's not that exciting in the first place... Oh well. Drop a review, if you like. :)
