It had been several weeks since the dream. He'd known the moment that he'd woken that he'd be able to walk again; he could feel his legs and his… well, nevermind. It'd had taken quite awhile to build up enough strength to surprise the family by standing to greet them one evening at dinner.
Mary was so happy for him she cried; softly and quietly, like a lady, of course. She gave him a gentle squeeze and whispered, "Congratulations! Lavinia will be so happy to hear the news." After which she left the room, seemingly disappearing. Much like a spirit fading. It made Matthew feel panicked, especially since Mary had maintained an aloof attitude towards him ever since.
She was right, naturally, Lavinia deserved to be informed. She came to Yorkshire on the very first train, assuming that her future with Matthew was once again on a happy path. Even Matthew, for a time, felt the engagement should go on. With Mary so distant and still engaged to Sir Richard, he tried his best to put her confession and his dream out of his mind. Of course, it wasn't the first time he'd dreampt about Mary that way, but no other dream had ever felt so real nor had so much emotion attached to it.
…But when Lavinia arrived he found that he could no longer pretend. When he held her it felt like a lie. In all the time that had passed since the charity concert Matthew had felt torn between Mary and Lavinia, a rift in his heart that had only been growing. He loved Lavinia, truly he did, but it was a second-best kind of a love. Like a shoe that is your size, but never seems to fit quite right. In the midst of the confusion brought on by his injury Matthew had been able to find some clarity. He realized that while he felt honor bound to Lavinia, he felt more strongly a duty to his heart and therefore to Mary.
He let Lavinia down as gently as possible, trying to make sure she didn't suspect he had feelings for another. But she knew, of course she knew. He could see it in her eyes that she did. It was a sad conversation, but Lavinia was too good-natured to be bitter and she left the next morning just as quietly as she came. The family said nothing and neither did the staff—it was though her visit had never happened at all.
Mary didn't question his decision to turn away Lavinia, but their friendship failed to return to how it had been before. All that had been left unsaid, all the fear and love, not expressed made it barely possible for them to look each other in the eye, yet alone carry on a meaningful conversation. However, with Christmas season approaching and Sir Richard making plans to return to Downton Matthew felt his tension rising to a climax and his need to take action stirring.
