"Usopp, you're not a shipwright!" Luffiko yelled.
"And…Merry isn't a person! You can't love a ship!"
"But I do love her!" Usopp yelled back. "You don't get it, do you?!" "I get it, alright. You would rather love that ship than me."
The ship was dead silent. "Love you?! Where did you get that notion from!?" "When you and I were fishing that day, we were talking about what we wanted to do when we found One Piece!"
"I'd like to find a nice girl, tell her all about my tales and woo her with my bravery!" The sniper said. "Like, I'd tell her when I took out that damn mole woman with my five-ton hammer!
"Wow, five tons?!"
"Yep, it was a hard fight. I got injured all over my body. But I prevailed!" Luffiko looked at Usopp with sparkly eyes, admiring his lies. "That's not how it happened, you actually got-" Usopp held Chopper's mouth. "Shh, I'm on a roll here!"
"Were you just saying that?" Usopp turned away. "…There are more important things than some girl's dumb fantasy," He said. Luffiko looked enraged.
"Dumb fantasy?!" She grabbed him. "You're getting on my nerves! You lie, you run away when we get in a situation, what kind of man are you!?"
"Luffi, stop this!" Chopper said, worried about Usopp's injuries. "I can't be friends with someone who isn't honest! You can just leave-" Nami grabbed Luffiko's ears, stretching them. "What are you about to say?!" She told her captain.
Luffiko put her hat on. "I'm sorry.
"No, it's fine," Usopp said. Nami walked to him. "She's too naïve to realize these things," She said, kissing the Sniper.
"What?!"
"You really thought Usopp was trying to woo you of all people?" She gave Luffiko a sharp look. "You may have some cuteness to you, but you don't have the head for it. Women like you will fall for any man that makes a half-hearted attempt at love, if you could even call it that." Luffiko glared at Nami. However, Sanji was in tears.
"Nami, you're already taken?!" He blurted. "Ah, shut up," Zoro told him. "This whole thing is just stupid. You're all fighting over a lie and a ship. Take some time to cool off." Luffiko adjusted her hat. "Fine, we can settle this one way." She turned to Usopp.
"It's either me, or her." Sanji went to Usopp. "Pick Luffi, Usopp! Let me have Nami-Swan's heart!"
"I don't want Luffi," Usopp said. Sanji was crushed. "I want Merry to be well. And it's obvious you don't care for anyone but yourself." Luffiko paused, stunned at his comment. "I think I should leave this crew." Everyone else became stunned by this sudden announcement. "What are you saying?!"
"I can't go around being in a harem I want no part in." He turned to Nami. "Sorry, but I think this is where we see other people." Nami looked devastated. "Wait, what about all the fun we had sneaking behind everyone?" "Well, there's always Sanji." The Cook sprung up in joy. Or Zoro, who looked exceptionally annoyed by what his crew, was going through.
"No." Luffiko went to Zoro, and then looked at Nami.
"He's mine, bitch." She pouted at him.
"WHAT?!"
"I DON'T WANT HIM!"
"Nami-Swan!" Nami punched the Cook away. "This is absurd! We're falling apart over this idiot's lies!" "Don't worry, I'm already leaving." Usopp left the quarters of Merry, with Chopper and Nami trying their best to stop him. But it was futile.
Nami fell to the floor. "This is all your fault," She muttered. "You just had to be reckless with the money, didn't you?"
"What the does the money have to do with this?"
"If you just kept your mouth shut, and not swing the damn briefcases around, he wouldn't have taken them from you, and maybe those thugs wouldn't have gone after him instead."
"It's his fault for being weak," Luffiko stated. "Besides, I'm too cute for that type of thing!"
Nami went berserk and attacked the rubber woman. "That's enough, you two!" Zoro yelled, finally intervening. "This whole matter has gotten out of hand. We need a new ship, and we need to find Robin, wherever he is. But we don't need to be at each other's necks for trivial matters!" There was a tense silence in the room.
"You're right, Zoro," Luffiko said. "I picked the right man for the job." She smiled, and winked at the Pirate Hunter.
"You didn't get a single word I was saying!"
Later, Chopper came back to the Going Merry. "I tried to get Usopp to come back," He said, in tears. "But he told to me to go away and…tell the others...
That won't be coming back to the crew! Everyone looked shocked.
Now, yadda yadda, some words were exchanged, Usopp cut ties with the Straw Hats, blah-blah, there was an iceberg, Robin fired a cannon at it, people got mad.
REALLY mad.
Fast forward to Usopp's whereabouts, he was with the leader of the thugs who beat him, Franky. He was a strange man with a strange-shaped nose, chin and forearms. With him, were two women who were even stranger with square afros.
"Someone's at the door," The red sister said. A small bell rang outside. Both sisters came to the door, and were sent flying away from it. A man kicked them away.
(…Did I mention that CP9 all got genderbent? No? Well, now you know.)
ANYWAY, the man with glasses adjusted them. "Wait a minute," Franky said, outraged."
The secretary? Roberta Lucci? Kakki?"
"Blueno from the Bar?"
(Well, not Blueno.)
"What's going on here!?"
"We're here for you, Cutty Flam." Lucci said. "Your cronies weren't too kind to us, young, flowering women in waiting." On her shoulder, was Hattori, the pigeon. "We've come for you, now." Long story short, Franky resisted, bodied Blueno, was subdued along with Mr. Long Nose.
"Hm? Wasn't this that ship I evaluated?" Kakki said. "Wait, what are you going to do with Merry," Usopp pleaded. "Your ship is no good. I may have been undercover, but I was genuine in my diagnosis." She explained. "This ship cannot sail anymore." She took it off the hook and casted it to the seas.
Fast forward to Luffiko finding out Robin wasn't a whale killer-I mean iceberg incinerator, she gains motivation to rescue him, busting out of that building. Zoro, stuck in a Chimney was stopped by Chopper, who was mortified by the sight.
Fast-forward to the train station, there was another train for use: The Rocket Man! With its speed, the remaining Straw Hats, Galley-La group and Franky Family team up to save their beloveds. But before that…
"Now, I know we've had some bad blood, you jerks for beating up Usopp, mainly!" She yelled. "But we've got bigger fish to fry. We have to save Robin from that Pigeon Lady and all those other jerks!" She grabbed Paulie's arm, who grabbed Zambai's arm, forming their alliance.
"Now, group hug!" She wrapped her arms around the two, smiling.
Meanwhile, Sanji was on stealth mode, following CP9. "What are those beautiful women going with Robin?" He asked. "I wonder if I can get a date with the curly-haired one!" He acted goofily.
Robin was being escorted to his car. Roberta Lucci went to him. "You better rest up Nico," She said. "You're going to be in for a world of pain." She rolled her hand down his arm, smiling devilishly.
"Lulu, that's sexual haraaaaaaaaaaasment." Cliff said, saucily.
